Author's note: Okay, this chapter has the scene in it which was the first part of this that came to mind; the inspiration for the whole rest of the fic. And after all this time I'm not sure it actually works as well as it did when if first came to me… but things are never quite as wonderful as I plan them to be. Sigh. As always feedback is oh so welcome.

He didn't sleep much that night. He would doze off then wake in a panic a few moments later reaching for her. He needed to reassure himself that she was still there, still within reach. After tomorrow she might never let him hold her again. And what about the baby… it was really hard for him to grasp the reality of this creature that had spurned him into action. Would he be able to hold his child after its mother found out about the secret he'd been keeping?

Natalie's sleep was feverish, restless, plagued by strange dreams. Cristian painted a portrait of her with a scarlet "A" across her face. Jessica held her hand and explained that the baby wasn't hers at all—it was Tess's. Viki screamed at her that she'd never been her daughter at all and would be a terrible mother. Michael explained that he'd concocted a new paternity test using mustard. After each dream she woke fearing she was talking in her sleep… terrified that she'd give something away.

The both rose early and dressed in near silence, John had sunk into dread of what would happen over the next hours and she seemed to pick up on it. Finally she turned to him and asked, "So where is it that we're going today?"

He didn't make eye contact, "You'll find out when we get there."

"I just… I mean what should I wear?" she asked.

He looked up at her in her low cut blue top and black slacks. She looked beautiful. What was the proper attire for finding out you've been deceived by the two men you love most? How could he do this to her? "What you're wearing is fine. You look great in that."

She didn't seem to trust his judgment on this, "You sure?"

He nodded and walked to where she stood uneasily in the door to the bathroom. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Okay," she said then added with a laugh, "I think the caffeine withdrawals are finally gone."

"You queasy or dizzy or anything?"

She shook her head. "I'm ready whenever you are," she said.

He wouldn't ever be ready, but they might as well get this over with. He looked into her eyes for a moment then ran his hand over her hair. "Listen, Natalie," he put a hand on each shoulder, gripping her more tightly then he meant to. "I love you," he said desperately, "I need you to know that. No matter what happens today, please know that."

Her heart skipped. She's waited for him to say that for so long, why when he finally said it did the words fill her with fear. There was something behind those words, something he wasn't saying yet and whatever it was it scared him, and anything that could scare John terrified her.

She woke up when he turned off the car. He had been relieved when she dozed off so that he didn't have to answer her questions as she saw where they were headed. "Where are we?" she asked blinking to clear the sleep from her eyes.

"Stateville Prison," he said climbing out of the car.

"What?" she asked not moving. "Why are we here?"

"Please," he said closing his eyes, unable to look at hers, "I'll explain everything, just some with me."

She got out of the car her whole body rigid with apprehension. He put an arm around her, hoping to reassure her, relax her; it didn't work.

"John," she said warily, "I can't think of any reason why I would want to be here." It was clear she could think of several reasons she wouldn't want to be there.

"Trust me," he said, "this is something that we have to do."

She gripped his hand tightly as they were led by the guards to the small room he'd managed to arrange for this meeting to take place in. He didn't want guards standing beside them, watching what she was going through and he didn't want an iron grating interfering in the conversation. When the door opened and she saw the man inside she turned to him and said firmly, "No."

"Natalie-" he tried to begin.

"I don't want to see him. I don't want to look at him. Let's go."

"We will," he assured her, "I don't think this will take long.

"I have nothing to say to him," she said through gritted teeth.

"He has something to say to you."

"I don't want to hear it," he could feel her fear turning into anger.

"You need to," he said, feeling his voice crack.

"No, she doesn't, McBain," Cristian said.

She turned her attention to him, "You stay out of it." Defiantly she marched into the room, "Okay, what is it? What did John drag me out here to hear you say?" Her eye landed on the pile of papers on the table, "What's this?"

She read over them as John motioned for the guard to shut the door behind him. "Divorce papers? I don't understand," she said as she looked over the papers, "Cristian is dead so I'm not married to him anymore. You're not Cristian so I was never married to you; I don't need a divorce from you either."

"It's just a formality," Cristian explained.

"Cris-" John began, fearing that Cristian was going to continue to dodge the actual revelation at hand.

"Don't call him that!" Natalie ordered, turning back to him, "He's not Cristian."

"Natalie, sit down," John said pulling out a chair for her.

"I'm not staying," she said crossing her arms.

"Please," he begged her.

Unhappily she complied. He sat down next to her and turned so that he could face her.

"Look, Natalie, you remember that I had you get some material for a DNA test on this man?"

She nodded, "Because you knew before any of us. You knew that he was an imposter. I was so angry with you, but you were right."

"I wasn't," he said.

"John," she said, "he confessed to it; confessed to being an imposter."

"But after he was sentenced I go the DNA results," he explained.

"So who is he?" she asked.

"Cristian Vega," he said.

She looked at Cristian and looked at John. "I don't understand."

"The man who was brainwashed into making us all believe he was Cristian Vega, into killing Tico and Antonio actually was Cristian all along."

"That doesn't make any sense," she said with a calm that could only be the result of complete denial.

"But it's the truth," Cristian said speaking up finally. "My memories have all come back. I am Cristian."

"If you were Cristian," she said with a hint of the anger she still felt towards this man still evident in her voice, "why are you still in prison? Why are you still being called John Doe? Why hasn't anyone told your family?"

"Because the only person who knew about it was McBain, and I made him promise not to tell anyone, especially you. Because I killed a man and I didn't want you to remember Cristian that way. Because I didn't want you waiting for me to get out of prison when I might never.

"No," she said firmly, her calm just starting to break, "No! Because Cristian wouldn't do this to me!" She turned to John as her whole body began to tremble, "You wouldn't do this to me! You love me! You told me this morning that you love me! You couldn't do this to me, because you love me. Please, John-"

"He was doing what I asked him to," Cristian explained. "I wanted you to be able to move on with your life."

"What is that?" she asked through angry tears, "is that part of the brainwashing too."

He shook his head, "No, Natalie, it's me wanting you to be happy. To make a life for yourself, and I'm so happy to know that you're doing that-"

Her hand went unconsciously to her stomach. "He told you? Oh God, Cristian, I am so sorry."

"Don't be," he urged her.

She picked up the papers suddenly and turned to John, "That's what this is about? This is all so that you could get me to sign these papers. This is so that my baby isn't born while I'm married to another man."

"This is so that our child isn't born surrounded by secrets," he said fighting back tears himself. "Natalie, I never wanted to keep this from you, I was trying to do what was right for you-"

"Shut up!" she said, "You didn't have any right to make that decision for me. Neither of you did." She threw the papers back on the table, "I'm not signing them."

"Natalie, forget about McBain for a minute," Cristian said putting his hand on the papers, "Sign them for me."

"Cristian, don't let him push you into this," she said.

"The only thing he's pushed me into is telling you."

She stared at the papers. "Why Cristian? Because you're in jail? We'll get you out; now that we know who you are we can appeal-"

"Natalie," he said with that same calm he'd had when John found him painting, "If they let me out of here tomorrow, the first thing I'd do would be to get you to sign these papers."

"Are you saying that you don't love me anymore?"

"I'm saying that I was programmed to kill on command. I killed Tico-"

"He deserved it," she interjected.

"What about Antonio?" he asked, "He's my brother and I almost killed him. Natalie I could kill you just as easily."

"Cristian you could never-" she stopped and laughed bitterly, "Well, I was about to say you couldn't hurt me, but you already did." She buried her face in her hands, "Somebody tell me this isn't true, this isn't happening. Tell me that the two men I've loved most in my life didn't conspire to keep the truth from me."

"Natalie," John said softly reaching out for her shoulder. She recoiled instantly.

"Don't touch me!" she spat. She brought a hand to her mouth suddenly, "I think I'm gonna be sick." She stood and ran to the door.

Over her shoulder John called for one of the guards outside to assist her. It took everything he had not to run after her, but he knew she wouldn't let him comfort her right now; he'd only make it worse. He turned to Cristian who hadn't moved but was shaking his head. "You just destroyed her, McBain. I hope it was worth that to ease your aching conscience."

He finally caught up with her outside the perimeter wall by the road. She'd stopped crying but still clutched a wadded up tissue in her hand. She held her arms crossed tightly over her chest and rocked back and forth on her feet. She must have heard him approach, but she didn't look over at him.

"Let's get you home," he finally said after a moment.

She turned to him with so much anger in her eyes that it caused him near physical pain, "I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Look you don't have to talk to me, you don't have to look at me, but you have to get home."

"I already called Rex," she explained, "he's on his way to pick me up."

He didn't know whether to be resentful of Rex's involvement in this or to be grateful that she still had someone to turn to for support. He could at least wait with her until then; he had no idea when she'd be willing to see him again after today. After a few minutes she realized he wasn't leaving and said without looking at him, "Leave, please."

"I'm not going to leave you standing out here by the road in the middle of no where, Natalie."

"I'm at a prison, there are guards everywhere, I think I'm pretty safe, John," she said. But she didn't argue further when he still refused to move. She didn't speak again until she caught sight of Rex's car. "He's here, you can leave."

Not allowing himself to think about how fast Rex must have been driving to get there so quickly he gently took hold of her upper arms and tried to meet her eyes. "Look," he said, "I can imagine how mad you are at me, and I- I don't know if we can work through this, or if you even want to, but please-" He took a deep breath to hold back the tears, "When I told you that I loved you I meant it and I need you to believe that. I'll give you as much time and space as you need, but remember that I love you and I love our child and, and if there's anyway-"

Rex's car pulled to a stop in front of them.

"Our child," she said. And then she laughed a laugh with no humor at all that chilled him to the core, "that's what this has all been about hasn't it. And the funny thing is you have no idea."

"No idea?"

She looked at him as she took hold of the car door handle. "It's not our child John. The baby isn't yours."

"What?" he asked stunned and trying to figure out who else it could belong to.

"It's your brother's," she said coldly as she climbed into the car.

He could hear her commanding Rex to drive, but he was paralyzed suddenly. It wasn't true, it couldn't be. She was just saying that to hurt him because he'd hurt her and she wanted to get back at him. But why would she say that when it would be so easy for him to find out the truth. And then he thought about Natalie and Michael and the tension which had always existed between them that wasn't quite dislike. And the fact that Natalie'd been hiding something from him right before they got together. And the expression on Michael's face when he saw them kissing that morning in the hallway. Michael had even asked him if he was sure he was the father. Well Natalie he couldn't talk to right now, but he could certainly talk to Michael.

"What's going on?" Rex asked as they drove away.

"I can't talk about it," Natalie said pulling her knees up onto the seat, curling into a ball.

"Natty, you look like hell," he said glancing sideways at her, "what were you doing at Statesville?"

"I have to leave town," she said not answering his question.

"Are you fleeing the law or-?"

"Just John," she said.

"And it's personal, not professional?" Rex verified.

"Yeah," she said softly.

Rex nodded, thinking for a moment. "Okay. How quickly? Do we need to head out now or do we have time to pack a bag?"

"No Rex," she said, "you don't have to come with me. Just take me to my car and-"

"Yeah, I don't think so," he said, "you aren't in any condition to drive. Plus if you're going to be hiding from McBain you need someone with experience eluding the police."

"I don't want to drag you into this," she said wearily.

"Well, I'm volunteering," he said, "and you aren't getting rid of me."

To weak to argue she said, "After the bombshell I just dropped he'll wait a little bit before he comes looking for me. We can pack as long as we do it quick."

"Okay," Rex said, "I'll drop you off at Llanfair. Pack some clothes, whatever you need, find as much cash as you can. I'll run to my place, throw some stuff in a bag, hit the ATM and come pick you up."

She nodded as she felt tears spilling from her eyes again. "Thank you."

He tracked Michael down at the hospital. "Johnny?" he asked surprised to see him there, "Is something wrong?"

"You could say that," John said nodding and barely keeping his cool.

"What is it? Is it Natalie? Something with the baby?" Michael sounded agitated, worried.

"As a matter of fact, it is," his older brother said scowling.

Michael's alarm grew as he looked around, "Well what is it? Is she here at the hospital?"

John shook his head, "It's not like that. Not a medical issue. Well I guess it kind of is, but not like that."

"I don't understand," Michael said blankly, "What is it?"

"I told Natalie something today that gave her a very good reason to hate me-"

"What did you tell her?" Michael asked in shock.

"That's not what I'm here to talk to you about," he said, reminding himself he was in a hospital and needed to keep his voice down. "As she was leaving she told me something crazy. And maybe it was just because she was angry; maybe she was just trying to hurt me back. Maybe it wasn't even true."

"Well what did she tell you?" Michael asked.

John fought to say the words and to say them calmly. "She told me that the baby was yours."

To be continued.

I will be leaving early next week for my cousin's wedding in Peru and will be gone about week. I hope to get at least one more chapter up before then, but no guarantees. I have some real world things to get done before then as well (aren't those a pain?). I won't be able to post while I'm there, but should be able to write, so at the very least I should have something when I get back (and once I translate it from spanglish).