Author's note: Wow! You're still reading!
John stood for a minute watching Natalie pretend she was so absorbed in her work that she didn't notice him. She wasn't very convincing, but he was much more interested as to why she was ignoring him. It wasn't like Natalie to not want to talk—he was the one who avoided talking, not her. Yet she'd inexplicably failed to return from lunch the day before and ignored three calls to her cell phone. The only time Natalie was quiet about anything was when she was actively hiding something, so what was it?
Deciding finally that this was not the place to make a scene trying to drag it out of her, he walked back to his own office. It was already occupied by Rex Balsom who was once again sitting at his desk flipping through papers.
"I need to put a better lock on that door," John said. "What the hell are you doing in here?"
"Waiting for you," Rex said swinging his legs off the desk and putting the papers down.
"I'm almost afraid to ask," John said, "but why?"
Rex clucked his tongue in a scolding manner, "How many times are we gonna have to have this conversation?"
"What conversation would that be?" John said checking through the papers to make sure they weren't anything important.
"The one where I tell you not to mess with my sister's head."
"I'm not trying to do that," John assured him.
"Bullshit," Rex said crossing his arms defiantly.
"You know, Rex," John said getting irritated with the conversation more quickly than usual, "When did this become your business anyway?"
"Oh I don't know," Rex said cocking his head to one side, "probably around the time you knocked up my sister and then retreated to the privacy of your own head."
"What?" John asked dropping a file folder. Rex stared at him for a moment and realized that she hadn't told him. And in the same instant John realized what Natalie had been hiding and why she'd been acting strangely.
"Nothing," Rex stammered. John was already pushing past him on his way out the door.
Natalie was standing at the filing cabinet when she saw John storming towards her with Rex at his heels. "What's going on?" she asked.
"Natty," Rex said quickly, "you can not be mad at me!"
"Why would I-?" Natalie looked at John. "Oh no," she whispered.
"Is it true?" he demanded.
"Rex, I'm going to kill you," she said gripping the open file drawer.
"How was I supposed to know?" Rex protested.
"Is it true?" John repeated a little more loudly.
"Yes," she said sharply and more loudly than she'd intended.
"Why did I have to find this out from him?" he motioned to Rex with a toss of his head.
"Because he has a big mouth," she replied, punching Rex hard in the upper arm.
"Ow!" Rex exclaimed.
"Just out of curiousity," John said, "When were you planning on telling me?"
"I came to talk to you yesterday," she said, finding herself rather angry at his indignation, "You were busy meeting with Evangeline."
"He was meeting with who?" Rex asked sounding more irritated about the situation than Natalie.
"I said we'd talk later," he said, "I called you three times last night, you didn't answer."
"What's going on here?" Bo Buchanan asked stepping out of his office. Natalie, John and Rex all looked at each other, not realizing how loud they'd been. No one answered him.
"You want to maybe move this conversation, whatever it is, elsewhere?" Bo said pointedly to John.
John nodded and took Natalie by the arm, half leading her half dragging her to his office. Rex, showing an unusual amount of discretion, stayed behind. Once the door had closed behind them they stared at each other for a moment before either spoke again.
"I found out yesterday," she explained, "I haven't even been to the doctor yet. It's not like I've been keeping it a secret from you."
No, of course she hadn't. He was the one who kept secrets. "You're sure about this?" he asked softly.
"I took two tests, just in case," she said, "but even without that, yeah, I'm sure."
"That's where you went yesterday," he said as the data started to coalesce, "when you said you were with Jessica."
"I was," she said, "she was the one who figured it out."
"I don't understand," he said running a hand through his hair, "how did this-?"
"It's my fault," she said crossing her arms, closing herself off from him, "I'm not on any kind of birth control. I should have said something, I just didn't think." Biting her lip and casting her eyes to the floor she added quietly, "I am so stupid!"
"But we used protection," John insisted.
She held up her hands as if to stop him, "Could we not have the 'After School Special' conversation? Please. We're not kids, we know better."
"I'm sorry," he said moving a little closer to her, "this is just a lot to process. So… what are we going to do?"
"I'm keeping it," she said quickly, sharply, as though she expected him to argue the point. "I'm not going to try to force you into anything John."
"Okay," he said, still trying to wrap his brain around what was happening, "well… do you want to get married?"
To his surprise she suddenly gave him a look of complete exasperation, "No!"
"Um… can I ask why?"
"Because John," she walked past him so that she could lean against the desk, "neither one of us thought we were anywhere near ready for marriage before this. The baby doesn't really change that. To just get married because of the baby…"
"I guess you're right," he said.
"On top of that," she added, "in none of my childhood fantasies was I ever wearing a basketball under my wedding dress. And just for the record, for future reference, John, no girl ever wants to be proposed to with the words, 'Okay, well do you want to get married.'"
He put a hand on her shoulder, "I'm kind of handling this all wrong, huh?"
"You could do better," she said truthfully. "Seriously John," she continued trying to sound business like though he could tell she was fighting back tears, "I don't expect anything from you. I know you're not ready for this and I'm really sorry."
"Hey," he said lifting her chin with one finger so she would look him in the eyes, "this isn't your fault. We have equal responsibility in this. And it's going to stay that way."
"As long as you're sure," she said, her voice cracking with emotion. "I don't want to be the one who ruined your life."
He took a deep breath as reality started to sink in. "The timing could be better, obviously, but this isn't the worst thing, is it? This is pretty incredible when you think about it."
She smiled slightly for the first time that day, "It is. I mean, I really don't know if I'm prepared or cut out to be a mother. But I don't think I could have found a much better father for my baby than you." And silently, she prayed that he was the baby's father. He had to be. It was such a small chance that he wasn't... Maybe no one ever had to know.
And something else started to sink in for John; that she had no idea the things he was hiding. She might very well have a different opinion about her baby's father, if she did. It hit him suddenly, something he'd never even considered; he didn't quite know what the legal status of her situation was anyway. Natalie's husband was not dead, which meant that she was still married to someone else. How was he going to let her have his baby knowing that?
She must have seen something change in his demeanor, because she reached out for him at that moment. "What is it?" she asked.
"Nothing," he said, shaking his head, changing the subject. "I didn't even ask… how are you? I mean are you feeling okay?"
"I'm fine," something about him showing this kind of concern for her made her smile. "It's really too early to be feeling much. I can't drink coffee, the baby seems to object to it. That's pretty torturous."
"Oh," he said with a sarcastic smile, "so that explains the mood you've been in." She swatted playfully at his head. He wrapped his arms around her suddenly and pulled her into him. "We're gonna be okay," he whispered into her neck, "All three of us." And he kissed her, tenderly, deeply. Her lips sliding over his, his tongue caressing the interiors of her mouth. It surprised him how much he felt bonded with her, even more intricately now. And he knew that no matter what it did to that bond, he couldn't keep lying to her anymore.
"Johnny?" Michael asked uncertainly pushing open the door to his brother's room.
"Yeah," John said without looking up; he was staring at a folder in his hands. As Michael entered the room he closed the folder and put it back in a cardboard box which he replaced the lid on rather quickly.
"Natalie's not here?" Michael asked in surprise. In the past weeks it seemed Natalie had been there constantly. Between John's distracted behavior and his encounter the an emotional Natalie the night before he wondered if something had gone wrong between them.
"Her sister's leaving the country tomorrow," John explained, "she wanted to go see her."
"Ah," Michael said, still feeling like there was something he was missing, "well you want to go out for a beer or something? Catch up?"
"Not tonight," John said standing up and looking around the room like there was something he was supposed to be doing, but couldn't quite remember what.
"Something going on?" Michael asked.
John shook his head, "Why?"
"Well you left the door half open, for starters," Michael began.
"I didn't realize," John said.
"And you're only halfway listening to me now," he continued.
"Sorry," John said pacing slightly, "I just… I got some news today… I-"
"Johnny?" Michael asked his concern growing.
"Natalie's pregnant," he finally said sounding as though he didn't quite believe it himself.
"Oh my God, John," Michael sank down on the couch. "It's yours?"
"Of course it's mine," his brother said, sounding offended at the implication. "What kind of question is that? Who else could it be?"
So she hadn't told him. He couldn't say he was surprised. Natalie had been determined John not find out about their night together before she was even with him; there was no way she would tell him now. He tried to do the math. "How many weeks is she?" How long had it been anyway? It wasn't something he'd marked on his calendar.
"Don't know," John said with a shrug, "I just found out today."
"What are you gonna do?" Michael asked warily, wondering what he was going to do.
"I don't know," John half whispered. "It's kind of up to her. I mean she says she wants to keep it, but she doesn't want to get married. I… there's something I have to do tomorrow."
"What?"
"Something that could change everything," he said as he resumed pacing.
"You're being cryptic again, Johnny," Michael said.
"I know," he said, "but I can't say anything else." He was too distracted planning what he was going to say over the next couple of days. How was he going to tell Cris that his wife was having another man's baby? How was he going to tell his pregnant girlfriend that her husband was still alive? How badly had he fucked up this entire situation while trying to do what was best for everyone?
Natalie sat at the diner the next morning staring at a muffin she couldn't quite convince herself to eat. She would have loved to have attributed the feeling in her stomach to morning sickness, but she suspected it was probably just anxiety. She hadn't meant for John to find out until after she'd talked to the doctor; after she had a better idea…
A ceramic mug plunked down in front of her full of a hot brownish liquid. Natalie looked up into the melancholy, but sympathetic face of Carlota Vega. "Chamomile tea," Carlota explained. "It was the only thing I could drink in the morning when I was pregnant with Cristian."
Natalie's jaw dropped. How could Carlota know? "How did you-?"
Carlota sat down across from her. "I saw Jessica at the drugstore yesterday. I thought she was buying them for herself, but she said it was for a friend… And then you came in and didn't ask for coffee. It was kind of a dead give away."
Natalie sighed. "Carlota I'm sorry. I know it must be hard for you. You know I'll always love Cristian-"
"Shh," Carlota said, "Don't worry about me. How are you?"
"I'm… I'm okay," Natalie said, "I'm terrified."
"That's pretty normal even under the best of circumstances," the older woman said patting her hand. It was clear she didn't consider these the best of circumstances. "I take it John McBain is the father?"
Natalie didn't answer. She couldn't lie to Carlota and there was no way she could admit the truth—that she wasn't sure. Carlota apparently took her silence as confirmation. "Well is he going to handle this like a man? Is he going to marry you, take responsibility for his child?"
"He wanted to," Natalie said, "I told him 'no'."
"Why?" Carlota asked sounding shocked.
"Because I just don't think it's right to rush into marriage because of a baby," Natalie said. "I'm sure John will be a wonderful father, and I would love to spend the rest of my life with him, but we have too many things to work out right now."
"Well you better work them out in the next couple months," Carlota scolded tenderly.
Rex entered the diner and wandered over to the table slowly as though he was waiting for Natalie to attack him at any moment. Seeing him and the look that passed between the brother and sister Carlota excused herself from the table and Rex sat down. Natalie turned her attention back to her tea.
"You're still mad at me?" Rex asked.
"Kind of," she said softly.
"Look, I'm sorry about telling McBain, but how was I supposed to know you hadn't told him yet?"
"You could have asked," Natalie suggested.
"Well what were you waiting for anyway?" he asked.
"I don't know," she hissed, "maybe till I knew for sure it was his."
"What?" Rex asked, speaking a little too loudly in shock. Natalie shushed him with a quick look. "Who else… ooohhh," he said finally figuring it out. "Holy shit!"
"Pretty much," she said.
"Well what are you gonna do now?" he asked, "Does Michael know yet?"
"He called and asked me to meet him here," she took a sip from her tea, maybe substituting another hot beverage would help her fool her body into thinking it was getting coffee, "he said we needed to talk, which means John must have told him."
Michael walked into the diner as if on cue; Natalie squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. "You gonna be okay?" Rex asked her.
"Yeah," she said as Michael approached.
"Call me later?" Rex said standing up.
Natalie nodded as Michael and Rex wordlessly switched places. Natalie looked at Michael cautiously over her mug. Michael stared at her uncomfortably for a moment and then finally said, "So is it mine?"
It occurred to him suddenly, as though this were a radical concept that would fix everything, that he and Cristian Vega were not in love with the same woman after all. He looked at the hanging canvas with the image of her in her wedding dress and realized that they were two different women. He'd met the woman in the painting, hell, he'd helped kill her, but the woman he loved, who was carrying his child was different. There was a darkness behind her smile that the beaming bride in the picture didn't have, and a maturity mixed with a healthy dose of cynicism that hadn't settled on Cristian's Natalie yet. Cristian was standing at his easel flicking paint onto a canvas in a way which would only make sense to an artist. He turned around briefly to see who was approaching before turning back.
"Been a long time," Cristian said keeping his eyes trained on the painting as John stopped in front of his cell.
John cleared his throat. "We have to tell her."
To be continued. Soon, hopefully.