-Next chapter. Thanks for the comments but you know, more comments equals more chapters. Duh. So more comments please. God, lol. This is about a little bit of everyone involved.

Ultimately

Ch. 4- Life on Standby

June 1; 10:00pm

Newport

Marissa was a wreck. She was starting to hate herself more, with everyday that Alex wasn't with her, for what she did. On the beach that night at the bonfire, she had to make a choice. A choice between taking a chance, or playing it safe; not knowing the future, or having a crystal ball in front of her; leaving the comfort zone of her life as a rich spoiled girl, or end up like her mother; girl or guy; Alex or Ryan. She chose Ryan of course and that went to shit. She made everyone happy but the one person that mattered. She thought about quantity; not quality. Why did it matter that everyone else was pleased? Who cares what everyone else feels. Be selfish. Be happy. Fuck the World.

She knew she didn't love Ryan anymore. But she still chose him. It's the reasonable way out. It wouldn't cause as much problems as it would have if she stayed with Alex. That was crap. Well, it's too late to dwell on mistakes now. But the hurt is still there. The regret still ripping that once beautiful heart to pieces. The only cure; a fifth of vodka… or Alex. But that wouldn't happen and she knew it. 'Hey Dr. Happy Juice; numb me.' Marissa thought to herself falling to her bed for her daily 'therapy' with Doc.

Summer walked into the empty Nichol Manner. She hadn't seen Marissa for awhile and was worried. This whole Trey thing was hard on her. She knew nothing would be the same after Trey. She also knew Marissa and Ryan were having troubles and weren't really talking. Summer knew that them getting back together meant bad shit happening. She wanted to kill Seth when she found out that he was involved in the breakup between Marissa and Alex. It wasn't entirely his fault, but she knew he didn't really feel bad after.

Wondering if she was okay, or even alive, Summer cautiously walked delicately up the stairs. She leaned her ear against the door to see if she could hear any activity; nothing.

Knocking, Summer opened the door carefully.

Cringing not wanting it to be Ryan, Marissa quickly turned around on her bed. Relieved to see Summer, she relaxed a bit. "Hey." She greeted.

"How are you? Ya know, summer, parents… Ryan." Summer asked.

"Shitty, great, and don't say his name." Marissa answered bitterly.

"Okay. You and Ryan still trouble central?"

"What, do, you, think? We're fucking dandy!" Marissa answered viscously.

"Are you drunk; again? Marissa, what's so bad that you have to do this to yourself? Trey lived, they ruled it defense of others, and he got arrested after he got out the hospital for illegal weapon possession. So what's going on between you and Ryan now?" Summer replied forcefully.

"Don't get on my back about my relationship. Its none of your fucking business!"

"Why don't you just tell me because I am not backing off this time. I'm not leaving. I've let you go to vent and you go do the dumbest things like getting drunk or…" Summer answered not backing off.

"Or what; like break up with the most perfect person that I've ever met and did nothing but treat me like a human being?" Marissa exploded in Summer's face jumping from the bed. "Like I was the only person in the world? Who loved me; flaws and sins and all? For what; a kid from Chino who only hurt me over and over and over time after time? Who I had to defend by shooting his brother and creating even more pain all because I was scared of everything I ever knew being taken away from me? Because I was too damn scared of taking a chance on something I wanted; the only thing that made me happy. I made everyone happy except for the one person I actually cared for. I don't love Ryan. I hate him for making me choose him!" Marissa snapped. Venting to her best friend, Marissa admitted everything that no one knew; except her. "I hate myself. I broke her heart. I don't deserve her; I don't deserve to be happy. I deserve to be miserable with Ryan." She finished in defeat. She leaned against the wall, slid down it, and broke down shivering, and balling her eyes out.

Summer was stunned. It felt like she was hit by a train of emotions; the real emotions of her best friend. She didn't know what to do. Still standing there after about 3 whole minutes, she ran to Marissa's side and sank down to the floor hugging Marissa. Finally knowing the truth, Summer got an idea to make her friend happy; track down Alex.

June 2; 3:05am

Alex's place

"Alex, I know I'm probably the last person you wanted to here from but I couldn't take it anymore. Life without you sucked. Mom and Dad have been strict ever since you left with me and keep telling me not to end up like you and I just want to tell them to shut the fuck up but don't because I'm 'The good girl'. And I can't live like this anymore. They go on acting like you never existed. I did hear Mom on the phone with you one time though so maybe she still loves you. That's how I got your number. I stole it from Mom's purse." Parker explained in one breath. Now panting she was worried that Alex didn't want to talk to her when she heard silence. "Alex? Please talk to me." She pleaded. More silence. "Lexi, please? I'm so sorry. Talk to me. Don't hate me, please." Parker pleaded again, this time on the verge of tears.

"Parker I could NEVER hate you. You're my little sis." Alex assured Parker coming out of the daze when Parker said 'hate'.

"So, you want to talk to me?"

"I'm still processing all of this, of course I want to talk to you, wait? Where are you? I know Dad wouldn't let you talk to me. HE doesn't even talk to me." Alex said all at once.

"In front of the bus station." Parker answered with a nervous chuckle.

"Wait-

"I'm in town… Guess who's town?" Parker interrupted.

"PARKER! Does Mom at least know?" Alex replied

"I'm guessing she will when she doesn't find me in my bed when she gets me up for school. It's the last day by the way, so I don't have to worry about that." Another nervous chuckle.

An hour later, Alex was at the bus station. After the longest hello ever for Alex with her sis, the ride home and the "Dad" talk came. Alex felt like she had to set a stern example for Parker. She had to be a role model. But how could she? She hadn't seen her in forever. "Parker, you can't just run away from home." Alex told her sternly.

"Why? You did." Smart mouthed Parker.

"Hey! That's not fair. I had no choice. They kicked me out!" Alex replied raising her voice a bit.

"They may have kicked you out of their life, but I DIDN'T!"

"But-

"No. I'm not done. You did have a choice. You could have stayed at least in town and I could actually see you. Or you could have called me. You got emancipated from them, but not me. I wanted you to stay Alex! I needed you. I was 14. I needed someone to look up to. But I had on one. For over a year, I had to go and make believe I didn't have a sister. And as the time went by, it actually got easier every day I didn't hear from you." Parker said in one breath again. She had a tendency of doing that especially when she really had something to say.

At this point, Alex pulled the Jeep over. She was speechless. When these two got into arguments, and Parker said something, Alex knew whatever she came back with , Parker would shoot it down. "Okay. You came all this way to yell at me. You couldn't do this on the phone. Right. I'm sor-

"No I am. That's not the reason I came here. But when you said goodbye to me the last time you were at the house, I didn't know it would also be the last time you would see me in over a year. And that one time you called, I never meant what I said. I don't hate you. I never have." Parker interrupted yet again, but with tears in her eyes. Parker rarely cried. She took after Alex in that department. But when it came to Alex, she was extremely vulnerable.

Sometimes, Alex thought Parker was Bi-polar because one minute she was yelling at her and the next, she's apologizing. That happened quite often when she lived at home. "I, am, so, sorry, Parker. I never thought that you would have such a hard time with all this. You were always so strong. I thought you could handle it. Please don't be mad at me." Alex responded. She never meant to hurt Parker. That was the last person in the world she would want to hurt.

"Just drop it. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm here; you're here. That's all that matters." Parker said plastering a fake smile on her face. There goes her 'Bi-polar'.

Alex knew it wasn't over. She knew exactly what she was doing. The only reason she did know was because she does the same thing. It was a tactic to stop painful arguments from going any further at the time; but it was far from over. Seeing that Alex was pulling back onto the road, Parker took this opportunity to grab a CD out of her bag and pop into the CD player. Alex stole the case from Parker to see who it was that Parker wanted to listen to.

"Hawthorne Heights? Why?" Alex asked questioningly.

"Because too much yelling in a song gives you a headache; unless it's metal, of course. And it's not that indie crap you like you so much." Answering Alex's question, Parker pressed random on the stereo, then play. (Of course, the player still started on the first song of the CD.) Parker hated that even though her favorite song started to play; track 1, Life on Standby.

The distance and,
my hearts to sand,
flowing through the hour glass.
Time to let go of all we know,
and break our hearts in stride.

Alex couldn't help herself when she started to concentrate on the words of the song. It was mellower than she expected. She expected Lamb of God type music. Then the next verse came on.

I need you now,
more like yesterday the last day,
I could see you smile,
for the last time

turn out the lights,
my life on standby,
So standby and watch,
this fall away and fall apart

Alex started to think of the one person she completely forgot about when Parker called. For the first time since she met Her, she wasn't thinking about… Marissa. But now, listening to this song made her think of only Her. She fell into a trance of Marissa. Alex needed her. That damn feeling from earlier came washing over her.

Just say that it's over,
it's over and she's gone,
don't worry he said,
and she's not coming home,
it's over and she's gone.

Thoughts of Her came rushing back into Alex's head with every word of the song she heard. She couldn't take it. She kept losing her breath. She felt like she could pass out at any moment from her heart being ripped out and stomped on. Alex realized Marissa will never be hers again. This realization was the most painful thing she ever experienced.

The distance and,
my hearts to sand,
flowing through the hour glass.
I fall to pieces I can't let go,
of all the times I never said goodbye.

Just say that it's over,
it's over and she's gone,
don't worry he said,
and she's not coming home,
it's over and she's gone.

Eyes beginning to swell with tears threatening to spill over her beautiful blue-green eyes, Parker noticed. Before they could run off the road and into a ditch, Parker grabbed the wheel and straightened the car out. 'WAKEUP!'

"HELLO! Earth to fucking insane driver? Hey!" Parker nearly screamed in her ear. 'WAKEUP!'

"What!" Alex responded while snapping back into reality. 'WAKEUP!'

"We. Almost. CRASHED! What the fuck was that all about! Did you all of a sudden slip into a coma dipshit?" Parker retorted. With the song about to end, Parker noticed that tears were now pouring from Alex's eyes. "Are you crying? Oh my god. Alex? Talk to me." Parker pleading changing her tone desperately trying to get her sister's attention. With Alex still driving after coming out of her daze, she pulled over once again.

"I can't do this anymore. Living like it doesn't hurt; like nothing happened; nothing existed. Parker, I can't." With tears streaming down her cheeks, Alex just stared into oblivion. Silence fell over the Jeep. Parker knew that someone broke her sister's heart. She just had a feeling. So she didn't ask any questions. She just leaned over to Alex and pulled her into a hug. Alex broke down in Parker's arms while the song ended. "We'll get through this." Was all Parker could manage.

Wake up now it's over,
just tell me it's ok to die
Wake up now it's over,
just tell me it's ok to die

-Next chapter soon. The song Life on Standby is from Hawthorne Heights. (This chapter didn't take that long for me to put up whoever it complaining. Cough, Toxic Relations cough. lol.)

Ej