Chapter 8 – Reaching out for the big bad wolf

"Hermione-prudence-was-once-my-middle-name-Granger how about carting you into St. Mungo's this very minute? I'll save them the trouble of trying to detach itsy-bitchy-teeny-weeny little 'Mione-pieces from all over the furniture and..."

"You always see the glass half empty, Ron."

"Statistics say that one in 3 people is mentally ill. So check your friends and if two of them seem okay, you're the one."

"Oh, stuff it. The plan is perfect. Why can't you just go along with it?"

"Enjoying empty casket funerals is somewhat of an acquired taste. I'm not that far sophisticated as of yet but if you'll give me time I'll get used to it."

"Melodramatic as always, Ron. Nothing will go wrong, you'll see."

"As a ghost from up above?"

"I'm not asking you to tag along. I just want you to cover for me while I'm gone."

"Might that be an hour or eternity?"

"Look, whatever you say, I'm going. Snape's our only chance."

"To end up both dead and mutilated? Is that your best try to steal Harry's thunder?"

"I've changed my mind."

"About high time too. Does the new work any better?"

"I've changed my mind about confiding in you, Ron. I put too much thought and effort into this to back out at the last minute. Besides, it's all your fault. If you and Harry hadn't helped me fight that troll, I'd probably be in some library napping over Professor Bin's variorum right now. You turned me into an adrenalin junkie, addicted to pointless risks, mortal peril, inevitable doom and the like. Every time I join a rehabilitation program, either you or Harry will come up with a new brilliant plan to have us all killed. Now it's my turn."

"Herein lies Hermione Granger, may she rest in pieces."

"Worst case scenario, he'll mock me and send me home crying. Nothing I'm not already used to. Look at the bright side. He can't assign detentions any more."

"I feel so sorry for your little brain, all alone in that great big head. The man's been warning you off from the very first minute. What more do you need? Pink flashing owls?"

"Read those letters again, won't you?"

"Take your advice and read them yourself. Removing your blinkers first if you please."

"Okay. The first one I sent: In dire need of help. -The boomslang's filcher. The one with the whiskers. Stating loud and clear who I am and what I want."

"And taking special care of not being mistaken for either me or Harry. And he responds with? Behold my dear 'cause thou shall be mine?"

"Can't blame him for being cautious, can you?"

"Read his response 'Mione."

"More in need of a mental institution if I'm any judge. Highly recommend St Stephan Day Care for Wizards and Witches with Special Needs. By far the best. -The one that could easily brew a cure but strongly declined."

"If that's not off-putting, what is? Any normal person would have gotten the message. But no, not you."

"He was just testing waters. What did you expect him to do? Apparate into my room and offer roses? How could he be sure of the true identity of the messenger?"

"Hardly anyone knew about the missing ingredients and no one would put two and two together to link it to you turning into a cat even if the owl got intercepted by you-know-who himself. I grant you the code is brilliant. But the whole idea's still ludicrous."

"If he's not willing to help why does he bother replying?"

"'Cause you keep harassing him. Read your next one and you'll see what I mean."

"Lesson learned. Assistance needed to avoid repeating past mistakes. Please help. I'm practically begging him. He can't ignore that."

"He tries very hard not to take advantage of it and you keep pushing him further. How much more can a man take? Much to my astonishment, he tries to spare you once more. Read on."

"Objective of lesson being chewing no more than you can swallow, I suspect you're choking to death just out of sheer aptitude? I'd love to teach you the price of taking uncalculated risks but I'm out of form since I quitted my day-job."

"Is it coming through? He painted you a blinking portrait. What more should he write for you to understand? He just told you he changed sides. Stay out of his way or you're in harm's way."

"Why would he set a meeting then? To finish me off?"

"Just like he said, to teach you a lesson. You're way out of your league 'Mione. Don't go."

"He got into the trouble of finding out when my birthday is and calculated the time-turner's usage just out of spite?"

"You openly provoked him. Will be lenient on your lack of practice. Please set a date. Do you think you're pen paling with a Hufflepuff?"

"It worked though: Your wizarding birthday. Noon. Don't make a social event out of it. I'm a master in peaking curiosity and manipulating…"

"You're a dead master ever since the mere thought of rivalling Severus Snape crossed your mind. The smell of your decaying body hasn't reached your nostrils yet."

"For Helga's sake, I'm only meeting with him. If he doesn't want to help it's fine."

"You'll be fined. With death penalty. That irrevocable state of being cold and stiff till the end of time?"

"I think we've already established that he has no reason to kill me. What could he possibly gain?"

"Regardless his motivation, allegiances, deep sense of nobility and rest of crap, the man is a bloody murderer. What makes you believe that in case of an emergency he'll guard your life over his? What if one of his friends turns up?"

"We're meeting in bloody Zurich. Last I heard Switzerland wasn't roaming with astray Death Eaters. It took me two days to locate this godforsaken Day Care of his."

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Satisfaction brought her back."

"Let's momentarily agree that he's the knight in the shining armor gone spy to help the greater cause, yada, yada, yada. Do you take you-know-who for a fool? He's bound to have someone watch over Snape's shoulder 24/7. If a 17-year-old witch was able to discern that Dumbledore was too easily exterminated, imagine what a fully fledged Dark Lord thinks about."

"That Dumbledore is a trusting old barmy."

"Exactly! And you-know-who isn't. He's been avoiding a direct face to face confrontation with Dumbledore for years and one of his cronies just swipes him off the map? Not even bearing as much as a shaving cut? Raises too many questions. He might not have the answers but he's forced to tiptoe around that dear Professor of ours."

"So, I'll be on the lookout for any uninvited sidekick leech. Happy?"

"Why of course. Totally thrilled! Look out for the one sporting the scarlet T-shirt with the five-feet bright yellow heading that reads 'Ware! Lower form of nark!'. He'll also be holding hands with Snape so there's no way you can miss him. So good to know you'll be safe."

"Do you reckon I need more than an hour to apparate all the way to Switzerland?"

"No, but you'll need more than Harry's Gringott's account to reapply once you get your apparition license revoked. It takes at least three long distance apparitions to reach Zurich and another three to return. You're entitled to five a day. You'll either have to stay overnight or return by muggle means. Same goes to the great connoisseur that set the date half a continent away. Don't you find it the least spooky that by the time you arrive, you'll be so drained that you won't even be able to properly cast a scourgify?"

"I won't be needing it. I'm not using any floo. Is there anything else?"

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A/N: Since this monster of a story (a supposedly one-shot) is getting out of hand as of this chapter, some feedback would be greatly appreciated. Should I keep it going or wrap it up? Million thanks to all of you for reading it and zillion to those taking the time to review.