Not since the attack of the nine tails had Konoha been in such chaos.

People were running everywhere like chickens with their heads cut off, none of them really having a destination. Through the masses of people strode the Godaime Hokage, her body leaned forward aggressively as is daring anyone to get in her way.

She was going to a place that was generally forgotten and ignored, which was unfortunate because although only needed rarely, sometimes it was really needed. Now was one of those times.

She arrived at a small building on the west edge of town and banged noisily on the door, "Hanzo! Get down here now!"

After what felt like ages, the door was slowly pulled open and an old man looked out with a smile, "Ah! Tsunade-sama, what a pleasant surprise"

"You knew perfectly well I was coming, and you know just as well what I'm here for!"

The old man laughed and opened the door wider, "Must you always go straight to business? I haven't had a good chat with you in years"

Following the old man into his house, Tsunade looked around at the racks and shelves that filled it. Here was where the most ancient of scrolls and books were kept, an archive of information that no one had wanted but Hanzo. The library would have too much trouble to transport, so he had just moved into and redecorated the archive building.

They went into the study and Tsunade found a large plush armchair and sat down, waiting impatiently. Not in any rush, the old man took a moment to straighten a scroll rack that had gotten misaligned and then eased slowly into his own chair, "So then, I'm guessing you're here because of the incident a few days ago?"

"Of course! I've spoken with every jutsu specialist in the village, picked the brains of the summoning experts and been briefed by the greatest masters of chakra control"

Hanzo leaned forward and leaned his head on his left hand, "And now, after all that, you come to visit an old collector of books…why?"

"Because no one else has a clue what happened"

"Hmm…yes, it would appear that you are in quite a difficult situation"

"That," the Hokage said tiredly, "is a major understatement"

"Well, I've been predicting this visit, and have been doing some thinking and researching, but I first want to hear what other people have said"

Tsunade took a moment to sort through the mess of memories that made up the last 8 hours, "Well…I've been told it could have been some type of Doton jutsu, but I've never heard of any jutsu that widespread. Some people think it was an extremely powerful genjutsu, but that seems too farfetched as well. Apart from that, it could have been a chakra manifestation, but one of that size would require a inconceivably huge amount of chakra"

The old man nodded, "There's an old saying that goes: When you have eliminated all that is impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the answer. That was most certainly a chakra manifestation of some variety, which leaves us with the far more complicated and interesting dilemma of its source"

Sitting in her chair, Tsunade was wishing she had come to Hanzo first. As always, his calm methodology made the answers to problems seem simple, "So where do we start?"

"We start," the old man said, "with a poem"

"A poem?"

"What. Are you going deaf in your old age? Yes, a poem, or to be more precise, a very old poem"

"Give me an approximate age; are we talking 100 years? 200 years? 500 years?"

Hanzo reached behind his chair and pulled out what looked like a slab of stone in a plastic bag, turning it over to show a 4 by 2 foot surface covered in small scratch marks.

Tsunade stared, "You've got to be kidding me"

"This writing was only used for a period 1200 to 1600 years ago. It is the only record I have ever read that pertains to the incident"

"So read me this poem"

"I'll read a modernized version, since there have been some major changes in language and if I were to read it as written you wouldn't be able to make sense of it. In fact, the method I've used to modernize it is a relatively new and I have to say quite fascinating procedure, it starts by copying the manuscript twice and…"

"Hanzo"

"Oh, I'm sorry, you wanted to hear the poem, didn't you?"

The old man cleared his throat slowly and noisily,

Long before the age of man,

When animals free roamed the land,

There arose up from his sleep,

A monster from the deepest deep,

His howl could make the oceans swell,

And with his roar the mountains fell,

The people fled clear of his path,

Lest upon them fall his wrath,

But some among them rose to fight,

Stood to end his reign of fright,

And from among them emerged eight,

Who swore they'd seal the demons fate,

On the highest peak of all the land,

The demon fought against the band,

For forty days and forty nights,

They clashed across the savage heights,

The heroes knew they could not win,

Their swords bounced off the demon's skin,

And yet still they would not yield,

But chose another battlefield,

As day turned twilight, then to dusk, they fought among the standing stones,

And there a ritual was done, to take them to the shadow planes,

Tis' said that there they shall remain, 'till willingly the best atones,

In that dark place where human souls, can serve but as the demons chains

Finishing the poem, Hanzo raised his voice dramatically, as if he were an actor reading a script, "So, what did you think of that!"

"………Sure it's a nice poem, but what does it have to with the incident?"

Hanzo looked at her with just a twinge of condescension, "Hokage-sama, do you think any human would have the chakra to manifest enough chains to enwrap a city?"

Tsunade looked shaken, "No…I've never heard of anyone having anywhere near that much"

"Therefore the only conclusion is that it was a demon"

"I guess…"

"NO! You don't guess, Tsunade! It's not a pleasant thought for me either but if we start ignoring things we're afraid of it will lead to the villages destruction"

Tsunade took a breath and closed her eyes, "So Konoha has been again ravaged by a demon, how am I supposed to tell the people without causing mass panic?"

"First of all, we weren't ravaged. If memory serves, no civilians and only 3 shinobi were killed. Those few who were killed were the ones sent after the escaped prisoner and his rescuers, so that means the demon itself killed no one, something we need to acknowledge and be thankful for. Second of all, there's already mass panic, so more information can't hurt at this point "

"So you want me to go out there and tell a city they should be thankful they were attacked by a demon!"

"Exactly. Had the four nukenin just attacked head on, there could be hundreds, or even thousands more casualties"

"Oh……I'd never thought of it that way"

"Obviously"

Tsunade got a glint in her eyes, "You might want to watch how you speak to me"

To her shock, Hanzo laughed openly at her, "You've become far used to your position intimidating people, Tsunade-hime. I was a jounin before you were even born. In fact, you might remember it was me who oversaw your jounin exam"

The Hokage did indeed remember. She had been completely confident in her abilities, only to be thoroughly thrashed by Hanzo who even then, at forty-six, had been old for a shinobi.

Hanzo went on, "The point being, I'm far to old to bother pretending to be intimidated by you youngsters and your filibusters"

"So then, what other insight can you offer me?" Tsunade said with only a hint of sarcasm.

"Well, the more I've thought about it, the more I'm sure the being we encountered is the one mentioned in the poem, but there seemed to be something missing"

Tsunade became fully serious again and nodded, "The last stanza was a completely different form than the rest of it. Your thinking someone cut out and re-wrote the end?"

"Indeed, I think there may be as much as half the poem missing, and I am working with the assumption that it was done to limit anyone's knowledge about this particular creature, whatever it may be. The obvious problem is that if this version was written over a thousand years ago, the original may not even exist anywhere"

"If it does, we'll find it"

"The other obvious solution would be to just find Naruto-kun and ask him about the demon yourself"

Tsunade shook her head, "I've had to send out squads to search the forest to keep up appearances, but it's obvious to anyone who knows about these things that with their head start our odds of finding them in the wilderness are slim to none"

"Well then, Tsunade-sama, I suggest you hop to it. I don't imagine the village is going to be very patient about finding out exactly what it was that made a complete fool of us and ruined our reputation of strength"

The Hokage groaned slightly as she got up, "I really don't need to hear that right now..."

"Oh but you do. The names of the shinobi involved will soon be forgotten and brushed aside, but it will be remembered forever that a demon was involved"

The Hokage seemed to get progressively more morose as she walked to the door, "Well...I suppose it's time to go out and face the bureaucracy"

"Drop by again some time, Tsunade-hime, I do so enjoy our little chats"

/-/-/-/Meanwhile, In the Forest/-/-/-/

As he had done so many times over the last couple days, Sasuke pondered conflictedly over the cloak that had only days before belonged to his brother. He knew logically that joining the Akatsuki would be a good choice for him; it provided a structured yet not overly restrictive environment for nukenins to develop their skills, but something inside him still resisted.

He set down the cloak and picked up the mission assignment on the back of which was scrawled a map. It showed an area near Hidden Waterfall and Itachi had, with his usual subtlety, written "SECRET BASE HERE" in large block letters with an arrow pointing towards the side of a badly drawn hill, where Sasuke suspected there would be hidden door.

Sasuke sensed movement behind him but refused to acknowledge it, continuing to study the map. After a few minutes of blankly staring at a page he had long since memorized, he lost his patience, "I think your enjoying yourself just a bit to much, Kabuto"

Behind the Uchiha's back, Kabuto paused in mid kata, "But I'm just training, Sasuke-sama"

Sasuke slowly turned to look at the medic nin icily, "Your trying to make your cloak billow out as you fight! That's not training!

Kabuto smiled evasively, "Is there something wrong with wanting to fight with a little bit of style?"

"When your bugging me, yes there is"

"I think you need to lighten up a bit, Sasuke-sama"

"I think you need to stop being a distraction, as I am trying to decide our next move"

"What's there to decide? We do missions for them, they give us money, and as an added bonus, we get cloaks, rings and cool hats"

"But still..."

"You have to admit, Sasuke-sama, that the hats are cool, and we get them for free! What other group gives out free hats?"

"The Shriners"

Kabuto paused, "A rare valid point...but their hats aren't cool"

Tuning out Kabuto, Sasuke looked again at the mission request, his logic finally overcome his resistance. Trying to be firm in his resolve, Sasuke jumped to his feet and started to pack up camp.

Noticing Sasuke's movement, Kabuto stopped mid-monologue, "So I take it we're leaving?"

"We'll try this mission, and if we succeed, we'll go from there"

"Yes!" Kabuto twisted his body so his cloak billowed out behind him, "free hat, here I come!"

/-/-/-/Meanwhile, Somewhere Else In The Forest/-/-/-/

"WHAT!"

Kisame took a step back from the irate girl, leaving Itachi to face her wrath, "How could you pack NOTHING but Pocky in your bag!"

Itachi crossed his arms, "I like Pocky"

Temari smacked her forehead, "Yes, but we human beings need more than chocolate and wafer sticks to survive. Therefore, it is somewhat of a problem when one of our provision bags contains nothing but Pocky!"

20 feet away behind a tree, Kisame felt the need to give his input, "Actually, Temari san, there's some orange tang in the bag too"

Immediately realizing he had drawn unwanted attention to himself in the way of a glare, Kisame ducked back behind the tree only to see Naruto taking a nap in one of the branches above him. Making sure as to not draw attention to himself again, he carefully climbed up the tree and poked the fox boy in the shoulder.

"Wha? Whadaya want Kisame?"

"What are you doing up here?"

"Well, I was sleeping until you interrupted me"

Kisame sat down on the branch; "I don't suppose you'd care to mention to Temari that she was the one who just grabbed two of the four ration bags without checking to see what was in them?"

Naruto looked over to where Itachi stood calmly amongst the hurricane that was Temari's temper

"Not particularly"

They sat silently for a few seconds, still well within earshot of Itachi's verbal thrashing

Kisame's stomach rumbled, "I'm getting hungry listening to her talk about Pocky so much…"

Naruto stood up and stretched, pulling his sword from where he'd stuck it into the tree, "Let's go get something then, we'll just take the long way around camp and find ourselves something to snack on…"

/-/-/-/10 Minutes Later/-/-/-/

After numerous failed attempts to sleep while standing and with his eyes open, Itachi had discovered a way to pass the time. If he watched closely, he could predict what Temari was going to say before she said it, and the closer he looked, the further ahead he could predict.

From subtle muscle twitches and the way her yes shifted he was predicting up to a full sentence in advance.

Itachi cut into her endless lecture, "Yes, There's a town only a few miles ahead where we can get supplies"

Temari stopped, "Don't interrupt me when I'm ranting…even my brother knows not to interrupt me when I'm ranting"

"You were about to say, 'and you better hope there's somewhere up ahead where we can get real food', and so I saved us both time by answering the question before you asked it"

"That's not what I was going to say!"

"Yes it was"

"How do you know?"

"I just do"

"If you're making fun of me I'll…"

Itachi suddenly vanished and Temari didn't even have time to react before her body went numb "What the hell did you do!"

Re-appearing right behind her, Itachi flicked the back of her head and watched as she tried to swat at him, but fell over instead.

"I just poked you in all 37 paralyzing pressure points," Itachi leaned over her, "How about this, I undo the paralysis, we get more food in the next town, and you stop wearing my ears off"

"Um…ok?"

Itachi poked her neck and feeling returned to her body, "Good then"

/-/-/-/-/Authors Notes/-/-/-/-/

There are moments in the life of every person when we wish we could do that, just instantly paralyze someone who was annoying us, the only thing is that Itachi does have the power to do it.

This chapter is intentionally (yes, intentionally) short because I wanted to keep a kind of lightness throughout the whole chapter, and that I wanted to do another little random bonus thing

For those awaiting more philosophical babble and Naru/Tem fluff, you must endure until the next chapter

Apart from that, I'm off to Anime Expo today for the weekend, so I leave you with:

/-/-/-/-/-/-/Bonus #2/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Gaara stood in the middle of an empty field, basking in the silence. There were no bugs, no animals, and no wind. There was no sound at all. He noticed that he was mostly naked, wearing only a set of boxer shorts covered in pictures of Shukaku, but it didn't bother him for some reason.

He started to walk forward, feeling the grass run pleasantly between his toes, and thought again what a wonderfully peaceful place this was, with absolutely nothing to annoy him…

"Pika?"

Gaara stopped cold and turned his head to look in the direction of the sound to see what had dared despoil his tranquility. There, in the grass, stood a large yellow mouse like thing that continued to look at him curiously, "Pika Pi?"

"Go away"

The odd thing stood there for a moment, then suddenly leapt at him, "PIKA!"

Electricity crackled in the air as the yellow rodent flew towards him and Gaara, being Gaara, reached out with his sand and crushed it into a bloody pulp.

Now back in his world quiet, Gaara was happy for only a couple seconds when his silence was broken again, "NOOOOOOOO! PIKACHUUUUUUUU!"

Appearing out of nowhere, a boy appeared and clutched at the bloody remains before standing up and striking a pose, "I am Ash Ketchum, from the town of Pallet, and you are a horribly evil man who has taken my best friend from me. It is with this knowledge that I shall, in the name of justice, strike you down and end your dark ways. Despite the loss of my partner from me and ended our great adventure, I shall continue on and…URK!"

The sand withdrew and Gaara sighed happily, his field was again tranquil.

"Prepare for TROUBLE"……… "and make it DOUBL…" Squish

Gaara cursed silently, where did all these freaks keep coming from? He looked around slowly, and no more annoyances appeared. But he walked cautiously forward only to feel something hit the back of his head.

He looked down and saw what looked like a red and white plastic ball. A moment later, another ball hit him, only to be followed by three more. He followed the path of the accursed projectiles and found an old man hiding in the grass, who upon seeing Gaara's approach, stood up nervously,

"Hello there, I'm professor Oak, and I'm here to tell you about the wonderful world of Poke…"

With a squish and a crack, old man was no longer a problem, but Gaara was seriously starting to wonder if he was ever going to be left alone.

Gaara continued through the field now very apprehensive, but it appeared as if the annoyances had finally left him alone. He stumbled slightly on a rock and stubbed his toe. When he reached down to make sure it wasn't broken, he was struck with a dawning horror.

His feet were too small, as were his hands, and they were all yellow! He ran his hands over his body and felt not skin, but fur. Refusing to believe it, he tried to speak,

"Pi……Pika"

Gaara's eyes snapped open, "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Kankuro burst in the door, "Gaara! You ok? What the hell was that!"

Quickly realizing he was in bed, Gaara calmed down, "I'm fine…just a nightmare…I'm fine"

Kankuro shook his head, "Man…that must have been some nightmare to scare you like that…"

Gaara laughed between deep breaths, "Lets just say I am never ever playing Gameboy before bed again"

/-/-/-/End Bonus/-/-/-/

This Bonus was for all you people out there who remember the original Pokemon TV series, and how horribly bad it was.