The sound of her sobs echoed softly throughout her quarters. Kathryn was so distraught that at first she didn't hear the insistent beep of the comm line.
"Chakotay to Janeway."
Kathryn ignored the hail and continued to look down at the tokens that Chakotay had given her.
"Chakotay to Janeway." Chakotay hailed in a worried tone. "Please respond."
Kathryn took a deep breath as she tried to steady her voice before answering; she knew that he wasn't going to give up until she answered. "What is it, Commander?" Janeway asked icily.
There was a slight pause before Chakotay continued, "Most of the senior staff and crew have gathered in the mess hall to celebrate our return from the Delta Quadrant and the only person that we're missing is our Captain. Will you be coming down to join us this evening?"
Kathryn choked back a sob as tears started once again to pour down her face. With some effort she was able to respond without sounding upset.
"Not this evening, Commander. Please tender my regrets to all who are there and let them know that I will be speaking with everyone tomorrow." Janeway replied. "I'm sure that you'll be able to keep them entertained."
"Kathryn, the crew wants-," Chakotay started to say but Kathryn cut him off in an angry voice.
"Commander, I am not available this evening. Please make it understood that I am not to be disturbed." Janeway continued coolly," Also Commander, to maintain the established protocols on that we are in the Alpha Quadrant, you are to address me as Captain."
With a quick tap she closed the comm link. Kathryn knew it was childish to remind Chakotay of protocol, especially after all those years, but for one second, she had wanted to hurt him as much as he was hurting her. Leaning back against the sofa she stared blankly out at the star field and lost herself in her thoughts.
Meanwhile….
Chakotay entered the mess hall with Seven clinging tightly onto his arm. The crew turned as they entered and watched as he led Seven towards the galley. Chakotay felt the weight of the crew's disapproval as they gazed upon them. He knew that the crew had always hoped that the command team would one day come together as a couple. A large amount of replicator rations that had passed hands over the years and still showed no sign of decreasing, even if it didn't look as if there was anything romantic between him and Kathryn.
But instead of arriving with a feisty red head, he had appeared with a cool blonde and the crew wasted no time in glaring at them. If Seven noticed the cold looks being cast her way, she gave no sign that it bothered her. The views and judgments of others were irrelevant to her. Seven continued to speak to him and ignored the uncomfortable atmosphere. Chakotay glanced around the room and stopped at the trio sitting towards the back of the mess hall holding court.
Sitting at one of the sofas, surrounded by well wishers, B'Elanna sat gently rocking Miral while throwing daggers their way with her eyes and muttering promises under her breath.
With a sigh Chakotay turned to Seven," I'll be right back. I need to speak with B'Elanna. "
"I will accompany you," Seven announced.
"No, I need to speak with her privately, Seven. She's upset about something and I would prefer to settle this matter now." Chakotay said firmly. " I'll be right back."
Chakotay walked swiftly towards B'Elanna and silent asked for the spirits to protect him from the angry engineer.
"Madonna and her child. A beautiful image if it wasn't for the fact that you look like you're about to commit murder." Chakotay joked, hoping to lighten the tension.
B'Elanna looked at him in disbelief and exploded at his words. "How could you? You could have chosen one of the Delaney's or any one of the other females on this ship. But no, you had to choose, of all the people on this ship, the one person that's become like a daughter to the Captain. P'tak!" B'Elanna flung the accusation out at him in disgust. "What happened to you? There was a time when you would never have deliberately hurt the Captain like this. We're finally home, Chakotay and you throw away everything for an over developed-"
"B'Elanna!" Chakotay interrupted with harsh voice. "You don't know what you're talking about and it's presumptuous of you to try."
B'Elanna snorted loudly and turned to place Miral into her father's waiting arms. Tom took Miral and cradled her gently against his chest. Chakotay watched the scene between father and child with envy. He found himself briefly lost in thought over dreams that he had abandoned many years ago.
The conversations in the mess slowly stopped as everyone turned to see the scene between the two friends. In the silence, B'Elanna's words seemed to echo in the large room.
B'Elanna stood and stepped right up against Chakotay and roughly smacked a hand against his chest. She continued to talk in a heated voice," Did you ever, for one minute, consider how Captain Janeway would feel about this? Did you tell her or was she going to one day walk in and find the two of you together? I know that things between you and the Captain haven't always been the best but you always had respect for each other."
"B'El, there's nothing between the Captain and myself. She made her feelings clear a long time ago and regardless of what the crew wants, that won't change." Chakotay defended, starting to falter under those heated words.
"You're right, Chakotay. The Captain would always want what's best for her crew. She would never be selfish enough to want something just for her own happiness and well being. Admiral Janeway came back to save this crew from the Delta Quadrant and that was her only reason." B'Elanna said in a quiet voice. "I never thought that you would hide from the truth, Chakotay."
Chakotay started to deny her words but a small shadow of doubt began to filter into his conscious. He glanced around the room, trying to make out Kathryn's petite frame. His searching eyes collide with Seven's. Her cool blue eyes filled with regret, acceptance and realization that he had never truly been hers. Seven nodded slightly at him and smiled.
"The Captain's not here. This was supposed to be the greatest moment of her life. She managed to return her crew home and she's not here to celebrate with her family. " B'Elanna announced. " And I don't think that she will be coming."
Chakotay snapped back to look at her and shook his head. "Of course, she'll be here, B'Elanna. She's probable in a meeting and can't get away at the moment." Chakotay replied firmly. "She knows that the crew is expecting her to be here since it's our last night together as Voyager's family."
B'Elanna turned her back to him and walked towards Tom. Reaching out she carefully took Miral and held her to her breast and Tom wrapped both arms around them.
"Voyager's family. Is this what this gathering is about? The Captain's duty to her family." B'Elanna mused silently. "No, for once, Chakotay, you're wrong. The Captain won't be here to perform her duty."
Chakotay started to pace in front of her, "We'll see about that. This is what she dreamed and hoped for the last seven years. She wouldn't want to miss this."
B'Elanna looked down at her sleeping child and recalled the look of longing on Captain Janeway's face when she had held Miral. The older woman had for the first time, since B'Elanna had known her, looked like she was about to shatter into a million pieces as she held the tiny bundle in her arms.
"I think her dreams and hopes were more than just getting this crew home." B'Elanna quietly stated. "She fulfilled her promise to the crew but ending up losing the one thing that would bring her peace and happiness."
TBC