A/N Well, I just couldn't help it... I had to write one story with a sad ( well, you could also see it as a happy...) ending. It's pretty dark, but full of emotion. Please read and tell me what you think! Song by Dido: "Honestly ok"

I just want to feel safe in my own skin,
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world
But I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore

He never thought he could feel this way. The emotions weren't even there anymore. And he was left, feeling empty. Francis Gage was gone. The only thing left was his body, and although it was functioning like it was supposed to, his eyes were dead as if his soul had already left this world.

His eyes found the beautiful sunset, knowing they wouldn't see it anymore. Knowing she wouldn't see it anymore. The picture, clutched in his hands, was torn and crumpled. But he didn't care. It was the only thing he had left of them. Turning his bright blue eyes towards the sky, he tried to keep the tears at bay. Swallowing hard, he held the picture to his stubbled cheek.

And suddenly, he felt the surge of emotion swirling through him. The loneliness was overwhelming and he doubled over, gasping for breath as the sobs took over his tired body.

"Why did you do it Syd? Why did you leave me? And you took them with you, why Syd, why?" The words escaped his throat in one long breath.

Sagging to his knees, he took one last look at the picture. They looked happy, he had his arms draped around Syd, and together they looked lovingly at the two 5-year olds who were sitting in front of them, smiling toothless smiles at the camera.

With on last kiss on each of the beautiful smiles he put the picture in his back pocket, together with the letter he had put in there. He let his thoughts drift off one last time, to the events that had led him to this place…

On a different day,
if I was safe in my own skin,
then I wouldn't feel lost and
so frightened

It had been a long day, and Gage was glad he was almost home. The bouquet of flowers was loosely held in one hand as he got out of his car and juggled with the keys. It was their anniversary. Seven years… He couldn't believe they had been married for that long. He remembered that, after Angela had been born, they had gotten closer. And after one more 'happy-kiss' and a dangerous assignment they had confessed their love to each other. Gage chuckled, well it hadn't been that easy, but a year later they were planning the wedding.

Two years into the marriage, Syd had started feeling sick. They had been worried, but a visit from Alex and a doctors visit had cleared things up. They were going to be parents! 9 Months later the twins were born and they couldn't be happier. Gage loved being a parent, even though he had been scared in the very beginning. He didn't want to become his foster parent. But everything turned out great, him and Syd were a great team, and together they had raised two beautiful 5-year old girls.

Shaking his head he turned his attention towards the house. It was unusually quiet, considering the twins were home with Syd who had taken a day off. And usually the three of them made a big thing out of one of those days.

Seeing Syds car standing in the driveway he started to get that nagging feeling again. He had been having it all day, but after calling the house and talking to Evan, who was talking a mile a minute, he felt a little bit better.

When he came closer to the door, he suddenly tensed. It was open… Sydney never let the door open, she was deathly afraid one of the girls would run out on the street before getting hit by a car. With the flowers still in his hand he slowly opened the door.

"Syd! You in here?" he yelled, not getting an answer.

"Squirts, you playing hide and seek again? Well too bad, I had pizza for my girls, but I guess I'll have to eat it all alone…"

When he didn't get any respond to that, he started getting really worried. They were crazy about pizza… Slowly he made his way through the house, but he found nothing.

All of a sudden something at the end of the stairs caught his eye. It was glistening in the late afternoon sun. Stepping a little closer he couldn't help but gasp, it was a small drop of blood. His mind started getting into overload, maybe one of the girls fell, what if something happened to Syd and the girls ran off, frightened to death.

With the flowers still in one hand, but a gun in the other by now, he slowly went up the creaky stairs. When he reached the last step a weird smell hit his nose. One he knew very well, and also one he never hoped to smell in this house. It was the smell of blood, and it clung to the entire hallway. Turning towards the master bedroom Gage sent a small prayer to the heavens above, praying his girls were alright.

When he reached the bedroom and saw the remains of it, he felt his knees go weak. Something had happened in here. Clothes were thrown across the room, chairs were overturned. Overall it looked like there had been a fight in there. But still, there was no one to be seen.

With fear in his heart he turned to the last place he hadn't looked, the twins bedroom. Like a flash he saw himself and Syd standing over their little pink cribs, silently watching the beautiful new-borns, both letting tears of joy flow down their faces.

But now the door was closed, and he saw something he had not seen before. It was a note, and it was taped to the closed door. With shaking hands he touched the words written in red.

"Now you are alone…"

The words rang through his head while he pulled his hand back as if he was burned by those words. A red stain coloured his fingers. The flowers were already lying on the floor, scattered in the hallway as he made himself touch the doorknob. The red paint stained it, but he wasn't aware. The only thing he was aware of was his heartbeat. It sounded like a drum going through his chest after pounding it in his throat and ears.

He turned the knob, fearing what he would find. But nothing could have prepared him for what he found in the little pink bedroom, now coloured red…