Disclaimer: I still don't own these people; they are the property of the mouse.
There's a moment of dialog which is shamelessly stolen (paraphrased) from an episode of OltL years ago. I stole it 'cause I thought it was really beautiful and it worked well here. Fifty cool points to anyone who spots it.
Author's note: Thank everyone for all the feedback and support thus far. We're continuing the trend of random jumps in time, hope you can all keep up. This baby is almost finished! (hmm… in context I suppose 'baby' has multiple meanings… not intentional)
John discovered he was developing an addiction to watching Natalie. He stood at a distance as she moved around the filing cabinet in a loose fitting blue top that tied underneath her breasts which had grown even more pronounced with the pregnancy. Everything about her glowed and there was something surprisingly sexy about it. He found he had a barely suppressible urge to wrap his arms around her…
Suddenly she winced and gripped the edge of the cabinet.
"Natalie," he asked stepping forward as she quickly recovered from whatever it was. He limped every so slightly, the brace had come off his leg two weeks before, but it wasn't quite back to normal. "You okay?" he asked her.
"Yeah," she said smiling at him before wincing again.
"No you're not. What is it?"
"It's nothing," she said walking over to her desk.
"Natalie-" he asked, silently begging her not to shut him out of whatever this was.
Turning back to him she said matter-of-factly, "I've changed my mind, I think it's a boy."
"What brought that on?" he asked. They had developed a good natured argument over the still unknown sex of their child and he was surprised to hear her giving in suddenly.
"Because," she said walking closer to him and lowering her voice, "your child thinks it's funny to keep kicking my bladder. No girl would be that insensitive."
He smiled at this revelation, "So that's why you were wincing."
"Yes," she sighed. She looked at him looking at her for a moment and suddenly took him by the hand. "Come here," she said leading him into his office.
"What?" he asked as she closed the door behind him.
Wordlessly she took his hand and placed it under her shirt on her rounded belly. Nothing happened for a second and suddenly he felt it. She smiled watching his face light up, feeling his child move for the first time. "That's…" he trailed off unable to find words for what this felt like.
"Pretty intense, huh?" she said knowingly.
"Yeah," he said in wonder. He raised his eyes to her and stared deep into them, "Thank you."
She stared back into his eyes and for a moment neither of them moved. Slowly the significance of the moment started to sink in on both of them; feeling their baby kick would have been profound enough, but this was about so much more. They were standing there, his hand on her bare stomach and any reservations she'd had about him touching her seemed to have vanished. It was a shockingly intimate moment. He edged closer to her; she was breathing heavily and her face was flushed.
"You okay?" he asked softly.
"Yeah," she assured him.
"Your face is a little red," he said brushing it with his free hand, "this isn't-?"
She smiled and speaking close to his ear said, "I don't think this has anything to do with the lupus or the pregnancy. I think it's pretty much just you."
He ran his hand over her hair and let it rest on the back of her head pulling her face up towards his—
And suddenly the door swung wide open. "Oops!" said Rex who had half stepped through before he realized what he was interrupting. The moment shattered John and Natalie stepped away from each other and he let his hand drop off her stomach.
"What are you doing here?" Natalie asked pulling on the hem of her top.
"They said you were in here, I just wanted to see if you were ready," he explained. "They didn't say what you were doing in here-"
"Lunch. Right," she said remembering they'd made plans earlier. Turning back to John she said, "We were just going to grab something to eat if you want to come along-"
"He doesn't," Rex answered for him. She turned back to him and glared. "Lieutenant McBain is a very busy man," he explained. "And besides that this is supposed to be brother-sister bonding time. Once that kid pops out you're not gonna have anytime for that. I need my big sister fix," he said making puppy dog eyes, "Alone."
"Ah," Natalie said reading between the lines, "so you've got girl trouble."
Rex held out his arms to the side as if to prove he wasn't hiding anything, "Did I say that?"
Natalie smirked at him walking towards the door and patting him on the head as she passed, "Just let me run to the ladies' room and I'll be ready."
Rex started to follow her out the door but paused and once she was out of earshot turned back to John with his arms crossed. "What are your intentions towards my sister, McBain?"
John raised an eyebrow, "Um… she's five months pregnant with my child, don't you think it's a little late to be asking that?"
Rex shook his head, "I don't think it's ever too late to warn you that if you break Nattie's heart again, I'll kill you. And I'm pretty sure the Buchanans will help me cover it up."
John nodded slowly considering this. "If I ever break Natalie's heart again, you can kill me. I hope you do."
"Just so we're clear," Rex said giving him one last meaningful glance before slinking out of the room.
"How was lunch?" John asked later that afternoon when he found an excuse to walk by her desk.
"Great," she said smiling up at him and bringing a hand to her chest, "Except I think I ate too much and now I have really bad heartburn."
"Ah," he said not quite having expected so blunt an answer.
"I'm sorry," she said, "You don't want to hear about that."
"No, I do," he assured her, walking to the edge of her desk, "Really, it makes me feel like I'm more a part of this."
"Well good," she said, "'cause you are a part of this." She fixed his eyes with her own for a moment, absentmindedly she ran her hand over her stomach before turning back to her work.
"So Rex has girl trouble?" he asked, not wanting to move away just yet.
Natalie rolled her eyes as sorted through papers on her desk. "Yeah, nothing new. I just wish he would stop getting involved with girls that are involved with members of my family. I mean he married the same woman as one of my brothers and now he's plotting to steal my nephew's girlfriend-"
"Really?" John asked, surprised that Rex would zero in on Adriana.
"Yeah," Natalie said standing up and walking to the filing cabinet, "And I'm not saying I think he's wrong, so much as I'm saying it puts me in an awkward position at family gatherings, y'know."
"Well not from personal experience," he smiled, "but I can imagine."
She shut the filing cabinet and leaned against it, breathing heavily again.
"Natalie?" he asked taking a step towards her.
"I'm fine," she breathed. "Just got a little winded for a second."
"Take it easy," he cautioned her.
"I will," she said, but rather than resting she walked to the coffee pot and began refilling it.
"How's the move going?" he asked half sitting on the edge of her desk.
"Slowly," she groaned. "Kelly's pretty much moved out, but I really haven't been able to motivate myself to pack. And then the nursery furniture was delivered the other day while I was out and Kevin and Duke decided to set it up without asking me and somehow managed to break something, so we have to wait for it to be replaced."
"Well next time, tell them if they need help, I'm available," John said. Not that assembling furniture was something he had much practice at, but he felt a pang of jealousy at the knowledge that someone else had been setting up his child's furniture without him. He didn't even have an idea what the furniture looked like. There were parts of expectant fatherhood which he was missing out on because of the gap between him and Natalie.
"You're always welcome to come help me decorate," she said catching the distant look in his eye and wanting to bring him back.
"Not really my strong suit," he admitted.
Rounding her desk she seemed about to respond before she stopped suddenly and bent over supporting herself on the desk.
"Natalie?" he asked shifting his weight back on to his feet.
"I'm okay," she said bringing a hand to her chest, she was out of breath again, "I just had this weird pain."
"Is it the baby?" he asked in alarm.
She shook her head, "No, it's higher than that." Cautiously she started to stand up but swayed and might have fallen if John hadn't quickly caught her in his arms. He eased her back into her chair; she was breathing quickly and shallowly and her lips were white. There was fear in her eyes which he knew was also in his own as she whimpered, "Something's wrong."
Author's note #2: Okay, you didn't really think I'd let them go a whole chapter without a new crisis, did you?
"First of all," Dr. Paige Miller said to them trying to sound cheerful, "the baby appears to be fine. Dr. Conklin's on her way in, just to make sure."
"So what's wrong with me," Natalie asked, gripping John's hand.
"You've developed something called pericarditis," she said, "which is-"
"I know what it is," Natalie said, "I've been through it with my mom."
"What is it?" John asked tensely.
"It's an inflammation of the sac around the heart," she explained, "It fills with fluid and puts pressure on the heart muscle, that's what caused the pain and shortness of breath."
"Is this related to the lupus?" Natalie asked.
Paige nodded. "Probably. It's not uncommon in lupus patients."
"But you can- can you stop it?" John stammered.
Paige gave him a reassuring smile, "Usually. This is actually something that can go away by itself with no permanent damage, but I'm going to prescribe a short course of steroids to see if we can make the inflammation go away quickly. If it doesn't, we can try draining the fluid off, but for now I'd rather avoid that, simply because it does carry a very slight risk for the baby."
"But the steroids are safe?" John asked.
"Absolutely," she said. Paige paused and sighed, "There is one other problem."
"What?" Natalie asked pulling John's hand close to her chest.
"Your blood pressure is dangerously high," she told her, "something called preeclampsia, which can lead to seizures, so we're going to start you on treatment for that as well. I really expect you and the baby will be fine, but you're not going anywhere for a while. You may very well be spending the rest of your pregnancy here with us so that you and the baby can be monitored."
Tears came to Natalie's eyes which she squeezed shut as she nodded, "Whatever I have to do."
John smoothed the hair away from her forehead. "I'm sorry," she sobbed turning to him.
"Shh," he said soothingly, "it's not your fault."
"I should have been more careful," she said, her voice cracking.
"It's unlikely you would have been able to prevent this," Paige said, "The best thing you can do for you and the baby right now is rest and try to remain calm."
Dr. Conklin walked in at that moment with a reassuring smile. "Natalie, how are you two doing?" she asked as Paige handed her a clipboard.
Blinking back tears Natalie didn't answer as the doctor looked over her chart.
"Well fetal heart rate is good. Better than Mom's at this point I'd say."
Natalie nodded. 'Better than Dad's too,' John thought to himself.
Dr. Conklin looked up at them, "I'd like to run an ultrasound, just to make sure everything's okay. Who knows, maybe the baby will be more cooperative this time and we can figure out whether you need to start buying pink or blue while we're at it."
"I already settled on yellow," Natalie said trying to force a smile.
Dr. Conklin left to get the ultrasound techs but Paige lingered for a moment. "You know," she said, "your uncle tells me that there's a betting pool going at the station about whether it's a boy or a girl."
"Why am I not surprised?" John said hoarsely. He was trying to sound cheerful, trying to sound calm for Natalie and the baby, but he was scared. To think that when he'd first found out about the baby he had been so preoccupied with all the secrets between them and now they all seemed so insignificant. The thought of Natalie angry with him, hating him even, was nothing compared to the fear of losing her or the baby altogether.
Dr. Conklin managed to arrange the ultrasound quickly and still holding hands John and Natalie watched breathlessly as she studied the images. "Everything looks fine," she announced.
"Thank God!" Natalie whispered in a tone that was more a genuine prayer of thankfulness than a casual exclamation.
"And she must know you're having a bad day because she decided to cooperate this time."
"She?" John asked making sure he understood the doctor correctly.
"Yes," she said, "Congratulations, you're having a baby girl."
"You were right," he said caressing the hair at Natalie's temple.
"Of course I was," she said smiling genuinely for the first time since they'd arrived.
After Dr. Conklin finished they moved her to another room. John left her only briefly to call her family and let them know what was happening. Returning to her room he sat down beside her and she reached for his hand.
"I think I might have bruised this earlier," she said holding his hand up, "I know I was squeezing you pretty hard."
"It's okay," he said.
Looking into his eyes, her own still wet with tears she was barely holding in she said, "I'm scared John."
"I know," he admitted, "me too. But it's going to be okay."
"You don't know that," she said softly looking away.
"Hey," he said gently nudging her face back towards his, "I know you. And I know us. And it's true that bad things keep happening to us, but you know what I've noticed? We always make it through them. So I know you're going to get through this. You and our baby girl."
He let his free hand brush lightly over her stomach. She placed her hand over it and held it there. "Our baby girl," she said in wonder, "I know you kept telling me I was wrong- that it wasn't a girl… but you're not disappointed are you?"
He shook his head, "Not at all. I knew you were probably right; I was just giving you a hard time. As long as she's healthy… No, I'm actually glad it's a girl."
"Me too," a voice said from the doorway as a familiar blond figure stepped in, "there are enough Buchanan men, I'm sick of being out numbered."
"Jessica?" Natalie asked, surprised but lighting up.
"Hey!" she said walking in and giving her sister as much of a hug as she could with Natalie in bed.
"I didn't know you were coming back," Natalie said, "How are you doing?"
"Really good," Jessica said smiling, "I tried to go surprise you at the station, but they told me you were here. Am I interrupting?"
"No," John said standing up, "in fact, I'll leave you two alone to catch up. I have some phone calls to make."
He stepped into the hallway thinking to call his brother, but saw Michael walking towards him instead.
"I just heard," Michael said, "how's she doing?"
"Okay, I guess," John said running a hand over his hair. "I don't know, you tell me. I don't understand any of this medical stuff."
"Well, it's serious," Michael admitted, "but it's not that rare. The doctors here know how to handle it, they should be fine."
John stared into space, not really looking at anything, thinking. "How are you doing?" Michael asked him.
He shrugged. "I'm fine," he said, "but I just… it's like nothing can go right for us, you know."
"Well look on the bright side," Michael said reaching for something comforting, "after this, dealing with this kid as a teenager should be a breeze."
John didn't laugh at Michael's joke, he didn't even smile. Instead he said, "You know, a while back, Natalie told me she was afraid to trust me with her heart. I'm going to trust her heart to you, Michael. You and Dr. Miller and anyone else that can make sure she and the baby are okay."
"Well then I guess she'd better be okay," Michael said, "Cause I swore if you ever trusted me again I wouldn't let you down."
"So seriously," Natalie said studying her sister's face, "How are you doing?"
"Really, really well," she said, "I am fully integrated. I'm going to stay in therapy here, but I am home to stay."
"That's good," Natalie said smiling.
"I thought I was getting home in time to plan you a fabulous shower, but you kinda went and put a damper on that."
"Believe me," Natalie said, "it wasn't my idea."
"I know," Jessica said, "I'm just trying to make you smile." Adopting a scolding tone she added, "By the way, you are a terrible letter writer."
"Sorry," Natalie said sheepishly, "it's just things have been kind of crazy."
"I know," Jessica said softly, "Mom and Antonio have kept me pretty well up to date. How are things between you and John?"
"I don't know," Natalie said, "I mean we seem to be getting closer. And we've worked through a lot. Today he's just been wonderful through all this. I just… I don't know what's wrong with me, but every now and then I remember what he did… and I get angry all over again. He's beating himself up enough, so I try not to let it show, but-"
"Don't feel like you have to hide it from him," Jessica said, "it's probably better if you both acknowledge it. Otherwise it's going to be impossible to work through."
"Are John and I going to be terrible parents?" Natalie asked fearfully.
"No!" Jessica laughed, "What would make you think that?"
"Because we're both so screwed up. And our relationship is so messed up and-"
"Listen," Jessica said firmly, "Antonio told me that he talked to you when he was worried about me and that you said something which gave him the courage to keep fighting for us. And that was that when two people love each other, in the end that's all that matters. You and John love each other, anyone can see that. And I can see how much you both love this baby. In the end, that's what's going to make you wonderful parents."
It was four weeks later that John got the call as he was preparing to leave work. He saw Michael's name on the caller ID. "What is it Mikey?" he asked flipping the phone open.
"Hey, John," Michael said solemnly. "I'm at the hospital. I think you need to get down here."
"What's wrong?" John asked grabbing his coat, "Is it Natalie?"
"She's fine," Michael said, "the baby's fine, but you need to come down here."
"On my way," he said heading out the door.
To be continued.
Author's note #3: Okay, another cliff hanger ending, but not as bad as some I've given you. And the good news is the next chapter is mostly written already so it may be up as early as tomorrow. Also, I hate coming up with names, so if any of you have suggestions for this kid feel free to email them.