Talk talk talk, blah blah blah. There. This chapter in short! XD Cid's still around, so there will be swearing.
Thank you for all the reviews, and to you who've made it this far!
Chapter ten: Speak & Spell.
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Blood... smoke... and pain, so much pain... sharp claws and teeth... tearing, hurting... tears, sobbing... no hope... never again any hope...
"Vincent!" Cloud cried and sat straight up, startling the two women in the room. He didn't see them at first, only darkness and the faint glow of white, bloody teeth, but the image faded soon, leaving a dimly lit room and two worried faces peering at him, and the pains in his own body.
"Vuh-vincent?" He called again, quietly, as his body started to shake with the tears that spilled out of his eyes. The shaking made his back feel as if it was on fire, but he tried to ignore it as the bed he was on squeaked slightly, and the mattress tilted as someone sat next to him. His first instinct was to run, or at least cower away, for he was sure that they'd hurt him. But then the blond was suddenly pulled into a warm embrace, and a gentle hand ran through his hair.
"Shh, my little chocobo... it's all right... shh..."
"...mom?" Cloud whispered as the words reached his brain. There was softness against his body, golden hairs tickling his face, the familiar smell of her sunshine hair... "MOM!" He threw his hands around her and burst into tears, hugging her and hoping that this wasn't just a dream. The nightmares in Hojo's prison had often brought her to him, but always she had disappeared or suffered a fate worse than death, sometimes even in his hands.
But the dreams had never been this real, her quiet voice hadn't had that familiar soft tone in it, and Cloud slowly recalled that he wasn't in Nibelheim anymore, he had gotten out of the mansion and left it all behind. He didn't know where he was or how it was possible, but this was real. She was real, and he was safe.
The brown-haired woman with glasses smiled and left the room quietly, leaving the door slightly open. She stayed just outside, though, listening but giving them a little peace. Cloud barely noticed it as he held on tight, wanting to forget everything that had happened in the last few years.
"Oh my child, my son, my little sunshine... I've missed you so... where have you been?"
Her endless litany of soothing whispers eased his pain and fear, and Cloud forced his breathing even and calmed down enough to tell her the basics.
"In the mansion... I followed a monster there, and got caught. They kept me in the... in the cellar, in a tube. I wanted to get out, I tried to, but they just kept hurting me..." The words flowed out of his mouth quietly, and he still held onto her, tight, face buried to her warm shoulder. She held him back, hands on his lower back, careful to avoid the small holes and the half-cured bullet wounds on his shoulder and just below the plug-ins. The pain didn't matter to him, he was safe now, away from Hojo and the experiments.
"And then Vincent was there... he taught me to fight, and took care of me, and got me out... he, and the General, and Zax... and, and Hojo's helpers burned Nibelheim, and Vincent disappeared, and--" he hiccupped and quieted for a while, just enjoying the warmth and the feeling of safety.
"Shh Cloud... Everything's fine now, I have you back. Don't worry..."
He didn't dare to believe that, not completely, but hearing it did make him feel better. "Wuh-where's Zax? Did he... go after Sephiroth? How did I get here?"
"The Soldier?" The brown-haired woman asked from the door. Cloud nodded, and his mother turned to look at the other woman. "He left with the Captain, to find the General. Don't worry about them, the Captain can take care of anything." Her voice was full of confidence in the man she spoke of, and she nodded as if there wouldn't even be any sense in doubting their success.
The blond finally pushed himself away from his mother's arms, but stayed within her reach, gaining comfort and strength from her presence. "Who are you?" He asked the woman. She smiled and bowed her head.
"I am Shera, I live here with the Captain."
"Who's the Captain?"
"He's more or less the head of this town. A pilot called Cid Highwind. He was supposed to be the first man in space, but... because of me, his dreams were crushed." Shera lowered her head and turned to look to her right. Cloud cocked his head as he heard what she had heard. A thumping noise, like someone was kicking a wall, somewhere inside the house.
"He must be awake again." Shera muttered, grabbed a baseball bat from inside the small bedroom, and left. Cloud looked at his mother.
"Who's awake?"
"That Turk, Tseng. They brought him here, to keep him out of the way, when they brought you as well. The Captain had used a cure-spell on both you and the Soldier. But you should get some more rest now, sweetheart. There's nothing we can do until the Captain returns." She now had the mother-knows-best tone in her voice, and Cloud smiled a bit when he started to feel tired straight away.
"With Zax and Sephiroth?"
"...yes. Sleep now." She helped him back down on the soft mattress, and sat by his side until he fell asleep, humming and stroking his hair.
"Shera! Damnit, get some tea ready! Is that fucking Turk still in the garage?"
The brown-haired woman ran from the bedroom, closing the door almost completely behind her as she heard the backdoor open just before the yelling and heavy footsteps broke the quiet of the small house.
"Yes, Captain!" She called back and poured some water into a kettle. Turning around when she heard the footsteps stop, she almost dropped the kettle as she saw three men and what they carried.
Reno was unceremoniously dumped on the floor, but Zax was a bit more careful with Rude. The pilot went to the door leading from the kitchen to the garage and peered in.
"Heh. Had to put him to sleep, eh? Well what are you waiting for, the water isn't going to bloody boil itself! And you, Soldier-boy, gag the big guy and put him in there, I'll take care of poppy here."
Shera blushed and nodded, turning quickly back to what she was doing. Zax looked around for something to gag Rude with, although his eyes kept wandering to the bedroom door again and again. Cid cursed and tossed him an old scarf, tying another around Reno's head. Sephiroth still stood at the end of the hallway to the kitchen, seemingly not caring what was going on in the crowded room. His green eyes snapped immediately up when the bedroom door opened and a blonde woman stepped out when the Turks were being dragged to the garage. She looked around and her blue eyes grew large when she noticed him.
"Hey, Ms. Strife! How's Cloud doing?" Zax asked with a wide smile when he returned to the kitchen. The blonde tore her eyes away from Sephiroth and smiled at the Soldier, twisting her hands nervously.
"He's better, thank you, and sleeping. He was asking about you, and..." her eyes went back to Sephiroth again, and the General stared back, trying to figure out what the emotion in those blue eyes was. It wasn't exactly the usual fear, more like respect and awe, with... recognition? She looked away the next moment, though, so he didn't get a chance to study her expression better, but made a mental note to at least keep an eye on the woman.
Zax went to take a peek into the dark bedroom as the blonde woman went to help Shera with setting the table. The Soldier couldn't see much, only the slight, unmoving form on the bed. He didn't get a chance to go in as Cid walked behind him, grumbling and pulling out a chair.
"Sit down and drink your goddamn tea." The Captain said with a rough voice and everyone obeyed, finding a place around the small table. Zax took the seat on the Captain's left side, and Sephiroth sat down to his left, keeping the head on his lap. Shera poured them all some of the boiling, sweet smelling liquid and sat next to Cid, on his right. Ms. Strife sat between her and the General, carefully keeping her eyes away from the silver-haired man.
The very awkward silence was broken only by the tinkling of spoons against the porcelain as they all stared down at their own cups, not knowing what to say and to whom. Sephiroth didn't feel like talking and the others tried their best not to mention the head on his lap, its vacant eyes peeking just over the tabletop. It was disturbing, to say the least, and finally the Captain couldn't take it anymore. He took a long sip from his teacup, tossed the spoon on the table and glared at the General.
"Okay, what the hell is it with that fucking head? Does it keep you from losing your keys or what?"
Shera just about choked on her tea, and Ms. Strife put her cup down as her hand suddenly started to shake. Zax mentally readied himself to stop Sephiroth from cutting Highwind into two with the Masamune, but the General just lowered his cup calmly to the table and looked slowly up, raising one eyebrow.
"Excuse me?"
"The head. On your lap. You know, that bluish thing that keeps staring at me? What the fuck is it?"
Sephiroth looked down at his lap and then back up at Highwind. "It is my mother. Please do not be so crude about her."
The answer silenced everyone, they just stared at the General, dumbstruck. Cid's cigarette was hanging from his lower lip, just about to fall, while the women looked away. Zax scratched his neck, very worried about his friend.
"Umm, Seph, I guess they'd appreciate it if you... uh, didn't bring... her. To the table. You know. Bad manners and all that." The Soldier said, and then he had to fight back the insane giggles that threatened to escape from his throat at the absurdity of the whole situation. His General just shrugged and lowered the head to the floor before picking up his teacup again.
"All you needed to do was ask."
Cid's cigarette finally fell to his lap, and the Captain let out a loud string of curses, slapping the material of his pants before they caught fire. The interruption relieved the tension in the room a bit, and Ms. Strife excused herself and went back to the bedroom, glancing at Sephiroth quickly before closing the door. The General emptied his cup and nodded his thanks to Shera.
"Thank you. I'm going to talk with Tseng now, if you'll excuse me." He stood up, not waiting for an answer, picked up the smiling head of Jenova and went to the garage. Highwind cursed and took his cup into a shaking hand.
"Fuck. Empty. Shera, where's the bloody bottle, I need something stronger than tea..."
Zax raised a hand and smiled. "Me too, please!"
Someone was poking him. It hurt.
Tseng finally forced an eye open, swearing mentally at the pain in his chaffed wrists, ankles and around his mouth. The lumps in his head must have been huge, the way they hurt. Damned bitch. A baseball bat? It was efficient, but there were many, many more subtle and less painful ways to put someone to sleep. He should know, he'd used most of them. A baseball bat hurt. A lot.
The swirling colours in front of him finally stopped and took the form of a head. Dangling in the air, and smiling at him. The Turk's eyes flew open and he let out a muffled yell, trying to back away but only hitting the wall. The head disappeared and he closed his eyes with relief.
"Tseng."
The voice was familiar, one that he'd known for years, known and trusted, and now betrayed. He opened his eyes and saw Sephiroth, crouched in front of him, staring with those feline eyes, head cocked to the side a bit. He frowned as he looked at the strange expression on the General's face. It was as if the man was curious, watching him for the first time, even though they'd known each other for over a decade now. The green eyes were moving slowly all over him, and he could feel them on his skin. Feel the strange look in them, a blend of cool calculation, curiosity and, quite possibly, madness.
"Mmgh."
A gloved hand rose, and something made the Turk want to get away from the touch, but he was frozen to the spot when Sephiroth tugged the gag out of his mouth. He opened and shut his mouth a few times, dark eyes fixed on the General and the head next to the man, and licked his dry lips.
"Sephiroth."
"Tseng. Fancy meeting you here. Zackery told me you tried to kill him."
"Orders are orders."
Sephiroth raised one eyebrow at the quiet comment, and nodded after a moment. Tseng's eyes kept wandering over to the severed head, even though he wanted to keep an eye on the silver-haired man, unsure of what he'd do.
"Yes, orders are orders. Still, they don't really matter. You obey them all your life, without question, without objection, yes sir, no sir, seven times, sir, and apparently, it's still not enough."
The Turk watched, worried and more than a little confused, as Sephiroth stood up and walked around in front of him, seemingly talking to himself, but loud enough that he could hear every word.
"You do exactly as you are told. Yes Mr. President. You fight his wars, win battles, kill the enemy, completely destroy the enemy. Win him more land and glory than he could dream of. And you do it without question, because that's what you're expected to do.
"Yes professor. You do everything he says, let him pump you full of poisons and medicines, drugs and blood. He orders you into a tank full of Mako for a few days, and you do it, because that's what you're told to do. That's what you've always done. Yes sir. He drains you of blood, of humanity, of feelings, all but fear, because that never really goes away. You're always afraid of more pain, so you do exactly what you're told to avoid it.
"All your life, that's all you do. Obey. Yes sir, Heidegger, sir. Train the cadets and the Soldiers, make them into emotionless killing machines, and gods help them if they still dare to feel something when you're done. The men may have lives, but all Shin-Ra has to do is lift a finger and the army will jump."
The General stopped his walking, turned to the Turk and pointed at him with a finger, rage and futility burning in his eyes. The head dangled in the other hand, swinging slowly from side to side.
"All you are is a leader of a group of mindless sheep, following you to the slaughterhouse without question. Then there's no more war, no more land to be won, no more glory to be gathered with battle. Other people do the training for you, and all you do is watch and sign papers. Watch and sign papers, Tseng. That's what following orders got me. I've given them everything they've ever asked, done anything they've asked of me, and now... what were your orders? What are you supposed to do with me, if you were to capture me? Kill me? Take me to Midgar? Tell me, Tseng, if I surrender, what will happen?"
Tseng stared at Sephiroth, stared and wondered which answer would let him live. He decided to go with the truth.
"I was ordered to bring you back to Midgar, alive. Or at least find out where you are. Hojo was sure you'd be at the reactor, or somewhere around Nibelheim. We were ordered to search the whole area. Kill the escaped specimens, if we see them, or bring them to Hojo. Kill the Soldiers and troopers with you, unless they come quietly. If so, then question them before killing. Apparently Hojo had some big plan concerning you and something in Nibelheim, and he's not happy that it didn't work out."
"What plan? What is he up to?" Sephiroth asked, crouching back down in front of him. Tseng shrugged, as much as he could, with hands tightly bound behind his back.
"That I don't know, but judging from his reaction when it failed, when everything went wrong in Nibelheim, whatever 'everything' is, it's something big. He thinks that it's still possible to continue whatever it is, as long as you're alive and brought to him. And that's what I'm here for."
The General stared pointedly at the thick ropes. "Yes, I can see how well your mission is going."
"I don't suppose you'll let me free and come along quietly?" Tseng asked, a small smile trying to make its way to his thin lips. Sephiroth snorted and stood up.
"I'm afraid not. Hojo may have his plans, but I have a few of my own. I'm not his little puppet anymore, nor the President's. If the Captain decides to let you go, you can tell Shin-Ra to stick his whole empire where the sun don't shine." He bent down and pulled the gag back over Tseng's mouth. "And rotate." With that, he turned off the lights, left the garage and closed the door, and darkness fell over the three Turks.
After Sephiroth disappeared into the garage and Shera had filled their cups with whiskey, Zax and Cid just sat at the table and stared at it. Shera left the room and they heard the back door open and close. Highwind sighed and swore quietly, gulping down half of the strong drink. Zax drank all of his at one go, knowing that it wouldn't affect him, but at least the taste was relaxing. Not much could get past the Mako, and right now that really annoyed him. He wanted to get drunk, really, completely and utterly shitfaced, to forget everything that had happened in the last few days. Everything since they entered the Nibelheim Reactor for the first time. Everything since they entered Nibelheim.
"So, uh... thanks for everything." The Soldier finally said, wanting to hear something else than the beats of his own heart and the quiet murmur from the garage. 'I hope Seph doesn't kill the poor bastards.'
Highwind nodded and continued to stare at the cup.
"What are you going to do with the Turks?"
"Fuck. Wish I knew." The Captain sighed and leaned back, lifting his blue eyes to Zax. He couldn't have been much older than the Soldier, maybe ten years or something, but at that moment the pilot looked very old and tired. "This is all so fucking useless, you know that? Ever since the space program got botched, all I've done is sit on my slowly widening ass, drink, and tinker with the rocket and the Bronco. What the fuck for? Hoping that the Prez will one day wake up and say to himself, 'I wonder whatever happened to that Highwind-fellow. Such a good man. Maybe we should start the space program again.' Yeah, shit, like that'll happen. All he cares about is the fucking Mako, and money. Money, moola, dinero. That's all our lives are worth to him, kid. Figures on a piece of paper. Paper to wipe his fat, stinking ass on. We're nothing to him. If we're dead, we're even cheaper." The blond got up and went to the cupboards, searching until he found the bottle and brought it back to the table. Zax shook his head when he was offered another drink. It wouldn't affect him anyway, and it looked like Cid needed it much more than he did.
After filling his cup and taking a sip, the pilot leaned back in his chair, pulled out a cigarette and lit it. "All I've been hoping for, the last years, is that the space program would be started again and I'd be the first man in space. Messing around with you fuckheads and the Turks made sure that it'll never happen."
Zax was about to open his mouth to apologize, but Highwind waved him quiet. "Don't. It's no use, I don't blame ya. Hell, it's been the most fun I've had in years. If anyone, I blame myself. I should have realized it looong ago. Shit. If I want to go to space, I hafta do it on my own. No use expecting anything from Shin-Ra. The Turks..." he rolled his eyes and drew a long breath from his cig.
"The fucking Turks... I guess I hafta let them go, eventually. Then get the fuck out of here, at least for a while. Take the Bronco out, check out some new sights. Who knows, maybe I'll hit the jackpot somewhere and get enough cash to get my sorry ass up amongst the stars..."
"Yeah, hope it works out for you..." Zax said and smiled. The Captain raised an eyebrow and chuckled.
"The optimism of youth... as if I'm any better, the old fucker that I am." he started the next cigarette from the old one and nodded towards the Soldier. "So what are you and your loony General going to do? And that blond thing there?" He pointed towards the bedroom, and Zax shrugged.
"I don't know, I hope Seph'll have some idea when he gets out here... Shin-Ra wants me and Cloud dead, so I guess going to Midgar might not be that smartest move to make. Shit, I don't know. I feel like I'm half falling off the wagon all of the time. I'm not even sure what the hell exactly is going on, and how we all fit into it."
"That's life for ya. Sure you don't want any?" Cid offered him the bottle again, but Zax shook his head. The blond shrugged, emptied his cup and took the bottle back to the cupboard. He stretched and looked around the room. "I need a bit of fresh air... keep the house standing while I go and check on things, ok?"
"Yeah, sure." The Soldier nodded and Highwind left through the front door without another word. Left alone in the kitchen, Zax fiddled with his teacup for a while, listening to the quiet voices coming from the garage. He couldn't make out the words, but thought he recognized Sephiroth's low but clear and melodic voice. Fighting the urge to eavesdrop, he looked around the room until his ears caught another noise, a quiet humming, coming from the bedroom. Curious, he stood up and went to the door. He'd almost forgotten what had happened to the blond boy, being so worried about Sephiroth, but now he realized that he didn't actually know how Cloud was doing. The boy's mother had said that he was fine, but there'd be no harm in seeing for himself, right? He knocked quietly and opened the door enough to poke his spiky head in.
"Ms. Strife? Is it alright to come in?"
The blonde woman looked up at him from the chair next to the bed. Zax recognized the blue, woolly shirt she was fixing, the one he'd bought for Cloud, that had been ventilated with bullets. She smiled and nodded, and the Soldier stepped noiselessly in, closing the door.
The small room was lit only with a few candles, and the curtains were pulled in front of the window. The bed was underneath the window, and Cloud had curled up to a little ball on it, asleep, with his back to the room. The blanket was only up to his hips, so Zax could see the plug-ins and the bandages below them and around the left shoulder. The second bullet had gone straight through, just below the breastplate, barely missing the spine. He had been sure, after Cid had slapped and cured him awake, that Cloud wouldn't make it with the injuries and blood-loss, even if he was cured, but somehow the boy had survived.
He walked closer and leaned over the sleeping Cloud, looking at his pale face. "Is he really ok? No problems or anything?"
"Yes," the blonde whispered back, smiling slightly. "The materia the Captain used saved his life. He's as fine as can be expected. And how's your leg, Zackery?"
"Oh, fine, Ms. Strife. Aches a bit, but it's no problem. I've been hurt worse."
"Please, call me Ame." She said and Zax nodded. He glanced curiously at the woman, surprised how alike she and her son actually were. They both had the same, yellow-blonde, spiky hair, large, sky blue eyes and delicate features, although he guessed that Cloud was still so young that he looked girlish because of that.
Ame must have noticed his curiosity, as she put the shirt down and looked up at the Soldier. "Something bothering you, Zackery?"
"Uh, no." Zax said with a smile and scratched his neck. "Just realized that you two really look a lot alike." He pulled the other chair quietly closer to the bed and sat down, facing her as Ame nodded with a smile.
"Yes, he's always looked like me... when he was younger I wished that he'd take after his father, that I'd have more to remember him by... and I suppose it would have been easier on Cloud, as well, not looking so feminine. Now I'm just too happy to have him back to care. When he... when they came and told me he'd died in the mountains, I thought I'd die too. I had no one else, nothing to life for. But I'm glad I did live to see this day, see him again. Nothing else matters besides having him alive again." She smiled, almost in tears as she reached over to touch Cloud's hair lightly. "I loved his father so much, but I'm not sure if even that compares with how much I care for Cloud. Having a child of your own... do you have children, Zackery? No, I guess not, you're still so young..."
Zax blushed and shook his head, laughing sheepishly. "No, no kids, Ms. Strife. I mean Ame. And..." the Soldier looked down at his hands, embarrassed a bit. "I guess I haven't been the best kid, either. I haven't been in touch with my folks for about five years now... not since I left to Midgar. I've probably written them one letter... but then again, they haven't kept in touch either." He shrugged and smiled a bit. "Still, someone has to do the first move, right, and it might as well be me?"
Ame smiled and nodded. "It takes courage to admit you're wrong. I think that your parents will love you, even if you don't keep in touch, but don't let yourself slip away from them. I always told Cloud that he could always come home, no matter what he'd done, no matter what happened. That there'd always be a home for him."
"That's sweet..." Zax said with a wide grin, even though he was a bit jealous and sad, hoping his own mother would have told him the same thing, in stead of just wishing him a safe journey when he'd left small Gongaga for Midgar. He'd never thought about it much, figuring that that was just the way his parents were, but he couldn't even remember one time when they'd told him that they loved him. He knew it, of course, they were always good to him, unless he had just pulled one of his more stupid stunts, but even then he'd known that they cared. They just never said it. It would have been nice to hear.
"So much has happened lately that I just suddenly realized that I might not get another chance, you know? I really should visit them. I always figured there'd always be time, they'll always be there and I'll have enough time some day. Maybe there won't be. I have to, you know... seize the day." The Soldier said more to himself, but Ame nodded and patted him on the back of his hand.
"It's not too late yet."
He nodded and they both fell silent. Zax couldn't remember when he'd last thought such serious thoughts, if he ever had. Of course he'd always known, since the moment he decided to become a Soldier, that his death would come probably sooner than later. He'd seen so much death in the Wutai war that he could write books about it, but it had never occurred to him that his parents or the rest of quiet Gongaga would die. He'd always thought they'd go on forever.
He had been hurt, Sephiroth had been hurt, his friends had been hurt and even died in the war, but that was war and that happened in wars. This wasn't war, but his new friend was hurt and Sephiroth was losing his mind. He himself had been hurt, by people he thought were on his side. They had all been screwed by people that were supposed to be on their side. A whole town had burned down. If all this could happen, there was no guarantee that his parents or home were any safer.
The quiet moment broke as they could clearly hear a door open and close. Zax cocked his head, trying to figure if it was Sephiroth, Cid or Shera who walked around the kitchen. The steps were quiet and slow, and there was no other noise. Must be Seph, the Soldier figured, and wondered if he should go and talk with the General, make sure that the silver-haired man wouldn't just leave. But Shera was in the backyard, Cid out in the front, and the town full of people not entirely convinced that Sephiroth hadn't burned Nibelheim. He couldn't get out without being seen, so Zax breathed deep and tried to relax. Still, he couldn't stop wondering what was going on in Sephiroth's head, and why the change in the man scared him so. He thought himself a coward, but he just couldn't go and face the General. Not right now.
Sephiroth finally stopped in front of a small window in the kitchen and looked out into the deepening evening. The townspeople were still up and moving, reluctant to go to their homes and rest in case something happened and they would miss it. The General figured that much didn't happen in such a small and lonely town, so any distraction from the daily routines was embraced and enjoyed fully, even if the distraction was the burning down of a neighbour village and the death of half of its dwellers. And they all blamed him. Zax had told him what he'd heard Tseng tell the villagers, but Tseng was a Turk, one of Shin-Ra's men, as was Sephiroth. Of course he'd defend the General. Most of all, they were outsiders, so nothing they said could be trusted.
"I take one step outside, that gathering will turn into a lynch mob..." the silver-haired man muttered to the severed head in his hands. He looked down, into its vacant eyes and shook his own head slightly. "So in stead I stay in and talk to you." He thought about the situation and shrugged.
"Still, beats watching and signing papers."
Turning away from the window, he started to wonder just how much the voice in his head was controlling him. The words he'd spoken to Tseng, they were his memories, his fears and frustrations, but the words had been more to assure HIM of his life's wrongness than the Turk. She'd dug up all the half-forgotten memories and made him relive them again, to realize just how he had been wronged.
"But why? What do you want? What's in it for you?" He stared into the empty eyes. Maybe it was a trick of the lights, but he thought he could see a sparkle in them.
/My son... find a place where the traitors won't hear us, and I'll tell you anything you want to know.../
A.N: Zax isn't the only one half falling off the wagon... I've no friggin' idea where this is going...
New timetable at school, way too many classes and projects, so can't guarantee a new chapter every week. -Sigh- Still, beats work.
Chapter ten already? Sheesh. Go me. Review? Please? :3