Ok…I'm sorry that I haven't updated. Life is a bummer.
Whatever…
Requested By Chibi
What would it be like if Sima Yi were to be perverted?
For about a while, Sima Yi forgot ALL about Zhen Ji. He never really gave a thought about her ever again. Since it was 4 months ago that he last saw her, she has been really busy planning for battle. But for now, they are on some dumb vacation.
Outside the palace, the guys were playing football and just sitting and sleeping. Just think of it as a party. (Food, drinks, games, ect.)
Cao Cao: My son, now TRY and throw the football but not at my face!
Cao Pi: Why! You know how hard throwing these things are?
Cao Cao: No…it's easy. I don't know why you can't.
Cao Pi threw the football ignoring his father. Meanwhile, Dian Wei was blindfolded with a stick.
Xu Huang: Hit the dang piñata.
Dian Wei: I'll hit it if you shut the hell up! I'm trying to concentrate!
Xu Huang: Concentrate on what? Men?
Dian Wei heard him but as well ignored him. With the sick, he took a swing and missed. Angry, he took another swing and missed again!
Xu Huang: Last chance!
Dian Wei furious, he got his ax and broke the stick in half.
Xu Huang: You'll still miss.
Dian Wei: We'll see about that.
He stood there, building up strength.
Zhang Liao came by and saw Dian Wei popping out muscles and veins.
Zhang Liao: What are you doing? Are you having constipation? Or are you trying to blow one big fart out of your body?
Xu Huang was on the floor, laughing.
Zhang Liao: What? What!
Dian Wei was ready, and he took one big swing, but he didn't hit the piñata.
Dian Wei: Whao! That didn't feel like a piñata at all! What did I hit!
Zhang Liao: Look at your ax.
Wei took off his blindfold and looked. He saw a flattened up football.
Dian Wei: What the hell?
Cao Cao was shouting from afar.
Cao Cao: LOOK WHAT YOU DID! THAT WAS MY LAST BALL!
Cao Pi: Why in the world would you hit the piñata with an ax!
Dian Wei: Because I was imagining the piñata as your ugly head!
Pissed off, Cao Pi got a rock and threw it at Dian Wei.
Cao Cao: You know you threw the wrong direction right?
Cao Pi: …damn…you…
Cao Cao: I mean, even your mom can throw better. Even if she threw the ball at my face too, it was always harder than yours.
Cao Pi: Oh yeah, yo mamma's weak, she died from an ant bite!
Cao Cao! You son of a….
Meanwhile Sima Yi was sleeping on a chair, a beach chair.
Pang De: (Poining to Sima Yi) Look at him.
Cao Ren: You're disgusting.
Pang De: What? Look!
Sima Yi was drooling.
Cao Ren: You know you like it!
Pang De: Whatever! Anyways. I dare you to touch it!
Cao Ren: I rather touch my own ass then that!
Pang De: Oh My!
Cao Ren was paying no attention to Pang De but was looking at the sky.
Pang De: What is it?
Cao Ren: Look!
Both of them were now looking.
Pang De: What is that?
Cao Ren: Your mom.
Pang De: Shut up…what is it?
Cao Ren didn't answer. They just kept on looking….
It was the rock that Cao Pi threw. It landed on Sima Yi's head, which woke him up.
Sima Yi: You guys hit my head didn't you?
De and Laio: No! A rock just flew by!
Sima Yi: Sure! And feces move! Stupid…excuses.
After he said that, he got off the chair and walked away.
Damn it! My head hurts. And I have this…feeling…Oh no…not again! But this time…I feel………oh gosh.
Sima Yi was walking and again thinking. He had to go find another chair to sit on before he collapses. He found one right next to the piñata, which was broken up to pieces.
Cao Pi: Give me some you fatass!
Dian Wei: This candy is mine! I got it!
Dian Wei pushes Cao Pi and he fell and landed on Sima Yi's knees. Sima Yi's nerve shocked him, and he began to…like it?
Cao Pi: Sorry! It's Dian Wei's fault I swear!
Sima Yi: Whatever.
They all started to argue and continue the party, but as for Sima Yi, he…ended up…in his room.
What's happening to me? What is happening? WHAT IS HAPPENING?
It was 4 o'clock in the morning and Sima Yi came down his room. On the couch, he saw Cao Pi, sleeping. Sima Yi quietly walked closer to him. He sat on the couch next to the sleeping lord and looked at him.
What did you do to me? I get…feelings now! What did you do to me!
Cao Pi was shifting his body and that scared Yi. After taking his position, Sima Yi finally stopped to worry. Soon after, Sima Yi had no idea to what he was doing and started to poke his face. Then after that, starting to just rub his face.
It's warm…NO NO! I CAN'T DO THIS! WHAT AM I THINKING? But…I can't. Stop.
Again, Cao Pi shifted his body but this time, his hand was touching Sima Yi's knee. Having another nerve shock, Sima Yi was shacking, but didn't want to wake him up. 5 mintes later, Sima finally stopped, and was playing with his hand, looking at Cao's face.
He's…NO NO NO NO! IT'S HIM! HE'S THE ONE DOING THIS! I MUST…BUT…I CAN'T!
Cao Pi: Sima…Yi…
Sima Yi as shocked to see him call out his name in his sleep.
This…has…to…end…before…someone…gets…hurt…
So then, Sima Yi quietly got off the couch and into the kitchen. A few minutes later, he came back with a knife. We went toward Cao Pi and aimed the knife to his chest.
I…I…I don't know if I can do this…what if…Cao Pi started to mumble… 'I…will…rule…this…kingdom.'
Sima Yi didn't want to hurt the innocent Cao Pi.
But was he THAT innocent?Through the whole night, Sima Yi though weather to think of to kill him or not. Morning came and Cao Pi finally woke up. Slowly opening his eye, he saw Sima Yi's head laying his side.
Cao Pi: What a pity. Such a smarty man should know better than to drunk himself like me.
Quietly, he left the room, leaving Sima Yi.
And what about the knife? It was UNDER the couch, where Cao Pi would never find it.
Pang De: Hey…check it out! It's Sima Yi again…
Zhang Liao: Why do you always look at him?
Pang De: To see if a sleep bubble comes out if his nose.
Zhang Liao: You know what? You are just…perverted…in ways I don't wanna know.
Pang De: How is that perverted?
Zhang Liao: It's not THAT, it's YOU!
DAMN IT! I'm sorry this chapter was so bad…It's hard for me to think after so long. All I can think of is my next vacation…Maybe then…I can get back to work. For now…just be patient with me.