Author's Note: Thank you for all your reviews! They really are very encouraging, and I love you all.
My Inferno
Chapter 5
Yamato shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut.
He made a mistake. A huge one.
When did Taichi get so close? When did he let Taichi get so close?
The Yagami apartment felt more like home than any other place he'd ever known. Taichi was so kind, too kind.
It's only a matter of time before he gets hurt.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"You are very quiet."
"I thought you needed help with Math."
"Yeah, but can't we just spend a little time at the park? You look like you've never been on a swing before, Yamato."
He wanted to disappear. Taichi had too much power over him. The other boy always managed to talk him into things he would have never done otherwise. They were good things, but Yamato had learned long ago that good things had no place in his life. He couldn't be happy, he just couldn''t.
"Come," Taichi smiled, "just sit on the swing."
Yamato wanted to. He really did. It was almost impossible to deny his starving soul this little bit of paradise. But he was in hell, and paradise didn't belong in hell.
"I have to go."
He avoided the brown eyes. They made him feel weak.
"What are you talking about?"
Yamato turned away.
"I can't spend time with you anymore."
OOOOOO
"Sometimes, after a great deal of begging from me, he would come over to my apartment and help me with my homework. He was always so shy around my family and I never could understand what he was afraid of. He always looked at my little sister with this strange sadness, as if she reminded him of someone. I used to just close my eyes and listen as his voice washed over me explaining some concept, or watch with great amusement as the fire in those eyes built up along with his frustration. I annoyed him with my lack of effort in the Science department. Yet there were times when he almost seemed to forget where he was as he sat with his knees drawn up against his chest, his head leaning against the wall, waiting for me to finish some nasty question he'd picked out especially for me. And I always thought, in those moments when his shields were at their lowest, that if he had wings he would wrap them around himself, that if he could he would heal the invisible wounds so deep inside."
Dreams.
He had them once. They were like precious jewels in the palm of his hand. Treasures.
He didn't know when they shattered.
Hope.
He had that too, back when TK still loved him as a brother, back when Mother still seemed to care, back when Father didn't hurt him.
He didn't know when he lost it.
Yamato gazed at the picture of his brother and drew a shuddering breath.
Father was coming home that day.
OOOOOO
"I admit I was shocked. The first time Yama pushed me away was scary. I thought I had done something wrong. Such a mystery...those eyes... It hurt. It really hurt. He did that to you, made you want with all your heart to be closer. I can never get close enough. And when he shuts you out, when he looks at you with steel in his eyes, it's like a thousand sharp edges pressing into your heart... But it's how he deals with things. He's too proud to ask for help, too proud to show any kind of weakness, however small. He can't fool me, though. Listen carefully, and you'll hear the desperation in his voice. Look closely, and you'll see anguish. When he's calm and collected, when he tries with all his might to flee from you, that's when he's most vulnerable, that's when he needs you. So no matter what he said, no matter what he did, no matter how much it hurt, I always went back to him. Always."
The door wasn't locked. It wasn't even closed properly.
Taichi peered through the crack and paused. He had to do this. He didn't know why, but he just had to do it. After all these days...
He slipped into the apartment, as silent as a ghost, and froze.
Yamato stood at the end of the hallway. He was carrying a laundry basket full of dirty clothes. The fine strands of golden hair were sweat soaked and fell limply into his face. The brilliant blue eyes were dull and half closed in exhaustion. There were dark shadows under them. Taichi had never thought of Yamato as thin. Slender, perhaps, but not thin. It's the way he carried himself: with infinite grace. But it's different now. The other boy looked frail and skinny and just so pale, as if he was fading...
The black T shirt he wore didn't help the image. It was way too big for him, coming down almost to his knees. It made him look dead.
He wasn't wearing anything else.
They stared at each other.
"You look terrible."
Yamato ignored the statement, and went into the laundry room.
Taichi's anger came back to him. "Ishida Yamato!" He yelled, "You are cruel! You are just too cruel!"
He followed the blonde, shaking with rage.
Yamato turned on the washing machine, pausing briefly to glance at Taichi's face.
"Yes," he said, "I am cruel."
"I thought we were friends!"
"I don't have friends."
"You can't shove people out of your life! You just can't!"
"I can, and I have."
"Well I'm still here!"
"I told you to leave me alone, Yagami, and that's exactly what you will do."
"Something's wrong."
Yamato was too calm. "What could possibly be wrong?"
"That's what you are supposed to tell me."
Finished with the dirty laundry, Yamato grabbed another basket of clean, damp clothes, and started to hang them up by hand. The dryer seemed to be broken.
"You look dead," Taichi said.
A wicked smile. "Maybe I am."
"What is wrong with you?"
"You don't know me, Yagami, and I want it to stay that way."
"PEOPLE CALL ME TAICHI!"
The dark blue eyes were unreadable.
"Go home, Taichi."
"You think I'm just going to give up on you?"
"Yes."
"Then you don't know me at all, do you, Yama?"
The shirt in Yamato's hand hit the floor.
"What did you call me?"
Taichi let his eyes burn into Yamato's.
"I called you Yama."
And an ice wall seemed to shatter between them. Those eyes weren't unreadable anymore. They were an ocean of pain and fear and anger. Yamato was losing control.
"Get out."
Taichi took a step back. "What?"
"Get out," Yamato whispered, and ran past Taichi to his room, slamming the door behind him.
"Yamato!" Taichi tried the door, but it was locked.
"I don't ever want to see you again."
Taichi heard the words, but he wasn't going to let Yama distance himself anymore. He was going to come back.
"I'll come back," he said.
OOOOOO
"Yama?"
"Yes, TK?"
"Why does Mommy hate Daddy so much?"
"It's not hate. People do strange things sometimes, strange things..."
Shadows slid over the darkened room. The boy wrapped their blanket tightly around them, holding his younger brother close. The shouting continued downstairs while the storm battered at their window.
"Yama?"
"Yes, TK?"
"Will you ever leave me?"
"I'll only leave if you want me to."
"Then I don't ever want you to leave. You are my guardian angel, aren't you?"
"Always, TK. Always."
"Why?"
"Because I love you."
Glass shattered downstairs, followed by long, hateful screams.
"Yama?"
"Yes, TK?"
"I don't want anyone else to ever call you Yama."
"Why?"
"Because it's my name for you. It's special."
"Yes, yes it is."
"I want you to be Yama forever."
"Why?"
"Because I love you too, Onii-chan...forever..."
It was the last night they shared together. They never even got the chance to say good-bye.
OOOOOO
Yamato heard Taichi leave. He didn't look away from his brother's laughing face on his wall.
He didn't cry, but there were tears in his eyes.
OOOOOO
Rubisco. Is. An. Enzyme.