Darkness
"He was filled with nothing but the scent of darkness that resembled death..."
-Kazuma, book 9
Every time, a little more of Kyo would slip into that cold abyss. He would lose a little more color, a little more spirit, and a little more life.
Every time he was reminded of his curse—his past—his future.
Every New Years' banquet he wasn't invited to.
Every fight he lost to Yuki.
Every time he saw Akito.
He would sink a little more into himself, close off his eyes and ears. He would fall a little, under the burden he never wanted to carry.
He would try to shove it off—force it onto someone else. Force his guilt and shame away by blaming someone else.
It grew a little, that burden, every time Kyo's past came back to haunt him. It might die down a little; the feelings subside for awhile, or be forgotten in the rushes of adrenaline and ignored out of exhaustion.
And then, when something happened, they'd all come raging back and he'd fall again.
Sometimes, when it was especially bad, I'd find him, bruised and bloody from another lost battle with Yuki, just sitting.
Sitting. Not crying. Tears would just fall. And he couldn't stop them.
My heart broke when I saw him like that.
Because I could feel it—feel the darkness eating away at him. I could tell.
He was dying a little bit each time.
I could almost smell it on him—death, despair, darkness.
Kyo's feelings of shame, guilt, anguish, anger—they oozed out of him like palpable slime. They hung heavy in the air around him, stifling, suffocating, drowning him. They clustered around him, clung to him, wicked demons that fed off his misery. Lived off of how unhappy he was.
And it hurt me.
To see him—my son. My son, my Kyo, like this—dying on the inside, rotting from the core—it hurt.
It was a physical pain in my chest to see him so depressed. So unhappy.
Because he didn't—
—doesn't—
—never will
deserve it.
His fate—
—his curse—
—his future—
Do they think he wanted it? Do they think he deserves it? Do they think he wants to be the Cat? To be locked up? Do they think he killed his mother? Do they?
Because he didn't. He was just a little boy. He did nothing. He loved her.
And the thought of her is killing him every day.
His father—his biological father. Blaming him...hating him. He's killing Kyo too.
And Akito. Akito pushes. Akito has pushed Kyo further down the road to death and destruction. Akito pushes and pushes. He pushes the hate and the enmity between Yuki and Kyo.
He pushes Kyo farther and farther away from the Juunishi. He knows—Akito knows that sooner or later, he will push him too far, push him too hard, and Kyo will break.
Akito's trying to kill him.
Kyo hates them all—his mother, his biological father, Akito. Yuki. He hates them. He knows they'll kill him someday.
But the person Kyo hates most is himself.
And that scent intensifies—waves of self-loathing and hatred and anger and despair are emanating off him.
I say 'scent'—but it's not that, exactly. It's more like an impression of a sense of a scent, almost. Kyo would come home, covered in dirt and mud and blood and sweat and tears, and he would storm by without looking at me, and I'd just catch a whiff of something...
Something that reminds me of cold nights. Cold, lonely, dark nights. Nights of an empty ground under a blank, bleak, black sky.
Cold nights...and cages. Cramped, stuffy, dark cages. Smelly cages, like a tortured animal has been locked in and left to die. Suffocating cages.
It was the smell of darkness—
—death.
The death of Kyo's spirit, drowning in despair and hatred and other feelings no one deserves to feel.
And it hurt me. It hurt me so much.
Fin
Author's Notes:
I know! I know this didn't have all that much to do with smell. But I had to write it. And then, once I had written it, I found it so depressing that I had to write a sequel.
I think I did a fairly good job on this. No, it's not as cute or fluffy or funny as the other ones, but don't worry! I have plenty of ideas for cute and fluffy and funny ones. In fact, I'm even thinking of a Kisa/Hiro one to come in a few chapters...hint hint
So stick with me! I'm not done with these smelly candles yet!
Hey...does any think it would be cool to walk into a candle shop—like Yankee Candles or something (I don't know I barely leave my room!)—and find scented candles for emotions? Like kindness and love and stuff? Maybe not b.o. though...snort
I will then. Someday, in the far, far, undoubtedly far away future, when I am rich and/or famous, I will market my own line of "Emotion" scented candles. I will turn to these fics for inspiration too. Although by then I will be an author of several critically acclaimed novels (all of which will have been on the best-seller's list at least once), and will most likely have forgotten all about these petty fanfictions I worked on in my younger days...
Nonsense! I never forget a fic! And I can make twice as much money with my line of 'Scented Feelings' (and I thought that up all by myself too! preens), scented candles then I could just with my novels, which will each have won a different literary award.
Again with the long author's notes! I'm sorry.
Read? Review! Please review! Tell me what you thought! I love my reviewers!
Oh goodness...that sounded like I was begging, didn't it? Well now, we can't have that!
So, if you please, if it should so please you to please me by reviewing—which pleases me because I am pleased that you are pleased to please review to please me...review, if you are not cross-eyed and/or suffering a migraine.
Audley Pleased to Please and Be Pleased.
PS: Please!