Lots and Lots of Grapefruit

Act One: Introduction

Chapter Two: What USB Adapter?

- disclaimer -

All original scenarios are (C) 2005 Doug teh H-Nut. Sonic the Hedgehog and all related characters and stuff are (C) SEGA.

- - -

"Stop screaming," Sonic ordered. "We're in a public place. Use your indoor voice."

Knuckles continued screaming.

"Yes, yes, I paid full price for Sonic Gems Collection also. Stop screaming."

Knuckles finally quited down. He took a few breaths, then pointed at Dr. Phil. "Get out of here." Dr. Phil dejectedly obliged. Then Knuckles turned to Sonic. "Do you have any idea what's happening!"

- - -

Shadow slung his laser pistol around his finger - his rocket launcher was out of ammo, wouldn't you know - and continued walking through the canyon with Omochao. Omochao grinned evilly.

"You know," Shadow began, "if you grin evilly, you should do it behind anyone involved."

"Right, sorry." Omochao flew behind Shadow and continued to grin evilly.

"Why are you grinning evilly?" Shadow asked.

Omochao stuttered for a moment. "Press X to jump."

Shadow stopped. "You told me fifteen minutes ago that X would pick up weapons."

"Really? What controller are we using?"

"X-Box."

It's worth pointing out here that the author doesn't remember how the X-Box face buttons are set up. Y at the bottom, B at the top, X to the left and A to the right? I dunno. (Ok, I looked. A on bottom, B at right, X at left and Y at top. Got it.)

"Oh. Then Y definently jumps. Or whichever one's at the bottom." Omochao didn't know that A was at the bottom. I know that now.

Shadow jumped. "Thank you," came his sarcastic response. "I did not know how to jump."

- - -

"What's happening now?" Sonic asked.

"Ooh! Is it on?" Tails asked, beginning to jump up and down.

Knuckles slapped Tails. "That...thing again. Remember? We went to college, and some other cliches happened?"

"We had McDonald's though. That was original," Sonic reminded him.

"Yes. Point is, the first leprachaun I see, I'm leaving this building."

At this point I'm half of a mind to have Mr. and Mrs. Leprachaun walk in. Only half, though.

"Oh, you're paranoid," Sonic laughed. "I think that guy died."

At this point I was two-thirds of a mind to have Mr. and Mrs. Leprachaun walk in. Only two-thirds, though.

"I sure hope so," Knuckles sighed.

Four-fifths.

Knuckles shivered. "I'm scared, man. What if, you know - that...box?"

"What did it do?"

"I forget. All I know is it glow...glew? Glowed?"

"'Twas glowing," Sonic replied.

"Right. 'Twas glowing."

At this point Amy and Tails had left. Don't ever say I don't remember my - er, SEGA's - characters.

- - -

Alan Smithee could not shake the feeling that something terrible was about to happen, something more terrible than all the aliens and robots he'd been promised.

"Speaking of which," Shadow interrupted my narration, turning to Omochao. "Where's the Black Doom?"

"In a minute." Of course, Omochao was not talking about an alien race.

Omochao led Shadow to a door in the canyon wall. It slid open.

"Enter, good sir."

Shadow carefully walked through the stone corridors towards the light ahead. As he exited the corridors, he had to close his eyes for a moment to adjust to the light.

He wished he'd never opened them.

- - -

Sonic got up. "Well, I'm leaving. Are you coming? You need a shower."

"Nah. I need to stay here for when they put in the WiFi hotspots."

"Do you even have the USB adapter?"

At this Knuckles was silent. "What USB adapter?"

- - -

The room which contained Shadow was your typical college classroom. There was a loudspeaker, some chairs, some desks, and a blackboard. In front of the blackboard was the teacher's desk, and on this desk was a box. 'Twas glowing, too.

Shadow looked at Omochao. "The Great Big Box of Fun?"

"One in the same. I found it during a routine check of the bottom of the ocean. Open it."

"Not a chance, man." Despite what he just said, Shadow walked up to it. "I've seen this thing before. It - " Shadow paused for a moment. "What did it do again?"

"I forget." They forget because I no longer have a copy of the original(s) on hand and consequently, I forget. "It was something bad, though. I think." Omochao leaned down to Shadow's large pointy ear and whispered in it menacingly. "You can control it, though. Join me, and together we shall overthrow the Emperor and rule the Empire!"

"What Empire? What Emperor? What USB adapter?"

"I'm going to have to get back to you on that."

- - -

And thus concludes the second chapter of the new Lots and Lots of Grapefruit. What thinks thee, the reader at home? Reviewing makes people happy.