OK All here is the start of a story I was thinking of writing. please take a look at it and let me know if I should continue. If I get enough positive feed back I will clean this chapter up and post the next. So even if you dont want to review please drop one with at least a yes/no on it for me, k?

Chapter 1

What is Lost

There was nothing left. No love, no pain, just the numb sense of nothingness. It often surprised her that she never felt anything, she knew she should but she couldn't. It was her body's defense against insanity. Oh how life must hate her. Kaoru was 18 when he left. Once again to wonder, now 3 years later she had learned not to trust, not to love. She had been alone for 1 year, Sanosuke left to make a name for himself. Megumi went to Kyoto where the need for a doctor was greater. Yahiko was the last, he left after the first attack, he left to go find Kenshin but there was nothing that Kenshin could do. It was the disease of defeat that ate her; it plagued her mind and weakened her body. She knew it was only a matter of time before she followed her parents.

It was one of those quite days, it had snowed the day before and now the world was covered in a soft blanket of white purity. She sat alone on the porch looking out at the front gate unmoving. The perfection was lost to her, her heart was stone and a heart of stone could not see beauty. She knew they would come today. They came around this time every month. When they came they would find her still sitting there unmoving, just waiting.

It was around mid-afternoon that they finally arrived. Their movements slow but powerful and purposeful. There was no need for them to hurry; they knew she would be there. She felt the sight change in the air well before she saw them enter the gate. She was almost surprised to see only three of them this time, almost; surprise would take feeling something that Kaoru no longer had.

The first to enter bowed low in a sick show of respect, his dark hair momentarily obscuring his dark eyes. "Good day, we have come for an answer."

For a moment she did not answer. She continued to sit on the porch as if she hadn't seen them. Then slowly, with great care she rose to her feet and bowed back. "Good day, the answer is still no." It had become a game of sorts. They would come, they would greet her and then ask. Every time she would then greet them back and then answer with the negative. Every time would produce the same horrific results.

Neither Kaoru nor her guests made to move, they both stood looking at each other blankly. The game would continue, "You know the consequence for your answer."

"I do, but my answer stands."

With slow purposeful steps she walked to him tell they were but inches apart. Then without a word he raised his fist and struck her on the temple, an unspoken reward for her lack of resistance. When she woke in the morning she would find her body bloodied and battered sprawled out on the dojo floor. It was the routine. She fought it in the beginning. With all her will and training she would but she came to learn that it was pointless. She would never yield. Though they may kill her she would never yield to them.

Slowly she raised her body off the floor, the metallic smell of blood in her nose. Silently she moved with jerky movements toward the door. No tears, no anger. Just routine. She went and bathed herself and wrapped herself in a kimono opting to leave her hair down to hide the worse of her showing injuries. In the begging she went to the police, but the police would not help her, her neighbors shunned her, the town ignored her. She was an unwanted shadow. No one knew who the men were or why they would hurt her, they didn't want to know either. It was best not to get involved. They suspected though, the men wore government issued uniforms they were the law. She thought once to run away but she knew they would follow, they would always find her and they would always win.

Yahiko thought Kenshin could help. Kenshin couldn't though. It wasn't their strength that was the greatest treat it was their intelligence. When she was 8 her mother died leaving her in the possession of the knowledge of a secret. Her mother and her where from a long line of miko's that held a secret that one man wanted to know. One man who haunted her steps trying to ware her down. He could not kill her for then the secret would be lost but he could tear her soul tell she caved into the pain and begged release. He waited and he tortured but he wouldn't kill.

It was a two months after that she was visited by the man behind the horrible encounters. She had only seen the man once before but once was one to many times. It was this man who came to her first. In the beginning he had offered her power and riches when she had declined the nicer offers he began to send his brute strength to try and beat it out of her. Like every other time the small group of men found her sitting silently on the porch waiting for them. Though she did not see him at the time she could feel his presence and knew that this time was going to be different. Still no matter what they did she would not yield the information that they sought from her.

"Good day, we have come for an answer." The man called from within the gates. He stood solidly and with an air of readiness.

"Good day, the answer is still no." Unlike other times she rose to her feet and turned her back to them. Unlike other times her voice held slight hostilities. "I know that he has come, let me change and you can take me to him." She slowly walked into her home silently followed by the man. It was as the man began to set foot her home that she began to feel discomfort. "Please sir wait outside I do not wish for you to enter into my fathers home." The man hesitated but waited patiently by the door. He knew she wouldn't try to run. She was long past the point of trying to run.

Once changed into a black kimono with silver butterflies and a grey obi she obediently followed the men out into a waiting carriage. It swayed gently as it made its way farther away from town. This man had a reputation to uphold and couldn't have the public seeing him involved in such a matter.

It was pointless, there was nothing he had that she wanted, and there was nothing he could do to change her mind. Life was once so simple so beautiful. Now an angry cloud of truth had set upon her shoulders. There was no protection to be had, life was but what it was, harsh. It was about the time that the hard wooden seat began to cause discomfort that they finally stopped. One of the men opened the door and helped her down from the carriage. It took but a moment for her eyes to adjust to the bright light of the unseasonably warm winter sun. Standing before her was a man who stood with great authority and grace. His deep chocolate eyes sparkled with false welcome, his lips turned up into what some women may have considered at attractive smile. Kaoru new better, she had seen those eyes turn cold with malice intent and that smile drop into a scowl that always proceeded pain.

"Good day my beautiful dove." He took one of her out stretched hands and gently rubbed his thumb over her knuckles, his eyes never leaving her impassive face. "You give me great happiness by gracing me with your presence." They stared each other in the eyes steel blue measuring deep chocolate, deep chocolate challenging steel blue. It was Kaoru who looked away first. He had the power, not her and that only made his smile widen.

"Good day, to what do I owe this great pleasure? A man such of yourself has much to do, you are but wasting your time standing here idly with me." She sent him a hard glare and pulled her had way from his grasp.

It was his rich laughter that caught her off guard. It was an awful sound full of mocking glee, and the cutting edge of promised reward. She frowned when he once again took her hand without cause and pulled her against his tightly coiled chest, his other hand rest against her hip holding her in place. She could feel his bunched muscles that betrayed his air of polite indifference. "You have been quite troublesome my dear, you withhold from me the information I want. To long we have been playing this game and I am not a patient man." She could not see his face for he had lowered it to her neck; letting his harsh breaths caress her sensitive skin. "I offer for the last time freedom, turn my offer down again and I promise you, you will wish for just the beatings."

Taking in a steady breath she stared straight ahead at the forest over his hunched form. Calmly with out betraying her slight unease at the unknown she once again gave her never changing answer. "I stand true to my answer, my answer is no."

Kaoru was slightly caught off guard when she was thrown to the ground her head hitting a rock, a boot firmly planted on her chest. She looked up only to have her heart clench with forgotten fear. His face was scrunched up with an angry growl. His eyes spit fire and deadly hatred. Every muscle of his body stood taught with furry. He was the devil himself, keeper of the seven hells, and he was promising her pain. Through tightly drawn lips he spit on her face, "You will regret that decision for the rest of your life I promise you that."

Her eyes widened with fear as he ripped his sword away from his waist, swiftly cutting her down the front. The pain shot threw her body like liquid fire and she involuntarily let out a soft whimper of pain. Her clothes fell to the side leaving her body naked and exposed. There was no one to save her from the mad man. She was alone and at his mercy. He made true to his promise for the rape was only the beginning of the hell he submerged her in. When her body could take no more it finally gave out and she willingly opened her arms to the release of oblivion.

One lone angry tear slid down her pale bloodied cheek. Her last thought was of the man who always saved her before but no longer could. Kenshin…