Title: Take That Step Forward
Rating: R, I guess for Slash.
Disclaimer: I don't own the show or any of the characters.
Summary: Ryan and Seth each take steps towards a new life. Futurefic. S/R.
A/N: - I'm not sure this should be R rated in my opinion. Slash, but no smut. Also apologies in advance, I'm British so I may get a few things wrong! (I don't know much about the college system in the States). Any comments and suggestions will be gratefully received. Thanks!
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Chapter One -The Last Night
Sandy looked across the table to his son and then to Ryan before he asked,
"So how do you both feel? Excited? Nervous?"
It was Ryan's last night in the Cohen household. The next day he would be setting off for his first semester at university. Seth was flying to Seattle the day after Ryan was leaving to start his time at college.
"Excited, definitely. Well maybe a bit nervous too, but I'm okay with that." Seth responded.
"Ryan, what about you?" Kirsten coaxed.
"Okay, I guess." Ryan looked down to the plate in front of him and popped another spoonful of dessert into his mouth, grateful that he didn't have to elaborate further. As a result Ryan didn't notice the looks exchanged between Kirsten and Sandy. Seth gave his parents a knowing smile as he was in on the secret.
"Ryan, Sandy and I were talking and we decided that we wanted to give you something for the new and exciting chapter in your life."
"A present? No, I couldn't accept it." Ryan immediately replied.
"You don't know what it is yet! But knowing my parents, it probably isn't that great." Seth joked. Sandy pulled a small box from his pocket and slid it across the table towards Ryan.
"What is it?" Ryan asked. He felt himself blush as he realised three pairs of eyes were eagerly waiting for his reaction.
"Dude, open it and find out." Seth said.
"Keys? I don't get it." Ryan was genuinely puzzled.
"They're car keys!" Seth exclaimed. Ryan just looked at Kirsten and Sandy in stunned silence.
"You're going to come home on weekends and holidays…" Kirsten began.
'Home' Ryan thought. He felt a pang of sadness as the reality of leaving hit him again."…yes, of course." Ryan replied.
"So we just wanted to make the journey a little easier." Sandy finished.
"You've already done so much so much for me. I can't take it." Ryan shook his head and slid the box away from him.
"Yes, you can." Kirsten said earnestly. Once Ryan glanced across at Seth, he realised how much it meant to Kirsten and Sandy that he accepted the gift.
"Okay." Ryan replied quietly.
"Great!" Sandy exclaimed. He then took the empty dessert plates from the table and walked over to the sink.
"Ryan, you should finish your packing." Kirsten suggested. "You have an early start tomorrow."
"Do you need any help?" Seth quickly offered. Ryan did a double take at Seth's offer of help. Seth never volunteered for such 'manual work' as he had once put it. He then realised that his room probably looked like a hurricane had hit it with his failed attempt at packing and that he was now doing his best to avoid dealing with the aftermath.
"Yeah, I could do with the help." Ryan lied.
Seth followed Ryan to the pool house and looked at the immaculately tidy room with only two big bags in the corner spoiling the otherwise perfect image.
"You're packed?!" Seth said incredulously.
"It's not like I've got a lot of stuff." Ryan retorted looking pointedly at Seth.
"Okay, so maybe I don't need my entire comic collection with me in Seattle, but I must have my CD's." Seth sat on the floor, resting his back against the side of the bed. "So Ryan, how do you feel about leaving?" Seth looked up at Ryan. He was the only person that Ryan was completely open with and so Ryan took a deep breath and sat down next to him. He then exhaled and looked at his shoes before replying.
"I never even allowed myself to dream that I could actually become an architect one day." Ryan smiled. "But I have Sandy and Kirsten to thank for giving me the chance." He added. He paused and then looked directly at Seth. "And you Seth."
"Hey, I didn't do anything." Seth shook his head. "So…do you have any ideas about how we should spend your last night here?" Images of a drunken night flashed through Seth's mind.
"Yes I do." Seth looked across eagerly at Ryan. "I plan on doing absolutely nothing that will get me into trouble." Ryan continued.
"Great!" Seth rolled his head back onto the bed in mock annoyance. "Now I have to go pack!"
"Wait." Ryan said quietly. "Stay here for a while?" He asked.
"Sure." Seth answered with relief. They sat in silence for a few minutes, both contemplating the imminent change in their lives. "It is a bit scary. Starting up in a brand new place, not knowing anyone there." Seth suddenly said out loud.
"Yeah." Ryan simply said as another smile crept over his face.
"Okay, you've done that already."
"But it's a good scary you know."
"Good scary?" Seth asked puzzled.
"You can feel your heart pounding, your stomach churning, but you take that step forward..."
"…because there's a chance it'll work out?" Seth finished.
"Yeah." Ryan softly said.
Seth couldn't help being surprised at his answer. But it was now obvious that Ryan had changed so much since the first time they had met. Ryan was now a confident, optimistic, person willing to embrace life instead of previously thinking that there was no point in doing so.
"Seth?" Ryan waved his hand in front of Seth's face.
"Huh?" Seth caught himself staring at Ryan. He quickly looked away and then added. "I…I should go now. You have to leave early in the morning." His tone of voice sounded harsh to Ryan, formal and brusque. Definitely not like Seth. However Ryan wasn't going to challenge him. The last thing he wanted was to get into an argument with Seth on his last night there.
"Yeah, okay." Ryan replied. They both got up and stood there for a moment. "So I'll see you in the morning." He added.
"Yeah." Seth nodded. Ryan wasn't sure why it was so weird between them all of a sudden. He then recalled the first time they had said goodbye when Seth had hugged him and had reached out to a virtual stranger. This was also a goodbye and Ryan thought it was now his turn to hug Seth. Suddenly all the awkwardness vanished.
"I'll miss you, man." Seth said.
"I'll miss you too." Ryan whispered. They both knew that it wasn't a final goodbye and yet… Ryan wasn't sure how he felt.
They moved apart and in a split second Ryan had felt Seth's soft lips brush against his. He wasn't even sure it had actually happened, but Seth had jumped back, away from Ryan as if he had had an electric shock. Seth's face was bright red and he stammered an apology.
"I…I…Ry…I'm really… sorry… such an idiot!" By that time he had already opened the door and had stepped out of the pool house.
Ryan flopped back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling for several minutes. Did that really happen, he wondered once again. Ryan sighed as he realised that there was no way he'd fall asleep anytime soon. His mind was buzzing with a thousand thoughts. He glanced across at his bedside clock wondering what the time was and then noticed that resting under the clock was a CD case. Ryan didn't really believe in signs, but there must have been a reason why he hadn't returned that CD to Seth before. He impulsively grabbed the CD and headed for Seth's room. Ryan walked through the kitchen and noticed that Sandy and Kirsten had already gone to their bedroom. He continued through the quiet, dark house and stopped in front of Seth's door, suddenly feeling extremely nervous. All Ryan could hear was his heart pounding fiercely in his chest and the muffled sound of Seth's music.
Seth sat on the edge of his bed, his hands covering his face. He had hoped that turning up the volume on the CD player would drown out his thoughts, but it had failed spectacularly.
"Stupid! Stupid!" He muttered occasionally. Ryan would hate him now, rightly too, Seth thought. He concluded that in a matter of seconds he had damaged their friendship, perhaps irrevocably. Seth looked across his bed to Captain Oats. His small plastic face seemed to be mocking him, but Seth knew that he was doing a good enough job by himself and didn't need Captain Oats' help.
"Idiot!" Seth added for good measure.
Seth suddenly heard knocking on his door. His head snapped towards the door and he grabbed the remote, turning the volume down while he tried to compose himself. He had assumed it was his father, who would tell him off for blasting music at that time of night.
"Sorry, Dad." Seth called out as he threw the remote behind him. He turned back around and was shocked to see Ryan standing in front of him instead.