"I'm not a horrible person, Michael. You know that. But, when I was 19, I was involved with 27 year old man, Jake Santos. And um…we were pretty intense. We were together right after my birthday. We met at UC Berkley. He was recruiting for his real estate firm. He was wonderful…He was my first everything…I was naïve, what can I say? I had never been in love before…never had been intimate with a guy before…never had a boyfriend before…and then, about six months into all of it, I got pregnant. Now, a 19 year old girl cannot have a baby if she comes from my family and is going to school full time. My parents would have disowned me. So, I had the baby on my own. Jake and I were still together but lived in different places. He had his apartment and I still lived in the dorms. I couldn't move in with him…my parents paid good money for the dorms and I was terrified to lie to them and that I would get caught. I didn't go home anymore. I was lying all of the time and hated every moment of it. She was born premature, my little girl. My little Olivia Patrice. She was okay…five pounds four ounces….a little tiny and they only kept her in the NICU for a few days.
"I couldn't bring her home to the dorm….I managed to persuade my parents into helping me finance an apartment. Jake still lived in his apartment…I mean, it probably would have made sense for us to live together or for me to be at least in the same development, right? I couldn't lie to my parents and live with him and his place was far from campus…I mean, it was pretty far. So Jake and I…we only saw each other every once and a while. We took turns taking care of her for those six months. Every four days, we would switch. It started to wear on us. I couldn't do it anymore. I mean, it wasn't rational. There are so many things we should have done but didn't think of because I was barely 20 and he was almost 28! So, I made the decision the day after Olivia turned six months old. I transferred to UCLA. I couldn't do it anymore and maybe it was weak of me, but I made that decision. He was much more mature than I was. He had more of a life established. He had already been engaged once and she left him at the alter.
"He had a life established. I was a 20 year old kid who had no idea what she was doing in her life. I didn't know what else to do…all I knew was that we were screwing up Liv's life. I left her to be raised by her father. I had to leave her. I mean, I don't know if it's a good thing for me …be a woman that basically abandoned her daughter. I have given up my rights to raise Olivia. Things ended between me and Jake almost immediately after. We were already falling apart. We couldn't hold it together. We were young and naïve and stupid. I just finished my sophomore year of college. But, no matter. We were falling apart. We weren't living together and I couldn't take the lying anymore.
"So, I completely understand if you hate me, Michael. I didn't tell you about my past. I didn't tell you about Jake or Olivia. And the only reason that I'm telling you now is that he called me…Jake called me and asked for me to meet him at the park. And I saw my daughter, Michael. I saw my baby girl for the first time in a long while. I asked not to be in her life anymore. I didn't want to hurt her anymore, even though it hurt me. I figured Jake would move on…maybe marry a beautiful and intelligent girl and Olivia would get the family that she so deserves. But I'm telling you this because I went to the park and I saw Jake and we talked…and we kissed. I'm so sorry, Michael. I thought things were okay. I thought I was okay. It was almost four years ago. We don't talk that often and I rarely hear from him. But, I saw him in the park today and we kissed. I need you to know that I felt nothing. I felt nothing. I haven't loved him for years now and I most certainly do not love him now. Please, Michael. I'm so in love with you. Please, don't leave me for my past. It's my past. It's over. I'm so sorry I kept this from you. It's bad enough that I hurt Jake and Liv…I didn't want to hurt you too."
Alice practiced her speech over and over in her head. She left the park, near tears as she separated from Jake. She had apologized profusely, "I'm only going to hurt you and Olivia. You're doing such a wonderful job with her. She's better off without me. I'm doing this because I love her."
Jake kept a grasp on her forearm. His eyes were wide and full of pain. "You're hurting her more than helping her, Alice. She needs a mother."
She couldn't look at him anymore. Her heart was breaking but in her gut, she knew that she was doing the right thing. She had to be doing the right thing. "What happened to your girlfriend, Sandra? Is she still in the picture?" Alice watched her daughter giggle and laugh as she slid down the brightly colored plastic slide.
"Sandra and I are still together. She loves Olivia. She wants to get married." Jake confessed. He shrugged his shoulders and examined his feet. "But I'm willing to leave her if you say you want to get back together. This is an opportunity to become a family. If you say no, I'm going to ask Sandra to marry me." His eyes met hers again and the passion that had once ignited in those spheres had disintegrated and died. There was no life behind his eyes anymore. It had gone away in a heartbeat. She had caused that and it weighed terribly on her soul.
She had said no. She didn't want to destroy the life she had established with Michael. Everything was pretty much perfect. She had a successful career, a handsome boyfriend, a beautiful house. Her life was set. She was happy. It was only when her past started to catch up with her that things threatened to come undone. Olivia deserved something more than she could give her. It was for the best. Alice kissed Jake on the cheek softly, apologizing again and then walked to her car. She didn't cry, even though she felt like she should have. She got into her car without looking back and drove away. She didn't think about the effects of her actions. This was the best thing she could have done. She slid her key into the ignition and her thoughts drifted to her Michael and how she would tell him.
She saw herself taking his hands and sitting with him on their beautiful couch in their beautiful house. She could see how she would tremble as she started to talk. Her lip would quiver slightly and he would place his hand on her check, letting her leaning into his palm. He would ask he what was wrong, saying that she was scaring him and she would go into her story. He would not look at her for a moment, starring at their clasped hands between them. And then, with the most amount of passion and love she had ever seen, he would look at her and tell her how much he loved her and nothing would ever stand in their way.
Of course, all of this went downhill the moment she opened the door to find three men standing in her living room, one of whom was her boyfriend declaring his love for a woman by the name of Sydney. She really didn't know what to think. There was a wave of panic and then a sense of relief, maybe? She was confused. Honestly and completely confused. "Who the hell is Sydney!" Alice snapped again, not seeing her boyfriend move or react the way she wanted him to. She managed to move towards Vaughn, slamming the door loudly behind her. Her bag dropped someone in transit and her keys fell on the floor with a loud clink. The petite blonde approached him, still not hazarding a glance at her.
It was quite like a movie. Will stood there, his arms limp at his side. His mouth seemed to stop working and all he could really think of was how he wanted to put his fist through the wall. He was allowed to love Sydney. They were friends. They had met through Francie and become very close, very fast. True, he had developed a bit of a crush on her, but he had already come to terms with it and completely accepted it. He knew that nothing could come of this crush. He could still love her. And he loved her every moment of everyday. She didn't belong to him by any standards and he was well aware that men may come and go into her life. But, he didn't want the one man whose soul responsibility it was to keep her safe, to be in love with. Love complicated things. Love made things more difficult. Sydney's handler wasn't suppose to love her or care about her. She was his job. And to make this even better? There was his girlfriend standing in the living room. This was enough to make any sane man insane.
Vaughn turned slowly, trying to figure out how to react. No…no…damnit, no! His heart was pounding so loudly in his chest. He had just said something he had bottled up for nearly two years and felt a massive amount of relief sweep over him. He had never felt so liberated before in his life. He had just announced something that made him feel so good…probably because it was true. He had waited almost two years. Two years! And the moment he decides to come to this particular realization, his girlfriend, the woman who had had declared his love for not three hours earlier, decided to waltz into the front door. He had no idea what to do. Oh, this was a bad situation. Bad. Bad. Bad. He bit down on his teeth, gritting down and trying to sound pleasant and loving. Talk, moron! "Baby, what are you doing back so early? What happened to your run?" He looked her up and down, realizing she was dressed more for a nice lunch…not a run in the park with the girls. His eyes widened slightly. Was she lying to him?
The relief and panic quickly swirled into rage. Her past with Jake and Olivia no longer matter. She didn't care about what happened in her life, only what was going to happen. She saw her picture perfect life disintegrating. "Who the hell is Sydney, Michael? And who are these people?" She acknowledged the two other men with a fiery glance. Her mouth was dry and sweat was pooling off every curve of her body. All she could do was blink rapidly, trying to make sense of all of this. She was waiting for the laughter to kick in.
Weiss stepped forward first, extending his hand out towards her. He was still composed and calm. He was the only real adult in the room at the moment. "I'm Eric, Alice. We've-"
"At Stacey and Todd's, yes of course." She turned towards Will, "I'm sorry to be rude but do I know you? Or are you one of these mysterious friends that Michael has in his double life-where he is apparently in love with Sydney?" Alice was an independent woman, who had a mind of her own. She had no qualms about speaking her mind at any given point in time. Some may consider her a little on the blunt side. She took it in stride. This was one of those times.
"Will Tippin." He stepped forward, still fuming over the lack of involvement by Weiss and Vaughn. He extended his hand towards her, barely making eye contact.
"Pleasure." She responded and turned her head towards Vaughn, "May I talk to you for a moment, Michael?" The venom started to ooze from her pores. She made her way towards her safe haven; their bedroom.
Vaughn finally was able to look at her, "Okay."
"Wait. Wait. We're not done here yet." Will spoke suddenly, "I'm sorry but we're not."
"Well, "Alice replied turning on her heels, "I can guarantee you we will be brief, Will."