Black's Worst Nightmare

Everyone has dreams and nightmares. A lot of people have dreams and nightmares they'd rather not discus because they were too silly, embarrassing or just TOO scary. Imagine yourself being Sirius and becoming a Jedi…

A funny, HP meets SW one-shot.

He was sitting in the middle of a huge, circular room, surrounded by pillars and weird, metal boxes attached to the wall. He couldn't really see it because he was kneeling, but he just knew it was a huge, circular room with pillars and weird, metal boxes attached to the wall.
There were also a lot of people in the room. Some just like normal persons, others were yellow and some were lilac and they were all wearing funny clothes. Robes… but different ones than he was used to.
There were also odd looking creatures among the crowd, though the people probably thought they looked perfectly normal because they didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that some were green, had three faces or entrails sticking out of their heads.
Somewhere in the room a door opened and everyone went quiet straight away. They all moved to the walls and left him alone, knelt down in the middle of the floor. The opened door hit the wall, echoing the bang through the big space. A shuffling sound, followed by soft thuds approached. It stopped right in front of him and coughed. He finally looked up.
What he saw was a little, green creature with huge ears with hair sticking out of them, which awfully reminded him of something he momentarily couldn't place…
The creature also wore shabby looking robes and was being supported by a knobby stick. The creature looked old. It coughed again.
'Born green, eh? The sodding guy must be so unhappy.' he thought.
Then the creature suddenly started to speak.
"Gathered here, we have all," (his voice sounded oddly high pitched and croaky) "For a good and wise decision has made, this young man. Hmhm."
People murmured and whispered positively, some even clapped their hands.
He started to wander what he was actually doing here…
Suddenly the green creature took some sort of handle out of his robes. He moved it dramatically to the side and suddenly a beam of green light shot out of it, stopping in mid-air.
'More green?' he thought. 'I'm starting to dislike this place.'
Then the green guy placed the laser-sword-thing above the young man's left shoulder. Then he raised it, moved it over his head to the right shoulder and back to the left. Then he suddenly chopped off a piece of the young man's hair.
'What the-'
"Rise now." the green guy said, as he removed the laser and put the handle back in his robes. "For a real Jedi, you are now!"
The crowd erupted with applause as he stood up, shaking, eyes big in horror. He looked down and saw his beautiful hair lying scattered over the floor. He saw his reflection in it and gasped. He had exactly the same haircut as his brother, now.
Then he started to panic. As the crowd kept cheering, a whirlwind of terror attacked him.
'A- a Jedi?' he thought, 'but- but that means-' his heart sank. 'No friends? No rule-breaking?... No- dates!'
Then something dawned on him, which made his heart sink so deep all hope failed him…
'No- no- no SEX!'
His knees buckled and hit the marble floor hard as he fell onto it.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO OOoooo ooo oo o…!"

Sirius woke up with a start, panting and bathing in sweat. He shot up, trying to realize where he was. Everything was dark and the curtain of his four-poster bed were dangling quietly and motionless from the bed-ceiling.
He jumped out if his bed, still panting and panicked. He hurried to the bathroom and turned on the candles with a snap of his fingers. His eyes had to get used to the light as he hurried to the mirror.
When everything turned sharp, he let out a relieved sigh as his reflection stared back at him, all hairs still on. Nothing chopped off.
He calmed down. He slowly turned around, killed the light with a wave of his hand, closed the door and sighed irritably.
"Fucking Star Wars!