Hello again. I'm back and you can't get rid of meee! Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Matthew: Oh please.

Anyway this week is the first official chapter. With any luck I can give you a laugh. Thanks for those who wrote, thank you so very, very much, lots of grovelling to you, and to those who flamed; with the greatest respect: get stuffed, if you come back I'll set Karel on you.

Disclaimer: (Spanish accent) I don't own nothing. No Fire Emblem, No Shakespeare, no nothing!

-

Later that night.

Eliwood sighed as he lay on his bed. He done all his homework, he'd done all his chores, he'd walked the cat, given his horse her apples and it was still only 5:30! As he lay in a meditative state, thinking about Ninian, the phone rang.

His mum stuck her head round the corner, "Eli, it's for you."

Making his way downstairs, he wondered who it could be. Matthew would be out with Leila, Erk would be with Serra, Eghhhhh, and Hector, weeeell, he probably had arrangements of his own. He turned the corner, into the kitchen, and picked up the phone "Hello, Eliwood here."

"Eliwood." the voice on the phone boomed.

"Hey, Legault, what's the news?"

"Damn! Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you've been selected for the part of Romeo, a star-struck lover. You may also like to know who Juliet is." The last part he said tauntingly, begging Eliwood to ask.

"Who?" 'damn, I shouldn't of said that, it makes me sound eager' thought Eliwood

"Ninian! Any-who, must dash. Millions of audiences, only one me." He hung up.

Eliwood slowly put down the phone. 'it's a dream,' he thought 'no way can this be real'

-

Meanwhile in a bar on the other side of town, Matthew was making his way to the bar. Leila was waiting for him back at the table; with any like, this could be it! He could almost taste it he was this close.

"What's the most expensive thing you've got, mister?"

"That'd be the 'Death by Hangover', it's a local specialty, and will cost ya 'bout $50."

"Right then, we'll have two of them and a packet of peanuts please."

"No problems, mate, 'ave a good night." Came the tired reply of the barmen, in a voice that suggested if he said 'have a nice day' one more time, he'd scream. Matthew started to walk away.

"OY, mate, you 'aven't paid!"

"Sorry, forget my own head. Here's the money, keep the change."

"Ver' generous of you, sir."

"Not a problem." He tossed a small purse of coins into the man's outstretched hand, and walked to the table. The barmen picked up the coins and put them in an inner pocket. He couldn't quite explain why, but he felt a rush of air, and his apron seemed lighter.

'Probably my imagination. I'm getting to old fer this' he thought. Matthew returned to the table, and sprawled into a seat. "There's no helping some people" he muttered to Leila, who was bent over laughing.

-

"YMCA! It's fun to stay at the YMCA!" the mobile blared to life, vibrating rapidly and displaying many coloured lights. Lucius sighed, was there a more obvious ring tone? He picked it up.

"Hey there, Lucius here. What-so the word?"

"Lucius?"

"Speaking loud and clear, kemosabe."

"WTF?"

"I won't appreciate that kind of language on my phone bill. Now, who is this?"

"It's Raven." Lucius' features softened automatically.

"Hi Raven! How are you?"

"Not bad. Seriously though, what are your thoughts on this play thingy?"

"Oh, I thought I'd give it a go, do my bit for the boys."

"Riiiiiiight. Anyway, word on the underground says you're a favourite for the Nurse."

"Really? Wow! I've always wanted to play a female character."

"Umm, yeah, what ever. Anyway good to hear from ya. Bye."

"Byeeeee!" 'OMFG I SOUND LIKE I'M GAY, OMFG!' thought part of Lucius, the deep inner part which the rest of him hated and despised. The rest of him thought 'I really need to get a facial, all the stress is building up. Can't look young forever without taking special care!'

-

"Darling, I love you, I always have. From the first moment I saw you." The cinema was dark, the movie; an old romance. Not that Matthew and Leila cared. The popcorn lay at their feet, the movie long forgotten.

"Matthew, I…" Leila started, as he kissed her neck. But she never finished. Matthew finished her neck and pulled her into a long romantic kiss, his tongue was on fire.

"Ohhhhh, that's goooood" she groaned. 'cha-ching!' Matthew thought, 'jackpot!'

-

Karel lay, staring at the ceiling. Unusual for him. Usually by this time he'd be out, hitting people in bars and starting fights. No idea why he was here. From his belt came the sound of an awesome 'Prince' song:

You don't have to be rich to be my girl,
you don't have to be cool to rule my world,
Ain't no particular sign, I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time, and your

KISS!

"Karel. What?"

"It's, ehh, Isadora. Legault asked me to phone about the play?"

"Speak."

"You've, ehh, been, ehh, chosen to play Tybalt, a crazed swordsman, ehh. Is that all right?

"Good." And with that, he hung up.

"You know, Karel, if you just tried to be nice to people…" his sister began. She'd been standing at the door.

"Don't even start. I'm off to bed."

-

It was the next morning.

"Well that was…" started Matthew.

He lay, very still, staring at the ceiling. 'It had been quiet a night,' he thought. 'A woman was a work of art, which you had to treat right.' As if to ruin the silence with its vengeful ringing, his phone went off.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up" said Legault to himself at the other end.

"Hello, you've reached Matthew, master spy and god to women!"

"Matthew, its Legault."

"EEP! Err, sorry, you didn't hear that."

"Were the heck have you been? I've been trying to phone you all night!"

"Well…"

"I'm sure I really don't need to know. Anyway, you're in as Mercutio, Romeo's friend and companion." 'who's a nutter' he added in the privacy of his brain. "If you can drag yourself out of bed, there's a rehearsal at 10. If you can make it…"

-

Note This story is about a school play. For more about what happens at school, read Nightmare3's brilliant fic. 'Fire Emblem High'. R&R!