A warm greeting to you all! First off, everyone who has read my stuff before give a warm welcome to Toffer. He's my boyfriend, and he's helping me write this. For everyone that's new to a Kitsune Ryune story. . . brace yourselves. Things get pretty crazy pretty fast.

So, lets get down to business. Basically, this little story was spawned from our realization that there just isn't enough bad fan fiction out there. We thought we'd pollute the pool even further and create the WORST possible stories we could. And this is our vehicle for doing so.

In short, enjoy. If we need the flaming, please push the button. We'll even loan you our industrial strength flamethrower with missile-launching action. Don't hold back.

Have fun!

Rei and Toffer

&&&&&&&&&&&

Internet

"Today, class, the school district has decided that learning how to use technology is more important than literacy. So today, we're using the computer lab." Ms. Bitters unlocked the door to the lab and ushered in the ignorantly grinning children. "Pirate music off the internet until I come back."

A small green-skinned boy shot up his hand and began waving it around frantically. Ms. Bitters sighed in disgust. "What, Zim?"

"What IS this. . . INternet you speak of, hmm?" he demanded, glaring up from his seat, and wiggling his fingers.

"What's the matter, ZIM? Are there no computers on your planet? Huh? Huh?" Dib had already hooked his laptop up to the World Wide Web and was checking for updates on his favorite paranormal investigation websites.

"Of course I have a computer! I just. . . wasn't sure. It's that network thingie, right?"

Ms. Bitters sighed again. "Yes, Zim. Now everyone make sure they're ready for next week's test on piracy legislation." With that, she slithered out of the room and slammed the door.

"I LOOOVE fanficiton!" Sarah screamed on the other side of the room, to no one in particular.

"Yeah, me too!" laughed Zita. "I like writing about Totally Spies!"

"Well, I like to read about Pokemon and Krypto the Superdog!" hollered Rob.

"Spongebob!" another kid yelled.

"Scary Monkey Show!"

"Yeah, fanfiction ROCKS!"

"Fairly Odd Parents!"

"Dragonball!"

"MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES!"

The room was silent, then one head popped up above the rows of computers. "Shut up, Dib! We weren't talking to you!"

Zim rubbed his chin in thought. Fan fiction? He thought some more, then a thought greater than any other before it struck him. I can use the power of the human internet for my own plans! They will bow before ZIM! But how. . . He leaned over to read the URL on Poonchy's screen, then realized exactly how he could use the internet.

"I'VE GOT IT!" he screamed, then, laughing maniacally, ran out of the room.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

A few moments later, the front door of the Base banged open. "GIR!"

The robot, who had been lying on his side and spinning around on the floor, immediately stood up in a militant salute. "Yes, Sir!"

Zim marched into the living room. "Link the computer to the internet. I have a new plan, one that will destroy the human FILTH. . . buckets for GOOD!"

GIR, however, had stopped paying attention at "link" and was now playing with a package of bacon in the kitchen. "GO, BACON! GO! GO! GO!"

Zim rolled his eyes, then marched to the trash can and descended into the lab. The instant the elevator stopped at the main console, Zim alerted his base's computer. "COMPUTER!"

A mechanical sigh preceded the response. ". . .What?" came the dour reply.

"I need you to tell me what you know about . . . fanfiction."

"Fanfiction is a human entertainment device. Fans of certain forms of entertainment, such as television shows, write stories, which are usually devoid of any creative talent, about that entertainment."

"Yes, yes, CONTINUE!"

"They can also review other stories, and if they don't like them, they can give negative reviews, which are called "flaming.""

"FLAMING?" Zim's antennae stood up in delight. "Are actual flames involved?"

". . .No."

Zim narrowed his eyes. "Computer! I think I have formed a new, more ingenious plan! Call the Tallest! They must hear it firsthand!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

". . . so. . . let's get this straight." Tallest Red was trying to process the long-winded, said-in-one-breath plan that Zim had just unfurled. "You wanna brainwash the humans. . ."

"Yes."

". . . through their computer network. . ."

"Mmmhmm. . ."

". . . with—"

"YES! YES!"

"fanfiction."

"Is it not BRILLIANT, my Tallest?" Zim grinned like an idiot, waiting for their response.

Tallest Red and Tallest Purple exchanged glances, while at the same time choking back laughter. "Oh. . . yeah. . ." Purple snorted, trying his hardest not to lose it. "It's. . . it's great. . . . . Well, gotta go. . . the nachos are done! Bye!"

The transmission screen went blank, and the two Irken leaders burst into uproarious laughter. "FANFICTION!" hooted Tallest Red, falling over and pounding the floor. "What next!"

"Hey, hey, maybe he'll send Spam weapons of mass destruction!" Tallest Purple gasped through chuckles and tears. He caught his breath. "Y'know, his plan was actually kinda good. Weird, huh?"

"Yeah, except for the FANFICTION!" With that the Tallest completely lost it again, until Red sat up, completely serious. "Hey, are the Nachos really done?"

"No," Purple said, checking his watch. "Still got another five minutes."

Red hung his head. "Oh. . ."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

There it is! Tell us what you think, and keep posted--- the truly awful fan fiction is yet to come!