Second H/D Songfic, but with a little more text this time...
Based on the song Sucky Love Song by SoulDecision
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If I didn't love you so madly
and if I didn't want you so badly
maybe you could see who I am
and I wouldn't act such a fool
« What do you want Potter ». I sneer at the glaring boy sitting beside me. Why the bloody hell did Snape pair us together for Potions. He just wants to see me suffer. It amuses him to see his own godson playing with his own mind, insulting the boy-who-lived when all his heart and soul wants to do is tell him how beautiful he is and how much he's loved.
If I didn't love you so dearly
and if I didn't want you so near to me
maybe I could show you my heart
and you'd fall for me too
I sit here, beside him, thinking that's the closest I'll probably ever get to him. As if on cue, he sneers at me, with a little « What do you want Potter » and, not able to say anything else, I simply glare and come back to my own thoughts. Yes, that's the farthest our nonexistent relationship is ever going to go. Paired in Potions. Insulting, sneering, glaring hitting. That's the relationship we have. And even if, by a miracle, he did return the intense and deep feelings I have for hi, I would probably deny everything. Even if it killed me. Because if I ever told him I loved him like I do, he would be killed by Voldemort, like everyone else I ever loved. And wouldn't be able to bear with myself a second more if that happened.
and I don't know why i get tongue tied and twisted
when I'm with you
when ever you're near me my head spins around
and I just don't know what to do
I don't know why I cant just tell you how much I care. I don't know how I do it. How every single time I see you coming my love turns into hate and I just cant stop the insults from coming out of my mouth. But I'll learn. I'll even hit my blond head on a tabletop just to be able to tell you how I really feel. And I will, in all due time
If I didn't love you so madly
and if I didn't want you so badly
maybe you could see who I am
and you'd fall in love with me too
I can't stand it anymore. I know I cant love him, and I know he doesn't love me, but I cant stand his insults anymore. Just the way he looks at me…I want to hit myself, certain I'm not worthy to live if he doesn't love me. And I'm probably not. But even though he I cant love him, for his own good, maybe I can go half way. I'm officially making a truce.
and I don't know why i get tongue tied and twisted
when I'm with you
when ever you're near me my head spins around
and I just don't know what to do
If I didn't love you so madly
and if I didn't want you so badly
maybe you could see who I am
and I wouldn't act such a fool
The time has finally come. I woke up this morning, knowing this would be a good day. At breakfast I got the last portion of scrambles eggs left, and they were delicious. In Transfiguration, I got a better mark than Granger and the last paper we handed in, and let me tell you, that is rare. And I didn't even cheat. Or take Felix Felicis. So I decided this would be the day. The best, or the worst day of my life. The day I would tell Harry I love him.
If I didn't love you so dearly
and if I didn't want you so near to me
maybe I could show you my heart
and you'd fall for me too
I decided I wouldn't do it in public. It would bring too much attention. Because or he's going to laugh in my face and tell everyone I actually asked for a truce, or he's going to reluctantly accept it. Without hearing my reasons of course. That's why I discreetly passed by him in a crowed Great Hall, and slipped a piece of paper into his cloak pocket. Nothing too apparent, but I put it into his hand with enough force that he felt it and took it, raising an eyebrow at me. I don't want to think about what kind of thoughts are going through his head right now. Good thing I didn't right anything too compromising. « Malfoy. Meet me at the Astronomy Tower at midnight tonight. Don't bring your wand. P. » That didn't tell him I was madly in love with him, but for his own good was only going to propose a truce? I sure hope not.
Maybe you could see who I am
and you'd fall in love with me too
I arrived at the Astronomy Tower at exactly midnight. It is, after all, a Malfoy's responsibility to always arrive right on time. And, as I had guessed, he was sitting there, facing me, against the wall, looking as if the ceiling was the most interesting thing he had seen in his whole entire life. I had, of course not brought my wand, though I wouldn't have brought it anyway. I wouldn't dream of hurting him. So I came in, cloak swishing behind me, still with the firm intention of telling him what I feel, even if what he has to tell me is equally important. Though I doubt it. To disrupt his thoughts and bring his attention to me, I simple said « Potter? ». I wanted to play it nice today, I had to. I needed to. His head instantly lifted up and when he saw me, he shot up, brushed hi robes off and walked up to me very confidently. I found that quite attractive if you ask me, and I almost smiled. Almost.
-Malfoy, we need to talk.
-Yes, I agree.
-You do?
-Yes
Well, that started great. Come on, talk Harry! I hope its about the same thing as I have to talk to you about.
-You first Malfoy, what do you have to say?
No, no. That doesn't work. He starts. If I do, with what I have to tell him, he'll completely forget about what he had to say.
-No Potter, you, I insist.
-Fine. I want to make a truce.
Ok. I was not expecting that. A truce? Can't you ask for…more?
-Fine Harry, lets make a truce, but only if you hear me out.
He looked flabbergasted. Was it the fact that I had accepted? That I had called him Harry? Or that I looked visibly nervous and anxious for the first time in my life? Probably all of those things.
-Okay…Draco, go on.
Bloody hell. I love the way he says my name. Its so…seductive and…and…Okay stay on track Malfoy. Stay on track. I went and sat down, my back on the wall, and insisted that he did the same. When he did, I moved out I front of him, cross legged, and looked at him.
-Okay. You must understand this. What is said in the Astronomy Tower, stays in the Astronomy Tower. Deal?
-Deal.
-Okay. Well, this is quite hard. I've never really had to do this before, it was always the other way around. So if I royally mess up, its not really my fault.
I could feel his gaze burning on me. It was quite nerve racking.
-Since…well…I'm not really sure, since about a year and a half ago, I think, things have been happening to me. Things I couldn't explain, things I didn't want to explain. Things I have finally accepted. And since I accepted it, those…things have been coming more and more often, and since quite recently, they became a part of my life.
I couldn't stand it anymore. I got up and paced in front of him, his eyes following me as if a tennis match.
-I don't know if you understand. These…thoughts I've been thinking subconsciously, dreams I've been dreaming…you don't know what it's like to love someone you hate and have nobody to tell in fear they'll hurt or kill you…
-Oh yes, I have. I do know what its like Draco.
I turned around in a flash, seeing that he had got up and was now standing about 10 centimetres away from me, looking down, with a look in his eyes I thought I would never see. Lust, Passion, Intensity…but mostly Trust, Compassion and Love. He then wrapped his arms around my small waist and did something I never thought I would live. He kissed me.
If I didn't love you so madly
and if I didn't want you so badly
maybe you could see who I am
and you'd fall in love with me too
As I was kissing him, I couldn't help telling myself « What the hell are you doing Harry! Isn't this what you dreaded happening? » Yes, it was. But as he started to kiss back and put his arms around my neck, I completely forgot about everything and everyone. Voldemort, Ron, Hermione, Lucius Malfoy…the pain we would both go through to love each other. But at that moment, I didn't care. And I know he didn't either. At the moment, it was just me and him. Harry and Draco.