Disclaimer: I do not own the stuff that George Lucas does. Okay.

"Welcome everyone I will be your new therapist my name is Dr. Phil. As a safety precaution I would like you to leave your weapons outside" There was an excessive amount of grumbling from the Sith Lords as they shuffled outside to discard their weapons.

"As you can see we have removed Sidious for the time being I have punished him by making him go on the Today show for the next couple of days." Dr. Phil said in a southern accent. "Alright Mr. Maul…." Dr. Phil said looking down at his clipboard. "You're up next. I believe we are on the first step of admitting the problem."

"My name is Darth Maul and….I have been a Sith Lord for twenty three years….and I haven't brushed my teeth in seven."

Maul said sobbing.

"Alright…that's kinda gross. For your first set of therapy you should go buy all of my books twice."

"That doesn't sound very therapeutic for me." Maul said narrowing his eyes.

"Oh it's not for you it's for me I find it very therapeutic when I have more money. I don't give a rat's ass about how you feel." Dr. Phil said looking at his clipboard. "Now go have a seat."

"Fine."

"Is that a threat Mr. Maul?"

"What?" Maul said staring at his therapist.

"Calm down!"

"I didn't do anything…"

"I said calm down…don't make me restrain you!" Phil yelled. Maul ignored the crazy Phil and walked over to his seat. "I'm warning you! That's it, GUARDS!"

"What I didn't do anything." Maul said as two heavily armored guards walked in the room and grabbed him around the arms.

"Guards take him into solitary confinement he's being belligerent." Phil said still looking at his clip board.

"Alright sorry about that little inconvenience, I have just been told that Mr. Maul has strangled himself with a cordless phone."

"Anyway our next person we will tak with is Darth Vader…I believe you are suffering from asthma." Dr. Phil said looking up at the remaining Sith. "How did you become a Sith?"

"Well…" Vader began, "It all started when I was about nine….

"…And then I said to Palpatine, You can't stick that there it's not sanitary…guys?" Vader looked around everyone was asleep and snoring loudly. "HEY!" Vader yelled waking Dr. Phil and the others.

"Yes…yes…troubled past….good job Vader…go sit down." Phil said pointing at Vader's seat. "Now then I'm going to skip the rest of you because I get paid the same no matter how long I work so next we shall move on to STEP TWO!

A/N: Yea that chap sucked….don't hurt me. Anyway Read and Review and next Phil will move onto step two solving mental issues.