Maruken: Sorry if they acted like Mary Sues, I just tried to make them act like real people and if you saw your friend die before your eyes, what would you do? Anyways, no more screaming. The girls are only there as somewhat of an experiment on my part, and a catalyst.
The experiment because I wanted to create homuculi, try to see if I could write them from beginning to end in my own style. I greatly admire the concept of homunculi so i'm trying imitation, the highest form of flattery. My friends also seemed to fit the bill quite nicely, so these people aren't Mary Sues, they're REAL. And one is going to be helping me coauthor this story.
A catalyst because they're going to help put the original homunculi in positions that will help them to "develop" more. If that made any sense. Maybe make Sloth truely understand Wrath, maybe make Wrath grow up, mature more. Give the Ed-tachi some insight on homunculi. You know, a catalyst.
PLUS, none of the homunculi are falling head over heals for the girls are they? NO, my idea was that Envy viewed humas as easily manipulated and has observed what is the best way to get girls to do something or at least trick them. And that technique was flattery and seduction. Look around school and you'll see the same thing happening ALL the time. Greed is just Greed. He's attracted by anything with a bust and semi thin waist. I made him flirt, or at least TRY to flirt with Lust and Sloth. He still finds them MUCH more appealing than the girls.
But thank you for giving insight on how people veiw my characters. And sadly yes, my friend screams a LOT. No offense Aundrea. And maybe I could have toned Ryuu's screaming down, and Kara's. But she DID see her friends' dead corpses.
Sorry about that ranting, I kinda got carried away. I just REALLY think my friends don't deserve to be called mary sues. Oh well, onto the story, and another thing SCREW REVIEW PLEAS! I'm just going to write this story for fun, you ca read if you wat I greatly appriciate reviews. But i'm not going to need a certain amount to write another chapter. I wa being to greedy anyways.
And sorry I didn't add or put the other homunculi in depth, I'm not that good of a writer, to many characters are hard to keep track of.
Now I'm done.
The rooms were large and dark, connected by a series of dimly lit hallways. The seven homunculi trudged through a narrow hallway, each carrying a large pot filled with many different ingredients. Dante in the lead, instructing them which way to go, which path to follow and so forth.
However Wrath being so small and the pot he was clutching being so big, he had a hard time keeping up with the rest. Every now and then the pot would slip from his grasp and he'd have to stop to get a better hold. Sloth noticed this and slowed down to keep her surrogate son company.
Pride noticed this as well and walked over to them. He stooped over and picked up Wrath's pot and carefully balanced it on his shoulder. He then did the same with his own pot and began to walk at a brisk pace to catch up with the others.
"Why did you do that?" Sloth asked after she had caught up with him.
"Because he looked like he was having trouble." Pride answered with a shrug, careful of the two pots.
Sloth looked at him skeptically but decided to drop the subject. Envy turned around and snorted at her.
"Who cares WHY he did, at least the brat isn't being a hinderance any longer." He snorted again and turned back aroud.
Sloth mumbled under her breath about he was just a kid and how Envy shouldn't be so cruel to him.
Envy either didn't hear or didn't care because he paid her no mind. Suddenly, Dante stopped.
"Envy, this is your room, inside are an alchemist and an array. Put the ingredients into the center of the array and the alchemist will do the rest. Everyone else come with me."
Said homunculous hefted the pot onto his shoulder like Pride and twisted the blackened door knob. Sure enough, there was an array and an alchemist inside, just as Dante had said. He closed the door after he got inside.
Soo enough Dante stopped infront of another identical door and told Greed the same thing before leaving with the others. This happened five more times, until every homunculous had been assigned a room.
Wrath was the last homunculous assigned a room. After he had gotten a good look around and got a good idea of what was to happen he put the pot ito the center of the array and stepped back. The trembling alchemist clumsily ran a small blade down his finger and hesitantly extended it over the pot and watched as the blood soaked into the ingredients.
"Oh dear god, please let it be over soon, I don't want to die." The alchemist prayed, which earned him a befuddled look from Wrath.
Abruptly, the alchemist smashed his hands down on the ground, eyes closed tightly, tears running down his face. A golden light enveloped the room as it spun around the array like tornado. Then the gold turned to black and purple. Faster and faster this now dark tornado spun, whipping Wrath's hair behind him. Slitted lavender eyes widened in shock and the little homunculous plastered himself against the wall, desperately wishing for his mommy.
A scream sliced through the whirling torrent of black and purple, Wrath tried in vain to close his eyes but couldn't. His attention was fixed on the alchemist, who's body had begun to disappear. Terro overwhelmed him as he was suddenly standing in front of the Gate, watching it open, watching hundered upon thousands of little hands shoot out from the black abyss, watching as the frantic alchemist was dragged into it's depths. Watching the thousands of lavender eyes that were watching him.
Finally, Wrath couldn't take it any longer. He fell to the ground in a crumpled heap, wailing, tears falling like rivers. He burried his head in his knees, muffling his uncontrollable sobs. After the lights died down and the Gate was gone he heard a mewling noise. It was very small, nearly in audiable. It caused Wrath to swallow the lump of fear in throat and peek out from behind his knees. The sight rendered him speechless.
The pot was now gone and in it's place a lump of flesh, bones, blood, skin, organs, and hair. The hideous thing continued to mewl somehow and began to shudder. Wrath jumped to his feet, staring at the thing in disgust, frantically searching for the door. He finally found it and with a great burst of speed ran over, hand extended. His nimble fingers grasped the doorknob in a death grip and quickly twisted. Once outside he slammed the door shut and clumsily backed into the opposite wall, quivering.
"Hey runt, where's your homunculous?" Wrath turned to look at Envy who was striding towards him, holding something in his arms. Upon closer inspection it looked to be exactly the same thing Wrath had run out of the room in fear of. He began to slid along the wall, trying to get away from it.
"What the hell? You afraid or something?" Envy followed Wrath's line of view til he was staring at the homunculous in his arms.
"This is what you're afraid of? It's just a 'newborn' homunculous, most of us start out this way. Now get your ass back in there, you're going to be taking care of that thing til it can take care of itself." And with that Envy grabbed Wrath by the collar of his shirt, opened the door and threw the small Sin back in. With a dramatic eyeroll he closed the door and walked away.
Wrath was immediantly back on his feet and was about to run to the door but suddenly stopped. He began to think about all the times he'd run away, what it had gotten him. He stared at the floor and a new train of thought entered his mind. Envy had done it, if he could prove himself to Envy maybe he would gain some respect, maybe even affection.
This was an often frequented path in the homunculous' mind. He'd tried many times in the past to prove himself to the others, but mostly to Envy. Envy was the one who could do anything, he was the best fighter, the most sadistic, but more importantly the one who had opened his eyes to what he truely was. He was somewhat of a father to Wrath, in a very deranged sense of the word.
So he gathered his courage and slowled turned to look at the pile of human remains still mewling pitiously. He steeled himself and slowly began his descent towards it. Gulping, he picked it up, eyes shut. One violet eye opened cautiously and then the other. The sight was repulsive but Envy's words kept running through his head. "...most of us start out this way."
Keeping that in mind he shakily pressed the thing to his chest and opened the door. Envy had gone that direction, didn't he? Wrath thought about it and concluded he had, so he walked that way as well. After many stops to get a better grip on the mess of organs that kept slipping he finally found the exit.
From the exit he knew where the rest of the homunculi would probably be, unless they got lost. So he headed over to that place, the place where Dante held all her meetings. Sure enough, as soon as he entered the room, all the homunculi were there. He looked at all their expressions to find out if any of them were disgusted or fearful.
Sloth looked a little queasy, Pride appeared slightly disgusted, Lust looked curious for some reason, Envy didn't care, Greed looked disturbed and disgusted, and lastly Gluttony looked freaked out.
He's eaten worse looking things I bet, Wrath thought.
"Now! Since all of you have arrived with your homunculi, time to see which survived." Dante walked over to Envy and peered at the bundle of grotesque creature, it appeared going through seizures.
"Throw it away, it will die soon." She said while walking over to another homunculi. Envy looked down at it and felt a very small pang of remorse for the convulsing creature.
"Pride, yours seems fine. As does yours Wrath. Now Sloth let's see...Ah! it looks fine. Next Lust, yours is fine as well. Gluttony, yours is doing well, Greed be careful, it doesn't look to well." After she finished the rather cruel inspection she resumed her position.
"Now for then next step. You are to feed these creatures 5 stone pieces every week. This is important, don't forget it!" She threw them all a warning glare and handed out a bag of philosopher stones to each homunculi, she gave Gluttony's to Lust for her to keep track of for Gluttony as a precaution.
"Overall, this has been remarkably successful. Remember, these are your creatures to raise, be carefull! One's already dying we don't need another." And with that she shooed all the homunculi back into their rooms.
Maruken: Hello again. Chapter 4 will be up next week, possibly sooner!