Sorry about the delay. Got sucked into another project and got totally distracted.

I want to thank all of you who review and especially those who keep questioning why Van Helsing and Carl act the way they do. It really helps me to remember to actually explain things instead of hording it all in my head!

The entire walk back to the cottage saw Van Helsing lost in thought. A lifetime of defensiveness and cynicism was at war with the startling possibility of acceptance… Perhaps even appreciation. The idea tantalized as much as it terrified.

All his life, he had never belonged anywhere. Life as a ward of the state quickly taught you to fend for yourself and to watch your back. Homes, such as they were, had been temporary and he had learned not to get comfortable anywhere since it could be taken away at any time. Add to that his tendency to refuse to accept authority's orders and it added up to a hard but well learned lesson that he would never really have a place in this world. That he lacked the kinds of things that would make him acceptable to normal society.

This is why being told he was a Hunter was not so big a shock as it might have been. The very things that marked him as a Hunter made him stand apart from the others growing up. But on arrival to the Order, it was once again made clear that he was not what he needed to be. He was too direct, too quick to act. He saw results as important; they wanted careful planning and a consideration for traditions. He just couldn't become like the others and that inability had put him in direct opposition with the other Hunters and those who managed them

He had heard them talking a number of times – the debates as to what to do with him. Whether to cut their loses and "send him back to the streets where he belongs". It had hurt but then his defenses kicked in. He had been here before – waiting while others decided where to dump him next. When he was a kid, he had no say in the matter but he was determined that this time he would not get so easily dismissed again. So he had worked twice as hard in the training ring until there wasn't another person who could stand against him. Armed with that, it became impossible to send him away. But it didn't mean he wasn't aware that they had wanted to.

As so he had done what he had always done when in a situation like this. He had put up his defenses and he had pretended that none of it mattered. That he had no desire to be part of the group. When people stared at him in the halls or stopped talking when he walked up, he acted tough and cranky. If it appeared like he wanted to be left alone, then it wasn't so obvious that he was already alone. And it had worked very well.

Only maybe it hadn't been completely necessary…

He struggled to reconcile his experiences of his early days to what had been said to him in the lab. To take another look at past encounters and see them from a different perspective.

He had always been something of a legend. The "Lost" Hunter. Had the looks and the talking been nothing more then natural curiosity? His first instinct had been to assume the worst of people's actions – it had kept him safe for a lot of years. But if what Talbot said was true…

It was strange. When he was young, he had always wanted some place to belong. It was a desire that never quite went away though he had built up enough defenses around it. But now faced with the possibility of actually having it, a part of him wanted to run away from it.

He didn't know how to belong. Didn't know the little things you did when you were a part of a group. In the training ring or on the hunt, he knew what to do. Knew he was the best. But in this area, he was a complete novice. With Talbot earlier he had stuttered something out but it wasn't very good. Talbot had been happy enough with it but really he should have done better. He'd have to do better…

It was an uncertain and unsettled Van Helsing that arrived back at their cottage.

Carl meanwhile had been caught up in his own thoughts and plans and so had not given a lot of thought to the fact that Van Helsing had been unusually quiet. Man wasn't really a chatter at the best of times and Carl, plotting his next moves, just wrote it off as Van Helsing being his normal self.

It wasn't until they had gotten back to the cottage that Carl really took a look at Van Helsing. What he saw caught him completely by surprise.

Van Helsing looked… lost. The usual tough confidence had been replaced by uncertainty and the unexpected vulnerability went straight to Carl's heart. All thoughts of getting the man drunk and taking advantage of him were dropped. This was definitely not the time for it. Moving over to him he said softly "Hey, penny for your thoughts?"

Van Helsing looked at Carl and felt even more vulnerable. Whereas Talbot and the others were colleagues, Carl was… god, he didn't exactly know. Friend? Partner? Lover? All of these? He shrugged and looked away. Meeting Carl's eyes felt too scary right now. "Don't think they're worth a penny" he said, trying to sound casual even as he moved to put some distance between them.

Carl watched Van Helsing move away. Could feel defenses being put up, put between them. Carl just couldn't let that happen. Not now. Van Helsing had moved towards the sitting area and Carl followed him. "Think that's my call to make. " He reached out to catch Van Helsing's arm and said, "What's going on, partner?" Carl put a slight emphasis on the word partner, hoping to remind Van Helsing of the relationship they had forged.

Van Helsing didn't quite know what to do when Carl didn't let it drop. Part of him wanted to insist that Carl let it go. To give him the space to withdraw. To be safe within his defenses. But part of him really wanted to let Carl in. To accept the offer that was being made without doubting it. The battle between what he had always done and known and something new and uncharted was a hard one.

It was Carl that shifted the balance. While Van Helsing stood lost in his decision, Carl moved up behind him and decided to take a real chance. Sliding his arms around Van Helsing, he pressed himself against the man's back and said softly "Whatever it is, we're in this together. That's the deal, remember?"

Van Helsing stiffened for a moment at the contact. Having Carl so close made it hard to think, to keep up his defenses. So why do it? Whispered a voice in his head. He shook his head. It was risky. Carl already meant so much to him. Had already made it through so many of his defenses. Couldn't let him closer. Would hurt when he left. When he saw him for what he was and walked away.

Carl could almost feel the internal struggle going on within Van Helsing and felt helpless as to how to reassure him that he had nothing to fear. That whatever it was that disturbed him that Carl would stand by him through it. All he could do was continue to hold him and hope that Van Helsing would continue to let him.

It was Carl's continued presence that wore down Van Helsing's resistance. With a shuddering breath, the tension released and he leaned back into Carl's body. Let the warmth and the offer of support wrap around him.

Carl wanted to shout with joy when he felt Van Helsing relax into him. Knew that whatever was going on, that Van Helsing had decided to let him be there. He rubbed one of his hands on Van Helsing's chest in a comforting manner and waited for the man to finally speak.

Van Helsing found the the feel of Carl's warmth and the gentle touch of his hand soothing to his battered emotions. It slowed the torrent and let him stop floundering. As the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions died down, one thought remained. How do I do this?

He hadn't realized he had spoken it out loud.

Carl heard the softly spoken words but was unsure how to respond. What was Van Helsing thinking of? He realized he needed to see Van Helsing's face and he slowly slid his hands away as he moved around to the front. "How do you do what?" His hand moved to Van Helsing's arm, unconsciously seeking to re-establish contact.

When Carl began to pull away, Van Helsing felt an instant sense of loss but then Carl was in front of him, touching his arm. At his question, Van Helsing flushed a bit and looked away. He hadn't meant to say that out loud. Now Carl was going ask questions that he just didn't have answers for. He shook his head "It's nothing. How about we get something to eat? I'm pretty hungry." He moved away hoping to forestall any further conversation.

Carl watched as Van Helsing attempted to change the subject and it only made him more determined to find out what was wrong. Moving to counter Van Helsing's flight, he said, "How about you tell me what is going on?" At the reluctant look on Van Helsing's face, he sighed and said, "I thought we had agreed that we're in this together. So that means that whatever you think you need to do, we're doing it together. So spill. Tell me what's going on."

Van Helsing closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them with a sigh. There was no getting around this. Carl was clearly not going to let him go until he told him. "Its…" he fidgeted a bit, feeling enormously uncomfortable about admitting to his failures. He looked away, hoping that not making eye contact would make this less awkward. "Today in the lab… Talbot and the others…" He faltered for a moment. How to do say that you don't know how to be a part of something?

Carl looked at Van Helsing with confusion. What about Talbot and the others? Was this about the hero worship? OK, it had been a BIT much but that didn't account for this level of discomfort. What was going on?

Van Helsing could see Carl uncomprehending look and felt even more pathetic. God, he couldn't even manage to string a sentence together. No wonder he was always an outsider! Determined to not make himself look any more ridiculous then he already had, he took a deep breath and just blurted it all out.

"Earlier today when Talbot was saying that he and the others admired me and all, I didn't know what to say to them. I still don't know what to say to them. Or what to do with them. I don't know how do any of this. I've just never been a part of anything. Not from the inside. There's all this stuff that you are suppose to do and I don't know how to do any of it!"" He flushed bright red and looked away from Carl. He waited for the laughter and the taunting to start.

Carl looked stunned for a moment and then a huge wave of compassion hit him. This is what had Van Helsing so unsettled? The actuality of belonging? It was so very sad and yet Carl wasn't surprised either. So much of the way Van Helsing acted and the defenses he had spoke of someone who had learned to trust no one. You didn't get that way from a lifetime of belonging.

Carl gave Van Helsing an understanding smile and said softly "Well, the good news is that at least with Talbot and the other techs is that being geeks, they aren't exactly portraits of social graces. So really, just talking to them, maybe bringing them the odd pastry now and then, that's really all it takes. They like you already so the hard work is already done.

Van Helsing gave Carl a searching look but saw no traces of mockery in his face. "But why do they like me? I've never really talked to them and when I did, I was always rather short with them. It doesn't make any sense. They should hate me!"

Carl shook his head. "In a lot of ways, you are alike. Like you, they don't get a lot of respect for what they do. They are shunted away and only dealt with when someone needs something. I think that in you, they see one of their own making good. That's why they work so hard to see you are given what you need. Your victories in many ways are theirs. All they want is for you to see them as part of your team."

Van Helsing looked uncertain. "My team? I'm not really a team player, Carl. I tend to do things my own way. That's why I don't have a partner."

Carl cut him off "That's why you didn't have a partner. You've got one now and don't you forget it. As for Talbot and the others, think of them as your backup support. People who can get you things you need to keep doing what you do. All you need is just allow them to do what they are already doing for you. The rest will just come with time. No one is expecting you to suddenly become a social butterfly." Carl gave him a sweet smile and said "In fact, if you did, I'd be looking for your pod and wondering what the aliens had done with the real Van Helsing."

Van Helsing thought about what Carl said but he still wasn't completely convinced. "But people aren't going to wait forever for me to figure out how to do this. What happens when they get sick of it?"

Carl shook his head "Van Helsing, they are not going to get sick of it. If they were, they would have done it by now. The fact that they've held in there this long and in the face of no encouragement whatsoever shows that they really want this. So you are just going to have to have a little faith, even if it's against everything you normally believe. These people are not going away."

He then put his hand on Van Helsing's shoulder and looked him directly in the eye. "And for the record, I'm not going anywhere either so you are just going to have to come to terms with that too."

Van Helsing shook his head. "There are a hell of a lot better people out there you could partner with Carl. Ones who would be a lot less trouble. Why are you doing this?" He dreaded the answer just as much as he wanted to hear it.

Carl just smiled widely and said "I happen to like the trouble you cause me. Well, for the most part anyway. Could do without getting dragged out of stores but the rest is just fine." He got more serious for a moment and continued "I like you, Van Helsing. I like you a lot. Moreover, what you do is important and I like knowing I can help you with that. That I can make it safer and easier for you to do what you do. I like knowing that I'm there to watch your back. And I'd like to think that given time, maybe I could be there in other ways too. Be… friends."

The last word had almost been something else. But it was far too soon to be speaking of such things. Van Helsing was struggling to adjust to the concept of being a part of a group. To throw the idea of a relationship at him was just too much right now. There was time and Carl could wait.

Friends Funny how disappointed he was to hear that word. He wanted to be more then that, even though he knew it would eventually end. Having Carl this close, being able to smell his scent and feel his hand on him, was stirring things in him. It seemed that it was the little things about Carl that seemed to affect him the most. He swallowed hard and said "I… I like you too, Carl. And while I don't really understand why you are willing to put up with me, I'm glad that you do."

He stopped, torn between the desire to say more and the awkwardness that made him want to run away.

Carl smiled at the almost shyness that Van Helsing radiated. It was surprisingly endearing and made Carl want to snuggle him. But since he didn't think Van Helsing would much appreciate it, he contented himself with a quick hug and then stepping back said "Alright. How about we hit the town and get a good meal and maybe sample some of the local Italian wines? I think we deserve a treat with the day we've had."

Van Helsing smiled, grateful for a chance to break this strange awkwardness he seemed caught in. "Sounds like a plan. I know a place that has great food and a pretty good wine cellar. I usually go there when I'm here and it's not far from here." He pulled his keys out of his pocket and gestured towards the door. "After you."

Carl grinned and said "Don't mind if I do." He was again in a good mood, feeling like he had made some real progress with Van Helsing. And while he was no longer counting on a night spent pleasurably in the big four-poster bed in the main bedroom, he was expecting to enjoy himself. Good food, good wine and good -looking company – really, how could you go wrong?

Besides, after a couple of bottles of wine, he could get all snuggly and pretend he was too drunk to know what he was doing.