Choices
Choice forty three: Severus
Life throws obstacles in our paths, what we think we know normally turns out to be false. I wish that the obstacles could be removed from my way but then I would miss out on so much living if that was the case.
I was in love with Lily and I would have given her anything and everything but she is a mudblood and like all of her kind she can't be trusted. I knew we had differences she's a Healer, a sustainer of life and me, I'm a murderer.
Lily is everything that I'm not she's beautiful with her flame red hair and large emerald eyes. Her pale skin suits her drawing out her best features. She's caring and loving to all my complete better half.
But she isn't my better half she's a cheater, a two timing whore. I knew that she had kissed Potter once before she had admitted to it but to have dated us both that's an insult. I want to blame Potter but he had looked just as stunned when she had told us the truth, she was the only one to blame.
Yet I can't help but think that she had seen something in me to have started the relationship but she had thrown it away choosing Potter over me that is the biggest hit to me. Potter the perfect with his good looks and his friends she doesn't truly know what she is letting herself in for.
I loved her though even when I knew I shouldn't I'm a Death Eater; trained to kill, trained to hate anybody lower in purity than myself. Yet I can't hate her I love her more than anything even now.
But why Potter, that's what, keeps coming to mind. She hated him throughout school he was always following her around and asking her out. It's obvious that she fell for his charm like so many other girls. She says that she doesn't think looks are important but which one of us did she chose. Or maybe its money we're both rich but he has more money than me, or it could be that he's an Auror, a defender of the weaker, another job in which he can show off.
Or maybe just maybe she's picked James because he was fighting with Dumbledore against the Great Dark Lord. The Dark Lord wants rid of the impure and in the eyes of the pure that's what Lily is. I know she is not worthy but my heart doesn't except that.
Lily said that 'our paths are different' I think that she knows that I'm a Death Eater and that my job is to kill, but if that is the only reason for her to pick Potter over me then I'll show her that I can change that I can be good.
It was my choice to fight with Voldemort and now it is my choice to go against him. I know that Dumbledore has some sort of resistance and I shall go to him and try to convince him to allow me to spy for him, I will prove to Lily that our paths can be the same again and then I will have her again.