------------------
-----------------
------------
-On Henry. As usual-
Arianna: I'm back!
Latisha: Darn!
Arianna: Thank you for the reviews! You people are so nice. I won't waste time here. I'll waste time at the end of the story.
---------
----------
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fire Emblem, American Idol, Ebay, or any of the songs. I do own the character Latisha. (As if anyone wants her)
Latisha: Hey!
And Henry the inflatable couch. I also own the idea of Fire Emblem Idol.
------------------
--------------------
When we left off, Hector was just about to sing.
"Okay, go ahead and sing Hector." Eliwood says, resigning himself to just getting it over with.
"Met a girl, thought she was grand. Fell in love, found out first hand. It went well for a week or two. Then it all came unglued. In a trap, trip I can't grip. Never thought I'd be the one who slipped. Then I started to realize. I was living, one big lie she &$#&$#&! hates me." Hector sings in a predictably bad voice.
"Turn on the beep machine!" Arianna orders, panicked.
"She –beep- hates me! Trust! She –beep- hates me! La-la-la love! I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I have none, and ripped them away."
"Okay, STOP! Eliwood?" Arianna says, putting him on the spot. Eliwood sighs and shrugs at Hector.
"I told you that you couldn't sing." Eliwood informs him in an 'I-told-ya-man' kind of voice. Dramatic music begins to play in the background and Hector's eyes become teary.
"But it's my dream! How could I give up on my dream?" he demands. Eliwood sniffles like the softie he is.
"Aw, all right. I say yes. Ri?"
"Sorry, but you sounded like a dying pig." Arianna says bluntly, for once being the cold one. "Or dying cow. Or pretty much any other dying farm animal. I say NO. Erk?" The mage is on the floor looking for his earplugs.
"I can't find them!" he yells in frustration.
"You don't need them. He's done." Eliwood points out. Erk raises his head and says,
"Oh, is that what that horrible noise was?"
Hector growls angrily and raises his axe in a threatening manner. (But when does anyone ever raise an axe at someone in a non-threatening manner?) Arianna screams for security, but it's too late. Hector chops the table in half as Eliwood and Arianna jump out of their chairs to save their legs. Erk, still looking for his earplugs, doesn't notice the collapsing table.
"What? Ahhh-"
THUNK
And Erk is knocked out.
"ERRRRKKKKYYY!" Arianna cries, throwing herself over him in a dramatic manner. Hawkeye finally arrives and drags Hector out.
"-beeeep- STUPID JUDGES -beep- talent -beeeep-!" he swears and chops the door on his way out. Arianna and Eliwood attempt to revive Erk.
-
Arianna throws water on him.
: No Movement :
Eliwood slaps him.
: Still Out Cold :
Arianna sighs. "I guess we'll have to get Serra to heal him."
: BINGO:
Erk sits up. "No! I'm fine!" he announces.
"But you have a big bump on your head."
Erk looks at his reflection in a window and sees a huge lump on his head. Groaning, he pulls his cape over it.
"Can we continue now?" Eliwood asks.
: Please Do :
"I'm confused." Arianna states, forehead wrinkling to fully display confusedness. "I'm talking here, and I'm talking there."
: Try Not To Think About It :
"You're right. Might hurt my head." Arianna agrees, smiling and continuing on her merry way.
"She's losing it. She's talking to herself." Eliwood whispers to Erk.
"She never had it." Erk replies.
"Um, we need a new table." Arianna says, pointing at the splintered remains of their axe-chopped one.
"And a door." Erk adds. "And I probably need some ice for my head."
"Looks like another opportunity to slip in commercials!" Eliwood announces and a groan is heard around the set.
-- COMMERCIAL --
The scene is a very cheesy looking, brightly colored set.
"Hello, and welcome to the Shopping Network!" Lucius says.
"Yay!" Nino and Louise cheer, being the very cheerful persons they are.
"Today we are selling official "Fire Emblem Idol" merchandise!" Lucius announces, gesturing at the table set up near him with various junk on it.
"Ooooooo…." goes the crowd.
"First Item: Erky Dolls!" Lucius holds up a small replica of the mage. "A miniature model of the Anima Mage/Sage, Erk! Only 127.99$! 2,000 gold!"
Guy is standing at the side looking bored. Louise elbows him sharply.
"Huh? Oh. What does it do?" he asks loudly.
"I'm so glad you asked that!" Lucius replies, grinning widely. Guy looks disturbed.
"This original doll comes with a button that makes the doll shoot out Elfire!" the monk tells the audience and they look properly amazed. "I shall demonstrate. Guy?"
"I am the enemy. Fear me." Guy mumbles, very unenthusiastic. Lucius presses the button and fire shoots at Guy, instantly setting him ablaze.
"AHHHHH!" he screams and runs around. Nino throws a bucket of water on him.
"Order now! Call 275-HEY! BRING THOSE BACK!" Lucius breaks off with a shout as he sees Matthew running off with a big bag of Erky Dolls.
"He he he! I'm selling these on Ebay!" Matthew says gleefully and runs off the set.
"Grrr…umm….one moment please…." Lucius tells the audience and then takes off after the thieving thief. "GET BACK HERE!" Nino and Louise join the pursuit, but Guy just sighs and goes to find where he picks up his paycheck.
-- END COMMERCIAL --
In Waiting Room……
Well, that was a good waste of time. The audition room is still being refurbished. While we wait, let's talk to people who are auditioning.
Camera moves to show both Limstella and Karel…..
"Hello, Karel. Why are you auditioning?" Limstella asks. Karel stares straight ahead and for a moment Limstella believes he's not going to answer, but then finally he speaks.
"….I will be the best…no one shall stand in my way…"
"Okay." Limstella says with a fake smile while thinking 'Freeeeaak….' . "Let's go see some other auditioners."
Lyn is sitting on a bench by the elevators…..
"Hello, Lyn. Why are you trying out?"
"Well, Eliwood is a judge and Hector can't sing so I figured one of the main characters had to audition." Lyn explains.
"Hector auditioned." Limstella informs her.
(A/N: This has nothing to do with anything (( What does that mean?)) but is anyone besides me reminded of cheese when they read Limstella's name? No? Just me? Okay.)
"Oh no. Was it bad?" Lyn asks, horrified.
"Very. He's the reason we had to buy a new table."
"Erm…….anyways. I am confident I'll make it."
"Alright, back to auditions."
Karel walks into audition room. Erk, Arianna, and Eliwood are sitting at a new table. Erk has ice on his head…..
Karel stops and stares at Erk. "You smell of blood."
"Hello to you, too, Karel." Erk replies sarcastically. "What are you singing?"
"Another One Bites the Dust by Queen."
"A song about killing. Of course." Erk remarks. Karel brings out his sword to assist him.
"Steve walks warily down the street. With his brim pulled way down low. Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet. Machine guns ready to go." He does moves with his sword.
(A/N: If you're a pervert, just stop thinking now!)
"Are you ready, hey, are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat? Out of the doorway the bullets rip. To the sound of the beat, yeah." Karel does that move where he disappears into the ceiling.
"Spider man, spider man, does whatever a spider can…" Arianna sings idly.
"Another one bites the dust." Karel suddenly appears out of nowhere and, CRACK, chops the new table in half.
"I knew that was gonna happen." Erk says and sighs.
"No! WHY!" Arianna cries, throwing herself over the remains of the newly destroyed new table. "I guess the table just wasn't meant to be…." she sobs.
"Enough, drama queen." Erk says, yanking her back into her chair. "Karel, I thought it was cool."
"How could you?" Arianna demands hysterically. "He's a table killer!"
"I kill more than just tables." Karel informs her with an evil glare that has 'shut your whiny mouth' written all over it.
"Eh hehe…" Arianna laughs nervously and hides behind her chair. "I say yes."
"I say yes. You're going to the Dread Island." Eliwood chimes in.
"Okay. Goodbye." Karel responds and walks out spinning his sword.
"Another excited potential idol. " Erk says, putting his head on his arms. Eliwood looks confused.
"What's poe-ten-shell mean?" he asks but before anyone can answer Lyn walks in.
"Hello!" she greets cheerily, but then she notices the chopped table. "Um, I thought you guys were getting a new table? And your head seems bigger for some reason, Erk."
"Shaddup." Erk grumbles, pulling the cape tighter over his head. Arianna bursts into tears at being reminded of the destroyed table.
"It was so horrible, Lyn!" she sobs, "K-Karel just came in and h-he just chopped the table in half!" Eliwood hands her a handkerchief and she blows her nose loudly. Lyn looks uncomfortable.
"Uhhhh….." Lyn says, unsure of how to respond. Erk saves her the trouble.
"You're a crybaby, Ri." he informs the traumatized tactician.
(A/N: That's the second time I've been called that this story.)
Arianna sniffles. "Okay. You can start now, Lyn."
"I'm singing Stronger by Britney Spears."
Arianna makes gagging motions, but Lyn ignores her.
"Hush just stop. There's nothing you can do or say, baby. I've had enough. I'm not your property as from today, baby. You might think that I won't make it, on my own. But now I'm stronger then yesterday! Now it's nothing but my way! My loneliness ain't killing me no more. I'm stronger!" she sings and then stands stock-still while waiting for the judges' responses.
"Very nice. I say yes." Eliwood tells her, smiling.
"I agree. Yes." Arianna chimes in. "See you at Valor Island."
"WOOHOO!" Lyn cheers as something snaps in her brain and she runs screaming out of the room.
Back in waiting room. Lyn comes running out…
"WHEEEEE! I made it!" she announces loudly, hopping around the room.
"……congratulations…" Kent replies, a tad bit frightened by her hyper behavior.
"That's wonderful, Lady Lyndis!" Sain says.
"YAY!" Lyn bounces of a wall.
"It's nice to see someone excited, but she's overdoing it a little." Limstella comments.
"HEE HEE HEE!" Lyn giggles as she begins to run circles around Kent. The Caelin knight gets dizzy trying to follow her with his eyes.
In a random hallway…..
THUMP THUMP THUMP goes Hawkeye.
Run Run Run goes Fiora.
THUMP THUMP THUMP
Fiora runs around a corner.
THUMP THUMP THUMP
Hawkeye chases Fiora around the corner only to come face-to-face with Fiora's Gang of Evil Myrmidons.
"Hehehe….." FGoEM chuckle lightly as they all draw killing edges.
"Swords versus axe…" Hawkeye thinks out loud. " MOMMY! AHHH!" he cries, turning around and running.
THUMP THUMP THUMP
Fiora, on her Pegasus, commands her myrmidon group. "Get him! Eeeheeheehee!"
(A/N: I have a friend who laughs like that.
Erk: You have friends? Wow.)
Back to the audition room….
"Um..hi…" Florina says quietly, nervously approaching the center of the room.
"Hello, Florina!" Eliwood greets with a big smile that is supposed to be reassuring, but kinda creeps the girl out.
"Are you sure you're up to this?" Erk asks observing the increasingly violent tremors that are shaking her body.
"Um…uh...yes…." she stumbles to reply.
"Okay then. What are you singing?"
"Sometimes by Britney Spears."
"Ugh." Arianna groans. "Two Britney Spears songs in a row. B.S. songs. Heehee!" Eliwood thwacks her with a rolled up paper.
"You're not helping her nerves!" he scolds. Arianna glares at him, offended.
"Don't hit me! That's abuse! I'm filing a restraining order against you!"
"What's a restraining order?" Eliwood asks, blinking.
"Um…uh…." Florina timidly tries to interrupt.
"Just go ahead and ignore them, Florina." Erk advises.
"You tell me you're in love with me. Like you can't take your pretty eyes away from me. It's not that I don't want to stay. But every time you come too close I move away." she begins singing in a soft voice, but she eventually gains more confidence and sings normally. "I wanna believe in everything that you say. "Cause it sounds sooo good. But if you really want me, move slow. There's things about me, you just have to know. Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide. Sometimes I'm scared of you. But all I really want is to hold you tight. Treat you right. Be with you day and night. Baby all I need is time."
Arianna smiles.
Eliwood smiles.
And yes, even Erk smiles….sort of.
"That was really good! I say yes." Arianna says. "Eli-boy?"
"I could tell you were nervous but I say yes."
"And I say yes so see you on Valor Isle." Erk says.
"Oh! Thank you!" Florina looks utterly shocked that she made it. Her brief moment of amazement is cut short as a loud sound shakes the building.
BOOM! THUMP THUMP THUMP! BOOM!
Hawkeye comes running through the closed door and then through the wall on the other side of the room. FGoEM follow closely behind, cackling, with Fiora in the rear. Fiora, still on her pegasus and snapping an Elysian whip in the air, orders her group to follow.
"Onward! After him! Eeeheehee!" she yells as she snaps the whip and then flies out the hole with the myrmidons following and laughing stupidly.
"….sis-sister?" Florina manages to say, stunned.
"Ummm…..Riri? What just happened?" Erk asks, clutching at her arm for comfort because while Florina was stunned by it all, Erk was terrified.
"I'm not sure…" Arianna responds, looking more puzzled then anything.
(A/N: I'm typing this at two in the morning and it's been a long week. Have pity on me)
"We need a new door. Again." Eliwood sighs. "And the wall needs fixed."
"Where are we going to get the money to keep fixing all this?" Arianna demands.
"…..um…can I go now?" the briefly forgotten Florina asks.
"Huh? Oh yeah. Bye bye."
"….bye…."
Out in the waiting room…
"Hey, other security guard!" Limstella calls.
"Hm?" Oswin answers.
"Go save Hawkeye."
"Why, what's going on?"
"He's being chased by a group of crazy myrmidons led by Fiora."
A long pause follows this as Oswin stares at Limstella looking for a sign that she's just kidding. ".…..no, really, what's going on?" he asks again.
"What?" Heath pops out of nowhere.
"I'm serious!" Limstella insists. "Now take your heavy spears and go save him!"
"I'll go with you." Heath says. "This I've got to see."
Hawkeye is running down the street…..
"Mommy!" a little girl exclaims, "That guy has a big axe!" This earns her a slap from her mother.
"Watch your language, missy!" the mom scolds. The little girl looks confused and I worry about someone actually understanding what was implied with that little scene there. Heath and Oswin appear on Hyperion.
"There he is…" Heath says, pointing at the large man. Fiora and her GoEM appear, Fiora cackling insanely. "…and there she is." Heath finishes.
"ATTACK!" Oswin orders and Hyperion dives at FGoEM as Heath and Oswin ready their spears.
"Hey, look! A bird!" Evil Myrmidon Number Seventeen calls out, pointing.
"It's a bat, you moron!" Evil Myrmidon Number Twenty-three argues, smacking EM Number Seventeen.
"It's carrying two guys!" EM Number Seventy-six adds.
"I think they're attacking us with spears!" EM Number One hundred and twenty-six warns the group.
"Ohhhh." FGoEM say.
-Long Pause-
-----------------------------------
"AHHHH!" They all scream and try to run, but they bump into each other. Heath and Oswin attack.
WHAM! WHACK! STAB! KICK ASS! SHABLAM!
"Ow….." moan the GoEM. They now are either knocked out or too injured to get up. Fiora looks at Heath and Oswin as they raise their spears.
"Goodbye." she says shortly and flies off screaming. The two spear-wielders high-five, do a victory dance, yada yada…..until Fiora flies back with a Gang of Evil Beserkers.
"Wassup, my brothers?" Hawkeye greets the newcomers.
"Grrr…" they respond, raising their axes.
"RETREAT!" Heath yells and him, Oswin, and Hawkeye all run inside the building.
Back in audition room…….
A curtain has been hung as a door and a big piece of cardboard has been taped over the hole.
"Nice redecorating." Erk remarks as Arianna draws on the cardboard with a red marker.
"I think it's ugly." Eliwood states, frowning. Erk rolls his eyes.
"I was being sarcastic."
"Okay, next auditioner." Arianna says as she finishes her drawing and returns to her seat. Wil walks in.
"Hello!" he chirps cheerfully, smiling nice and wide.
"Uhhh...hi." Arianna greets warily. "What are you singing?"
" Yellow Submarine by the Beatles."
"Do you even know what a submarine is?" Arianna asks.
"No." Wil answers, smiling stupidly. Erk sweat-drops but chooses not to comment.
"Go ahead, I guess."
"In the town, where I was born." Wil sings loudly. "Lived a man, who sailed to sea. And he told, us of his life. In the land, of submarines. So we sailed, up to the sun. Where we found, the sea of green. And we lived, beneath the waves. In our yellow, submarine." Wil's voice gets steadily louder and Erk pulls his cape over his head to block out some of the noise. It gets to the point where Wil is just screaming, not singing.
"WE ALL LIVE IN OUR YELLOW SUBMARINE! YELLOW SUBMARINE, YELLOW SUBMARINE! WE ALL LIVE IN OUR-"
"That's enough, Wil!" Eliwood outshouts the archer. Wil stops and looks expectantly. "Uh, Ri?"
"Very, um, enthusiastic." Arianna says, avoiding the inevitable. "Um, Erk?"
"You were horrible. You weren't singing, you were shouting."
"I like to be loud." Wil says with a smiling.
"No kidding." Erk replies flatly. "I say no."
"I say no, too." Eliwood agrees.
"You can't sing, but maybe you could be the bingo announcer at the old folk's home. They're hard of hearing." Arianna suggests.
"Nah." Wil says, shrugging. "I'd rather be a cheerleader." He runs out of the room doing cartwheels and screaming "GO ELIWOOD'S ELITE!"
"Remind me to never send him into battle ever again." a disturbed Arianna says. "Next!"
Pent walks in and Arianna immediately goes starry-eyed. That is, until an arrow appears dangerously close to her head.
"He's TAKEN!" comes Louise's voice from somewhere out of sight.
"Can I start?" Pent asks, oblivious to the two females.
"Sure." Arianna answers with hearts in her eyes instead of pupils.
"What are you singing, Lord Pent?" Erk asks.
"Abra Kadabra by Sugarray."
"I love that song." Arianna comments, "I also love you." To this Erk makes gagging motions.
"Right…I'll start now." Pent says, rather frightened. "I heat up, I can't cool down. You got me spinnin', round and round. Round and round, and round it goes. Where it stops, nobody knows. Everytime you call my name. I heat up like a burning flame. Burning flame, full of desire. Kiss me baby, make the fire go higher. Abra Abrakadabra! I wanna reach out and grab ya. Abra Abrakadabra!"
"Okay, thanks." Eliwood says first. "You have a good voice. I say yes. Erk?"
"I say yes. And I don't think we have to ask Riri." Erk looks at her.
"YES! YES! I SAY YES!" Arianna screams anyway. Another arrow hits near Arianna's head and she ducks down under the table.
"HE'S ALREADY MARRIED!" echoes the voice of Louise again.
"That wasn't what I was saying yes to!" Arianna whimpers.
"You're through to the next round, Master Pent. See you on Valor." Erk tells him and Pent nods then walks out. Arianna jumps out from under the table.
"WAIT! Don't leave me!" she begs, diving for his ankles. Eliwood catches her and he straps her to a chair. She starts trying to roll the chair towards the door. "Nooooo!" she cries as the door shuts behind her beloved Pent.
"Get back here, Ri! You have a job to do!" Erk yells angrily.
Back in waiting room…..
Hello again. While Arianna is being calmed down, we shall talk to the next auditioner. Which is…….Raven!
Camera shows Raven and Lucius standing by door…
Raven glares at the camera but Lucius waves cheerfully.
"Hiya! I'm helping Lord Raymond." Lucius explains with a big smile.
"So, what are you singing?" Limstella asks. Raven glares again and she takes a few steps backward.
"It's a secret." Lucius whispers, holding a finger to his lips for added effect.
"Oh. I think you can go in now." Limstella tells them.
In audition room..
Arianna is in a strait jacket, strapped to a chair. "EEEeep!" she cries, struggling.
"It's for you own good." Eliwood tells her.
"Actually, it's more for Lord Pent's good." Erk corrects him.
Back to Limstella….
So, Raven is trying out! And whatever he is singing, he needs Lucius' help with. Also, will Fiora ever be stopped? Tune in next week to find out!
-- PREVIEW --
Last show of auditions!
"Oh I just can't wait to be king!"
-- END PREVIEW --
Buh bye!
-------------
------------------
--------------------
-still strapped to chair and in strait jacket-
Arianna: Yo! A little help over here!
Latisha: -listening to cd player- La la la la…
Arianna: -sigh- Oh well. Please review! All reviewers get a rare and valuable Erky Doll!
Lucius: Hey, where did you get those?
Arianna: Ebay.
Matthew: -counting gold- 1,000g, 2,000g, 3,000g…..
Lucius: - -;
Arianna: Okay, I'm gonna try to get this strait jacket off! Goodbye!
-- END TRANSMISSION –
(New A/N: When I first posted this a couple years ago in script form, by chapter three I only had about eight reviews. This time around I have twenty-one. Thank you so much to all readers, new and old!)
------
------------
-------------------
------------------------