1Please don't kill me after reading this. I accept flames and comments, just please don't go over-board. 3 BabyDoll
This is pretty much all written from Luna's point of view, she's telling the story of what happened. I hope you like the ending, which wont be posted in this chapter of course. And don't worry, it seems so dark and sorrowful now, but it will get better. I promise. There will be bits of humor woven into it when people start easing up.
xXx People may slip in and out of character, I'm sorry. Just some warning ;) xXx
Chapter One: My Worst Tragedy
I stared blankly out the rain-covered window of the train, wondering how many Kinipzels hadn't made it to shelter in time to keep clear of the storm. I stared past my own darkened reflection on the glass. Past the pale skin and bright eyes that almost glow. Past the messy blonde hair kept up in a bun with my wand. Past what everyone saw when they looked at me, and into the storm of my soul that nobody knew, but everyone knew at the same time. The thing I became when my father died trying to block a curse at me from a deatheater.
I was looking forward to her sixth year at Hogwarts. I could get away from the small apartment I lived in with Ginny down one of the back roads at Diagon Alley. I'd get away from the tiny bookstore I worked in. And I'd get away from trying my hardest to take my father's place at the Quibbler, but not even coming close. I could just get away, and focus hard on schoolwork for a change, even though I knew that isn't what would happen.
"Hey Luna..." Ginny said listlessly as she walked into the compartment. Her chin-length hair was tied up into two very messy ponytails at the sides of her head, and her clothes were more ratty than usual. She wore a beige sweater that had been Ron's, and jeans two-sizes too big, but held up by a small chord of dragon's hide. Since the war had broken out, student's who still chose to attend Hogwarts were not required to wear uniforms anymore.
"Hi..." I replied, though I wasn't really listening to her. I just wanted to keep looking out the window, and thinking about the poor creatures who weren't as fortunate to have a dry train to ride on.
Everything had changed so much in the short time it had taken for the war to turn massive. So many people had died, gone into hiding, shifted over to the evil side, or just given up on life. In the wonderful years before the war, it was nearly impossible to find an empty seat on the Hogwart's Express. Now it was nearly impossible to find a compartment with someone in it. Few students had chosen to keep attending Hogwarts, and even fewer's parents had let them go. Hogwart's wasn't the last safe place anymore. There was no safe place left anywhere. But for those who had lost almost everything, Hogwarts was the closest thing to home. I had lost my father, and my little sister to the war. When the deatheaters had knocked on the door, father told me and Leelu, my little sister, and get to the fall out shelter underneath the kitchen, that we'd would be safe there. I told Leelu to go first, and I would follow her. But before I closed the self-sealing door, I was blinded by green light from the curse that was killing my father. I closed the door before I noticed there was someone else in the little safe-room with us. Lucius Malfoy had the Leelu by the neck, a sharp black dagger nearly piercing her skin. I remember my father mentioning Lucius Malfoy not being one for child's play, but he had changed in Azkaban. 'What do you want?' I had screamed, before I dropped to my knees. I couldn't take it all anymore. 'Your loyalty...' He had replied, before slitting Leelu's throat right in front of my eyes. That was the last thing I could remember, and the only thing that filled my nightmares every night. I didn't know how I got the dark mark on my arm, and I didn't know how I ended up in a bed next to Ginny's bed at the Order of the Phoenix headquarters. I didn't know how Professor McGonagall had made me feel better, and I didn't know how Harry had disappeared. I didn't know how I got back into a normal life, if that's what you could call it, and I didn't know why I was returning to Hogwarts.
But I had hardly ever let out my feelings. In fact, Ginny and Neville were the only people who knew what had happened to me, and only because I loved Neville, and I knew Ginny's story was worse than my own.
When deatheaters invaded the Burrow on the same night they invaded my's house, Ginny lost most of her family. Her parents, along with Bill and Charlie, had all been murdered in front of her, trying to protect her and her other siblings. Fred and George had disappeared, their whereabouts were still unknown. It was only Ron and Ginny who had gotten away. They made it to the top floor of the house where the broomsticks were stored, and flew fast. But Ginny had taken a mighty curse to the stomach, and lost too much blood. She fainted and fell off her broomstick somewhere over London. Somehow, the Order found her. And Ron had found the Order, what was left of it.
Hermione had been kidnapped by deatheaters before the war had even started. Her death was supposed to be an early warning to the muggleborn witches and wizards in the world, but the deatheaters took a wrong turn by keeping Hermione and four other muggleborns at the Malfoy manor. Snape and Malfoy, Draco that is, overthrew the guards, and released the Muggleborns. Hermione was the only one who survived.
Snape had turned out loyal to Dumbledore, even though he was the cause of the legend's death. They knew it had to happen, they had both seen it in a prophecy with their own eyes. Dumbledore was ready to go, the Magical community was not ready to let him go.
Draco's mother had been shopping in India when the war started, and was killed in a cross-fire. After that, Draco went into hiding, kind of. He dyed his hair dark, wore muggle-clothing, and burned the dark mark off of his arm himself. He lived in the same apartment building as Ginny and Luna, a building owned by the Order. They were all members. Everyone who could and would return to Hogwarts was most likely a member. There was a sense of belonging with everyone, but at the same time a sense of awkwardness. Everyone knew that everyone else had lost a part of their life, and family. And everyone knew that everyone else seen Hogwarts as the closest thing to home. I tried to make the best of everything, though it was often difficult. I could see people crying, but didn't need to ask why. I already knew.
"Luna?" Ginny asked, sitting down in the seat across from me.
"Hmm?" I asked, barely paying attention but not moving my head.
"How are we going to get through this?" Ginny asked, leaning her head against the cool window.
"I don't know. But we'll all get through it. Together." I had replied quietly, breaking up the last bit of a chocolate bar I had and handing a piece to Ginny. I always kept chocolate with me then. It helped make everyone feel at least a little better. I admit, I didn't really have the money to buy so much chocolate. The prices of everything went up just as rumors of war possibly starting broke out. Ginny and I both had a habit of things "falling" into our purses. But if you had been there, you would understand. Or maybe you do, maybe you were there.
"I hope you're right." Ginny said, nibbling at the chocolate bar as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Me too."
Most of the train ride was traveled in silence. I let her mind wander to the things I remembered so much from just the previous year. Planning out trips to find creatures with father that nobody would believe existed. Gazing at the moon for hours, wondering how long it would take to get there if you rode on a Hanna Abbatoma. But I couldn't see the moon anymore. Nobody ever could. The sky had turned black during the war, and it was always black.
The compartment door slid open. Hermione, Ron, and Neville.
Neville had sent his gran into the wizarding protection system the moment the war broke out. He had tried to convince me to go into hiding as well, but I refused. He suggested moving in with me and my family to help protect us, but I wouldn't let him. I told him he needed to go with his gran, and that we would be okay. He listened. He found the burnt down train-station his gran's train had arrived at, ashes still smoldering. Then the Order found him. He shared an apartment with Ron, next door to Ginny and me. He's only got his left eye now, and it was the only thing that could still make me smile when he said he only had eye's for me.
Nobody ever had to greet anyone. I had looked into the eyes of a crying child at a battleground, and knew the child's story had just as much sorrow as my own.
Neville sat next to me, and I leaned my head on his shoulder. He hugged me, and lay his head on top of mine. The only thing left either of us had to be grateful for was each other, and we were grateful for every second we had together.
There was no laughter anymore. Everyone who was still alive and well felt too guilty for everyone who was not. Laughing always seemed like disrespect in an awkward sort of way. And smiling was rare, but cherished.
Footsteps in the walkway outside. The compartment door opened. Draco. He took a seat next to Hermione, he had long since made peace with her being muggleborn, and she had forgiven him for being so cruel to her over their years at Hogwarts. Ron still didn't care for him much, I could see it in the way his blue eyes pierced him like daggers whenever he entered the room.
The corner of Hermione's mouth flicked upward just for the smallest second, before she lay her head on Ron's shoulder and silent tears started to run down her face. This was normal now, for everyone.
Then something happened that happens every now and then. It's so beautiful, but so sad at the same time. Because everyone knew that once it happened, it would end just as quickly, and it wouldn't happen again for a very long time.
I lifted my head as the clouds parted and the sun shown warmly on my face. I closed my eyes, and let the light warm me. The same thing everyone did when this happened. But then it was gone. And the happiness and warmth faded.
More steps in the hallway, and the door slid open. Professor McGonagall walked in looking much different than she might of looked if Hogwarts had schoolbook pictures from last year. Her wrinkles had sunken in so much, and she had dark rings around her eyes. Her hair was so messy, which was something that took the students a bit of time to get used to. She wore muggle-clothing, another strange thing. But too look around, most everyone else could have the same things said about them. She had a cart full of brown paper sacks rolling along behind her. She gave a sort of encouraging half-smile as she handed out a paper bag to each student in the compartment in silence, and then went about to find the rest of the few students on the train. The compartment remained silent as they all ate their lunch of tuna-salad sandwiches, and bottled water.
I looked around the compartment at every face as I nibbled me sandwich. 'Look at this.' I thought. 'This shouldn't be like this. We should all be with out families. Everyone should still be alive. But we're the only ones left...' Everyone in the compartment was looking at me now. Had I been speaking aloud? I still don't know. My eyes met Neville's, which were filled with tears. "I'm sorry..." I whispered quietly as he hugged me like a kid who has just found their lost puppy. "Neville, I'm so sorry..."
"Shh..." He calmed me "It's ok... It's ok."
"No it's not, how can you even say that? Nothing is ok, and it's not got to be ok!" Hermione shouted, standing up in a crying rage just before she stormed out of the room.
That was normal too. Everyone was used to this kind of behavior. It happened all the time.
Ron left the compartment slowly to find Hermione and comfort her. Ginny had curled her legs up on the seat and wrapped her arms around them, her face hidden in her knees. Draco had his head back on the seat, staring up blankly at the sealing. And I remained safe in Neville's arms, never once letting go before the train stopped.
In the past years, it was hard to move once you got off the train at the station in Hogsmeade. Now, you could barely see anyone. Neville and I walked hand-in-hand, as did many of the other few students who had returned to Hogwarts. Nobody talked as they got off the train. They just followed Professor McGonagall, Professor Snape, and Professor Lupin; the only Order members and staff from Hogwarts who hadn't gone missing or lost contact; up the path to the school in a gloomy silence. I looked around at first, trying to count how many had returned. There were more than I had thought, more than I had expected. So many faces I didn't know anymore, or never knew to begin with. The Creevey brothers. I remember hearing about their parents being murdered in London, but hadn't know if the boys had survived. I knew now. I only found one of the Patil twins. Padma was nowhere in sight. Lee, Cho Chang's younger brother, he was walking with Parvati. He's a year younger then her, but they must have known each other. I couldn't see Cho anywhere. There were probably ten other people that I didn't recognize. It was impossible to tell how old they were, everyone had a considerable amount of dirt on their face and messy hair. Nobody had really cared about being presentable after everything happening.
Hermione, Ron, and Ginny all walked together, closest behind Professor McGonagall. Neville and I were nearly at the back of everyone, except Draco. He walked sulkily behind us all. Sweatshirt sleeves pulled tight around himself, and eyes staring without expression toward the ground.
Everyone just walked. There were no thestral-drawn carriages this year. No boats, and no Hagrid to guide them even if there were. They could have ridden brooms, but it's doubtful anyone would have been able to concentrate hard enough to get the brooms up off the ground. Besides, Magic was to be used sparingly anymore. Snape told everyone of the map the deatheaters had. It had little pin-like lights that lit up whenever magic was used, it made it so easy to find their enemies. Made it so easy to kill our families, and try to kill us. Made us want to shove our unused wands right up Snape's arse when he told us the map was his idea. But most of all it made us want to hide in a dark corner somewhere, hoping that everything will just stop one day, and the sun will come out, and the birds will chirp, and crumple-horned snorcacks will pounce around the fields. At least that's how it made me feel.
"Family..." Professor McGonagall had stopped a few feet from Hogwarts gate. She insisted we all call each other our family since the Order members were all each of us had anymore, and it was much quicker than calling out every single persons name when talking to us all. "There's not much to say." She said kindly, or maybe unsurely. I couldn't tell. "Just... Thank you for coming back to Hogwarts. Though many rumors have spread about Hogwarts being unsafe, I assure it's as safe as it's ever been.
"Deatheaters have gotten into Hogwarts before. Sirius Black got into..." One of the unfamiliar students piped up, scared. I remember thinking he was probably one of the students who had returned because he had no one and nowhere else to go.
"Sirius Black..." Professor Snape began in his harsh tone, which hadn't changed any from before the war. "Sirius Black was not a threat. And the deatheaters only got in because they had help..." He trailed off. I remember thinking he was probably just dying of guilt inside from what he had done.
"Yes, thank you Severus." McGonagall called, exasperated. "As you all can imagine, there isn't much left at Hogwarts. The house elves took it upon themselves to keep it in good condition, we discovered when Remus came back to check the safety. Seeing as how there are only about twenty of us here, we'll be staying in classrooms on the first floor. There's really no reason for us to go all the way up to the towers, or down to the dungeons every day and night, and it will be safer to all just stay closer together." She looked back at the towering school.
"I thought you said Hogwarts is safe..." another unfamiliar face spoke.
"I assure you, Mason, it is safe. If we all stay close, there's less of a chance of someone getting lost, or hurt, or something of the sort." McGonagall spoke up. I remember hearing her getting nervous through her tone.
"Less of a chance? But what if something does-" Another unfamiliar face spoke up, a young girl with dark hair.
"Janie, nothing will happen. You'll be safe here. We all will." Lupin spoke in such a kind, and comforting voice. The girl leaned on a boy who strongly resembled her. Probably her older brother.
"Professor McGonagall?" Ginny asked in a quiet voice. "Can I ask a question?"
"Of course." McGonagall said with an eerily maternal smile.
"Why... Why are we doing this? Taking classes, coming back to school? There's so few of us, and with everything that's happening... Why?" Ginny asked in a small and desperate voice.
"Sometimes, Miss Weasley... When there's too much to take in your life, or the world... It helps to have a safe place to stay with good friends. Sometimes, when you know you'll be alright, things will start to seem a little bit better." Hermione let out a cold single laugh as Lupin said this. "And sometimes, all some people need is time. Time alone, time with the ones they love, time to think... maybe time to read." He smiled as he said this, and everyone seemed to ease a bit as we started realizing why we'd come back.
I looked at Neville and smiled. I remember thinking if that one moment was frozen, and the only thing I would ever know from then on... I wouldn't have minded. I wish now that it could have happened. How much I wish that could have happened.
"May we progress inside then?" Snape asked waving his wand at the gate of Hogwarts. A gate which had been so elegant, but now crackled with rust and moss.
"That may be a wise decision, Severus. It's getting dark." Lupin looked upward at the sky, seemingly worried about more things than the darkness.
We all walked up the hill to our new home, still in silence but more comfortable. I wondered if all those spells Dumbledore had put on the school for safety were still there, invisible to our eyes. I wondered if we could walk so easily through the schools gates, if other people could too. I wondered what would go wrong, and when, and how many tragedies would cross our paths. You have no idea how much I wish I didn't know those answers now. As much as a Hoober Snocken would wish it didn't see itself in a mirror.
There was a moment, just as Neville and I walked through the doors of the home where our lives would change so much, he looked at me. Looked me right in the eyes in a way that I knew he loved me. And he'd never have to say it, but he would anyway. I knew he would. He was almost my worst tragedy.