Author's note: She returns from her voyage to deepest darkest Peru (so called because the power station's always the first thing blown up)! She has eaten enough ceviche to last a lifetime, deftly avoided eating cuy, and stayed awake during a two hour wedding mass! Have now somewhat recovered from the 14 hr plane ride. Look what I brought back for you all!

Some material at the beginning of this chapter was originally in the earlier version of Chapter 13 (see note on Ch 13 for why). I apologize for the inconvenience. I do suggest reading the revised scenes in this chapter as one has a piece of information which will be important later.

Again, I apologize profusely for poor editing in the first place. To make it up to you all, I'm sending you all virtual pisco sours (because Peru has a national cocktail!) or for those of you underage or who do not drink, San Cayetano Pomelo Rosa (because if you've never had Red Pomelo flavored soda your life is lacking in meaning on a level you will never know…) Okay… still somewhat punchy from the plane ride…

Natalie woke up feeling stiff and achy, almost feverish. She groaned as she raised herself up to sitting. Her mother had once remarked that when she was pregnant she felt better than any other time in her life—if this was what it felt like her mother was clearly remembering it through rose-colored nostalgia glasses. Perhaps it had been the long car ride and the fact that she hadn't been moving around much that was making her so stiff. At least the caffeine headache had finally dissipated, she told herself, looking longingly at the coffee pot. Funny, she thought, if it weren't for the baby she probably would be waking up with quite a different sort of headache. Ordinarily she would have dealt with her situation by drinking herself into oblivion. Not so much an option now.

She staggered to the sink despite the stabbing pains in her ankles and knees to splash some hot water on her face. The warm water not only helped clear her eyes and mind, it felt good on her fingers. It was only as they began to relax that she realized how stiff and sore they'd been. She looked at the clock; it was nearly noon and Rex was still asleep. Her internal clock had been completely thrown off, and she doubted Rex's was set to 'normal people time' to begin with. Hoping a hot shower would do for her aching body what the hot water had done for her hands she stepped into the bathroom.

When she emerged, feeling marginally better, Rex was awake and sitting at the foot of his bed looking dazed. "Morning," he said groggily.

"Afternoon," she pointed out.

He looked at the clock and rolled his eyes. Natalie flopped back down on the bed with a groan. "How you feeling?" Rex asked.

"A bit like I got run over by a car," she confessed.

"A car named John McBain?" he supplied.

Almost as in on command at the sound of his name she curled into a ball on her side and said weakly, "Can we please not talk about him?"

Somehow or another Rex suspected that agreeing to her request was not the thing to do. He walked over and sat beside her. "Are you going to be okay?" he asked.

Her eyes moved like she'd heard him and was thinking about the question, but she didn't answer.

"Natty, you're really starting to scare me," he finally said. "Normally when a guy pisses you off you get mad and fight back. You don't just curl up and hide. What's going on?"

"Cristian's alive," she said in a tone just above a whisper.

"Again?" he asked regretting it immediately, he knew that sounded more flip than he intended. Fortunately, she didn't seem to notice.

"The imposter wasn't an imposter. It really was Cristian. John had a DNA test run."

"Why would McBain be running a DNA test on this guy out of the blue?" he asked.

"He didn't," she said, "he had the test run before the guy confessed, to prove he was an imposter."

"And he's known all this time?" Rex asked. It didn't make sense; John McBain might have his bad points, but he could usually be counted on for honesty at least.

"He found out just after that man… after Cristian was sentenced." Natalie's voice sounded distant, numb, but at least she was talking.

"And he didn't say anything?"

"Cristian asked him not to," she murmured.

"That's why you were at Statesville," Rex figured out aloud, "you were talking to him."

"John convinced him to tell me," she continued, "because of the baby. So I told him… Rex, I told John the baby isn't his."

Rex thought about it, "Is that the story we're gonna go with?"

"What?" she asked.

"Do you want to keep him from the baby? Tell him it's not his?"

"I don't know," she whispered. "I don't know what to do." Tears spilled out of her eyes.

"Hey," Rex said stroking her hair in a gesture of almost parental concern, "you have time to think about it, okay. You don't have to decide everything right now. The only thing I need you to decide immediately is if you're just getting out of town to clear your head or if we're really running from McBain."

She looked up at him clearly not understanding. "As it stands we're going to be pretty easy to find," he explained, "if you want to hide from him we're going to need new ID's, ditch your credit cards, the car, that kind of thing. If you're just looking for space we can relax a little bit."

Natalie sat up and looked into her brother's eyes; he'd though this all through so carefully. "What would I have done with out you?"

"You took care of me when we were younger, so I figure it's my turn. Y'know be the protective big brother for a little bit."

She wrinkled her nose at him, "You're younger than me."

"Note please I said 'bigger' not older. I may still be younger than you, but now I'm bigger than you."

"Give it a few months," she said with a groan. After a pause she added, "John's really good at what he does. If he wants to find me he will."

"I'm good at what I do too," Rex countered.

"What about you?" she asked, "I can't ask you to just give up your life in Llanview just to help me with my messed up personal life."

He smiled wistfully, "I don't have much of a life in Llanview anyway." Natalie wrapped an arm around his shoulder, knowing he was thinking of Jen.

"Well I'm not hiding," she said, "I didn't get to know my real parents for so many years… I can't keep my baby from its father… whoever that turns out to be. And I have a life in Llanview, a family… Mom! Mom was coming home yesterday, Rex, I totally forgot. She's probably worried sick."

"I called your Uncle Bo already," he confessed. "I'm sure he'll let her know. So we're going home?"

"Not yet," she said flopping back on the pillows, "I'm not ready to face that quite yet."

A few days later John was staring at a computer screen, having broken his promise to Bo not to let the situation with Natalie distract him, when there was a knock at the door. Turning the monitor where it wouldn't be visible he called out, "Come in."

He was surprised when Antonio Vega walked in. "Got a sec?" Antonio asked.

"Of course," John said.

Antonio settled into the chair across from him. "I just got back from Europe. You'll never guess who called me yesterday."

Natalie? John thought hopefully, but he didn't guess aloud.

"Cristian," Antonio said leaning back leisurely in his chair.

He wasn't angry. That was strange. Antonio Vega was hardly known for an ability to keep his emotions in check, so if he had just discovered that John had been lying about Cristian, why wasn't John sprawled out on the floor? And then he realized, "You knew?"

Antonio nodded. "Not as soon as you did, apparently, but for a while now."

"How-?"

"Couple months ago I used some connections to get in to see him. Wanted to see if he knew anything that could help me figure out who wants me dead. And he was working on this painting-"

"Of Natalie?" John supplied.

Antonio shook his head, "I saw that one, but that one I might have believed. No there was this painting of the apartment we lived in as kids, with Mami in the kitchen. They couldn't have taught an imposter about that. That's when I realized my brother was alive."

"I'm sorry," John said, waiting for the angry words he felt must be coming.

"It was his idea to keep it from us, I know Cristian well enough to know that," Antonio said, "but now I hear you decided to tell her." He didn't have to specify who the "her" was, they both knew they were talking about Natalie.

John nodded.

"Cris didn't think she took it very well."

"About like you'd expect," he said.

"So where is she now?"

"Hotel in upstate New York," he said motioning to the computer screen, "at least that's where I tracked Rex Balsom's car to. Doesn't seem to be abandoned yet."

"So why aren't you there?" Antonio asked.

John sighed. "You know how sometimes a girl runs out of the room because she wants to get away from you and sometimes she does it because she wants you to follow?"

"Yeah?" Antonio said.

"I never learned the difference," John admitted. "I don't know whether she wants to see me or not."

"Can I make a suggestion?" Antonio asked.

Natalie had spent enough time watching her brother surfing through the hundred or so channels on the hotel room television. When she'd packed her bag she'd thought only about toiletries and clothes, she hadn't thought about anything to occupy her time with. She wished she brought some mindless novel to keep her occupied and take her mind off things. She wondered how long the clothes she'd brought were going to last her—would she be ready to go home by the time they no longer fit?

Ignoring the lingering pain and stiffness in her arms and legs she swung her feet to the floor. Maybe she needed to get up and move around. That would give her something to do and possibly make her feel better physically. "I'm gonna go for a walk," she announced.

"Want me to come with?" Rex asked.

"Nah," she said reaching for her shoes, "I'd kind of like to go by myself. Do some thinking."

"Okay," he said adopting a sudden paternal tone, "just be careful. Don't go too far."

Rolling her eyes she assured him, "I won't. And I won't talk to strangers and I'll look both ways before crossing the street."

"Good," he said switching his attention back to the television.

"That's strange," she said a moment later still fumbling with her shoes.

"What?"

"My shoes don't fit," she said staring at her feet. "I think my feet must be swollen."

"Doesn't that happen to pregnant women," he asked.

"Not this early," she said. "At least I don't think so."

Sitting up with much more serious concern he asked. "Do I need to get you to a doctor?"

She thought for a moment before shaking her head. "Not yet. It's not that bad and I think it just started. If it gets worse or doesn't go away…"

"Okay," Rex nodded, "just let me know."

Finally after removing her socks and taking out the arch supports from her shoes Natalie got the shoes on her feet and left.

She had only been gone a few minutes when the hotel room phone rang. Worried something had happened with to Natalie Rex dove for it. "Hello?"

"Um… yes sir this is Mike at the front desk. You asked to be notified if someone came here asking questions about you or your sister."

"I take it someone did?"

"Yes sir," the concierge said, "but not the man you described to me."

"Really?" Rex asked, "What did he look like?"

"Latin. Not very tall. Real short hair." Rex was confused. From the description he was fairly certain it was Antonio, but why would Antonio be there? "He's in the hotel bar, sir," Mike added.

"Thanks," Rex said, reaching for his own shoes, "I'll be right down there."

He found Antonio sitting a high top table in the hotel bar looking as though he had expected someone to come find him. He nodded calmly when he saw Rex walking towards him. "McBain send you?" Rex demanded.

"He knows I'm here," Antonio replied taking a sip of his drink, "but he didn't ask me to come. How's Natalie?"

"Not too good," Rex said irritably. "You can thank your buddy for that."

"It's not all John's fault," Antonio said studying Rex's face. "How much do you know about what's going on?"

Simultaneously Rex tried to study Antonio's face to see how much he knew. If Antonio didn't already know about Cristian, he didn't want to be the one to tell him. "I think she pretty much told me everything," he finally settled on saying.

"So you know about Cris?" Antonio asked.

"Yeah."

Antonio nodded. "I'm glad you're being protective of her," he said, "And I understand it, I would be the same way if it were Adriana. But I need to talk to her."

Rex looked at him steadily, "We'll leave it up to her."

When Natalie returned from her walk feeling considerably less stiff though no less sore, she was surprised to find Rex wasn't alone in the room; Antonio sat in the armchair by the window. She paused at the door, momentarily tempted to run. Rex stood up and took a couple steps towards her. "Natty, I hope I didn't screw up too badly by letting him in here, but he already knew we were here so I figured there was no point trying to hide. You don't have to talk to him if you don't want."

"It's okay," she said dropping her purse on the floor. "Actually, Rex, could you give us a minute."

Rex nodded and walked towards the door. As he passed her he looked her in the eye and said, "I'll be in the bar. You need anything or he pisses you off, just come get me."

"I'll be fine," she reassured him. When the door closed behind him she turned to Antonio but didn't walk any closer. "How's Jessica?" she asked.

"She's okay. I got her settled in at the clinic then she sent me home. Your mom's home too."

"I know," she said softly. "Did John send you?"

"No," Antonio said, "Cristian did."

She stared at him in shock realizing what he was telling her, "How long have you known?"

"A couple of months."

She sank down on the corner of the bed farthest from him, "Did everyone know but me? Was this, like, some sort of big in joke?"

"I'm the only other person who knows," he said calmly, "and nobody's been laughing."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked anger starting to flare.

"Because Cris asked me not to. And because I think he made the right decision."

"How can you say that?" she demanded, "You know what we all went through-me, your mother-"

"There was no perfect choice," he said, "no way not to hurt somebody. Cris wanted to keep you safe and give you a chance to be happy-"

She snorted, "Yeah, that's worked out real well." She let herself fall down on her back the rest of the way to the bed.

Antonio got up and sat on the other bed so that he was closer to her, "How are you doing?"

"Oh I'm just great, Antonio," she said looking up at the ceiling, "Except, you know, the part about my sister having multiple personalities and my husband being alive but hiding it from me. And being pregnant with a baby that either belongs to the man I love, who's been lying to me the whole time we've been together, or his brother. But yeah, you know, aside from that I'm fine."

"You should be at home," he said.

"I can't go back yet," she said, "I can't face him."

"John knows where you are."

Natalie turned her head so that she could look at Antonio, "You think he's gonna show up?"

"I think the only reason he hasn't already is that he realizes you need your space."

She sighed. "The thing is… right now is exactly the kind of time when I need John. When he's always there for me. But not this time. This time he can't be there for me because I can't stand to look at him."

"Well if you need anything you know you can always come to me," he said. "And your mother cares about you a lot. She's worried about you."

"Tell her I'm okay," Natalie asked.

"Tell her yourself," Antonio suggested. "Look I understand if you're too mad at John to see him, but there's no reason you can't be in Llanview. If you come back he'll give you your space. I promise you. It's been your home longer than it's been his; you shouldn't leave because of him."

She thought for a long moment before finally rolling onto her side and saying, "Okay. Tomorrow. I don't have the energy to pack right now."

He stared at the file trying to make the information in it go past his eyes and into his brain; it wasn't working. There had been a time when he coped with emotional upheaval by losing himself in his work so why couldn't he do that now? Why was he unable to think about anything but Natalie and the baby and the look in her eyes as she'd climbed into Rex's car?

Antonio had called three days ago to say she was coming home but didn't want to see him yet. He'd heard nothing since then. He'd run into Rex at Rodi's the night before and he had icily informed him that the only reason he hadn't gotten a pool cue upside his head was because Natalie had ordered him not to. So she didn't want him dead—that was good news. Or she wanted the pleasure of doing it herself; she certainly had the right. Well, at least if she came to kill him he'd get to see her again.

There was a tentative knock on his office door. "Yeah," he called out.

The door opened partway and Natalie stuck her head in. "Got a minute?" she asked somberly.

Stunned he stammered, "Of course." He half stood up, fighting the impulse to run to her and take her in his arms.

She held up a hand to warn him against moving closer. "I need you to stay over there," she said. "I have trouble thinking clearly when I get too close to you."

He sank back into his chair as she sat stiffly in the opposite chair. "I'm starting back to work tomorrow," she informed him. "Uncle Bo said before I could come back you and I had to clear the air between us. Enough that we can work together."

"If you're not ready-" he tried to offer, even though he couldn't bare the idea of her leaving yet.

"No," she said, "we need to do this." He nodded.

"I tried to go back and see Cristian, but he won't see me," she said. "He and Antonio are going to find a way to tell their mother, but he still doesn't want it getting out as general knowledge."

"I'm sorry," he started to say but she held out her hand again.

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad, John," she said, "I know you well enough to know you don't need my help with that. I'm just trying to explain. I know hiding his identity was Cristian's idea. Not just because you've all told me so, but because I know Cristian and that's exactly the kind of thing he'd do. And part of me is just as angry at him as I am at you; even though I'm so relieved to find out he's alive."

"Do you-?" he stopped himself realizing he didn't have any right to ask what he'd been about to.

"Do I still love him?" she supplied. "Yes. But you knew that. I still love you too, it's not something you can just turn off. The whole time we were together you knew that I loved him. I mean, you still love Caitlin… so that's not really that issue. What you want to know is if I want to be with him?"

"Do you?" he asked, dreading her answer.

She toyed with the long strings on her belt. "It's not an option," she said. "No more than it was when I thought he was dead. He and Antonio have made that very clear."

"But what do you want?" he pressed.

She smiled wryly at him, "Oh I get a choice now? There's a change."

"I told Cris I thought it should be your decision," he said, as if that excused his role in the scenario.

"I know," she said blinking her eyes furiously, trying to hold back the tears that were rapidly collecting in them. "Honestly, John, I want to curl up into a ball and disappear. But that's not an option either."

"I'm sorry," he said, "I'm the last person who should be pushing you about this."

"Maybe," she said, "but we need to talk about these things. There's a lot we need to talk about."

"I don't know what I can say-" he began.

"Fine then," she said bitterly, "I'll talk. Jump in whenever you feel up to it. She paused and took a deep breath the looking him in the eyes she said, "I know you were trying to protect me, John. I know you didn't want me to get hurt anymore than Cristian did, but I don't think either of you realizes how much you hurt me. I'm not even talking about finding out I'd been lied to; I think you might understand that more or less. But John, do you know what it did to me thinking that I'd been sharing my life, my bed, my body with a stranger? A monster who was just pretending to be my husband."

"I saw what it did to you," he said, "I know you went through a really tough time."

She shook her head, "John, you didn't see half of it. My life, my past, my body had been violated. Used. It was almost- I imagine it felt a lot like waking up and realizing someone had slipped you something the night before. You don't have to remember the violence of being raped, but you know what happened."

She was right, he'd seen how she had taken finding out Cristian was an imposter, knew she felt bad about herself afterwards, but to hear her put it in those terms made him sick. Made him wonder how she could even be in the same room with him.

She continued. "After Cristian died in Vegas I kept sleeping with his pillow. It still smelled like him. The smell faded, of course, but I kept sleeping with it. It made me feel like he was still with me; it was comforting. After I found out the man who'd been in my bed wasn't Cristian, that pillow still smelled like him. So I had to put it away. You took that away from me. You and Cristian. I slept on the floor because I couldn't face my own bed. John, you and Cristian did that to me and I need for you to understand that."

He fought back tears, fought back the urge to wrap his arms around her—she wouldn't let him comfort her now, he knew that. "I never meant to—I am so sorry-" He drew his hands down his face.

"I know," she said softly, "I just needed you to know what I'm going through."

He nodded. "I guess I'm lucky you're even willing to talk with me."

"Yeah," she said softly, turning her attention back to her belt strings she added, "There's something else I need to tell you, in the interest of full disclosure."

He wondered if this had something to do with Michael and the baby and he tried to steel himself for whatever it was.

"When Cristian was back with me," she began then paused and bit her lip as though she was having trouble getting up the courage to say whatever it was, "while we were together… I had dreams about you."

This was unexpected. "What kind of dreams?"

She blushed. "The kind married women aren't supposed to have about men who aren't their husbands."

"Ah," he said telling his heart it didn't have any right to leap at this revelation.

"And after… I told myself it was just because subconsciously I knew it wasn't really Cristian. That theory's kinda been blown out of the water. I guess what I'm telling you is…. If I had had the opportunity to choose between you and Cris… well it would have been complicated."

He nodded, "Well complicated is something we do pretty well."

"Speaking of which," she said, "Michael's cheek is a lovely shade of purple.

His heart sank; she'd gone to see Michael before seeing him. What did that mean?

She seemed to read his thoughts because looking at him steadily she explained, "I ran into him at the hospital. I was having some tests run."

"Everything okay?" he asked wondering if he had the right to ask about the baby.

"Yeah," she said, "I have an ultrasound scheduled soon. When I know something I'll let you know. What I need to know from you before that is…" She trailed off, taking a deep breath, collecting her thoughts. "John, I am trying to work through what you and Cris did. I don't know how I'll feel about it once I can come to terms with it, or if I can, but I'm working on it. But I need to know, John, if this baby turns out to be Michael's, does it even matter whether I can forgive you? Will you be able to forgive me?"

"I don't have any right to be angry with you," he said, "not after what I've done."

"But you are," she said, "and it doesn't matter what you have a right to feel if you feel it. I'm sorry for hiding it from you."

He looked at her curiously, "Sounds like you aren't sorry for doing it?"

"I am," she said, "for myself, for Michael, for my poor baby who's gotten dragged into this. But you were with someone else and pushing me away every chance you got, so I'm not going to apologize to you for that."

"Okay," he said having no idea how to respond.

"But you haven't answered my question," she said, "If this is Michael's baby, will you still want to be with me?"

He tried to imagine being with Natalie and raising Michael's child. "You want me to be honest," he said slowly, "It's gonna complicate things. I'm not going to pretend that it won't."

She nodded slowly, studying his face. "Okay," she said after a moment, "I'll see you tomorrow, then. I'll get back to you as soon as I know anything." She stood to go.

"Natalie," he said just before she reached the door, silently pleading with her not to leave before he could tell her how much he wanted to make things up to her. That it didn't matter about the baby, because he still loved her. He probably couldn't have managed the words anyway, but she cut him off.

"We both have things to work through, John. We both need time."

To be continued.

(Translation from the author's note: Ceviche-national dish of Peru. It's seafood in limejuice with onions and chiles and stuff. Not honestly my favorite thing, but it can be great. Cuy- guinea pig. Yes, they eat that too. Pisco-white grape brandy, Peru's national alcohol.)