Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho
Kazuma - Chapter 9
Kazuma was glad neither Keiko nor Yusuke had called. He didn't know what he'd tell them. He was thoroughly ashamed with himself. He'd told Keiko..........and Urameshi, what happened when he found out what a disgusting loser he was? What would Yusuke say when he found out Kuwabara had abandonned his honor code? Kazuma's throat tightened.
Kazuma tightly pulled his jacket further around him. His mother had mercifully agreed to let him g see Yukina, he felt bad for lying to her. He was so confused. He had a code, an honest to goodness code yet here he was, lying.......and killing. He'd promised himself he'd never abandon his code. He promised himself he'd never be like his father, and here he was. He promised........Kazuma's chest tightened.
It always came down to his father. Why he fought..... why he cared...... why he had even had a code.......... and now why he had abandonned it.......
It would always be about his father in the end. Kazuma whimpered in fury. He dare not cry, he was almost in the school yard. Yes, it was all about Jay in the end.............
Nonononononononononono
Kuwabara repeated the mantra in his head, he promised. He promised! He wanted to make his mother proud....his sister. He wanted to protect them. That's all he wanted, he didn't want to lie to his gang, to his family, to his team.........he was tired. He wanted this to be over. He just wanted to protect his family, that's it.
Kuwabara thought on this. He didn't want a gun, he didn't want anything. Only to protect his mother and Shizuru. He didn't care about anyone knowing if they could just be safe. Maybe he should just give up. He had nothing to lose other than himself. He wouldn't shoot Jay. He couldn't kill himself.......it wasn't honorable.....
He would fight. Once his family was safe he would fight Jay, he wouldn't let him touch him again......he wouldn't be a coward and shoot him either. Maybe he could just tell Chihasu he didn't want it anymore........that wouldn't go over well but what was he going to do?
Kazuma was sure Hiei would take care of Eikichi if he didn't beat Jay, Yusuke would make him, well Kurama would. He wasn't going to tell them about his past so he knew they would respect him after his death when Jay killed him. He'd rather be killed than..........
Kuwabara shivered. He entered the school gates, not noticing the looks he was getting. After all, he was the Great Kuwabara and he did look like the living dead. He was pale from blood loss and stress, he was thin......he hadn't ate much at the hospital. Kazuma didn't even notice any changes or the dark circles under his eyes or his spirit energy diminishing.
Others did. Yusuke did, Kuwabara didn't even acknowledge him as Yusuke sidled up beside him. Yusuke studied him for a moment before nudging him. Kazuma jumped three feet and Yusuke smiled his cocky smile.
"Hey."
Kuwabara smiled faintly, a little bit sheepish.
"Er....hey."
"So.....what're ya doing today? Koenma wants us to train, he said to tell you."
"Oh, I can't. I told my mom I was going to Yukina's. I'm gounded so......"
"Then why did she let you go to Yukina's?"
"I, uh, told her it was Yukina's birthday."
Yusuke frowned.
"I thought you didn't lie."
Kazuma avoided Yusuke's gaze, he sighed. He'd broken his code.....for Jay. He didn't want to do it. He wouldn't. His code was him. Just as soon as his mom and sister were safe. If he died Yusuke would protect them from Jay, right? Yusuke wouldn't let anything happen to anyone though he sometimes acted like he didn't care.
"I did, but I'm not going to anymore."
"Hn...so is that why you told me not to call last night? You were grounded?"
Kazuma was about to answer when he realized he would be lying. He didn't want to lie anymore than he already had.
"No. I told you not to call because Jay doesn't like it when my friends call me."
"That's stupid."
"That's Jay."
"So, what's the deal with that? I didn't even know you had a pop."
Kazuma tried to answer truthfully.
"I didn't really. He left when I was nine, he came back though as you can see. And as for his character, he's just like that. I don't know why."
Yusuke opened his mouth to relpy when the school bell rang. Kuwabara smiled somewhat helplessly at him and Yusuke could not help thinking that Kazuma had changed. He looked like he would topple open any second. Yusuke snorted as Kuwabara left to his classes, he was going to find out what was going on. He'd just meet Kuwabara (along with the rest of Team Urameshi) at Yukina's. Yusuke twitched as he realized he hadn't even asked Kuwabara why Keiko had asked for his number. Keiko wouldn't tell him, but she sounded emotional. Maybe it was a girl thing.
***
Kuwabara walked along nervously on the path to Yukina's, Keiko beside him. She'd found him after school to make sure he was coming. They hadn't said much, it was a bit awkward.
"So, Kazuma, I'm glad you mom let you come."
"..yeah. Thanks."
Keiko beamed at him, then turned serious.
"You have to tell Yusuke."
Kazuma.....wasn't expecting that.
"Er...I don't think that's such a great idea Keiko."
Kuwabara looked away and heard Keiko sigh.
"Kazuma.....just think, I know this is hard for you, but.......well, listen. If you tell Yusuke and the others, or even just Yusuke, then he can help! I know it. I'm worried, I don't know how you're going to get that gun, I don't even know if you can protect yourself. Kuwabara.....Kazuma.....please."
"I-I just.....can't." Kazuma glued his eyes to the floor, "sorry." He whispered almost inaudibly.
Keiko sighed sadly.
"Just what is your plan then?"
"I...I'm not going to kill him. I just want to scare him off, I'm gonna wait until my sister and mom are safe first though. Listen, if I fight him and I don't make it...." Kazuma's voice cracked and he looked up at Keiko, eyes shining. "Then please, don't tell anyone and make sure Urameshi takes care of Jay when I'm gone......I'm afraid he'll hurt Shizuru and my mom.....and.....make sure Eikichi's alright."
Keiko had started crying half way through.
"Kazuma, please. I can't let you do this. Why not just let Yusuke take care of him, you said you wanted him too if you died so what would it matter if he did it before?"
"I-I can't depend on everyone all my life."
"You haven't! I've seen you, you've always stuck up for people in trouble, you were always kind. Please Kazuma....."
"I don't want him to know, I can't tell him if I'm dead and I know you won't, you promised you wouldn't and it wouldn't do any good to tell them when I'm dead anyway."
They stopped talking at this point as they had reached the temple. Kazuma nervously chuckled and wiped at his eyes though it had been obvious he was crying. He hoped Yukina wouldn't ask........he wouldn't lie. Jay might be stronger then him but Kazuma wouldn't betray everything he'd worked for. He noticed Keiko wiping her eyes with her sleeve, she smiled at him and linked her arm in his, dragging him up the step.
"Yukina!!!!"
Keiko called as they reached the top of the temple. Both entered the temple red eyed. Keiko found her way to Yukina's room and turned to Kuwabara.
"She's gonna be psyched!" She whispered excitedly. She slid the rice paper door open and froze, making Kuwabara look up. He too, froze.
All eyes in the room were on them. Not only was there Yukina.
"Yusuke?" Keiko squeaked.
It was obvious they had been crying. Yukina looked confused, Yusuke stunned, Kurama concerned, and Hiei calm as usual though there was a curious glint in his eyes.
"What are you doing here?" Keiko asked, composure gained. Kuwabara had flushed cheeks that was a contrast to his usual deathly pallor, his eyes were glued to the floor and he let his fingertips idly ghost over his broken wrist.
"I.....have you been crying?"
"....no, that's not the point anyway, what are you doing here?! I was supposed to meet Yukina."
"Kuwabara said he was coming here, I wanted to know what his problem was."
"......." Keiko turned to Kazuma, "well, let's sit down I guess."
Kazuma and Keiko sat down across from Hiei and Kurama, Yusuke and Yukina at the sides of the table. Yukina quietly poured them green tea. Finally she spoke.
"It's nice to see you Kazuma, I'm glad to see you're all right, I was worried."
Kuwabara flushed before once again paling to his 'normal' color.
"Thank you Yukina-san."
Yukina smiled at him and returned to her spot. They all sat silently, most of them eyeing Keiko and Kuwabara. Keiko sniffed indignantly at them whil Kuwabara stared at the tea cup in front of him.
"So, Kuwabara, are you gonna tell us what your problem is or what?" Yusuke asked impatiently.
"....it's...nothing."
Kurama smiled sympathetically at him. It was obvious no one believed him. Hiei snorted and mumbled a 'stupid oaf' under his breath though he too was concerned. Keiko put her hand on his arm and squeezed gently.
"Get your hands off him Keiko."
Everyone looked shocked and Yusuke sputtered.
"..that came out wrong.What I meant was that I don't like you to touching so you should just stop and let Kuwabara get on with it."
Yusuke huffed and Hiei smirked at him. Kurama also smiled at him a little mischeviously. Kuwabara sat indifferent.
"I- I don't know what you want to hear but I have nothing to say."
"Kazuma......"
Keiko studied him with her eyes. Yusuke huffed again.
"Since when do you call him by his first name?!"
Keiko turned and glared at Yusuke.
"Whatever, I don't care. Look, all I know is that something is wrong with Kuwabara and it's affecting this team so I want to know what it is!"
At a moment like this Kuwabara would usually argue with Yusuke or joke, instead he just weakly nodded.
"I'll tell you whatever you want to know. Ask away."
He felt Keiko gently squeeze his arm, Yusuke scowled. Yusuke sure was protective of Keiko.........he gently took Keiko's hand off him and Yusuke glanced at him, satisfied. Strangely glaring at Keiko. (AN:lol, couldn't resist, sorry!)
"All right, fine. Fisrt tell us what really happened when you went to the hospital."
Kuwabara started to sweat, or felt like it. Even Keiko didn't know this part. He was determined however, to keep this part of himself, Jay could not take it away.
"Well.....my dad came back and he........he just wasn't very happy with me, you know? So he......he was angry." Kazuma finished off lamely and looked up solemnly.
Keiko looked sad, Kurama startled, Hiei caught off guard, and Yusuke with murder in his eyes. Yukina looked worried and shocked.
"...he loses his temper sometimes....that's all."
"Hn." Hiei replied looking angry and thoughtful and somewhat dangerous.
"So what?!! You weren't gonna tell us! Idiot! Why didn't you just stop him?!"
That was Urameshi, he was angry, really angry/
"I-he......I couldn't....he's stronger than me and he can mute spirit energy."
Kurama stared at his curiously.
"When did he come back?"
"A day before I got sent to the hospital." Kuwabara answered weakly, he didn't want to do this.....
Yusuke's fist clenched.
"Is that...?! Is that when you came to my house that night?"
".......yes."
Yusuke just stared at him, too angry to speak. Hiei spoke up.
"Why didn't you tell us human?"
".....I don't know"
"Hn. We'll kill him."
"...you can't. I-I....I wasn't hurt that bad, only a little, I don't want to kill him I just.....I just want to get rid of him I guess."
"You can stay with me if you want Kuwabara."
"That's all right Kurama." 'I know my family won't be safe.' Kuwabara thought to himself.
"We'll have to tell Koenma, if your father can really mute spirit energy." Kurama rationalized.
"I don't care if he can mute spirit energy, he's still no match for me! I'll make him pay for messing with team Urameshi, no one messes with my team."
"...thanks, but...I kind of already have a plan and I really don't need help."
"Yes you do!" Blurted Keiko before she stopped herself.
"....I don't, I just need to stay away from everyone for awhile, he doesn't like people."
"Kazuma!"
"Keiko....it'll be fine."
"Where are you going to get the money?!"
Yusuke took this chance to enter the conversation.
"What money?"
Noth Kuwabara and Keiko looked at him stunned as if they just barely realized that he had been listening, which they probably had. Kuwabara looked pale and sick.
"I....was going to buy a gun, I wasn't going to shoot him, just scare him off....."
"Idiot, you should have came to us in the first place." Hiei said coolly.
"This is stupid, I can't see a way you'll help me short of clobbering him, which my mom and sister will hate me forever for if that happens, so there's really nothing to do.I didn't come here for a game of twenty questions, I just wanted to visit Yukina."
Yukina looked sadly at him.
"Let them help Kuwabara."
Suddenly Kazuma burst into tears and covered his hands with his face. Keiko quickly comforted him, Yusuke unhappily looking at them, Yukina sad and the rest shell shocked.
They all heard Kazuma softly sob a plea for help into Keiko's shoulder as she patted his back.
"Help me.....I'm so confused, I don't know what to do.........."
AN: let me guess, you want to kill me right? Anyway, on with thanking the reviewers.......hopefully not everyone gave up and forgot about this story by now.
Thank you Crazy-lil-nae-nae, sorry about the OOCness but I'm glad it fits in with my story, thanks! And thanks Alex, I didn't know about the demonic energy thing, I love your idea, as you can tell.....not really going in that directions, meh, I suck, but I'll use that demonic engery thing! Love your plot bunny! And thanks Kaze, that was a cool website. I did love it. Also, thank you Dragon of the Rose, Kushija's a piece eh? Sorry....I haven't exactly updated that soon.....And thanks Hinooki Silvertail for the encouragement and telling me what CN stands for.
Also thanks Genesis Saturn, I love your evilness! You got the evil laugh down pact! Sorry this chapter didn't have much funniness in it, I think the Keiko-Kuwabara interactment has digressed.....*sigh* And thank you Hungry Sano (still love your name) sorry to keep you all waiting, I feel so guilty.....but yeah, Kuwabara is the MAN!!! Oh yeah!!! Gotta love him! And thanks Katzztar, I'm flattered anyone would be reading this at 2 am, I'm glad that there are other Kuwa fans too!!! YAY!!! And thanks Mistress of Dragons, sorry for not writing so long, thank you SO much for reviwing, yeeHAW!!! Thanks bit-Blackmage, wow I'm in a collection, I have achieved my dream!!!!! HO-DOGGIE! Your writings aren't bad themselves (by that I mean that I LOVE them).