A/N: Ok, all I can say is: wow… I had never though that somebody would actually review for the first chapter… and like it… so, thank you very, very, very, very much for all the reviews… you guys are the best…

As for this one-shot: I uploaded it once, but I think it's a bit too stiff and the emotions aren't portrayed really good… so, that´s why it landed here

So, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans or anything else… but I do own a suitcase…

Protocol of an affair: The friend in my bed

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As I open my eyes, I see Robin smiling at me and asking if I slept well. The sun shines through his curtains, the bed is rumpled, my hair messed.

While I'm searching for my leotard which had landed carelessly at the floor last night, he yells from his bathroom.

"Move your ass downstairs or the others will worry"

"Wow, are we charming today!" I snap back and grab my cloak from the floor. I look around and for the hundredth time asking myself how he can be able to live in such a mess.

It is not that bad, he says and I could clean it, if it bothers me.

"Is it my room or yours?" I ask and walk out of his room.

He can live how he wants. It has nothing to do with me. And it shouldn't interest me.

Robin is my leader.

The leader of the Titans and my friend.

My best friend.

We think alike.

We love the same things. We listen to the same music, we like the same books.

We are both mysterious and dark.

We both have our secrets and don't like sharing them with everyone.

We are the two birds of the team.

I can cry on his shoulder when I have one of my nightmares and he can talk to me whenever he feels lonely. We share everything. Ok, we don't share everything. But we share more than we do with others.

Sometimes we also share the same bed… but we are not together.

Everything began six months ago.

Cyborg and Beast Boy had decided to throw a party at the T-Tower. God knows why.

And while Cyborg was making out with Bumblebee, Beast Boy was trying to impress every girl and Starfire had danced with Speedy, Robin and I had landed in my room.

We listen to my music and we talked. I don't know how, but somehow we began talking about bad and good kissers.

"You are probably a good kisser," Robin said.

"That's for sure," I retorted.

"Proof it!" he said.

In this moment I remembered a conversation I had once with Starfire and her words repeated in my mind.
"What is wrong with you two? Robin is kind and handsome. You both like each other. So why don't you … hook up?" she asked me and wondered.

Why?

Because we are just friends.

Nothing more.

Or was it really so?

"You don't dare to do it!" Robin teased and interrupted my thoughts.

"Stop that's not funny," I should have said. I wanted to say.

But instead I felt his hands on my back and he pulled me gently towards himself… instead I felt his soft lips on mine.

'What is wrong with you?' my mind repeated and repeated. 'Whatiswrongwithyouwhatiswrongwithyouwhatiswrongwithyou'

Nothing was wrong, because in this moment everything seemed right as I shut out my mind.

It wasn't Robin who pealed off my leotard and it wasn't me who fought with his belt.
We were two strangers giving in to a desire.

A desire which have to act out regardless of the consequences.

It happened. And it was wonderful.

"Oh, yes, you know how to kiss," were his first words the next morning.

I was totally insecure but at the same time relieved that he hadn't sneaked out without a word.

That night was the first time we had sex.

I know it sounds so sterile, so emotionless "having sex". But I refuse calling it "making love".

Just because it wasn't making love. It is never "making love".

It was sex… raw sex – our first sex.

But not our last.

It became a game – a game only we knew about. Nobody else. It was, no, it is our little, dirty secret.

Starfire still wonders and asks what is wrong with us and why we don't hook up.

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When we are alone Robin rips off his mask – literally. When we are alone he isn't my leader, he isn't my friend.
When we are alone he is Richard Grayson the most handsome and sexiest man alive.
Our bodies feel what our hearts don't .

For a long time my heart didn't skip a beat when I saw him, my stomach didn't feel knotted when I heard his voice.
I sometimes think he is acting like a jerk - especially when he is together with Beast Boy and Cyborg.

And I still know everything about him. I know the mess in his mind and the mess in his life. And I know that he doesn't love me and my heart doesn't like it.

But my body, my desire is a brave seductress. I want the kick. I want to feel will-less.
I want to feel him – feel his body on top of me.
And I am glad it his him my desire longs for and not a stranger who could reject me.

But what seems like a picture-perfect in the night shatters when the sun rises.

We have an unspoken deal: We sleep together without loving each other.

We are close but we are risking our friendship.

We are risking our bond for raw, animalistic desires.

Trust has turned into need. And with this need we betray our hearts.

And the heart?

The heart gets numb. It gets numb when it isn't allowed to feel and go crazy with love.

We probably should stop this and try to go out with others. Maybe meet someone who we don't have to hide like a small, dirty secret. Someone we can love with our heart and body.

But I can't meet someone else.

Because it happened.

Without premonition, without any signs, without any warning so that I could prepare myself.

No, it just happened.

The realisation hit me as hard as a kick in my stomach: I began to fall in love with Robin – my leader, my friend.

In the last few weeks I noticed that my heart skips a beat when I see him, my stomach is knotted when I hear his voice. I still think that he can be a jerk sometimes… but it doesn't bother me as it used to do.

I am falling for a man who will never love me.

And now he is in my room… slowly approaching my bed with a sly, lazy grin.

"Rae, I missed you, " he purrs in my ear and I feel my heart flattering.
And I want to give in and forget that I love him and he doesn't. But I can't.
So I withdraw myself from him. He gives me a confused look.

"What is Rae? Is something wrong?"

"We have to stop this," I tell him and crawl out of my bed. He grabs my arm before I can leave.

"What do you mean? Don't you like what I do for you?" he asks and begins kissing my neck and softly stroking my hair. I inhale his scent and feel myself getting intoxicated. I am melting away in his arms. But that's not right. I wriggle myself out of his arm.

"Robin, please! We have to stop this - I… I want you to stop," I tell him. "And I want you to leave. Now!" I add and pretend not seeing his concerned expression.

"Raven, I am not leaving until you tell me what is going on. Why do you want me to leave? Why don't you want me to touch you?" he inquires and blue orbs are piercing in my soul.

"We can't do this anymore. It's wrong …" I try to explain although I know he won't believe me.

"And it's wrong because … ?"

"It's wrong because I love you." I hear my voice whispering and I look in his eyes.

And I know with this word spoken out I am risking everything.

I am risking the debris of our friendship, I am risking being hurt and rejected.

I am risking everything and yet nothing.

I mean, we lost our friendship the night we had sex.

Now, it is the time to fight for a love.

I expect everything.

Really. I expect him to say that he is sorry but he doesn't feel the same.
I expect him to ran away and never come back.
There are many other things I expect him to do… but not him pulling me back in his arms and hugging me close.

For some minutes he just holds me and I don't know what I should think of that.
But then he slowly pulls away and looks in my eyes with his hypnotizing azure orbs.

"Rae, I love you, too!" he says lovingly and his lips meet mine.

And it is the best kiss we have ever shared.

This time it is really Robin who his peeling off my leotard and it is really me who his fighting with his belt.
This time we are not two strangers giving in to raw desires. No, we are two friends, two lovers giving in to their love.

Today we are not having sex.

No, today is the first we are making love.

And you know what?

It won't be the last time.

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A/N: So, how do you like it? Tell me… you know I live for your reviews…

The next one-shot will be humor again… here is a preview:

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Lessons

"Can you say that again?"

"Inebfh"

"Robin, I couldn't catch it," Raven said. "Now spill it: Who was the f first girl you kissed?"

"…"

"Robin…"

Robin sighed before saying. "Actually… I've never been kissed…"

Nothing

Silence

"You are kidding…" Raven finally spoke up and silence was her reply.

"Robin…"

Again nothing

"Robin… you're kidding… right?"

So stay tuned for the next one-shot…

Until next chapter

Alena