Disclaimer: I still do not own them…
A/N: Woo! Chem is done…for now! Anyway, remember that paper on Thomas Jefferson I was whining about a couple of chapters ago? Well, I got the grade and it turns out that I'm not going to bomb out of life…err…history. I know this chapter is again a little short, but I felt like I covered things and midterms are coming…unfortunately. Also, this is kind of getting close to the end, which is sad for me. Happy Reading!
Chapter 19:
"Mac" Harm opened the door to find her standing in the hallway, not all that different then that fateful night a month before. Only this time she was not balancing two toddlers, instead she was lone, "Is everything all right?"
"Yeah," she smiled softly, her mind also going back to the last late night arrival at his place, "May I come in?"
"Of course," he noticed that she had yet to change clothes and still wore the green skirt and breezy white top she had on at the party.
"I wanted to talk."
"Okay," he responded hesitantly, unsure of where she wanted to take this.
"I want to talk about us," she said quickly and waited almost fearfully for his reaction.
"Let's sit down," he led her to the couch, hating that her instinct was to fear his reaction. Before Mic, her eyes would have challenged him, but not any more. For that, Harm wished she would have been harsher in the divorce papers or that he had done more physically to the man. But she was not there to talk about her ex-husband, she was there to talk about them, and equally heavy topic on both ends.
"I need to tell you more about my marriage to Mic," she began after a long pause, "I just am not sure where to start."
"How about Sydney?"
"Sydney?" she questioned, a lot had happened in Sydney.
"When you took his ring," he clarified, his voice laced with a hint of bitterness.
"I would have chosen the night before," she shot back, "When you rejected me."
"That was not a rejection!"
"Wasn't it?"
"No, Mac, it wasn't. I told you I needed time."
"Well, it sure as hell felt like one," she stood up angrily. This was not how this conversation was supposed to be happening.
"So I'm supposed to blame myself for sending you running to Brumby?"
"No!" she gave a frustrated sigh, "I just want you to understand how much you hurt me in Sydney!"
"And you need to understand how much it hurt me when you married him!" he shouted back.
"You know what? I'm leaving," she grabbed her purse angrily. This was not why she came to his apartment. Yes, Mac knew it would not be pretty, but she did not expect it to turn into a screaming matched. She turned to the door, "I'll call you."
"Mac, wait!" he too saw their 'discussion' spiraling out of control and wanted to stop it, so Harm grabbed her arm to physically prevent her from leaving. The second he did so, Harm immediately regretted it. At the sound of voice and the feel of his touch, Mac stiffened and froze. Seeing her reaction, he dropped her arm like it was on fire, "I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry," she said softly in an almost defeated voice, "I know that you would never…I'm sorry."
"It's okay. You can't control your reactions," he told her gently, "It will take time to move past what Brumby did."
"It's more than just Mic," she returned to her seat on the couch.
"Like what?" Harm knew what she was going to say, but wanted her to be the one to say it.
"My father," she folded her arms.
"Talk to me," he sat down next to her.
"It's not what you think," she began running her fingers through her hair nervously, "It's not about the flight or fight instinct and the violence."
"It's not?"
"It is, but that's something I need to work through by myself," she paused, "When he was dying, you told me that whenever a man tells me I'm worth something that I push him away because of my issues with my father, remember?" she asked and he nodded, "Well, as much as it pains me to admit it, you were right.
"Chris was an escape, a means to an end. I loved him in a way, but it was never a real love because he didn't respect me and I knew it. I didn't care though, the relationship wasn't about that," Mac continued her explanation and he allowed her to talk, "Aside from my uncle, John was the first man to ever believe in me and…well…I don't know exactly what that was, but I knew that it would never be permanent. Whatever it was that we had was destined to stay in Okinawa because of the UCMJ. I didn't have to push him away, because I knew the rules would do that for me.
"Dalton saw me as an asset and something he could use. And Mic, I did love him, but we all know how that ended," she shook her head, "The thing is, with all of them there was never any risk. They came after me because they wanted me, and I just had to agree. But not with you," she met his eyes for the first time in the conversation, "I could never tell what was going on in that head of yours, Flyboy. And when I thought I did, you proved me wrong."
"You weren't wrong," Harm said breaking his silence. This was the most she had ever revealed to him about her personal life in all the years he had known her.
"But you couldn't commit," she went back to looking at her hands.
"And Brumby could," he stated it as a simple fact, not an accusation.
"After everything, I figured we just weren't meant to be, but…"
"But what?"
"I'm beginning to think I was wrong about the fate thing."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying, that from the day we first met you have always respected me, even when I could barely respect myself," she took a steadying breath, "And since I got back, you've been there faithfully, like my knight in shining armor. I walked away and you forgave me. That's more than anyone has ever done for me. You fixed all my problems and you're still here. Here for me and my kids," she stared into his eyes, "My kids adore you, and I…"
"You what?" he prompted when she trailed off closing her eyes.
"I'm tired of dancing and I'm tired of being afraid. I need to know," she opened her eyes, "I love you."
Harm looked at Mac in awe. She had said the words, the words that they had danced around for so long. He never was able to say those words himself, but she could do it. It took a disastrous marriage and two kids for her to get there, but Mac had said it.
"Say something," she ordered her face filled with a mix of hope and anxiety.
"I love you too," he smiled slowly.
"You do?"
"Yes," he answered and watched the relief wash over her face.
"Good," she grinned, "Because I never want to say goodbye again."
"Me neither."
And then they kissed.
A/N: Um…yeah…so can you forgive me for making it short?
Shippergrl25 – What an astute observation you made…
TV Angel 711 – But it's so much fun to be evil and I think I let my good side out a bit in this chapter.
Wow – Thanks!
Tina Frank – I hope you found the convo appropriate1
Lehcar412 – Aw, thank you! I'm glad you like it!
Dansingwolf – You have to remember that Chloe is no longer the little girl singing K-I-S-S-I-N-G, yeah she's still a teenager, but she's a little more mature. And the whole Brumby marriage changed Mac…for the better…hehehe!
Cool Cat – I love cliffies…as I'm sure you've figured out!
Lani – I love reviews whenever I get them, so even if you're busy and can't I'll still like ya!
Mxfan214 – Thanks a bunch!
Cbw – Hmm…I don't know if I can write "heat"…but I can give you shipperness…
MiDushi-NoSushi – Chloe isn't the only one who's matured in the last three years…Harm and Mac have too…with excellent results!
Radiorox – I'm all about girl power…I mean I'm not ashamed to say that I asked the guy to prom when I was in high school.
JamieAKAaclassyone – Chem is always…interesting? And there's nothing wrong with assumptions…especially when they turn out right. wink, wink
Prinnie – Thanks for the luck…I think it went well and hopefully you did well on your two too!
KJFlygril87 – Kirsten, I could have totally seen them plotting to get HM together on the show…if the writers didn't make Chloe fall off the face of the earth!
Jaggurl – Thanks for the luck and the review!