CHAPTER 21

Malcolm held Hoshi while she cried, gently rubbing her shoulders and back as his thoughts tumbled over one another.

Her admission about being approached by Starfleet Intelligence didn't shock him. That they would place a civilian in such a precarious position, however, did bother him. Or maybe it was just because of the particular civilian involved, he realized, giving Hoshi a reassuring squeeze as she continued to cry.

He wondered why he hadn't he been informed that another branch of Starfleet was working on the piracy problem. He was a field agent involved in an undercover mission, and if there was a chance that he was going to run into other operatives, he should have been informed.

Someone in Intelligence, Vice Admiral Nolan no doubt, had figured out what Hoshi was up to and was going to use her for his own ends. Malcolm could see the reasoning behind recruiting her, given her unique position as the owner of a Klingon ship crewed by former renegades. She had a better of chance than most of getting into Shidak's organization.

It might work, if Nolan's aim was to take down Shidak, and Hoshi succeeded. But at what cost to Hoshi?

He felt a twinge of jealousy as he considered her motivation. She must have loved Matthew Hayes beyond measure to go to these lengths to avenge him.

She'd just told him that she didn't think it was right to take a life. Yet she was determined to kill Shidak. If she was able to kill him, would she wind up hating herself for what she had done -- violating one of the tenets in which she believed? No wonder she was so conflicted.

She'd also all but admitted that if she killed Shidak, she'd thought she'd be punished in some manner since she was working for Intelligence and her only instructions were to pass on information. What she didn't realize was that, with her plan to kill Shidak, she was most likely doing exactly what Intelligence wanted her to do. They were using her to do their dirty work, he thought with distaste.

And if any of this came to light and there were repercussions, Intelligence would blame her, saying they only wanted an inside source, not an assassin.

Wrapped up in these thoughts, he was surprised when she pulled away from his embrace. He smiled gently at her, but her face remained downcast. He touched a lock of her hair where it rested on her shoulder and she reached up to cover his hand with one of hers. Something was still upsetting her, he realized, as she gave his hand a small squeeze and turned away from him.

"I haven't told you everything," she said as if reading his mind.

"What more could you possibly tell me?" he asked.

"Something happened before we met," she said in a small, resigned voice. "There was another freighter."

He tried to turn her to face him but she wouldn't budge, so he settled for standing close behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and rubbing his cheek against her hair.

"Tell me," he said.

"I've always planned to get a ship to give to Shidak," she started. "Before you came along, we were searching for an appropriate ship."

"So you were acting as pirates, looking for a ship to capture?" he asked.

"Yes. We found an Estabi freighter that met our requirements, and before we boarded, I gave the order that no one was to be killed." He could hear the strain in her voice as she recounted the story. "But they fought us. Some of my crew got carried away with the blood rage, the battle lust that overtakes Klingons. Kleth tried to stop them, but...they killed all the Estabi."

Malcolm tightened his arms around her, not condemning her but supporting her, as she continued, "As captain, I am responsible for the actions of my crew. Those deaths are on my conscience. How could I have let that happen?"

"Sssh," he soothed her. "They're Klingons. That's the way they are."

"But they should have obeyed me!" she cried, whirling in his arms to face him. "I'm their captain."

"Yes, you are. But, under the circumstances, could even a Klingon captain have controlled them?" he asked.

As she started to protest, he hugged her tightly to him. "Don't you see?" he said. "You are the captain, but you didn't know your crew then, and they didn't know you. You were expecting them to follow your orders without question. But they aren't Humans. They have a different set of standards. The best you can do is show them how displeased you are with their actions."

"You mean punishment?" she asked.

"Well, it's a little late for that now. A lot has happened since that incident."

"Incident?" she asked incredulously, breaking away from him. "You call seventeen people being killed an 'incident?' That's a rather callous attitude, isn't it?"

Malcolm drew a long breath, trying to find a way to reason with her. He held out a hand imploringly. "Hoshi, it was a terrible thing to happen. But, there's nothing you can do about it now, except learn from it, and not put yourself -- or your crew -- in the same position where it can happen again."

He waited as Hoshi considered his words. He had known all along she had been carrying around enormous grief for her dead husband, but he hadn't had a clue about this other burden she was bearing. It went a long way toward explaining her hysterical outburst earlier when she had told him that she believed taking a life was wrong. She felt responsible for the deaths of the seventeen Estabi.

She finally took his hand, grasping it as if it were a lifeline, and reeled herself into his arms. He barely heard her muffled words against his shoulder. "Please, Malcolm, don't let me allow innocent people to be killed again."

He left her working at her desk. She'd calmed down, but her melancholy demeanor worried him. Perhaps a little time by herself would help.

He found his steps taking him to engineering again. He didn't recognize Tucker at first, as he was dressed in the battle armor and the upper portion of his body was inside an access panel, but then he heard the engineer call out over the din, "Malin! You get a minute, come over here."

Reed walked up to his engineer and waited to get Tucker's attention until he pulled his head out of the panel.

"Hey, Commander!" Tucker greeted him. "What's goin' on?"

"Just checking on your progress," he replied, noting with amusement that the engineer was back to his normal, effervescent self. Give him an engine to work on and he was happy, apparently.

"We're movin' along OK. 'Bout got the engine efficiency as high as it can go, considerin'."

"Considering what?"

"Well, they don't have a lot of spare parts. In some cases, we've just had to make do or jury rig some things."

"Will it hold together under combat conditions?"

Tucker's easy, open expression instantly became guarded. "Do you know somethin' I don't?" he asked.

Reed crossed his arms as he replied. "It's entirely possible we'll come under fire at some point during our dealings with Shidak. I just want to make sure we're as prepared as we can be."

Tucker shrugged. He looked around at the bustle in engineering before saying anything. "The ship's about as ready as it can be," he said. "The crew...well, I don't know."

"Are you saying they won't be any good in a fight?" Reed asked.

"No, no, I'm not saying that. It's just...well, I'm not used to workin' with a bunch of Klingons. I don't think they react to things the same way we do. They're kinda volatile."

"For that reason alone," Reed said with a hard smile, "I'm glad they're on our side going into this."

"Ya got a point there. Anythin' else you need to ask me about?"

Reed shook his head as he watched a couple of the crew wrestle a power generator into place next to a control panel. "Seems like you have things under control down here. You having any trouble with them?"

"No. They want their ship to be in the best shape possible. Since I know more about warp engines than most of them do, they're willin' to take my advice," Tucker said without a trace of modesty.

Wondering what to do next, a sudden inspiration struck Reed. "Why don't you come by the captain's quarters later? I'll get some packets from the scout ship, and we can treat the captain to some real food."

"She's under a lot of pressure, isn't she, on a ship full of Klingons," Tucker remarked.

"More than you'll ever know," Reed said.