Author's note: Um yeah… still own nothing. Thanks to everyone for the feedback so far.

Jessica Buchanan walked into the sedate dining room at the Palace Hotel. Part of her had worried that Tess would reemerge the moment she left Antonio's loft that morning. Since leaving the hospital a few weeks ago she hadn't trusted herself alone. Antonio had been understanding, of course, he didn't want Tess coming out any more than she did. And as long as Antonio was at her side she could keep Tess at bay. But she also realized that she couldn't go through life afraid to be alone; things had to change. She had convinced Antonio to let her meet with Natalie alone this morning. Natalie knew about Tess and would realize if anything went wrong. Hopefully. Jessica prayed this wasn't a mistake.

Natalie was already seated at a table with her eyes shut, massaging her temples. "Headache?" Jessica asked sitting down across from her.

Natalie grumbled something incomprehensible in reply that sounded affirmative.

"John?" Jessica prodded.

"Caffeine withdrawal, I think," Natalie said. "Although John's been causing me plenty of headaches lately."

"Uh oh," Jessica said, "what happened?"

Natalie shook her head. "Nothing," she said, "nothing in particular. He's just being John. I mean most of the time he's wonderful and caring and funny, but he's upset about something and won't tell me what it is. And he's got this thing about Cristian…"

They paused as a waiter came to take their orders, but when he was gone Jessica suggested, "You think John still feels guilty somehow over Cristian's death?"

"I don't know," Natalie said, "Maybe. He won't talk about it and then I just get mad and…" She buried her face in her hands in a gesture that was a mix of irritation at John and pain from her head.

"I would imagine caffeine withdrawals aren't helping that," Jessica said, "Can I ask why you gave up caffeine?"

"It's not voluntary," Natalie groaned, "trust me. It's just for some reason the last couple days I can't drink coffee—it churns my stomach. I can't even smell it without feeling nauseous. It sucks."

"I would imagine that's not putting you in a mood to confront these issues with John," Jessica said sympathetically.

"I just wish I knew what was going on," Natalie said weekly, "with him and my stomach. Am I allergic to coffee all of a sudden? Can that happen? If so can you kill me, please?"

Jessica smiled. "Not a chance." After a moment she suggested quietly, "Are you PMSing? Sometimes around my period my stomach gets really sensitive."

Natalie thought for a moment. "I could be. Honestly, I have no idea; I'm so irregular."

Jessica's brow furrowed, "Sounds like it could be something wrong with your birth control if it's not regulating your hormones better-"

"There was something wrong with my birth control," she said with half a laugh, "I never remembered to take it and so it was constantly all messed up. So I went off it after everything that happened with… you know, that man who pretended to be Cristian. There wasn't any real reason for it at that point anyway and-" Suddenly Jessica's uneasy expression and the reason for it registered in Natalie's mind. "No," she said firmly.

"It's just the only time I really had strange problems with normal foods was when I was-"

"I'm not pregnant," Natalie said, though a note of panic was rising in her voice.

"Probably not," Jessica agreed, "but are you sure?"

Natalie stared at her for a moment. "No, I'm not," she said. "What am I saying? Of course, I'm pregnant. There's some kind of cosmic law that John and I have to have every complication possible inour relationship, so this is just what we need right now."

"All right calm down, Natalie," Jessica said in a tone just above a whisper. "You don't know anything at all yet. It's way too soon for you to start panicking."

"What am I going to do?" Natalie asked her voice cracking.

"Well for starters," Jessica explained, "you have to find out whether you are or not. And I would suggest just getting it over with; there's no sense in agonizing over it if you're not. If you are… then you'll talk to John, and it probably won't be nearly as bad as you think it will."

"It's so ridiculous," Natalie said staring into her water goblet, "but you have no idea how much the idea of walking into a drug store and buying a test terrifies me right now."

"I do know," Jessica said, "I've been there, remember?"

"I'm sorry, Jessica," Natalie said taking a deep breath, "I didn't even think about Megan."

"I'll tell you what," Jessica said taking Natalie's hand, "I'll go to the drug store after this. You come by the loft on your lunch break, and you can take it there. I'll send Antonio out to pick up some take out so he won't be around."

"You don't have to do that," Natalie said.

"I know," Jessica said, "but let me do it anyway. In the meantime, I think you need to talk to John. This is probably nothing, but it's a good excuse for you two to work out whatever the problem is between you."

"Have I told you lately that you're the best long lost twin sister a girl could have?" Natalie asked wiping the tears which had started to form at the corners of her eyes.

"Well it works both ways," Jessica said. There was a hint of sadness in her words which Natalie realized indicated she was thinking of something else.

The waiter arrived with their food allowing Natalie a moment to compose herself. This was not made easier by her stomach which started churning the minute she looked at the food. She told herself it was nerves and not something else. "So how have you been?"

"Better everyday," Jessica said, "but there's something I need to tell you.'

"What?" Natalie felt herself growing anxious all over again, but now over Jessica rather than herself.

"The timing sucks," Jessica said smiling wryly at her sister.

"How so?"

"I'm leaving town for a while," she said finally.

"When?" Natalie asked. "Where are you going?"

"Two days from now," Jessica said. "I'm going to Switzerland, to the same clinic Mom went to when she…"

"I don't understand," Natalie said, her food, nausea and own concerns totally forgotten. "You said you were getting better."

"I feel like I am," Jessica explained, "but at the same time I'm terrified to even be in the room by myself for fear Tess will come out. I don't want the rest of my life to be like that. I'm hoping they'll be able to help me get rid of Tess completely, and then I can get on with the rest of my life."

"And you have to leave now?" Natalie asked. She knew she shouldn't begrudge her sister this; the most important thing was Jessica's health. But she wasn't ready for her to be on the other side of the Atlantic.

"They have space for me now, but they won't hold it. Antonio's flying with me and then coming back."

"What about Mom," Natalie said, "can't you at least wait until she gets back? It would only be a couple of days. She needs to know about this Jess."

"I already talked to Mom," Jessica said, "I told her I was going to Europe, but not why. I have a long layover in England; she's going to meet me and I'll tell her then."

"Well there's a big part of me that doesn't want you to leave," Natalie said surprising herself by tearing up again, "but you do need to take care of yourself. Just get better soon, okay? I'm going to miss you."

Jessica tried to concentrate on the feel of the floor under her feet as she stood in line. Anything to keep herself grounded. Tess hadn't made an appearance yet, but she was worried about the extra time unsupervised that this stop at the drugstore had necessitated. She'd called Antonio and told him she was making an extra stop but shouldn't be long; if anything happened, at least she knew he'd come looking for her. She fiddled with the box in her hand. She hadn't told Natalie what she hadn't told Antonio either—that when she was in the hospital she'd requested that they run a pregnancy test on her as well as tests for STDs. The fact that all the tests were negative was shear luck she suspected; she didn't think she could count on Tess to have been vigilant about birth control or protection.

"Jessica?"

Jessica dropped her arms to her side in an attempt to conceal the box she was holding without making it obvious that she was doing so. "Carlota!" she said, "Hi!"

"I just heard from Antonio that you're leaving the country," the older woman said.

"Yes," Jessica said, "Just for a while. I need to get away for a little bit."

"Is everything okay?" Carlota asked with concern so genuine that Jessica wanted suddenly to confess everything that was really going on. Instead she just shook her head. Carlota looked uneasy. "Look, Jessica, I could pretend I don't know what you're holding, but-"

"Oh," she said looking at the box in her hand, "it's… not for me. I know that sounds like the most trite lie ever, but it's true. A friend of mine… she's kind of in a crisis right now, I'm just trying to help her out."

"Ah," Carlota said. Jessica couldn't tell whether she believed her or not, but she definitely seemed to sense that there was more to the story. "Antonio is a wonderful father," she added, "but there's an order to do those things in."

"Absolutely," Jessica said, "no, unless there's someone I don't know about, you're not going to be a grandmother again any time soon."

A distant look Jessica recognized all too well crossed Carlota's eyes. "You know, I would have said by now that Natalie and Cristian… well, it just wasn't meant to be." Jessica prayed that Carlota didn't notice that she winced at the mention of Natalie's name.

"Anyway," Carlota said as Jessica arrived at the head of the line, "Promise you'll come see me before you leave."

"I promise," Jessica said giving a hug to Antonio's mother and wishing she wasn't hiding so much from her.

Natalie paced uneasily around her desk trying to muster the courage to talk to John. She wasn't going to tell him, not until she knew for sure, but Jessica was right about clearing things up between them. Somehow, Natalie felt this would be easier to do before they dealt with the possibility of pregnancy. Finally she grabbed a couple of files to use as a flimsy excuse and walked to his office. She could here laughter from the hallway and someone in there talking to him, but she couldn't tell who. John replied to her knock with a generic, "Yeah."

So she was shocked to walk in and discover him chatting and laughing with Evangeline Williamson. "What's up?" he asked seeing it was her. That was all. No acknowledgment of the fact that she was not merely a receptionist. No hint of guilt for being caught having a good time with his ex-lover. Evangeline understood the problem and somehow it was all the more upsetting that the expression on her face was a mixture of guilt and pity. If she'd been gloating Natalie could have just been angry; it would have been easier. And less embarrassing.

Natalie suspected that she was turning red and decided that the best way to handle the situation was to escape as quickly as possible. "Sorry," she stammered, "I brought you these." She dropped the folders on his desk and spun to leave the room without looking at John again. She heard him get up to follow her, but didn't turn to see.

He caught up with her in the hallway. "I can explain," he said in all to patronizing a tone.

"Can you?" she put a hand on her hip trying to look saucy rather than on the verge of tears. "Can you explain why it's okay for you to flip out every time I mention my dead husband but you can sit around laughing it up with your ex-girlfriend?"

"It was about a case," he said.

"Seemed to be a very funny one," she said. The nausea was back suddenly, though it probably had more to do with her emotions at the moment.

"It is, actually," he said, "I'll show you the files if you want."

"Never mind," she said turning away even more sharply than before. Truth be told probably a bit too sharply because that's when she felt the ground lurch beneath her feet. Head swimming she managed forward a few more steps until she could grab a hold of the edge of the filing cabinet. She heard him calling her name through the haze and once more just before his arms caught her. She looked into his eyes, so full of genuine concern…

And in an instant she realized two things: First--that she was definitely pregnant; no need to bother with the test. Second--that she and John were definitely not ready for this.

He was talking to her, asking her if she was okay.

"I'm fine," she said trying to shrug away his hands.

"For a second there you looked like you were gonna pass out." She sat down on the edge of her desk but he didn't take his hands off her shoulders; his eyes still sought hers which she could feel filling with tears.

"I just haven't eaten much today," she said.

"Well sit down," he commanded, "I'll find you something to eat. There have to be donuts around here somewhere."

"Don't," she said weakly.

"Seriously," he continued, "don't do that to me. You scared me."

"John," she pleaded more than said. A tear ran down her cheek and suddenly he seemed to realize the problem wasn't her blood sugar. "Why do you do this to me?" she whispered.

"What are you talking about?" he asked wiping the tear away.

"Why are you so sweet and supportive and understanding whenever anything's wrong?" she asked.

"That's a bad thing?" he asked in confusion.

"Just because you're not all the times between." He studied her face. She knew there was nothing about her appearance that would tell him what was wrong, but some illogical part of her worried he would know somehow, just by looking at her. He definitely knew she was hiding something.

"It sounds like there's something we need to talk about," he said finally.

"There is," she nodded, "but not right now. I have to go meet Jessica."

"I thought you two were doing breakfast."

"It's a long story," she said, "but we're doing lunch now."

"Okay," he said, "we'll talk later. Take care."

She nodded and tried to hold back the rest of the tears as he kissed her lightly.

She walked hesitantly into Ultraviolet knowing it was probably not where she should be. But she needed to talk to Rex; he was the only one she could go to. Jessica had been supportive and let her cry herself dry when the test came back positive twice (Jessica had bought two, just in case the first result was wrong), but Jessica had bigger problems to deal with. Rex was behind the bar and looked busy; he caught sight of her and nodded. "Hey Natty, be with you in a sec." She climbed onto a stool to wait. The pounding music was aggravating her headache again and she let her head fall into her hands with a palm over each eye. It seemed to help somewhat.

She recognized the designer cologne before the woman beside her spoke. "I used to call those John McBain headaches." She raised her head to see Evangeline sitting on the next stool staring at the wall of liquor bottles, avoiding eye contact.

"Evangeline, I really don't want to get into this tonight," she groaned.

"Neither do I," Evangeline said taking a sip of her drink, "I just wanted to make sure you know that it really was just a business meeting you walked in on today."

"I know," Natalie said, hoping that agreeing would end the conversation.

"The truth is," she continued, "I don't like having to meet with John any more than you like me having to meet with him, but it's something we're going to have to live with."

Natalie's phone rang. She looked at it—John again. It was the second time he'd called and for the second time she didn't answer. Evangeline had clearly seen the caller ID screen but she looked away as soon as she realized Natalie had noticed her. Evangeline seemed uncomfortable with the situation, but she didn't seem to have an ulterior motive. Honestly, Natalie wished she'd be bitchier about the whole situation; it would give Natalie an excuse to fight back. Fighting with Evangeline she was good at; her current situation she had no idea how to handle.

"Believe me," Natalie said still staring at the phone, "Right now you are the least of my worries."

"Ah," Evangeline said, "so this is just about John being John."

Natalie didn't answer; she couldn't. If she'd said anything it would have come out screaming angry 'You don't know John like I do! You don't know anything about John and me! You're just bitter because he chose me over you!' And that wasn't what needed to be said. It wasn't even completely accurate.

"A little free advice from someone with experience," Evangeline said, "don't try to play games with him, make him work to get a hold of you because you're angry and you want to punish him. It won't work and it'll only create a bigger gap between you."

"That's not what's going on," she finally managed.

"Good," Evangeline said, "but-"

"Okay, Nat," Rex jumped in, "What can I get for you?"

"Nothing," she said.

"On the house," he promised.

"No, I'm fine," she said, "I just need to talk to you about something, but I can see you're busy… I should go." She slipped off the stool.

"No, no, no!" Rex said quickly, "Wait. Ever since you and McBain got together you never have time for your baby bro. You can't come in and just run out. I can take a little time out to chat with my big sister, even if she doesn't have time for me. So what's up?"

"Um… I'd rather not talk here," she said.

He looked around. "Okay, give me five minutes and we'll go outside. Let me get you a drink in the meantime."

"Just ginger ale," she said firmly. He gave her a look for her strange selection, but didn't say anything else.

A few minutes later they stepped into the alley behind the club. It was hardly the ideal place for a conversation, but it was more quiet and more private than inside Ultraviolet. Natalie shuffled her feet against the asphalt realizing that while she'd wanted so desperately to talk to Rex she had no idea how to broach the subject. Fortunately Rex couldn't stand the silence very long and broke it for her.

"So when'd you give up drinking?"

"Same time as I gave up caffeine," she said.

Rex looked at her in growing confusion. "Okay, I'd blame this that cop of yours, but I've seen myself that he doesn't have a problem with alcohol or coffee, so what brought this on?"

Natalie looked at him, struggling for the strength to just say it. Why was this so hard? And if she was having this much trouble telling Rex, how was she ever going to tell John? Rex's impatience saved her the trouble yet again.

"I mean what are you pregnant or something?" He realized he was right immediately. "Oh my God! Natty! When did you find out?"

"Today," she said crossing her arms tightly over her chest, hugging herself.

"Have you told him yet?

She shook her head. "I was going to talk to him today, I wasn't sure yet, but I wanted to talk to him. Instead we just had another fight and…" Her eyes filled with tears as she trailed off.

"How did this happen?" Rex asked.

She looked at him sideways. "Didn't they do the whole sex-ed talk in Michigan?"

"Yeah," he admitted, "I'm not talking about the mechanics of it I'm just saying… didn't you use protection?"

"They should have also told you in that talk that protection isn't one hundred percent," she grumbled. "I can't believe I'm having this conversation with my brother!"

"Yeah, me neither," he said shifting his weight uneasily, "so what are you going to do?"

"I don't know," she said, "I just keep hoping I'll wake up tomorrow and find out it was all a dream."

Rex didn't quite seem comfortable with this line of conversation, but continued anyway. "Well, you know, you have options nowadays. I mean you could-"

"Throw my baby away like Mitch Lawrence did with me," she supplied. They didn't ever talk about Mitch, what he had done to her and Jessica as infants. It was an irony Rex tried not to think about that if it hadn't been for that man he'd never have had Natalie for a sister.

"It's not the same Natalie," he said gently.

She was trembling now, "It is. For me it is."

"Okay," Rex said. "So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know, I'm just- I'm so not prepared for this." Suddenly she sobbed, "Look at me, I'm a mess. I'm going to be a terrible mother!"

"Hey," he said putting a hand on each shoulder, "That's not true."

"Yes, it is," she insisted, "I screw everything up, I can't even get my own life together, I-"

"And when you were still a kid yourself you were a better mother to me than anyone else ever was," he said. "And if you could take care of me then, under those circumstances, you're going to be just fine now."

Tears were streaming down her face now and she shook her head, "I don't know, Rex."

"Well I do," he said. "And McBain gets on my nerves and all, but he's a stand up guy."

"Who's only been with me for like a month," Natalie said, "We're not ready for this, there's so much we need to work through first."

"What do you mean?" he asked, "I thought things were pretty fabulous with you two."

"Sometimes," she said pulling a tissue from her purse, "And sometimes he just starts brooding out of the blue and he totally shuts me out."

"What's he brooding over?"

"I'd love to know," she said, "but he shuts down and then I get mad and doors get slammed and-"

"If you're talking about slamming doors this must have something to do with my brother," Michael McBain said approaching them.

"Michael!" Natalie said trying to compose herself, "what are you doing here?" Shit. Michael. One complication that she hadn't quite let herself think of yet.

"I was walking into the club and I heard someone crying," he said walking closer, "I realized it was you and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"She's fine," Rex said stepping protectively between them.

"What did my good for nothing brother do now?" he asked looking past him to Natalie.

"Um… nothing, nothing," Natalie reassured him. "We're fine this is actually… a family thing."

"Oh," Michael said, clearly aware she wasn't telling the whole truth, "well, I'll leave you two alone then. See you inside maybe?"

"Maybe," Natalie echoed. As he walked away she tried to mentally flip through a calendar, hoping to reassure herself that she hadn't just discovered another major problem for her and John and the baby.

To be continued.

Author's note pt 2: So a friend of mine has a list of fanfiction tropes (plot elements we seem determined to use as frequently as possible). #1 is Major Character gets drunk and #2 is Major Character gets pregnant. I promise I'm not working down the list. #12 which is Prom Wear will not get included in this fic, I promise!