Title: And it Goes Like This
Author: Jenay
Rating: Prologue: R
Spoilers: Angel Season One: I Will Remember You – To Shanshu in L.A. Buffy Season Five. The Scoobies are just getting to the mystery of Dawn.
Category: Romance, Suspense, Drama, General
Content: C/A with C/D (implied), B/A (dissolving), C/W/G friendship, Willow/Tara (minimal), Xander/Anya (minimal), B/S friendship.
Summary: After turning human in I Will Remember You, Angel decides to give the relationship a try and moves back to Sunnydale. When Doyle perishes, Angel rushes back to see Cordelia, making sure she is alright. After a night of what Cordelia now considers 'sympathy sex', Angel flees. Now, some time later, Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn come to Sunnydale to enlist the help of the Scoobies with their discovery of the "End of Days" prophecy.
Distribution: Angel's Oasis, Majick's World of Fan Fic, We Sisters Three, The Verse.
Feedback: Yes please, I will gladly take anything you give. Tell me if you don't like it, love it, hate it, etc…
Inspiration: I watched the episode I Will Remember You just the other day and this idea sprang up.
Notes: When Part One is posted, the notes section will be full. But for now, just read and enjoy, hopefully. I know this part is mostly C/D, B/A, but I promise that by the end of this serial, C/A will be together. :D
Prologue
1999
Angel stood in the doorway, looking back into the office he had called home for the past six months. The desk that Cordelia occupied was still a mess, papers all over the surface, several pens across them with one sitting atop the computer keyboard ready for any moment of action to sign an invoice of any sort that Cordelia loved to print up. Shifting his gaze over to the worn out couch where newspapers were spread apart, the sports section was folded into fours with red circles all over it marking Doyle's best guess as to who was going to win the Triple Crown. Doyle would probably never break that habit, it was his thing. No doubt Cordelia would get after him for it too. This was his home and he was going to miss it. He would miss Doyle nagging him about going out on the town or Cordelia's mid-morning bad coffee and rants about her inevitable stardom that had been put on hold for the moment. There were good memories in this tiny space; a lot of good memories.
There were late nights of researching the newest demon clan that was raising havoc across the city, trying to solve the puzzle on Wheel of Fortune, and getting Chinese takeout for the fourth day in a row. He smiled to himself thinking of the containers downstairs in the fridge when his seer and office assistant came out of the inner office. Doyle's office now. Cordelia's office now.
Cordelia had been yelling. Her face was red and she avoided him like she avoided the K-Mart off of 5th Street. She was angry and mad and no matter how he or Doyle tried to explain the situation, she refused to listen and dismissed him all together. Doyle, although more relaxed then the infuriating brunette standing beside him, was mad as well as confused.
"We'll be seeing you then?" Doyle stuck out his hand with the question lingering in the air. His baby blue eyes made his translucent tears glimmer in the early morning sunlight. Angel accepted his hand, shaking it confidently with poise and a silent promise that he would.
"Cordelia…" Angel started to talk to his link to the world, letting Doyle's hand go and taking a step forward. She backed up, as expected, her eyes looking downwards and avoiding all physical contact with the former vampire with a soul. "Cordelia, please…"
"No!" She said in a spiteful tone. "Just go."
Lowering his head, giving up on saying a proper goodbye to her, he backed up and grabbed the last of his suitcases off of the floor. Doyle reached out his hand again and Angel gripped it with more firmness, hesitant about letting go. It wasn't one of those goodbye-see-you-soon handshakes; it was a handshake that said you'll-be-back-one-day. It was manly, a friends-until-the-end handshake. One that told him that he had done good here in the City of Angels. Angel let a smirk out of his handsome face, looking back at Cordelia who had retreated back behind the desk again.
"I'll be seeing you." He simply said and turned on his heel to go. Although he didn't see it, he could feel it: Doyle saddened and let the tear slip from his eyes and he could feel Cordelia place her head in her hands, letting the tears fall. It was a sad goodbye and he almost felt like shedding a tear himself, but sucked it up, like a man would. He was a man, after all. Human; he was human, had been for two weeks now with a heartbeat and if he and Buffy were going to work, he needed to make a sacrifice. But this time, after turning in his resignation letter to the Powers and hearing the crack in Cordelia's voice from that day on, this time it just seemed that the sacrifice was too big. But he was doing this, there was no turning back.
2 Months Later
Los Angeles, California.
"Doyle, this is suicide." Cordelia begged her best friend and almost boyfriend. She had gotten used to his soothing Irish accent and his saturated blue orbs that joked with her everyday since Angel left just to cheer her up or make her smile. He had even stayed with her in the downstairs apartment when she worked late. She wasn't done with the closure part and Doyle leaping into the air to save the Lister demon clan from death would just catapult her back into the vegetative state she had just got out of.
"Doyle, please, don't leave me." She pleaded, pulling on the edge of his leather jacket so he faced her again. "You just asked me out. How are we supposed to go out and get to know each other and maybe fall madly in love if you jump? How?" She asked melodramatically, evident tears forming in her eye ducts and her chin trembling.
Doyle reached his hand out, cupping her face, knowing what he had to do; he had to take this leap. If he didn't, the half demons would die, he would die and she would die. His whole mission of atonement would still be going on, he had to take this leap. Pulling her body frame closer to his, his lips finally captured hers. Her soft lips caressed his own, wanting for it to last longer, for it to lead to something else, somewhere else. Feeling the intensity heightening, Doyle broke the kiss off watching the tiny blue light enter her body and morphed into his Braiken Demon form.
"I guess we'll never know, if this is a face you could love." Doyle simply put, turning around and dove into the air towards the bright shining ball hovering in the center of the vessel. His screams came and Cordelia covered her eyes to the blinding light that exploded throughout the liner. He was gone. Crouching down on the landing, Cordelia hid her face in her lap, letting the tears go. Angel was gone. Doyle was gone. And she was alone.
University of Southern California Sunnydale
Sunnydale, California
Angel sank to his knees, letting the letter in his hands slip from him to the floor. How was this possible? He had only been gone for two months. He had planned on going to visit in another week or two. He was itching to see them. But he was gone. Died a hero. Left everything to save a few peaceful half-demons; to save her. Her letter had been straight to the point and he could still feel the hostility towards him. Willow rounded the table of the college library, concerned about her best friend's boyfriend and study partner. One minute they were reviewing Professor Henderson's notes and the next, Angel was down on the ground.
"Angel?"
"He's gone." He stuttered softly, closing his fists in a powerful grip.
"Buffy!" Willow yelled as loud as she could for the Slayer who was about the library somewhere. Willow knew this was a library and the quiet rule was in play, but this was an emergency. Her study partner was paralyzed, frozen in shock of news that she couldn't begin to imagine. Blonde hair quickly made its way through the circle surrounding the two and Buffy leaned down to where Angel knelt, powerless and on the verge of breaking apart.
"Angel?"
"He's gone…I…I…"
"Who's gone?" Buffy's brow became creased as she picked up the letter lying in front of him. Her eyes darted to the choppy, cursive writing that laid claim to Cordelia Chase and read of the news as Angel revealed his source of shock.
"Doyle. He's gone." Angel lifted his brown eyes towards her sage green ones, letting his ego go and the tears running down his cheek. Buffy wiped the stray tears off of his cheek and pulled him into her tiny frame as he wrapped his arms around her slender waist, clutching it tightly like a child to his mother's leg.
Brushing his hair in between her fingers, Buffy kissed the top of his forehead saying with the utmost compassion, "I'm sorry Angel. I'm so sorry."
"Cordelia." He blurted out.
"What?" Buffy stepped back on her heels, a little surprised to the name he called out.
"Cordelia…she's…she's…"
"I'm sure she's fine Angel. She's a big girl." Buffy tried to convey, knowing in her heart that she didn't want him near the girl who had tried to steal him away in the first place.
"But…"
"Come on Angel, let's go home." Buffy stood up, reaching for his hand and with one full grasp, lifted him up on his feet and wrapped her arm around him, steadying his uneven and shaken gait.
"Home." He looked down to her innocent face.
"Yea, let's go home." She offered a faint smile and took the first stride towards the exit of the library. She motioned towards Willow to gather the books up and bring them when she could. His healing was going to take some time. She held onto him with a grip, sending a silent, sympathetic message from her to him, promising him that she would be right by his side.
Los Angeles, California
Ten Days Later
She stood in the kitchen with his brown leather jacket draped over her slumped shoulders. The kitchen was cold and damp and empty. And it smelled. It smelled like him. The jacket was the major source of his tacky cologne, only bought to impress her, but the kitchen smelled of lavender and rosemary. He had cooked a meal for her not two weeks ago and the herbs still lingered in the air. He had stayed in the apartment with her night after night after night following Angel's exit.
Cordelia closed her eyes shut, holding back the tears she knew would come if she dare open them again. What she wouldn't do for Angel right now. Even if it was someone to cling to, to cry with, someone who knew what she was going through. He knew……or did he? It had been ten days since she wrote to him and told him the depressing and heart wrenching news of Doyle's demise and Angel still had not called, come back or even written to see if she was okay or dealing for that matter.
She had been standing in the same place now for forty-five minutes and it felt longer. She couldn't take this much longer; she would break if anything else happened. She thought it best to stay right were she was, so nothing would change; everything would start the same and be the same until she opened her eyes. Change was bad. It made people go away, people that she cared about, people that she loved and she didn't want anymore of that.
The noise of the elevator jolted her out of the thoughts of self pity but her eyes remained closed, not wanting the change to come her way again. It stopped. The elevator stopped, crashed to a halt. Crashed. Bad word, Cordelia. No crashing, no crashing, no crashing…
"No crashing, no crashing, no change, change is bad. Constant is good…" She whispered to herself, reminding her mind of the loneliness that would become her.
"Cordelia?" The man's voice rang of familiarity but she kept her eyes closed. Two months, ten days. That's how long ago she had heard that voice. His famous last words still rang in echo throughout her mind, I'll be seeing you. She closed her eyes tighter, bringing her hands up to her face to wipe away the stray tears away from her already blotchy face. His hand moved across the bare of her arm, soothing it and her. His touch was warm. Something she hadn't expected to feel. She was cold, freezing actually.
"Oh my God, you're freezing." His voice resonated in her ears again. "We need to get you into bed, warm you up."
"I…I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because that means I have to change…" Her soft words came out. "I don't want to change." She cried even more melodiously, her eyes opening little by little and shutting close again. Angel let his fingers run down her jaw line, tracing the curve of her mouth and cupping her chin.
Pulling her face up to look at it, he called out to her. "Look at me. Cordelia, look at me."
Gradually opening her eyes, the tears escaped and strolled down her cheek. Each falling teardrop, filled with the pain of her loss, tugged at his heart. Angel wiped them away until his thumbs were moist with her tears and he was drowning in the anguish glistening in her eyes. Another dewdrop tear caught on her lashes, hanging for an instant before splashing against her cheek. Before he was consciously aware of his own actions, Angel touched his lips to her face, kissing the salty tears away.
One by one, he fought off the onslaught of her tears, caught up in the desperate need to console her, to make her pain disappear. His kisses wandered, no longer targeting tears that had suddenly ceased, but continuing with butterfly softness against her temple, her forehead, the curve of her brow. Each little peck arousing him by the minute and enticing her by the second.
"Angel…" Cordelia gasped his name, drawing attention to her lips. At that moment, he only felt the heat rise and gave into temptation, capturing her lips with his. A sympathy kiss, that's all it was intended to be. The kiss was salty, moist and sensual. Far beyond the boundaries of comfort.
Cordelia wasn't thinking, just reacting as she dropped Doyle's jacket onto the kitchen chair and wound her arms around Angel's neck to press closer. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew this wasn't supposed to happen this way, but her body was saying something entirely different, she wanted this; she needed this.
Any final hesitation on Angel's part ended when Cordelia slipped her hands beneath his jacket and pushed it off his shoulders. He caught it before it hit the floor, tossing it onto the table and never left the kiss for a moment.
They had made it to the brick doorway leading into his old bedroom that she, every now and then, occupied. Pausing in the threshold, Angel combed his fingers through her long chestnut hair and leaned into her body, fingers tailing down her curves to the edge of her sweater. Their kiss broke only for the moment it took to peel the sweater over her head. He stared down at her face, now flush with arousal and felt his loins thicken with need.
Capturing her mouth again with his own, Angel moaned deep at the sensation of her hands pulling his shirttails loose from the waist of his pants and sliding underneath. The most she kissed him back and the more she teased his tongue, playing the game of catch me if you can in his mouth, the faster he was losing any sense of control he thought he possessed.
She pulled back first, yearning for a much needed breath and stared up at his dark chocolate irises, seeing the temptation light up like a disco ball at homecoming. They stood there in the doorway staring at each other, catching their breath and both wondering if they should go on or not.
Cordelia crossed her arms over the curves exposed by her black lace bra, reacting automatically as his hot gaze dipped down to discover their hidden secrets. Plucking up her courage and deciding to go with the flow, she moved her hands to his chest, sliding along the dark material and feeling her way across the hard contours of muscle beneath. One by one, she thumbed the buttons through their holes, exposing more and more of his torso until his shirt dangled at his sides.
Her feathery touch continued, daring to slip beneath the edge of his pants as if reluctant to stop, until her fingers found the indentation of his belly button. A jovial giggle welled up in her throat at her discovery. Angel was an inney, how about that?
"Okay, enough of that." Angel said, as her thumb circled his navel teasingly.
"Yea. Sorry, I guess we just…" She started but was stopped as his mouth found her lips again. She lifted her arms up above his head and around his neck, a natural reflex that she hadn't used in forever. His lips were sensual and lovely and Cordelia couldn't help but get swept away once again. He broke the kiss up, leaving little pecks between the breaths they took together. Trailing his lips down her neck, his teeth made like he was going to bite her and his tongue making circles, stirring her senses and making every nerve in her body quiver with need.
"The bed, Angel, the bed," She panted between kisses, reminding him of the nice warm bed that was just a few feet away. The silk sheets were still there, pillows mounted up against the headboard, and the comforter was pulled down giving the impression that Sleeping Beauty hadn't left the castle in a while. Angel walked her back to the edge of the bed, not letting his lips leave her golden skin that shimmered at any glimpse of light.
Cordelia stumbled onto the bed, desire shining in her eyes as she stared up at him. Popping up on her elbows, her hair curled over her shoulders and against the coverlet. With her feminine figure stretched out and waiting for him, Angel could only stare back. Those were womanly curves under her stonewashed jeans and Angel wanted to explore every inch of flesh beneath them. His body throbbed at the thought of her completely naked in his arms.
Fiddling with his belt, Angel somehow managed to unbuckle it. Boots and socks hit the floor, quickly followed by his pants, leaving him stark naked. Controlling his urge to pounce, he stood there just long enough for Cordelia's hungry gaze eat up the sight of him. A sensual smirk quirked the corner of his mouth as her eyes widened in awe, her lips forming a soft circle of surprise as she focused on his arousal.
Caught staring, Cordelia darted her eyes back up to Angel's amused face, lustful delight lightening his handsome features. Licking her lips in anticipation, she scrambled further onto the bed, her eyes beckoning him to follow. Her racing heart caught in her throat as she watched Angel's seductive crawl up the length of the bed.
The jagged sound of her zipper pierced her ear drums, causing her emotions to run wild and her body to jerk into action. Arching her back, she clung to Angel's frame as he slowly pulled her pants down and off of her body, her tennis shoes and socks going with them. Angel inched his way back up, meeting his lips with hers.
Moving his hands up the length of her legs, he felt the buttery softness of her skin. He had every intention of letting his fingers follow every curve and relished in the sensation of her skin against his mouth as he followed the trail forged by his fingers. These were curves that he longed for on Buffy's body. She didn't have the kind of feminine figure a man could easily hold onto when making love. Both were slender, but compared to Cordelia, Buffy was a stick.
Angel lured her back and laid her flat on the mattress, brushing his lips across her neck and trailing down to the rim of her lacey bra. He took it in his teeth and tried to pull it down and off, teasing her and making her laugh at his effort. Taking his hands and slowly pulling them under her arched back, he unhooked the contraption and let it fall loose around her breasts.
Letting the straps lay against the bare, glistening skin of her arm, Angel slipped his arms from around her upper body and slowly, seductively pulled one strap down. He teased her skin with kisses along every millimeter he uncovered. Cordelia's hands slid impatiently across his shoulders, growing anxious for the attention of his mouth. Finally, she grabbed the bra and flung it across the room, leaving him laughing at the move until her fingers skimmed over the turgid tips of her breasts.
His soft moan echoed hers as his lips started to trail again; down her neck, delicate pecks only made her body crave more. He kissed down her neck, her upper chest and finally reached their destination: her breasts. Cupping the tender mounds in his hands, he lowered his mouth to it, his moist lips leaving an impression upon her luminous skin. His tongue skidded across the shaded nipple that reminded Angel of the black cherries he enjoyed, teasing her in every effort.
"Angel…" Cordelia gasped, begging him to do more. She wanted this. She wanted it. She didn't care if this was out of sympathy or rage or if it was just for one night, she needed this; needed him. It was one less day that she didn't have to worry about tomorrow; one less day that she would be lonely.
Kissing the tip of her nose and looking into her honey-hued eyes, he somehow found the strength to ask, "Are you sure?"
Nodding her head yes was all the affirmation Angel needed as he entered her, sliding slowly to prolong the coupling, easing into her tight heat. He was so focused on not losing it right then and there that he almost missed Cordelia saying, "But I have to tell you…"
"Sssh…" he whispered his assurances, looking deep into her eyes and watching the apprehensiveness gleam in her golden orbs. He thrusted slowly, until their bodies were fully joined, felt her clutching him with her arms and legs as her breath caught in her throat. It released on a tiny moan as he pulled back, his hips moving into the cradle of her thighs as their awkward moves suddenly shifted into a slow, steady rhythm.
His hands and mouth brought more pleasure as their bodies rocked together. Angel making sultry and steamy love to Cordelia. She was beautiful, he thought to himself as he watched the beads of sweat bubble atop her forehead. Leaning in, Angel captured her lips again and was met with a kiss of equal intensity, wanton desire flaming between them.
She laid her arm across his chest, her fingernails tapping against the hard surface of his pectorals and let a deep breath out. He was breathing as well, his chest moving up and down with the same rhythm of hers.
"What was that for?"
"What?"
"The breath."
"Oh, nothing." She said, excusing herself from having this conversation that involved her bringing up his girlfriend's name.
"Yea, right. You can tell me." He assured her, the brunette hair messy atop her head straining his view of a face of a woman who was satisfied.
"Before, when you shushed me…I was going to tell you…" Cordelia stopped, repositioning herself in the bed, clutching the sheets to her bare skin and looking straight at Angel. "This was my first."
"Your what?"
"My first time. This was my first time." She revealed, letting her back slouch against the headboard. His eyes popped open as she saw him gulp back the shock of her revelation. "I knew I shouldn't have." She said, clutching the sheets closer and tugging them with her as she moved to get out of the bed. His hand caught her shoulder just before her feet reached the ground.
"Wait, I'm sorry. That's just quite a shock."
"Why? Is it so hard to believe that I was holding out for the right guy?"
"Is that what I am to you, the right guy?" Angel asked as she turned around in the bed again, facing him head on.
"No…I don't know Angel." She said, letting her head dip down and her eyes closing on the situation. His hand moved from her nude shoulder and traveled to her face, cupping her jaw line and tracing his finger over to her lips. He moved in and kissed her. Longing for more all over again, he deepened the kiss and abruptly cut it off, leaving her frozen in the moment.
"I can't stay." He whispered, hating every sound of those three words. She hated them too. They were the words she knew were coming, but still didn't want to hear.
"Buffy?"
"Buffy." He confirmed, letting his hand trail down her exposed back, loving the smoothness of her skin against his palm. Lowering her head a bit more, Cordelia avoided his gaze once again, not wanting to hear any more reasons why he needed or wanted to go. It just proved that she was meant to be alone. She could compare herself to Angel's prior self. A warrior, a faceless champion of the hapless human race destined to be alone. She didn't consider herself a warrior or a faceless champion of the hapless human race, she was far from it. But the latter, the destined to be alone part was right up her alley.
Angel leaned back into the headboard, Cordelia following his lead and laying down beside him and raised her arm, letting it rest on his chest again. Quiet moments lingered around them and allowed them to let them wonder. Wonder about the things of impossibility. Wonder about if their dreams and hopes came true, what would become of them, what would happen to this night.
Morning came all too soon as Cordelia fluttered open her eyes to the streams of light bursting its way through the blinds. Her head was flat against the mattress and now no one could call her the pillow-hog again, as Harmony did one time after a sleep over in her old Sunnydale home. She stirred under the sheets, flipping herself all the way over and expecting to find Angel by her side. But instead there were just pillows.
There was no letter, no man. Change. She hated change. He went back to Buffy, like she knew he would. After all, he would always be the Slayer's boy toy. Cordelia sat up in the empty bed, clutching the sheets and comforter to her chest. She was left alone. All alone. Again.