Author's Note:
Sigh... One of my three hard drives died two days ago. It was my main drive, so my computer is pretty much out of commision until I figure out how to fix it. This, of course, means that everything I've ever written is probably gone (not including what's been posted, of course), but there is still hope. I 'm going to try and fix my drive for a couple more days, and if that doesn't work, I'll just have to re-write the last chapter. Either way, as a hold-over until then, here's something I wrote in wordpad (sorry, no spell check) on the computer at school during my spare. I realized that the final chapter didn't adequately address what happened to Sasuke and Kabuto, so this one is devoted entirely to them. Might be a while before the last chapter is posted, but I'll do my best since I know it sucks to leave a story just one chapter away from completion.
This side chapter is out of continuity with the rest of the story, but it takes place somewhere in the 16 days between when Naruto and Temari left wave country and when Szark caught up with them.
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Sasuke and Kabuto sat on the side of a hill, looking dejectedly at their surroundings.
The medic-nin pushed his glasses up his nose, "So even after all our hard work, we find ourselves unable to proceed… how vexing."
"We'll find the entrance soon, all it takes is a little patience."
"Maybe Itachi got the location wrong… it might be on the other side of the hill."
"It's worth a look, I guess."
Pushing themselves up, the two made their way around mound of rock and dirt..
Not a minute later, the ground where they had been sitting opened up, and Deidara walked tentatively into the sunlight, "Damn...it's so bright out here. I'm going to kill Sasori for making me look for him."
Mumbling curses, Deidara headed off towards the nearby village in search of the puppet user as the secret door closed silently, leaving no trace of it's presence.
Sasuke and Kabuto returned to their original spot even more discouraged, and Sasuke was fighting the urge to start throwing around some fire justus, "There was no sign of anything on the other side, and I doubt Itachi would make a mistake like that anyway, but I still don't see a door here."
"Well, if we wait here, someone will have to use the door eventually, and we'll be here when they do."
/-/-/-/-/30 seconds later/-/-/-/-/
"I'm boooooooooored."
"Shut up, Kabuto."
"Here's an idea. How about we just blow up the hill!"
"Allow me to rephrase: Shut up or I'll gut you."
"I think Sasuke-sama needs to lighten up a bit. Afterall, Sasuke-sama, it can't be fun to be that uptight all the time. I like Sasuke-sama best when Sasuke-sama is optimistic and positive."
"Oh for the love of... Don't start that again!"
"Don't start what?"
"Don't call me Sasuke-sama!"
"Why, Sasuke-sa..."
Sasuke dove at him, and had just managed to get his hands around the scrawny medic-nin's neck when they heard a twig snap. Sasuke shoved Kabuto into a bush and dove in after him, putting them in a position that would have been awkward if they weren't so on edge.
Deidara stomped up the hill, dragging Sasori behind her, "We're an hour late for the fucking meeting! Where have you been all this time!"
The massive figure that was Sasori held a plastic bag filled with boxes, "I was shopping, and the store was having a special today. The first 600 in line got a free special edition Goku."
"Dragon Ball Z action figures are not as important as top secret Akatsuki meetings!"
"That's just your opinion."
"No, it's the way things are!"
In the bush, Kabuto and Sasuke watched the two Akatsuki pass by, then walk into the gaping hole that suddenly opened in the earth. As soon as the eart closed, they jumped up and ran to examine where there had just been a opening.
Sasuke whistled softly, "The seam is perfect... Even my sharigan can't tell there's a door here."
Kabuto's leg hit something and he bent down to pick it up, "Hey... That guy dropped one of his figures."
"Really?" Sasuke said semi-interestedly, "Which one?"
"It's a special edition Goku figure."
Sasuke's brain made the connection just as the earth opened up again, "Oh crap..."
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Five sat in a dark room.
One might question why the Akatsuki always felt the need to hold their secret meetings in dark rooms. After all, it wasn't like they didn't all know each other, and they were fifty feet underground, but the leader thought the dark made the secret meetings seem more secret.
Unfortunately, two members had yet to appear, so right now they were just five people who were feeling rather silly sitting in a dark room.
It was then that Deidara burst into the room, "We have a problem!"
Garm, head of the Akatsuki, looked up sharply, "Report!"
"I was returning with Sasori from the village and we saw these two guys feeling each other up in a bush but ignored them cause we wanted to get back but once we got inside Sasori noticed that his Special Edition Goku figure was missing and he went back outside and saw the two guys with his figure and thought they stole it even though they really just found it on the ground and it also turns out that they have Akatsuki cloaks and weren't just two guys feeling each other up in a bush because I'm pretty sure one of them is an Uchiha but Sasori is trying to kill them while raving about people stealing his Goku action figures."
The other two teams were looking at Deidara strangely, and Garm was fighting off an impending migraine.
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Once Sasori had been calmed down and his figure returned to him, Sasuke and Kabuto had to face the Akatsuki.
The Uchiha scanned the room, "Why is it so dark in here?"
Garm coughed into his hand, "Thats not important. I have recieved word that the mission assigned to Kisame and Itachi was successful, but you must explain to me how you did it."
"Well," Sasuke began, "I knew that there was no way we could get into the marks house without setting off any traps, so I had to modify a special genjutsu. Kabuto and I advanced into the grounds and the alarms went off, which we expected. We managed to evade the guards for quite a while, but when they did catch us, it was my turn to use my new jutsu."
/-/-/-/Flashback/-/-/-/
A group of four guards cornered them in the hallway, "Stop!"
Sasuke looked on calmly and waved his hand, "Don't worry, we're not the intruders you're looking for."
The guards eyes glazed over and one turned to the others, "These aren't the intruders we're looking for."
Sasuke waved his hand again, "You're beggining to suspect this alarm is just a diversion so the lady of the house can kill her husband."
Another guard nodded sagely to his companions, "I'm beggining to suspect this alarm is just a diversion so the mistress can kill her husband."
The hand was waved a third time, "The rest of you agree."
The other three guards nodded, "We agree."
One final wave of the hand, "You never saw us here."
Sasuke and Kabuto ran down the hall and around the corner as the guards nodded in unison, "We never saw you here."
The first guards blinked at his companions, "What were we talking about, again?"
/-/-/-/End Flashback/-/-/-/
"After that," Sasuke continued, "It was just a matter of repeating the process a couple times, then finding the wife of the house and putting a genjutsu on her so she thought her husband was an evil space alien trying to suck out her brain. He dies, we escape, wife takes the blame. Badda Bing, Badda Boom, Badda Bang."
Garm stroked his chin in that way that only evil geniuses do, "Hmm... Not a bad mission result, and Itachi endorsed you, so I'll let you join for now. If you want to stay members, I expect a 100 percentmission success rate. We were going to have a meeting about how to replace the AWOL team 1, but now we have replacements. Since Deidara and Sasori made us all wait for an hour to start a meeting which we now don't need to have, they get to be the lucky ones to show our newest members around the compound. Dismissed."
Everyone filed out of the 'dark secret meeting room' and Sasuke and Kabuto, having no idea where to go, just waited for Deidara and Sasori to start their tour. The blond just stomped past them, while Sasori hung back so as to follow them. And so their little procesion made it's way through the twisting halls until the reached a door.
"This," Deidara said, kicking open the door, "is the cloak room. Here we have all the Akatsuki cloaks you could ever want. You guys might want to change yours."
Kabuto decided he just might do that, but Sasuke shook his head, "No thanks, I'll keep this one."
Sasori looked down, "Strange... Your brother used to say the same thing. He was the only one of us who never changed his cloak."
"Really? Him and I do have our similarities, I suppose."
Deidara snapped on a new cloak, "Similarities? Listen, kid, if you were taller, ate pocky all the time, and were a bit more of a jackass, I wouldn't be able to tell the two of you appart. Now lets move on to the next room!"
Sasori being the closest to the door, led them down the hall to another door, which he slid open, "Here we have the cool hat room, which has both regular hats and hats with little white dangly things, which make you look more mysterious, but also make it kind of hard to see."
Kabuto looked like he was in heaven, and went straight for the white-dangly-thing hats, throwing one on, "Being able to see is a small price to pay for looking this good."
Deidara nodded, "Finally, someone who understands the importance of cool hats! Sasori always says they're stupid."
Ignoring the room of hats, Sasuke looked curiously up at the sand nin, "That's a puppet, right?"
"Yeah."
"So, to really make eye contact with you, I'd have to look at your chest or neck?"
"I suppose..."
"Doesn't it feel wierd to have people always looking above your eye level when talking to you?"
In all Sasori's years of living inside a puppet, it had never bothered him. Until that moment.
"No," He said semi-convincingly.
Sasuke just shrugged, "Whatever you say."
/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/
Their tour continued on for another hour, and the last thing they were shown was what would be their room. They had bunk beds.
As the two older Akatsuki were just about to leave, Sasuke grabbed Sasori's arm and gestured for him to stay. Once Deidara was gone, the Uchiha closed the door and fought down his nervousness, "Now I understand this may be a strange question, Sasori-san, but I need to ask. Your partner, Deidara... We've spent the last hour together, but I can't for the life of me tell if Deidara is a guy or a girl."
Kabuto sighed, "Even for a medic nin like me... I couldn't tell at all."
Sasori made his way over to a large stool at sat down, "What you have just asked is a question that has plagued me for years now. It doesn't matter which gender I use when refering to him, she never makes any effort to correct me. I've just gotten into the habit of switching genders with every pronoun. Deidara's gender is a mystery to everyone as far as I know. Garm might have figured it out, since he gives physical examinations to everyone when they join, but he's not telling anyone."
Sasuke looked nervous, "Physical examinations? Like testing for torture resistance and stuff?"
"No, like a 'stick out your tongue and say ahhh' kind of physical examination. He likes to know the bodies of his subordinates so he knows their weaknesses if they ever revolt."
"Still... how can you share a room with someone and not know what gender they are?"
"Many would ask how Deidara can stand to room with a guy who lives in a puppet."
Kabuto stretched out on his bed, "Touche."
Sasori rose and made his way to the door, "You can try to spy on Deidara in the shower if you want, but no one has ever managed to see him naked. If you do try to peep on her though, remember to get some sleep. You'll work hard tommorow."
Sasuke climbed up onto his bunk, "Thank you for the tour."
The sand nin let out a laugh as he walked out the door, "Welcome to the Akatsuki. I'll be interested to see if you runts survive your first assigned mission."
The door closed behind him and the Uchiha looked up at the ceiling with a smirk, You bet your big puppet ass we will.