"Wondering – 2"

Author: Stephjag aka Steph

Email Stephrabb@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: I do not own the JAG characters; they are the property of CBS, Paramount Studios and they belong to Donald P. Bellisario.

Classification: Vignette / Drama

Rating: PG-13 (just to be on the safe side)

Spoilers: "What if" just for the big lines

Summary: Mac's wondering about the road not taken.

Second author's note: First of all, I want to thank my dear friend AeroGirl, for reminding me of a little detail here. In this chapter, I'm recalling the events of "Death Watch" as well as those of "Skeleton Crew," although I know that most of you probably never saw it. But I did, and that's why I'm referring to the fact that Harm's been accused of having murdered Diane Schonke. Hope you're not going to think this chapter is a mess.

Part Two

2047 ZULU Harm's apartment North of Union Station Washington, D.C.

Mattie had left them alone. Suddenly the silence felt awkward again. It was like they didn't know what to say to each other anymore. Harm wondered why Mac came to see him. It had been such a long time. Sometimes it felt like they were still friends, but friends that were living in two different worlds. What had happened to them? When did this all start? Why? Was there really an explanation for all that had happened? Was it meant to be this way? All these questions and no answers. Maybe those questions would never find answers. It didn't really matter to him anymore. He seemed to have made peace with it.

If Mac was happy with Webb, then he had to accept it. Harm loved her that much. He was ready to give up on her, even if it meant that his heart would be broken to see her happy with someone else. They'd hurt each other so much lately, consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes they did it with just a look. But here she was, in his apartment. For what reason?

Then he smiled, as a memory flashed into his mind. The first time they'd met. His partner at work, Lieutenant Meg Austin, had been transferred, and Bud came to JAG headquarters in Falls Church. A bit later, Admiral Chegwidden introduced Major Sarah Mackenzie and Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr to each other in the White House Rose Garden. That day had changed his life, though he'd admit that in the beginning it was difficult to remember that he didn't really know her.

Mac looked quite similar to Lt Diane Schonke. Physically – or at least Mac's face was the mirror image of Diane's, for the rest of her body he didn't know. And that he'd never know... nothing would ever change the fact that she'd be forever in his heart...

"Harm?"

"Huh... what?"

"Are you still with me? It seemed like you were thousands of miles away from here."

"Sure. Actually, I was in a certain rose garden, eight years ago..."

Mac smiled at him, knowing exactly what he was talking about. This was a good memory; their first meeting. She'd first thought that Harm was kind of strange because when the admiral had introduced them, he seemed somewhat... astonished. It felt like he'd seen a ghost or something.

Mac hadn't understood it at first. How could it be possible that she'd had a mirror image somewhere? She fully understood that one year later, when she came to her friend's apartment. He was supposed to make her dinner after losing a case, but he'd forgotten completely about it. He was totally lost in some memories of old times. Happy times with his best friend Diane.

Harm had tried to find some lame excuse, but he should have known better. Sarah Mackenzie knew him. And she'd seen the gun in his belt.

"You're going to see a friend, huh?"

"Yeah, haven't seen in... a... long time." Harm gazed at her, but it was too late; she was staring at a little picture of Diane.

"Talk to me, Harm."

Harm took a sit in the couch in front of her. His gaze saddened. "You look like Diane, Mac, but your personalities are as opposite as day and night. We were about to find out what we really felt for each other. We were supposed to spend the weekend at her parents' cottage, but it wasn't meant to be. She'd been murdered..." Harm would never know the real depth of their feelings for each other.

While he was telling her the whole case, she could see he was in pain, though there was one thing she couldn't understand. How in hell could Turkey suspect Harm of murder – especially Diane? Harm had told him that he'd always considered her as his sister, and even if he didn't believe him, what would have been his reason? Jealousy? How, please... If the guy had paid a little more attention, he would have known better.

It was just like the "suicide" of this Lieutenant Lam. Harm knew but couldn't say anything – too much evidence pointing that direction, and he came at the appropriate moment. So case closed. At least that was what they thought, but then, the missing gun – Diane was killed with was found and Harm got accused of murder. Thank God, he had been released after awhile. Harm had told her everything while they were going outside. The rain was falling heavily out of the sky. They waited a little before they went into Harm's car, running in hopes of not getting too wet. Once Harm and Mac were into his Corvette, he mentioned a letter, and got Mac out of the car to protect her – because he was aware that he was going to do something stupid caused by a desire to have some revenge.

Sarah knew what he was about to do and went back to JAG. By the time she got there, she was completely wet from head to toe. Mac asked Bud for some help. She wanted to know what he'd heard when the Schonke case happened. Bud told her everything he could remember about it.

Sarah began to understand, and risked a lot to get there in time to stop Harm from doing the stupidest thing of his life and jeopardizing his career. If she could help it, Mac was determined not to let that happen. Mac found out which ship remained on dock at Norfolk. The answer was the USS Sheppard – DDG 998, which could only, meant one thing – the murderer of Lt. Diane Schonke was on the ship.

Mac went to the Norfolk docks just in time. Harm was pointing his gun to Holbarth, and about to shoot him. She was running and surrounded by a sort of fog.

"Harm! Don't."

Harm turned his head as well as Holbarth. Suddenly Holbarth seemed to panic. "God, Schonke! I'm sorry. No, I didn't want to. I..." he drew back and fell into the water. No one could help him anymore; he'd been crushed between the dock and the hull. Bud went to get some help anyway. A couple of officers came to see what had had happened.

Harm and Mac stepped back a little, facing each other.

"Would you've done it?"

"We'll never know."

Suddenly the gaze in Harm's eyes changed, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Mac's. It was a good-bye kiss. A good-bye for Diane...

But in Mac's heart there was a little thing, and there were butterflies in her stomach. She secretly wished that Harm's kiss had not only been a good- bye kiss for Diane...

To be continued...