Author's Note: First off thanks to everyone for the baby name suggestions. Names used provided by The Goddess of Snark and G (my fellow McLatina!) I love it when my readers do my work for me! It's a shame you all haven't been able to write all this medical jargon for me. This is a short chapter, but I wanted it to break at this point. There should be more soon.

So blame for this not being up sooner. Wish I could say the extra revision time made it better… but better things are coming, I swear.

Michael met him as he arrived at the hospital. "What's going on?" he demanded.

Michael took a deep breath, it was clear he didn't want to be the one to tell John what he was about to. "They're going to section her tomorrow," he said.

"What?" John asked, "I don't understand, she's only 29 weeks. It's too early."

"Her pressure spiked again," Michael explained, "They're worried about eclampsia. If she seizes we could lose both her and the baby."

Stunned John took a few aimless steps and turned to back Michael, "Well if they're so worried why are they waiting until tomorrow?"

"Delivery can be one of the most dangerous times for seizures. They want to treat Natalie with magnesium overnight to lower the risk of seizure during the section."

"Level with me Michael," John said tensely, "are they going to make it?"

"Well the best treatment for preeclampsia is delivery," Michael said, "she should be fine once the baby's born."

"And the baby?"

"I'm not going to lie," Michael said cautiously, "eleven weeks early is still cause for concern, but there have been so many advances in the care of premature babies over the last few years, and we have a great Neonatal unit here. On top of that, it's actually good that Natalie's been sick. They've known that premature delivery was a strong possibility, so she'd been getting steroids to help the baby's lung development. So you're baby will probably be with us for a while, but I think she'll be okay."

"Okay," John said, trying to convince himself of this.

"Now I think Natalie really needs you," Michael said, "so you need to go find her."

Natalie was staring at the ceiling and he could tell she'd been crying. She looked at him as he came in and said hoarsely, "They told you?"

"Yeah," he said sitting down beside her, "Michael called me."

"It's too soon," she whimpered.

He brushed a stray lock of hair away from her face, "Michael says it's not. He says she has a good chance. If she's anything like her mother, she's strong. She's gonna make it."

Natalie shook her head, not quite believing him. "John, right now, our baby is inside of me… and no matter how screwed up my life or our relationship is, at least she's safe. And tomorrow, they're going to take her. And I don't know what's going to happen." Tears began to spill out of her eyes.

"Shh," he said, "I know. I'm scared too. Scared for both of you."

"Don't worry about me," she said.

"That's kind of impossible," he said smiling tenderly at her. "You know, the way I see it, our kid's getting off easy."

"What?" she asked giving him a blank look.

"Well, when Mikey and I were growing up, if we ever made mom mad, tried to question her authority, she'd go into this whole thing of 'I carried you for nine months…!' Well you're only going to be able to say, 'I carried you for six and a half months!' So she won't get quite the guilt trip."

She smiled ever so slightly then sighed. "I'm not ready for this," she said shaking her head, "John, we don't even have a name picked out for her."

"Well we better do then," he said, thinking a distraction could only help her, "you have anything in mind?"

"I don't know," she said, "I mean it's the kind of thing little girls come up with on the playground… we'd make everyone pick out one girl name and one boy name."

"And what did you decide on?" he asked.

"Keep in mind I was twelve, don't laugh too hard," she cautioned him. "Isis Kathleen was the girl's name and the boy's name was Tristan Darius."

"Isis?" he asked.

"We did this unit on Egyptian mythology. I though she was kind of cool. I think the idea of this all powerful mother really appealed to me. Anyway, I realize now our child would likely be mocked for it, so I'd recommend we avoid goddess names."

"Well, Kathleen's not bad," he said.

Natalie tried it out, "Kathleen McBain."

"McBain?" he asked startled. They'd never discussed what last name the baby would carry, and he'd been afraid to broach the subject.

"Well, yeah," she said, "I mean I assumed… if that's okay."

"Are you kidding?" he said ruffling her hair, "Of course it's okay."

It was clear that a thought suddenly came into her mind and she grew sober again. "I never got a chance to tell you—I signed the papers."

"What?" he asked, not knowing what she was talking about.

"The divorce papers. I'm not married to Cristian anymore."

"Oh," he said, unsure of how to react. He was undeniably happy that the mother of his child was no longer married to someone else, both for what it meant for the baby and what it meant for the two of them. But thinking about Cristian Vega inevitably reminded him of how much he'd messed up—how much he'd hurt her.

She sighed. "I can't be the woman he married anymore than he can be the man I married. So much has happened…"

"I know a lot of that has been my fault," he said in a hoarse voice, "and I am so sorry for that."

"It's not a matter of blame, John," she said looking into his eyes, "things just happened."

"So what happens now?"

She smiled wryly, "I don't know. Do you think we'll ever be able to say what we really mean without a crisis scaring us into it?"

Kissing her hand he said, "I plan to make it a rule from now on to be straight with you all the time."

"Okay then," he said toying with his hand, "I have a question for you."

"Go ahead," he said.

"When did you realize you were in love with me?"

"It's a hard question to answer," he said thoughtfully. "I'm a little slow so there was more than one moment. Like I'd come to this realization and then I'd talk myself out of it."

"Like for example," she pressed.

Knowing this would be a painful subject, but feeling she had the right to hear it he said, "The night I found out Cristian was back. The night with the shooting at the television station. I saw you kneeling over him and it hit me that I'd missed my chance."

"Well that explains why you were always in our faces when he was around," she said, "but I don't understand… after that I was completely available, but you kept pushing me away."

"I hated lying to you," he said, "but I felt like I had to respect Cristian's decision. I just thought somehow it made it worse if I was benefiting from the lie."

"Better for us all to be miserable," she summarized.

"Like I said, I'm a little slow."

"Yeah you are," she reached up to finger the hair which hung loosely beside his face, "but it's one of the things I love about you. Because I do love you John."

"I love you too," he said staring into her eyes; willing for her to see somehow in his own exactly how deep that love went. Leaning forward he gently brought his lips to hers, kissing her gently, but passionately. He felt her kissing him back, her fingers tangling in his hair.

"Easy," she breathed in his ear when he pulled back slightly, "I have a heart condition you know."

He cleared his throat and sat up, she'd been joking, but she had a point. "So… Kathleen McBain," he repeated, "has kind of a ring to it. But I don't know… Kathleen's a little old-fashioned; I think it works better as a middle name."

"You're right," she said. "Any first name suggestions?"

He shook his head, "I'm just here to say 'yes' or 'no', I am deferring to you completely on the creative stuff."

"Come on," she urged him, "help me out."

They both thought in silence for a moment before he said, "Okay, well there's this song… One of my cousins has this like Irish type band and the last time I went to see them they had this love song… it's not my type of music but it just had this description of this woman that really stuck with me for some reason. About how she was this angel who had come into this guy's life… And I figure this little girl is kind of like our angel and I know her mother is my angel."

"So what's this angel's name?" she asked sounded intrigued.

"Kiara."

"Kiara Kathleen McBain," she said. "I like it. I mean if she gets my hair she might be a little painfully Irish, but I like it."

"Yeah, me too," he said.

"You don't think-" she started to say something and stopped herself.

"What?" he asked.

"Kathleen, I just realized," she explained, "it's very close to Caitlin."

"Is that okay with you?" he asked.

"If it is with you," she said.

"Actually, I hadn't even realized it," he said, "I can't see any reason not to use the name."

Rubbing her stomach thoughtfully she said, "I know in some traditions if you name a child after someone who's passed, that person's spirit will look after the child. I never knew Caitlin, but I know you loved her and she loved you. And if she wants to look after our child, I kind of like the idea."

"Me too," he said wrapping her hand in both of his and kissing it again.

He held tightly to her hand and forced himself to look nowhere but her eyes. She couldn't see what was going on around her, and he could tell the feeling of being out of control was making her anxious. Despite his own fear he tried to transmit assurance and tranquility to her.

Michael had warned him that the baby might not cry at first, but that there would be a neonatologist in the OR to start working on her immediately. He held his breath waiting, not able to make any sense of the noise that the doctor and nurses working around the small bed to the side were making as they worked swiftly. And then a thin cry floated above the babble and he gasped in relief.

He saw relief wash over Natalie's face. "That's our baby," he said kissing her hand.

"Our baby," she said through tears. "She's breathing."

"She's going to be all right," he said laughing in relief.

Natalie her eyes and relaxed. And then he heard another noise he didn't understand. A high pitched whine as Natalie's hand went limp in his. Someone pushed him back, ripping her hand away altogether. "Natalie!" he called as the other group of doctors descended on her…

To be continued.

Soon. I promise.

Author's note #2: Btw, the song mentioned by John is actually by Luka Bloom and spells the name Ciara (which is the more traditional Gaelic spelling, Gaelic not actually having a "K") but I like the other spelling better. And when reality and your stories conflict, just change reality.