Author's Notes:
Just moments before this chapter was to be posted, Never Cut Twice received its 200000th hit, so since I'm feeling warm and fuzzy right now, I'm going to do something I haven't for a long time, answer a couple questions:
Shun Yamada Asks:
Why does Sasuke give a damn about, let alone not kill, Kabuto?
Well, it seems to me that Sasuke would tolerate Kabuto, if only barely, because of Kabuto's strength and complete devotion. Kabuto has nowhere else really to go (would you want someone like Kabuto working for you?) and Sasuke is in need of strong allies.
What shall become of poor Sakura?
I received a number of similar comments, and I try to address them all here: There are a few schools of thought on Sakura, and for this story I'm drawing from the idea that she is fundamentally an extremely shallow person. I will be the first to admit that this isn't anything resembling a fair and balanced portrayal of her on the whole, but she was quite horrible to Naruto at times and that view of her fits in the context of NCT, particularly since she's not a very important character. Also worth noting that she became far more mature as the series progressed, and most of her appearances in NCT are as memories.
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Walking into camp, Naruto felt a strange unease.
Itachi sat examining piles of stuff and Kisame was reading a book about sharks, but Naruto sensed something sinister in the air.
Temari seemed oblivious to the atmosphere and wandered curiously over to Itachi, "What did you win at gambling? Anything good?"
The Uchiha shrugged, "I now own a mansion on the north end of town, a summer house by the sea, a company that builds shingles, a horse named 'Tabasco', the patent of an invention that slices bagels, a candy store, and some guys wife. That's only the stuff worth big bucks, the rest is in boxes that I need to sort through"
Temari sat next to him and peered over his shoulder, "A man bet his wife?"
"Yeah. Actually, it was the same guy who I got the horse from, and he bet his wife before he would bet his horse"
"You started with almost nothing, so how'd you manage that kind of profit?"
"I just play card games, which I can win at easily"
"Isn't that cheating?"
"How is having better eyesight and a better memory than everyone else cheating?"
"I guess it's not…but it still doesn't seem right…"
Naruto flopped onto his sleeping bag, "I figure morality is beside the point, since Itachi, you have no use for anything you've won"
"Maybe so, but I can sell some of them for money, and return the others in exchange for having some powerful people owe me favors"
Temari poked Itachi's head, "This probably goes without saying, but I assume you are going to return the man's wife"
Kisame looked up from his book, "Bah! I bet there are some groups who would pay handsomely to have her as a hostage, use her to blackmail her husband"
Temari crossed her arms, "I sometimes can't believe you people…"
Naruto looked up lazily from where he was lounging, "He was joking, Temari. Do you really think we'd go to all the trouble of trying to transport and sell a person when we could just sell off that summer cottage?"
"Okay…I think you're missing the point, but it really doesn't matter"
Naruto was not really listening, as his mind had moved on to other more obvious sources of interest, "Speaking of junk, it looks like you got quite a haul yourself, Kisame…"
"This is not junk! I used to have the greatest known collection of JAWS memorabilia in the world, but I was forced to leave it all behind in hidden mist"
"You must really like the movie"
Kisame adjusted his JAWS hat, "It's my favorite. I'm always inspired when I see it to strive for great things, just like the hero in the movie…except that it's so sad when he dies at the end"
Temari huffed, "Thanks for ruining the ending!"
Itachi pulled a bobble-head of some famous actor out of his box-o-stuff and threw it over his shoulder into his 'trash' pile, "Don't worry, Temari. Kisame has a rather unique view of JAWS, which I should know since he's dragged me to see it at least seven times"
Kisame looked offended, "Hey, it's a great inspirational movie, and I think every young boy and girl should be taken to see it. A shark, wanting simply to find something to fill his starved belly, and the merciless humans who hunt him. You'll laugh, cry and be moved by the poor sharks struggle to live!"
Temari was wide eyed, "Okaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy then…"
A stuffed monkey flew through the air and landed in the trash pile as Itachi continued to dig through the box, "So anyway, enough about us. What have you two been up to all evening?"
Thinking he sounded a tad smug, Temari was cautious, "Not much. Went to a movie and ate some sushi"
"That's it? Sounds pretty boring…are you sure you're not leaving anything out?"
"Of course! Why are you acting so suspicious? What do you think I'm not telling you?"
"Well, for example," Itachi said matter-of-factly, "you're forgetting to mention your make-out session in the forest, if it was even as tame as that"
"…………"
"And just so we're clear," Itachi continued in that same tone of voice, "you two are free to do whatever you want as long as Kisame and I aren't around, since we really don't want to listen"
Temari glared, "I wasn't aware that we needed your permission"
Kisame smirked and brushed away an imaginary tear, "Ah, they grow up so fast, don't they, Itachi?"
Despite having been just moments ago in a very good mood, Naruto was getting annoyed, "Do you really want me to kick your ass that badly, Kisame?"
"Ha! I'd like to see you try, brat"
Just as the two swordsman were gearing themselves up, Temari tossed her sleeping bag over her shoulder and grabbed Naruto's arm, "Come on, these nutcrackers aren't going to let up any time soon, so we'll sleep somewhere else tonight"
Not really caring, Naruto just let himself be led into the woods, though he had the mind to grab his sword and pack on the way. They hadn't been gone a minute when Kisame noticed something amiss and raised his voice to call after them, "Hey guys, you only have one sleeping bag!"
Temari's voice echoed out from the trees with an edge of amusement to it, "That's all we'll need!"
The ex-Akatsuki shared a look, and Kisame let out a low whistle, "Well… she's rather feisty, isn't she?"
"Surprisingly, yes. We were, in a word, owned"
"I'm not sure it was quite that bad…"
Itachi gave him a flat look.
"Well, maybe it was that bad, but we can at least claim a moral victory!"
"No, Kisame, we can't. Our bluff was called, and plans of harassment were foiled"
"Bah! All they've done is temporarily delayed our mocking, since they have to come back in the morning. Not only that, they've given us a whole night to improve out strategy"
"True…" Itachi was silent for a moment, "and if they want to give us extra time, then it would be a waste not to use it"
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Naruto examined his position with rapt anticipation. Temari was vulnerable, she knew it, and yet she would be completely unable to stop him. HE moved in for the kill, barely able to retrain himself.
"Your precious bishop is mine. Check!"
"Bastard…"
The sleeping bag had been fully unzipped and laid on the ground like a picnic blanket, in the center of which now sat Naruto's chess board.
"Are you ready to concede yet? I have checkmate in two moves"
"I need time to think"
"That," Naruto said pointedly, "was what you said about your last move, and yet after five minutes of thinking you moved exactly where I knew you would and brought me one move closer to check mate. So now again you are going to think, and four or so minutes from now, you are going to make what we both know is the only move you can and thus I will be one move from checkmate, so you should just give up"
Temari ground her teeth, "You should just shut up"
Naruto almost started whistling the 'Jeopardy' theme, but figured that might be pushing it, "So I take it I'm going to be the one who's sleeping on the ground?"
"Well yeah, what kind of man would you be if you made a girl sleep on cold hard dirt?"
Naruto rolled his eyes, but refrained from making further snide comments.
Time passed slowly, and Temari slowly had to accept that Naruto had been right. There was only one move she could make, "I'm going to get you next time"
Naruto laughed, "Sure you are"
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Late that night, when the night was quiet but for the sound of Temari's breathing, Naruto slowly sat up and crept over to where his sword was laying against a tree. Being as silent as possible, he lifted the weapon and slowly snuck away.
He continued moving for quite some time, more concerned about the chakra he would give off than the noise he would make, so he made sure to be at least four miles from any other people.
Sitting on the ground, he laid Seirei Kirite in front of him and ran his hands over the blade, his mind sinking slowly into itself.
"You there, stupid fox?"
"About time! I've been waiting for hours!"
"Stop whining, you're getting an amazing opportunity, so you have no right to complain"Conceding the point, Kyuubi controlled his urge to spew insults.
"Anyway," Naruto said suddenly, "what's this jutsu called?"
"What IS it with you humans and naming things? This particular technique could never have had a name since you invented it, but you could call it 'Giggity Giggity Gig' no jutsu and it wouldn't make the slightest difference in how it worked"
Naruto had never really thought about it, but he supposed the fox had a point. Shrugging to himself, he drew himself fully back into the real world, bit his thumb and streaked a line of blood across the flat of his blade, forming familiar hand seals, but in a new combination"Giggity Giggity Gig no Jutsu!"
There was a momentary surge of chakra, a little smoke, and the jutsu was complete.
It was with great trepidation that Kyuubi slowly opened his eyes and looked down at his hands, "Kick ASS!"
In place of Naruto's familiar sword stood a young man, one who was now doing back flips just for the sheer joy of being able.
Naruto, on the other hand, felt a strange sense of satisfaction, "So how does it feel to have a body again?"
"Well, it is a human body, and so completely inferior to the noble body of a fox, but I suppose I'll manage"
For all his haughtiness, the demon was betrayed by the fact that he continuously flexed and stretched his muscles with apparent delight.
"Now I'm hoping you will remember the time limit…"
"Yeah, yeah, brat. I'll be back tomorrow mid-morning"
"And remember," Naruto spoke, "you may have a body, but the same rules as always apply. If you break even one, I'll know and you may find yourself quickly being cut off from the chakra that keeps you transformed"
"Yes, Father. Speaking of which, how real am I?"
"Technically, the body your inhabiting is a variation on the henge, but reinforced with chakra. You are for all intents and purposes human for the next twelve hours, but I'd avoid rough physical contact"
The demon suddenly dashed off, and Naruto followed closely, having guessed what Kyuubi had in mind. Arriving at a lake, the fox bent over and examined his reflection, "Hey…I look pretty good! The babes are going to be all over me!"
Naruto smiled to himself, "One more thing: You've helped me out today, and so I'm going to allow a little mayhem, but only a little"
Kyuubi suddenly noticed something strange about his clothing, an insignia on the back of his shirt… "Wait a second… You made me look like Uchiha Sasuke!"
Naruto started to make his way back toward the campsite, "Yes…yes I did"
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Both Naruto and Temari slept in (relatively) late the next morning, so Seirei Kirite was back next to Naruto, the sword showing no sigh that just hours ago it had been romping around Rivercity in the form of Uchiha Sasuke.
Though unbeknownst to the Uchiha himself, all the city guard had been given Sasuke's (Kyuubi's) picture and were told to bring him to the central tower if ever spotted, to be charged with mischief and public disturbance.
It would be a shame that some years down the road when Uchiha Sasuke actually did visit Rivercity, Naruto was not in the nearby area to see the chaos that followed, but that is another story entirely.
Temari and Naruto of them stumbled back into the main camp only to notice a distinct lack of Itachi and Kisame. There was, however, a pile of a few scrolls and a Polaroid photo, which Temari picked up and examined.
It was a picture of Itachi and Kisame wearing cloaks, but they weren't their old Akatsuki ones, although the pattern did look familiar. There was a written caption that said 'Since he won't be needing it anymore' and it clicked.
"Oi! Naruto, get over here. You won't believe what those two wackjobs did with your sleeping bag"
Naruto had one of the previously piled scrolls in his hand and was reading the first few lines, "Considering what I've got here, I would believe anything"
"It appears that your sleeping bag has been made into clothing, though how the two of them managed to pull it off in one night is beyond me"
"Well," Naruto said, "count me as even more amazed because this scroll is, and I quote, 'The Uchiha And Hoshigaki Complete Annotated Encyclopedia Of Everything Two Hormonally Charged Teenagers Might Do While Alone In The Forest With Just A Large Sword And Naruto's Pack'"
"Creepy…"
"What's really creepy is that they knew exactly what was in my pack. And I mean exactly, down to every last used gum wrapper"
Temari grabbed one of the other scrolls, "Apparently one wasn't enough, because here's TUAHCAEOETHCTMDWAITFWJALSANP volume two, and I'd bet that's volume three on the ground there"
"They managed to fill three scrolls? They must be a lot more creative than we are, since all we really did was play chess and sleep"
"So they managed to sew two cloaks from a sleeping bag and come up with and write three scrolls worth of ideas which I suspect are mostly sick, twisted, or both, all in one night?"
Naruto took a look at the photo, "No one takes stupid jokes more seriously than Kisame and Itachi. They're probably not here because they wanted to get some sleep somewhere we wouldn't find them"
Temari crushed the Polaroid in her hand, "Well, I'm going to find them, and they'll be damn sorry when I do!"
She paced back and forth fuming while Naruto read the first scroll with no small amount of amusement, "Well, you have to at least give them credit for sheer effort"
The boy tilted his head to the side as a kunai whizzed by his ear, "Okay, so maybe you don't"
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Temari never did find where Itachi and Kisame were sleeping, but the two ex-Akatsuki strolled into camp that evening with wads of cash, announcing they had sold a little of Itachi's acquired capital and returned the rest.
Having spent the day wandering around with Naruto as he bought a new sleeping bag, the sand girl had almost completely cooled down, and had even allowed herself to read a few entries of TUAHCAEOETHCTMDWAITFWJALSANP, which she would never admit, were at least a little bit funny.
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Early Moday morning, Itachi withdrew the business card Mako had given him a few days earlier, "So, what are people's views on going to see this Vincent person?"
Temari leaned against a tree, "I think we should go for it, I figure there's no harm in asking for payment when the job is already done"
"So then," Kisame interjected, "What do we do if he refuses? Are we ready to threaten him, and if so, are we willing to go through with any threat we might make?"
Itachi looked at Naruto, "You did the job, so it's your call"
He tapped the hilt of his sword rhythmically, "I agree that we have very little to lose by trying, assuming we're discreet, and a few subtle threats might be required. On the other hand, I want to avoid violence, so if push comes to shove, we back off. Sound good?"
Getting a generally affirmative response, Naruto nodded to himself, "But then comes the problem of who should go"
Kisame grinned, "All of us"
"Are you sane?" Itachi said bluntly, "Suggesting that you, a registered missing nin of this country, could walk into the central tower of this city unchallenged"
"Yes, I am"
"On what basis?"
"You'll all just have to find out"
Temari poked at the coals of the fire, making sure they were all out, "You're not messing with us, right? We're not going to walk up to the central tower only to be surrounded by members of the city guard?"
"Well…subtlety will be required, but once we're in the tower, there won't be a problem. However, this doesn't mean we won't need to prepare a little bit. Itachi joined the Akatsuki almost immediately after leaving his village, and so has never really dealt with clients personally, meaning I have to explain to you people how to prepare for and handle a meeting with the Poohbah"
Naruto harrumphed, "And what makes you an authority?"
Kisame looked annoyed, "Alright, everyone take a shot at guessing how old I am"
Itachi looked his longtime partner over carefully; curious as he suddenly realized he didn't know the shark man's age "Twenty six"
Temari shrugged unknowingly, "Um…twenty three"
Naruto continued to tap his sword hilt; "I'll go with Itachi on this one, twenty six"
Kisame stared at them blankly for a couple seconds, then started to laugh, "I'm glad I look so youthful, but I'm afraid to say I've been walking this earth for a full thirty years"
Itachi's mouth would have hung open had he allowed himself such displays of emotion, and Naruto's mouth was hanging open. Temari seemed the only one to be impressed rather than astonished.
"So, as I'm eleven years older than even Itachi, making my time as a shinobi almost twice his, I've had much more variety in my experiences. One of those experiences is that I have, on many occasions, met with high and done jobs for high officials. Any more arguments? No? Good."
With a few quick hand seals Kisame and Naruto concealed their more bizarre features, and thus the four set off for the city. None were concerned about carrying large weapons, as in this city, they blended in perfectly.
To Temari's delight, the place Kisame led them to was a shopping mall.
"Alright," Kisame said authoritatively, "we are not going to visit the Poohbah as Nukenin, but as contractors and businesspeople, meaning we need to dress sharply. Does anyone have any ideas or…"
Suddenly a dark suspicion popped into Kisame's head as he recalled that he had never seen Itachi wear anything other than a black shirt and black pants, whereas Naruto wore only a navy vest and black pants.
"We might have a problem here…"
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Kabuto and Sasuke arrived at their mark's estate and almost immediately realized why the Akatsuki had been the ones to take this mission.
Not only was the estate crawling with guards, there were dogs everywhere. Sasuke observed their motions and immediately guessed the dogs purpose, "They're sniffing the guards to make sure no one is a imposter using henge"
Kabuto shook his head, "Those dogs can't have been easy to train, that kind of expense paid suggests our mark is expecting assassins"
Activating his Sharingan, Sasuke almost fell out of the tree, "Shit! There must be twenty…thirty…forty…more than forty genjutsu traps! We step on the wrong blade of grass and alarms are going to go off while we try to get out of whatever genjutsu it is," he released his Sharingan and rubbed his head, "there's so much it's disrupting my vision"
"So we're rethinking the 'chop the guard on the neck and take his place' approach?"
"Rethinking? We're trashing it. This mission is going to require much more deviousness, which is probably why they gave it to my brother"
"And of course, now you're going to give it your all just to prove you can do anything Itachi can"
Sasuke smirked, "Damn straight"
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
It had been a unanimous decision among those whose votes counted (Kisame and Temari) to go with suits since Kimonos made Itachi look too feminine and made Naruto and Kisame just look weird. For the sake of consistency, Temari was told she would have to dress likewise, but she secretly preferred western suits to Kimonos as well.
Itachi and Naruto appeared perplexed by the black suits they were given and eventually came out and asked where the shuriken holsters were. This was followed by a long involved description of exactly what a suit was, how to wear it, and why it didn't have shuriken holsters.
Temari then dragged Naruto off to get his haircut while Kisame shopped for sunglasses and every female within sight range swamped Itachi.
Arriving back fifteen minutes later feeling refreshed, Naruto discovered Itachi reaching his breaking point as girls of every age surrounded him to stare and/or drool and/or grope. Suspecting that any moment now Itachi would grab a kunai and get stabby, Naruto made urgent gestures suggesting that Itachi make a quick escape to the men's washroom located only fifty or so feet away.
A couple minutes later, Kisame emerged triumphantly holding a number of small boxes, "Yo Naruto! What happened to Itachi?"
Even as he spoke, Itachi burst from the washroom like a bat out of hell and made it to the protection of where Kisame and Naruto stood in less than three seconds. As soon as he appeared, the girls started to gather, but were held back by the rather imposing men with large swords.
Figuring Temari might be a while shopping for herself, Kisame and Naruto escorted Itachi back the store to change back into his regular clothes, after which the three of them wandered aimlessly around the mall.
Eventually, Naruto got bored enough to start wondering that if one swallowed a kunai, would one die from suffocation or blood loss first? He figured suffocation, and was just starting to consider testing this theory out when Temari appeared carrying various bags and appearing absolutely ecstatic.
Naruto glared, "Nice of you to hurry, since we weren't waiting or anything"
"Oh, shut up. I'm in far too good a mood to be annoyed by you"
"So then can we at least go now? We've been here for over three hours!"
"Yes, we can, though I may go back and look more if you keep whining…" Suddenly noticing that Naruto, Kisame and Itachi were already walking away, Temari trailed off and rushed to follow.
/-/-/-/-/-/Later That Day…/-/-/-/-/-/
As the four made final preparations, Kisame sat with Temari watching as the other two struggled to move in foreign garments, "It's not fair, is it?"
"No," she agreed, "it's not"
"I mean, between the two of them they don't have as much fashion sense as a bowl of cottage cheese, but once they actually get dressed up…"
Temari sighed, "Naruto looks amazing, and Itachi could pass as a friggin model"
"Makes me want to go become a nudist…every one is equal that way"
This comment immediately caused all movement within thirty feet to cease. Birds stopped chirping, bees stopped buzzing, and the wind stopped blowing. After a moment of realizing everything had gone quiet, Kisame looked around blankly, "I was being sarcastic, you know"
Unfortunately, the damage had been done as each person tried vainly to rid themselves of the mental image.
Temari shook her head violently, "Let us NEVER speak of this again"
Kisame coughed, "Well fine then…I was just making a joke…"
Itachi was rubbing his temples as if plagued by a headache, "Next time, please make your jokes out of earshot"
"Some people have no sense of humor"
Naruto snorted with amused derision, "Some people have no sense of decency"
"Well some people are just stupid"
"Hey, I don't need to take that from a guy who looks like he belongs in an aquarium!"
"Ha! This coming from someone most suited for a zoo cage?"
As the two started into what Temari suspected would be a rather long exchange of insults, she gathered up her own purchases and made her way to one of the many nearby lakes. Never having been one to care much about fashion, she was nonetheless overjoyed at the thought of now having something other than her shinobi uniform.
She dressed quickly so as not to make the others wait, but fortunately for Temari, she had underestimated how long Kisame and Naruto could maintain a stupid argument, for not only were they were still at it when she finally made it back, they appeared to be nearing the point at which swords would be picked up and landscapes devastated.
Figuring the two of them should have gotten it out of their systems by now and were probably just angling for an excuse to pick up the aforementioned swords so they could devastate the aforementioned landscapes, she intervened "Alright, quit it! Kisame, weren't you just telling us a few hours ago how experienced you are? Shouldn't you then also then have an equal amount of maturity to go with your experience?"
Kisame rolled that thought around in his head for a few seconds, "Hmm…well, yes, I should, but that doesn't mean I do"
"Pfft…and you're supposed to be our role model?"
Kisame turned to deliver a witty retort but stopped when he saw her, "Well now…" said in wonderment, "and all this time I'd just assumed your hair was stuck in those four spiky ponytail things"
Temari flushed, "Don't be stupid! I just do it that way so my hair never bothers me"
Kisame pouted slightly at being rebuked, but suddenly brightened again, "Hey! We have to do our 'thing'"
Nothing happened for a moment; then, as if cued by some silent maestro, the three reached into their breast pockets, pulled out sunglasses, snapped them open with a flick of the wrist and slid them smoothly on all in perfect synchronization. Temari burst out laughing.
Kisame stood thunderstruck, then he and Naruto both cursed and passed some money to Itachi, which the Uchiha collected smugly. It took a couple of minutes for Temari to calm down, during which time she almost tripped from laughing so hard.
As she eventually gathered control of herself, she noticed Naruto's irate state, "…sorry about that, but you guys look like a bunch of dysfunctional Yakuza"
"It's not personal" Naruto grumbled, "We all made a bet on how you would respond. Kisame figured you'd think it was cool, I figured you'd roll your eyes and brush us off, and Itachi said you'd laugh. The two losers had to pay the winner 5000 yen each"
"So now that you three are done being silly, can we get onto the important stuff?"
With a forlorn sigh for his 5000 yen, Kisame nodded, "Alright then, a couple things that the more unstable of us have to remember. Its true that we could crush the entire city guard without much effort, that doesn't however mean that we treat the Poohbah with anything less than the greatest respect. Speak only when spoken to or when I signal you. Most important, no matter what I do, make no threatening gestures of any kind"
He turned to Itachi, "So no sharinganing and no weapons," then to Naruto, "and since you have built in weapons, you must do your very best to look meek. No baring of fangs or flexing of claws"
Despite mild annoyance, there were sounds of grudging agreement on all sides, and Kisame gathered his thoughts, "Its getting later in the day, so we need to leave now and keep a low profile. A reputation is a freelance nukenin's most valuable asset, and we have the perfect chance here to start a good rep, so no mistakes on this"
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Sasuke and Kabuto stared at a rough sketch of their mark's estate and the guard movements they had observed.
"So, Sasuke-sama, any new ideas?"
"Is there any kind of genjutsu we could use that we could use on the guards that we could later lift without anyone noticing?"
"Well…yes…but we need the whole household to be under its influence, and we don't know how many are inside. Not only that, but we're not sure how a genjutsu placed over an area that saturated with genjutsu traps might be altered"
"Can we even be sure that the mark is in the house?"
"That will require some reconnaissance"
"So assuming everything goes according to what we have as far as a plan goes, what's our time frame?"
Kabuto scratched his head, "I'd guess about three to four days"
Sasuke started to absentmindedly nibble his thumbnail, "Crap…we need to move faster…I have an idea for a genjutsu that might work, but it will need to be refined. Can you be reasonably sure of the presence of both the mark and his wife given a whole day to observe?"
"Sure enough, Sasuke-sama"
"Alright then…keep your sleeping time tonight short and start observing, I'll have my genjutsu ready in eighteen hours, but then I'll need to sleep for eight. That will mean that if we give ourselves four hours to prep and plan, we can start the operation in exactly thirty hours "
"Determined to get this over with quickly? Wouldn't a bit more patience be prudent?"
Sasuke nodded, "Maybe, but how long would this mission have taken Kisame and Itachi?"
"Forget sleep, I'll start observations now"
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Vincent was not what one would call a fat man, but nor was he thin. The best way the Poohbah had ever come up with to describe his physique was that he fit his chair perfectly.
This was extremely fortunate, for he spent most of every day in his chair, seated behind a large oak desk. On the other side of the desk were eight other chairs arranged in a semicircle, where his numerous visitors sat.
He had entertained people of every variety in the course of his term, but as he sat reading through reports describing modifications to the cities sewer system, he was completely unaware of the visitors he was about to receive.
He heard a knock at his door, "Come"
His secretary pushed the door open nervously, "Karen says there are…people…here to see you"
Karen was the lady who worked at the desk downstairs, and Vincent knew that whenever she used the intercom to inform his secretary of visitors, she always gave a detailed description, "and what did she say about them?"
"There are four of them, but she seems mostly concerned with a large man who she says looks like he's going to eat her"
"They certainly sound…colorful. Are they armed?"
"No sir"
Vincent momentarily considered sending them away, but his gut told him not to. And besides, his report was about as mentally stimulating as watching ice melt, "Tell Karen to send them up"
Setting his papers to one side, he reached into one of his desk drawers and pulled out a clay jar and spoon. Dipping the spoon in, he withdrew a dollop of golden syrup and slid it into his mouth with a warm sigh.
Cleaning the spoon as best he could with his mouth, he replaced the clay pot and spoon back into their drawer, feeling much refreshed. He heard a knock on his door, "Enter!"
His door was almost thrown open, and Vincent's eyes tightened at the first figure that pushed confidently into his office, "Well…Hoshigaki Kisame…what a pleasant and rather interesting surprise"
Naruto was thrown off kilter by the Poohbah's apparent lack of shock at having an S-class missing nin walk into his office, but noticed there was a subtle tension in the air.
Kisame took a step forward, "Nice to see you too, sir"
Vincent leaned back in his chair, "Somehow I knew you'd show up here someday… but I forget my manners," he turned to address the group as a whole, "my name is Vincent Marmite III, Poohbah of Rivercity and the surrounding area. I am well acquainted with Hoshigaki, but I fear I am unfamiliar with the rest of you"
Naruto, Temari and Itachi took turns introducing themselves as politely as possible while the Poohbah examined them each with an unreadable expression. When they were done, he rested his elbows on his desk and laced his hands together, "The suspicion that this might be a trap has I'm sure passed through all your minds by now, so I would like to clarify exactly how I am acquainted with Hoshigaki-san"
In actual fact, not one of them had suspected a trap, because Itachi trusted Kisame completely and Naruto trusted Kisame completely. Temari placed her trust in Naruto, who trusted Kisame, thus, she trusted the shark man as well. Despite all this, they were all curious, so none corrected the Poohbah.
"It really was," Vincent said reflectively, "a minor event that had a huge impact. Back then I was a protester, nothing more than a punk, really, but I had a cause. The previous Poohbah was a true incompetent, but was the brother of a crime boss, and so remained in power for two full terms. He was about to be elected for a third time, and I started a number of major protests and one or two riots to try and stop him"
Naruto tried to imagine the man in front of him as a upstart idealist punk, and found he couldn't as the man continued, "I was had almost given up hope, but one night I found a note pinned to my door. It wasn't signed, but offered to solve my problems if I could provide safe passage to the mainland for one person and would agree to keep silent. I posted a reply note agreeing, went to bed, and woke the next day to the news that Hoshigaki Kisame, the Daimyo killer, had broken into the city that night had had killed the Poohbah. The next day I smuggled Kisame-san out of water country, and I haven't heard anything of him until today"
"How many years ago was that?" Kisame asked rhetorically, "I can't even remember for sure, but I was much younger"
"As was I," Vincent said with a shade of nostalgia, "but I doubt you are here to reminisce…"
Kisame subtly poked Naruto in the shoulder and the boy took the hint, "We are here with regards to the incident concerning the bandit camp recently destroyed"
Vincent laughed and waved for Naruto to stop, "Of course, of course. Had I known Kisame was in the area; there would have been no doubt in my mind as to how the camp was destroyed. You shall be paid in full"
Kisame looked sheepish, "Actually, it was Naruto who destroyed the camp, and he did so by himself, so the money goes to him"
Raising his eyebrows, Vincent re-examined the boy, "You don't say…in that case, the reward is 400000 yen, the same as I would have paid hidden mist"
Naruto almost fell over, "400000 yen? Are you sure…?"
"Of course, young man. I pay based on the job, not who does it. You did a B-rank mission, so you get the money for such"
"Well…thank you very much, sir"
In a much better mood than he had been in for quite some time, the Poohbah grabbed up his clay pot again and ate a spoonful of the tasty contents, causing Naruto to lean forward, "Is that honey?"
"Why yes, it is, and now that our business is concluded, I fear I must re-introduce myself, because although I am technically Vincent Marmite blah blah blah, my friends, and I hope I can count Kisame's friends as my friends, call me Vinny," he slurped down another spoonful of honey with a grin, "Vinny the Pooh"