Author: Stephjag aka Steph
Email Stephrabb@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: I do not own the JAG characters; they are the property of CBS, Paramount Studios and they belong to Donald P. Bellisario.
Classification: Vignette / Drama
Rating: PG-13 (just to be on the safe side)
Spoilers: "What if" just for the big lines
Summary: Mac's wondering about the road not taken.
Author's note: Well, I've been thinking of a story to write after "What if," but I couldn't come up with something. Today, I think I have. I was a bit taken aback with Mac's way of acting. She only saw the negative parts of their marriage and I couldn't help thinking that she didn't really mean it. Now here's the story I have in mind.
I hope that I know the characters well enough to write this story. Maybe a few things in the characters will be different in their way of acting, and I'm sorry about it but for the moment some things are driving me crazy. I can't believe it. I don't know why, but with all that happened in season nine I still have hope that maybe someday they will see what they need to see... Enjoy!
And finally, this story is for Lili who I'm sure will recognize herself.
Many thanks, to AeroGirl for beta-reading!
Feedback: Please, if you would like to express your enjoyment. If my work does not appeal to you for any reason, I have no problem with that, but please, no need to share that with me.
Part one
2031 ZULU In the corridor leading to Harm's apartment North of Union Station Washington, D.C.
Now, here I am in front of Harm's apartment door. Wondering why I'm here. What the heck am I doing here? She was thinking of the little paper she'd gotten in the Chinese restaurant last week...
It said: "Your unspoken desire is the road not taken. Take it!"
Sarah Mackenzie you're stupid. Why are you here? You do not even believe in those things. But... what if? What if it was right?
Sarah stood there, staring at the door, a couple of minutes and than decides to knock on it. Mattie opened a few seconds later. "Hi, Mac! Come on in."
"Hey, Mattie! Is Harm here?"
"Sure."
Of course he's here, Mac – where else would he be? It's his apartment. It seems like you haven't got all your senses right now...
Mac followed the girl into the apartment and waited a little before continuing any further, still asking herself if this was a good idea. Maybe talking to him would be the best thing to do. Sarah Mackenzie couldn't understand why this simple phrase was making her crazy; it had been spinning in her head for three days now. It had woken her last night.
Clayton had been lightly snoring next to her. He hadn't moved an inch when she had left the apartment to take a walk, trying to clear her mind about the entire situation she was in now. She was with Clay now. She had made her choice. But was it really the right choice? Was she with him for a good reason – by a good reason she meant love. But was it really love she was feeling for Clayton Webb?
What he did for her in Paraguay had been very brave. She'd always be thankful to him for what he had done for her. But there was a little problem; she was starting to have doubts about the choice she had made. It had never really bothered her before, but now...
Since last week she wasn't so very sure about everything. "Your unspoken desire is the road not taken. Take it!" The words made her wonder – did she take the right road? Oh hell! I can't stop myself of thinking and doubting. What the hell's wrong with me?
Mac was brought back to reality by Harm's light touch on her forearm. "Mac? Is everything ok?"
"Huh? Yeah, everything's fine."
"You're sure? You seemed to be a thousand miles away."
"Yes, Harm, I'm sure. It's just that I didn't sleep so well last night."
Harm looked at her, surprised by what she just said. Well, not entirely surprised; he knew the past month had been pretty rough for her. For him too, though, but not exactly for the same reasons. He wished he could've turned back the hands of time.
Sometimes at night when he was lying in his bed and couldn't sleep, Harm wished he could've done that before he told Admiral Chegwidden he'd resigned his commission to get to Mac. Then again he had to think about the lyrics of a song that perfectly matched his relationship with Mac.
So there you go again turning love into a question,
It's not so hard to say if this is for real or rejection,
Don't make me promises, don't make me decide,
Don't beg forgiveness just try harder next time,
I know this love will start
Don't keep me wondering, 'cause it's hard enough to know,
Don't keep me wondering, if you've turned cold,
We've got to work it out,
Whatever's wrong we'll make it right,
Don't keep me wondering if your love is worth the fight
All alone still waiting, so glad I know that you're worth the chasing,
Though I understand your reasons, I've never argued or fought with me feelings,
Don't be protective, don't keep changing your mind,
You use forgiveness as a way to buy time,
Don't push aside a love you've never tried,
Try and see this through my eyes
Don't keep me wondering, 'cause it's hard enough to know,
Don't keep me wondering, if you've turned cold,
We've got to work it out, whatever's wrong we'll make it right,
Don't keep me wondering if your love is worth the fight
Wondering if anything will happen baby,
Wondering if this will turn out right
Wondering if dreams are dreams forever baby,
Wondering if love will ever come to life
Don't keep me wondering, 'cause it's hard enough to know,
Don't keep me wondering, if you've turned cold,
We've got to work it out, whatever's wrong we'll make it right,
Don't keep me wondering if your love is worth the fight
Those lyrics were exactly his feelings put into words. What could he do? He wasn't going to push her. The only thing he could do for now was hope and be a friend for her like he always had been – or tried to be. "Mac, come sit down on the couch, would you please?"
Mac only nodded and let Harm lead her gently to the couch. Mattie looked at Mac a second, then at Harm. She instinctively knew that there was something going on. The teenage girl gave as an excuse that she'd forgot to do some homework for school tomorrow and left the apartment. "Mattie! Come back, please."
Mattie Grace opened the door and looked timidly at her guardian. "Yes, Harm, I'll come to show it to you when I'm done," she said with a smile. Harm smiled back at her and added, "Thank you."
And the young girl closed the door to head to the next apartment, leaving Harm and Mac alone in his apartment.
To be continued...