Thank you to: Ruth, S, Natalie, Total Vaughn Lover, Grouchy, Cat, alias4ever, Jesse, kay10197, aliasdoll, and diveprincess for your wonderful and very helpful reviews…Same standard apply, anything that could be approved, please let me know. This chapter is a little different and I have a feeling some of you may get a little upset with me. Keep in mind…we still don't know what happened to Sydney and this is Pre-The Getaway. Vaughn and Sydney aren't suppose to having feels for each other yet…Also this is a dark chapter. You've been forewarned. I also don't own John Mayer's "Clarity' but love it anyway…

I worry
I weigh three times my body
I worry
I throw my fear around
But this morning
There's a calm I can't explain
The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain

Her eyes fluttered open for the second or third time that morning. The room was brighter than she remembered it to be and confused for a moment. Her body curled up tighter and she nestled deeper into the heavy down comforter that surrounded her body. Clearing the sleep from her eyes, she was able to clearly make out where she was. Fear crept through her as she came to the realization that she didn't know where she was. Her brain went through the events of the past couple of hours quickly, trying desperately to figure out what had happen. Her eyes were able to focus more in the glowing room and settled on a familiar face…but not the face she expected. "Hey." Her voice whispered, full of the grogginess that normally accompanied it early in the morning. She blinked a few times as she curled her body tighter and watched a friend sitting on the opposite bed, looking at her intently. From the moment the words left her mouth, he was over to her bedside nearly immediately.

By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light pretending
That it somehow lingered on

"Syd." He smiled and sat down beside her. "How are you feeling?"

She just looked up at him with broken eyes, "Where-?" Her voice was hushed and obviously on the verge of tears.

Will smoothed her hair against her head, "Vaughn called me. You're at a motel off the interstate. Don't worry-I'm going to take good care of you." He tried to smile but failed miserably. He had never really seen her life this. She was never this broken. Something must have gone terribly wrong if she was this unable to comprehend her situation. He had seen her (he had learned) only hours after being beaten or tortured or even shot. Never had he seen her in such a state. Something happened psychologically and the only solution he could come up with was one that scared him. No matter what, he wanted to be able to protect her from the evils of the world. Maybe that was naïve of him and maybe it was foolhardy but he wanted to extend himself so that she would never have to see the horrors that she really faced on a weekly, if not daily basis. Of course, he knew this was impossible due to the line of work that she was in but he could imagine it nonetheless. "So, how are you feeling?"

It took her a moment to comprehend what he had just said. He was suppose to be in Calabasas for the weekend to do something-her brain was too foggy at that point to really remember what was going on. It didn't really matter. She weakly smiled and lied, "I'm actually doing better."

Will grinned, "Liar. If you're going to lie to me, at least do it without the tears in your eyes. I know your back is hurting you like anything. I saw the gash, Syd." He looked away and shook his head, "What the hell did that bastard do to you?"

"Vaughn told you about the mission?" Her hoarse voice rang on in the space between them, full of complete concern. Vaughn should not have been giving out company secrets…even to close friends, like Will.

His blue eyes met hers, "He just told me in the car ride over that you were sent to Ireland and the man-"

Sydney sighed heavily and looked at him with doe like eyes. Without words, she shrugged her shoulders, "Will, I can't tell you." She rolled over onto her back and almost cried out in pain but bit the inside of her lip-hard-to keep from screaming. Forcing her body to move in ways that she knew that it couldn't, she sat up for the first time in hours. The pain was almost unbearable now.

"You can't or you won't?" He quickly countered, knowing that something was beneath the surface of her unique world. "I understand if it's either but I need to know which one it is." He placed a hand on hers and stroked it lovingly.

The tears started to come again and this time, she wasn't sure if she could stop them. It hurt her more than anything for Will to see her broken. He wasn't suppose to see what was this life was truly like. But something in her snapped, "Will, please. Please don't ask me." There was something missing in her eyes. Her breath came at uneven intervals as her body adjusted to the pain. It would take a minute but she soon regained control of her body. Inhaling deeply, she looked at him in the eyes. The covers folded over her lap neatly as she removed her hands from the confines of the comforter. Her fingers ran through her hair and attempting to clean it from its matted mess. Every movement ached and hurt more than the last one did. She could barely breathe, her body hurt so baldy.

His fingers ran through her hair and slowly coaxed her so she would lie back down. "Syd, please lie back. You need your rest." His voice was straining against his emotions. Watching him so emotional, she broke down into tears again, collapsing over her body, aching with the pain from the gash on her back and the bruises she dared not show. Her hands clasped at her collarbone and she continued to sob endlessly.

Poor Will was left sitting there and tried to comfort her the best that he could. He whispered soothing words and coaxed her into his arms, lying with her head in his lap. "I have something I can give you…make you sleep and maybe forget about this for a while…." It was the only thing he could really think of doing. It pained him so to see her this way. He didn't know what else he could do.

"No. More. Drugs." She gasped curling tighter in his arms. "I'm so sorry, Will. I'm so sorry. I wanted to protect you from all of this. I didn't want you to see me. I didn't want you to come. Oh G-d, Will." She sobbed harder than she ever had in her life. The tears shook her body and the fear of over exhaustion-grabbed hold of her by the throat.

"C'mon, Syd…you're stronger than this…c'mon, sweetie. I've never seen you this broken. Not even after your mother shot you…not even then…you've been through this before and have come out so much stronger…"

She noticed how the tears ran off her face and soaked the thin top sheet of the bed. Will's words drowned out and all she could focus on was the way the salty tears flowed down her face and how no many tears she cried, she would still feel broken. "I hate feeling helpless." She said at last, sniffling slightly.

Will sighed and looked around, stroking her hair absently, "I know you do, sweetie. But you're going to be okay. Just a few more hours here until you get your strength back. Now," He gathered her frail body into his arms and slowly guided her back down to the mattress, letting her adjust for pain under his touch. "you have a little IV thing in your bag with detailed instructions. I'm going to give you whatever you tell me to for the pain, okay?"

"No drugs." She responded strongly and starred at Will, "They're not necessary. Just stay with me and I'll sleep. I want to save that supply for when I'm really hurt."

"You are really hurt." Will countered, standing to get the purple duffle on the opposite bed.

"There are no bullets in my body and I'm not severely bleeding. Save it for when you have to pull something out of me. This is a cut. Nothing more; nothing less." She pressed her body off of the mattress and found her body lying back in the curled position that her body was becoming prone to.

Will turned back, the vile of morphine in his hand and looked at her, so broken and pathetic. "Sydney."

"Please…." She cried out to him and watched with hazed eyes as he walked over to her, abandoning the vile on the nigh stand. He sighed heavily and sat beside in the bed. Wordlessly, he wrapped his arms around her and let her curl up tightly in his arms. "I never wanted you to see me like this."

He sighed and looked down at her, "When you're strong enough, I can wash your hair for you. Get everything out of it." His hands caught through the matted mess.

There was a long moment that passed. Neither was really sure about how long it lasted or for why it lasted for so long. All that they knew was that the only sound that floated through the air was that of their own breathing and the occasional moan of Sydney's labored breath. She was obviously trying to prepare her body for the next surge of energy. "I'm strong enough." She replied at last, sitting up and wiping away her tears. The disgusting feel of the smoke and blood in her hair was beginning to make her sick. Maybe it was just the idea that part of the mission was still with her. Will untangled her from his arms wordlessly and pulled the covers back. She was still wearing the long skirt that she wore the night she was tortured. "I know-I know I have sweatpants in my bag. Might as well put those on…get of this outfit." She placed her feet on the floor and found the energy to get to her feet. She was weak more than anything else. She hadn't eaten anything in…there was no way of really knowing. She always ate before a mission…was easier in case she was detained. But she had no idea what day of the week it was or what time it was.

He looked at her with pitied eyes, "Let me get everything set up. You just sit here for a moment." Without waiting a response, he got up and walked over to her bag, pulled two plastic containers; one of shampoo and one of conditioner. Silently, he walked into the bathroom, where he started the running of hot. It sprayed him slightly, warming his cold hands. He continued to gather what he needed…a towel spread out on the floor…another one laying nearby…a comb that was supplied by the motel….Not really thinking much more than a to-do list, he continued to walk back and forth from the bathroom to the main area pulling things out of her bag. His sharp blue eyes focused, he finally completed everything. The bathroom was already warm, the mirrors beginning to cloud over with steam. He figured she'd probably need some warming up in her body. Maybe he would help her clean some of those wounds. Vaughn left specific instructions as well as more antiseptic and gauze. Finally, Will made his way back to the bed, where Sydney sat still, her feet firmly planted on the floor and her eyes locked emotionlessly forward.

"Let me help you, Syd." Again, he moved without words and collected Sydney into his arms. Her body was much lighter than he had anticipated…she was so frail and dehydrated. "We'll get you out of these clothes and then wash your hair…and you'll be able to go home soon." He continued with words of encouragement as he carried her through the room to the door on the right. The bathroom was once a pristine and white but now, with age and filth, the tile was an aged yellow. He felt her arms clinging to him and knew how much that had to hurt her. She didn't like being weak-depending on other people. Something was definitely wrong. Something much worse than had ever happened to her before. He set her down next to the tub on the cold floor and stepped back for a moment. Sydney readjusted her body weight against the cold tub. The coolness seeped through the bandages on her back. She didn't want to think anymore. It wasn't worth it. She no longer wanted to feel the surge of panic or the sensation of absolute pain. Her eyes remained cold and dull as Will found the neatly folded pair of black fleece lined sweatpants. "Do you want me to help you change?" He asked gingerly, crouching down beside her.

She looked up at him dumbly and just starred endlessly. This was her shutting down. It took a long moment for her to respond with an answer vaguely resembling that she could do it herself if he would only help her to her feet and keep her steady as she slipped off the skirt. Will, of course, agreed to these terms and slowly helped the fallen angel to her feet and helped her unbutton the long strew of satin covered buttons running down her hip and watched the skirt fall, pooling at her feet. Reaching behind him slightly and pulling his body at an odd angle, Will grabbed the pair of black sweats. It was then that he noticed two large bruises on her thighs, arching down to the inner muscle. He knew better than to comment. Even though he could see the faint traces of a hand print on either side of her leg, he knew that he couldn't say anything. He had to act like he hadn't seen them. She didn't want him to react. So, he didn't. Straightening up, he handed the cloth to Sydney, who slowly maneuvered her body to them. Every scrap of vanity was gone and she didn't even care that Will had seen her so scantily clad (granted, she was wearing cotton beneath the dress for her own sake of mind) As her pants settled on her waistline, she felt marginally better. Granted, her bodice was still only concealed by what she imagined was at least one roll of gauze…it covered from right below her breastbone down over her hips. It was better that way. She was still concealed…probably the most amount of clothing she had in a long time. "Wash my hair?" she managed to whisper as Will took her into his arms and just held her there for a moment, wanting to steady her slightly.

"Yeah, of course." He smoothed down a patch of her hair and pressed a platonic kiss in her hairline. Wrapping her in his arms, he slowly melted down to the floor and grabbed a towel resting just within arm's reach. He wrapped it around her shoulders and stepped forward, over her. The shower was luckily enough one of those detachable massage shower heads that was movable. He unhooked it, the bathtub still filling with hot water….for no express purpose except to warm the room and maybe warm her a little bit. He flipped the nozzle and the warm water began to flow out of the cheap shower head. "Lean back a little" He instructed softly and watched her obey. "Too hot?" The water began to pour over her matted hair, "Too cold?"

"Just right." She responded and basked in the wonderful feeling and getting the trauma out of her hair. She felt Will's fingertips massage the honeysuckle fragrant shampoo into her long chestnut hair and follow it with the soothing conditioner that followed. It took a long while for all of the soot and ash and dirt to be removed but every touch felt wonderful to her. His hands were so soft and smooth through her hair and she realized how much she valued him. "Will?" She murmured against closed eyes as he finished rinsing her hair and sat up her straighter.

"Yeah?" He wrapped a towel over her shoulders to protect the raw skin from the cool dripping hair.

"Thank you." She smiled for the first time in hours. "Thank you so much."

Will shared the smile and kissed her on the forehead, "Anything for you, Syd. You know that. Now, let's get you put together and see if we can order some food in here. Cool?"

She nodded and looked down at her hands folded in her lap, "I would like that."