Carl apparently had a few things to get off his chest before dealing with the gargoyles...
Carl yawned as he undressed for bed. It had been quite a long day and he was looking forward to shutting his brain down for a time. But once under the covers, he found he couldn't quite still his mind. The hours of waiting for Van Helsing to make it back had left its mark and he just couldn't just shrug it off and go to sleep.
He turned onto his back and stared up into the darkness. When he had decided to begin this partnership, it had been because he was outraged that someone would be asked to hunt monsters with so little support. But he hadn't given much thought to what it meant to be the partner of a Hunter. That he would be waiting at home while an injured Van Helsing would be out on the streets potentially running into something big and ugly. Several hours of this had led him to the conclusion that it would never happen again. If Van Helsing was injured, he was either going to stay home or Carl was going with him. Sitting around waiting for the worst to happen had almost driven him around the bend.
He sighed and shifted uncomfortably. When Van Helsing had walked into his lab, it had been all he could do not to throw himself at him. Hours of picturing all the horrible things that could have happened to the man had left him feeling rather shaken and vulnerable. He hadn't realized just how attached he had become.
And that's really the problem here, isn't it? You've become attached and you don't even know if Van Helsing is willing to continue this once the gargoyles have been dealt with. Carl had pinned everything on Van Helsing being impressed with his invention but so far, he had seemed rather upset that Carl was necessary to it's use.
Turning restlessly over onto his side, he punched the pillow trying to get more comfortable. Why was Van Helsing so resistant to his help? He knew he wasn't in the same physical league as the Hunter but he was smart and reasonably fast and held it together the last time he had encountered the gargoyles. Why couldn't he see that he could handle this? Besides, there was no way he was going to let the injured man go in there alone. Tonight had been bad enough and he hadn't actually had to deal with them. Should it take longer then expected to find the incapacitating frequency, Van Helsing would be forced to deal with the monsters and he wasn't in top form yet. He needed Carl there in case things got rocky.
Besides, if he had to stay home alone and wait, he'd go right out of his tree. His imagination was far too vivid and could come up with far too many ways for things to go wrong. Nope, he was going to be right there when all of this went down. Van Helsing was going to come out of this more or less unscathed no matter what it took.
Carl sighed and turned onto his other side. This was all getting him nowhere and he desperately needed sleep. If he looked groggy, Van Helsing would find some way to leave him behind. Try to think of something else…
He tried to distract himself with ideas for weapons and planning a testing range but he found his mind drifting back to Van Helsing and the crazy day that they had. It really did amaze him just how much chaos they could cram into one day. And it had started out so normal too. He had just intended to pick out some furniture and then come home and do some work. Then Van Helsing decided to come along and he got hit on in the store and everything seemed to derail after that.
He tried to piece together the day, sorting through all the weird and seemingly contradictory pieces. The scene in the store had been excruciatingly embarrassing and surprising. He hadn't expected the Hunter to jump to his defense like that. He knew that he must have come across looking completely clueless and that Van Helsing was making judgments based on too small a sample pool but it was nice in some ways. His exes tended to look out for his lapses into cluelessness only to make sure he didn't embarrass them in some way. Clearly Van Helsing didn't have any stake in Carl making a fool of himself so it made it a nice, if misguided gesture. The man might not be use to having people in his life but he had a rather protective streak regardless. Something to keep in mind.
Inevitably, his mind continued on to the rest of the day's events. To his wandering off and his attempt to apologize for it. How Van Helsing had shrugged it off and told him he didn't care. In all the high drama of the fight that came after, he had rather forgotten that. His restless movements stopped as a smile crossed his face for the first time tonight. How many hours had he sat while someone lectured him – usually at the top of their lungs – about how aggravating that particular personality quirk was? He had given up hoping that there was someone out there who could actually live with it and now he had a partnership with someone who not only didn't mind it but thought it was a valuable asset. The thought gave him a happy feeling and his smile turned particularly sweet.
Unfortunately though, he couldn't just stay on that thought and his mind moved onto the fight that had happened next. It had come on so fast and unexpectedly that he hadn't been able to do more then just react – badly unfortunately.
He sighed as he thought of how quickly things had escalated. Tempers flaring on both sides. But there had been something else there too, buried in with the anger. When Van Helsing had trapped him up against the door, there had been something there in the aggressive behavior that was more then just rage. There had been that moment when Van Helsing had whispered in his ear. Something that had been equal parts frightening and arousing.
Carl shifted in bed and then finally gave into the restlessness and got up. He paced the room as he replayed that moment again and again. He tried to look at it objectively, with the perspective of knowing why Van Helsing had been so angry. But somehow he couldn't get past the fact that for a moment, an edge of sexuality had crept in.
But what did that mean?
Carl sighed in frustration and paced faster. The fact of the matter was that it wasn't really possible for him to be completely objective when it came to matters of Van Helsing. His own emotional state was a tangled mess and he wasn't exactly sure what it was that he was trying to achieve anymore. When he had made the offer of partnership, it had seemed fairly straightforward. Yes, there was attraction on his side but he had thought he could keep that fairly well under control. He hadn't counted on his emotions getting into the picture so quickly.
What was it about this man that seemed to get him so caught up? He was touchy and distrustful and unused to being around anyone for any real length of time. Dealing with him sometimes was like walking through a field of landmines. And yet tonight, when he thought that the man might be in danger, none of that had mattered. All that mattered was that Van Helsing got home safe. Gotten home safely to him.
Carl sighed and sat down on the bed. There was no two ways about it. He had become seriously attached to Van Helsing. He had not planned for it and he certainly didn't want it but he couldn't deny he had feelings for the Hunter. And tomorrow night (or rather tonight since it was past midnight) they would be going into a dangerous situation where Carl would only be of limited help. He just had to hope that everything went according to plan with his weapon. It wasn't terribly comforting.
But what would he do if it did all go according to plan? If they destroyed the gargoyles and came out of it in one piece? What then? Did he want the partnership to continue? Did he want to continue watching the Hunter face danger knowing that there was only so much that could be done to make him safer? Could he continue to work with the man knowing that he had feelings for him? Feelings that were never going to be reciprocated?
But what if he walked away? Van Helsing would still be in danger only now he would be back to using whatever antiquated methods the Order had. And if he did get hurt or in over his head, he'd have no one there to help him. Carl would still be worrying over him only instead he'd be left with his very vivid imagination telling him about all the horrible things that Van Helsing would be facing – all alone.
He flopped back on his bed with a resigned sigh. The fact of the matter was that it was too late to walk away now. He cared too much to let Van Helsing do this alone. As hard as it was bound to be some times, he would be there for him. He would just have to find a way to deal with his emotions so that Van Helsing would never find out. As far as the Hunter would know, they were friends and partners, just like they agreed to tonight. That's what the man wanted and that's what he would get. Carl would just have to find a way to make that enough for himself.
Carl crawled back up the bed and under the covers. This time sleep finally came and claimed him.