Disclaimer: see Chapter 1

Chakotay stared at B'Elanna in shock, her quietly uttered words more powerful than anything that she could have shouted out at him. Regret and sorrow were slowly starting to fill his dark eyes. He quickly looked away from B'Elanna and started to pace the room. He ignored everyone around him as the heartache within him grew.

'Kathryn, what have I done? I promised to wait but over the years…' He thought in anguish. 'I gave up the hope of ever having you in my arms and moved forward. Leaving a piece of my heart and soul with the only person I could ever truly love.'

The mess hall was completely silent as they watched the Commander. No one wanted to break the silence that had engulfed the room. An aura of despair started to surround Chakotay and it was devastating for the crew to see.

Seven stood quietly with the Doctor and observed Chakotay's erratic behavior. The Commander had never shown this much emotion towards her and she began to question whether he was ready to move forward with her. She had heard rumors about the Captain and the Commander over the last three years, but seeing that they had never dated; Seven had decided to approach Chakotay. She found him intelligent, handsome and fair. He had always seemed to have an endless source of calm and inner peace, that she found comforting.

As she looked at him now, none of that was apparent. Instead, he seemed at a loss, struggling to hold onto something that was starting to slip through his fingers. Seven knew than that he was not hers and never would be. He had belonged only to one woman on this voyage and Seven could never replace her in his heart.

Chakotay fought to not race away from the mess hall and go to Kathryn's quarters. Desperately he tapped his comm badge.

"Chakotay to Janeway." Chakotay waited for her to respond, as the seconds passed he began to worry.

"Chakotay to Janeway." He hailed again. "Please respond." Please answer, Kathryn. Don't ignore me. Please! Chakotay pleaded silently.

"What is it Commander?" Janeway responded in a cool voice.

Commander? Chakotay paused as her response echoed throughout the mess hall. "Most of the senior staff and crew have gathered in the mess hall to celebrate our return from the Delta Quadrant and the only person that we're missing is our Captain. Will you be coming down to join us this evening?"

At first the Captain was silent, but when she continued to speak her voice was muffled and raspy, "Not this evening, Commander. Please tender my regrets to all who are there and let them know that I will be speaking with everyone tomorrow." Janeway continued sarcastically. "I'm sure that you'll be able to keep them entertained."

What did she mean by that?

"Kathryn, the crew wants-," Chakotay started to say but Janeway cut him off in an angry voice.

"Commander, I am not available this evening. Please make it understood that I am not to be disturbed." Janeway continued coolly," Also Commander, to maintain the established protocols on that we are in the Alpha Quadrant, you are to address me as Captain."

Without another word, Chakotay heard the comm link close. As he stood there surrounded by the crew, he felt a surge of anger at Kathryn's words. His face flushed with anger and his eyes hardened. Without another look around him, he quickly stormed out of the mess hall, towards a long awaited confrontation.

As soon as the doors had shut behind the Commander, the mess hall erupted with excited voices. It looked as if the Command team was finally going to deal with chemistry between them.

"I think that everything that's been simmering under the surface is about to explode!" Paris called out with a large grin. "Who do you think will survive?"

The mess hall filled with laughter and soon everyone was shouting out bets. Paris quickly grabbed a padd to keep track of the bets.

"20 replicator rations on the Captain!" Chell called out.

"20 replicator rations on the Commander!"

B'Elanna shook her head at Paris' antics and went back to looking at Miral, but the next bet caused her to look up in surprise.

"100 replicator rations," Seven called out coolly.

Everyone turned to look at the ex-borg. They had forgotten her being in the room in the excitement of what happened. Paris looked startled. This was the moment that all the crew had been waiting for years, but it had to be difficult for Seven since she had started dating Chakotay.

"What did you say, Seven?" Paris asked.

She arched her eyebrow at his query, "I said 100 replicator rations, Lt."

"Who did you want to place your bet on?" B'Elanna called out.

"The Commander and the Captain." Seven answered. "They both deserve a chance for happiness together, provided that they survive the battle yet to come."

The crew looked at Seven and smiled. She had final learned one of humanities greatest lessons, compassion and sacrifice for the well-being of another person. "To the Captain and Chakotay!"

Laughter rang out and the bets continued.

Chakotay rushed through the corridors until his was standing in front of Janeway's quarters and he quickly rang the door. As he waited, he tried to cool his anger, but as the minutes passed and he was denied entrance, his anger blazed anew. Damn it, Kathryn! Open the door. Chakotay rang again. Still no response.

"Computer, open the door to the Captain's quarters, authorization Maquis Delta 07143 Omega." Chakotay ordered in a soft voice.

His control hanging by a thin thread, Chakotay stormed through the open door and walked into complete darkness. Chakotay was instantly reminded of the void and he knew that Kathryn was in here somewhere, hiding from everyone.

"Computer, lights 30" Chakotay called out.

"Computer, belay that order." Janeway called out in a slightly slurred voice. "Commander, I didn't give permission to enter my quarters."

Chakotay looked around the room and found Kathryn sitting on the couch. A half filled bottle of spirits sat on top of the coffee table beside the peace rose he had given her, just hours before. From the looks of things she had been drinking for sometime and was likely not in the best of moods to deal with him. Chakotay looked carefully at her; her eyes were overly bright as if she had been crying. Her face was flushed, she wavered slightly even while sitting down. She was holding something tightly in her hands that he couldn't make out.

"Kathryn, this isn't like you." Chakotay said softly. "You should be around the crew not sitting alone in the dark."

Kathryn stared at him before responding in a hollow voice, "How would you know? Tell me, Chakotay. How would you know that this isn't like me?"

Chakotay glanced at her in disbelief, "Kathryn, you're the strongest woman I know. It was your belief in our future that allowed us to make it home."

Kathryn laughed out loud mockingly, "That's right, I sacrificed the present for future that did eventually happen. I'm sure that my coming future will be filled with my faith in myself to continue forward."

Chakotay's breath caught as he noticed the words she spoke. "Kathryn-"

"It's late; Commander and I have a lot of things that I need to finish before tomorrow." Janeway said without looking at him.

Chakotay's tightly held control snapped and he walked towards Kathryn and grabbed her shoulders. He shook her slightly, "Look at me, Kathryn! I've been your first officer and best friend for the last seven years. I've stood by you and you sit there calling me Commander as if these last few years don't matter!"

Kathryn looked into his furious eyes and struggled to keep her tears at bay. She regretted hurting him but she needed this distance; this was the only way she would be able to walk away from him forever.

Chakotay's grip on her was painful, "Chakotay, you're hurting me." She whispered.

Chakotay let go of her and ran a hand through his hair in agitation. "I suppose it's only fair, Kathryn. You've been doing that to me for the last five years."

"I've been hurting you?" Kathryn asked skeptically.

"Kathryn, if you don't realize it by now then I doubt that you ever will." Chakotay replied tiredly and started to walk towards the doors. "Good night, Captain."

Kathryn stood up and carefully walked towards him. "You have not been dismissed, Commander."

Chakotay stopped in mid step and glanced back at her, his eyes filling with ire at her reprimand.

"You think that you've been the only one hurt throughout these last few years, Chakotay?" Kathryn asked sharply. "Stardate 49690.1, you promised that you would always be at my side. Easing my burdens. Only at my side would you know the true meaning of peace. That was the first time that you had held me and for the first time since we arrived in this quadrant, I was able to start forgiving myself for trapping all of us here. Stardate 50518.6, when the alien tried to lure me into his matrix. I saw you desperately trying to breathe life into me. I saw you pleading for me not to leave you. You held me tightly to your chest and your eyes filled tears at the thought of losing me." Kathryn stood facing Chakotay with tightly clenched fists, tears starting to stream down her face, as her grief overwhelmed her. "After our return from New Earth, I forced us to return to our duties and protocols; I convinced myself that you no longer cared for me. But as I stood there and watched you fighting to save my life for that one moment, I knew that you still cared for me deeply."

"Kathryn, I'll always care for you," Chakotay replied quietly to the shattered woman in front of him as his anger slowly melted away with each word she heartbrokenly uttered. "I've always cared for you."

Kathryn wiped away the tears angrily. "You were trapped with me on New Earth and who else were you going to turn to. I was the convenient choice, the only choice on that planet."

"That's not true," Chakotay denied.

"Stardate 50614.2."

Chakotay paled slightly.

"Do you remember that date, Chakotay? That was the first time that I realized I had built something out of nothing. That was the day that my dreams started to die."

TBC