Author's Note: This is a bit of a joke that I wrote with the help of a friend. We thought that Faramir was skilled at different languages, and wondered just what languages he could speak.

Trying to think of as many as possible, and writing a story on each. Some languages will be from Lord of the Ring, some will not, but we will name them and where they come from. So Have no fear

This chapter is based on the movie 'Crocodile Hunter, Collision Course.' In one of the roles was David Wenham, noted mostly for the way he said 'Oh, sugar,' whenever things went wrong, as they did quite often.

Since the Friar Carl as another Wenham role was popular we decided to try and make another one guest appearance. We could not get the actual character of Sam Flynn in, but we got his most notable line instead. I hope that you shall like it.

It has been noticed that my tales contains the occasional spelling error, or not so occasional at times. I am sorry about these, and I do try to avoid them. I simply am a perpetual spelling disaster. Please take no offence. Besides, it can be considered an act of kindness to support your local spelling disaster.

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Ring, I only borrow parts of it and shall return them as soon as I am done. Completely undamaged, as I am certain it will be impossible to see where we glued the pieces back together.

I do not own Lord of the Ring, nor any character from it, nor Sam Flynn from Crocodile Hunter.

Theod, Finduella, Mirthilil andFaronella are my own characters.

Oh, Bollocks

There was a loud crash and Faramir looked up, brightly coloured wooden blocks littered the carpet. In the middle of the chaos was a small toddler. Mirthilil.

He smiled as the child giggled. Being allowed to play in his father's study was something the child found very exciting, even if he had done so before. He had brought heaps of toys with him, and spread all of them out on the carpet. Lead soldiers, wooden horses and the wooden blocks that he would build tall towers of.

There was a new baby now, this time a girl. Something that he was very glad for, then Finduella would have another girl to play with. Eowyn had named the little baby girl Faronella. He liked that name and he adored the infant.

Since the baby was a mere few months old, and both mother and child needed some rest still, they had agreed that a very active three year old was not the best thing to have in the nursery. The older siblings was all to happy to play with him and watch over him, but Faramir thought that they should be allowed to play by themselves as well. Therefore he took little Mir with him to his study. The child could play while he worked, and it was such a joy to have him there.

He was the most adorable thing when he played with the soldiers. He would move a soldier, then stop and frown. "Papa, whatever do the soldiers do when they get hungry. Can they just stop fighting and eat?" Ever curious he wanted his questions answered, and who could answer them better than his father, whom had been a soldier himself.

Faramir would then lay down the document for a moment and explain it to him. That the soldiers would eat after they were done fighting.

Then the child would thank him and go back to playing again, and Faramir would return his attention to his documents. He did not mind the interruptions, they kept the work from being too tedious as he was allowed to smile so often.

Now the child was attempting to build a castle out of the blocks, for the soldiers, but the blocks kept falling down with a crash. At first he giggled at the crash, but then he was beginning to get frustrated with their lack of cooperation.

At the sound of the next crash Faramir looked up startled, for there was also the sound of the child's voice then.

"Bollocks!" He cried as he regarded the scattered blocks again.

"Mir." Faramir was not sure he had heard right, did the child truly know that word. "What was that you said."

Mir looked up at him, still annoyed at the disloyal blocks, but smiling at his father nevertheless. "Bollocks." He said cheerfully.

Faramir sighed, the child should not say such words. If Elboron had taken to using swear words in front of his younger siblings he would talk with him about it.

"Come here Mir." He said softly. Since the child had no notion what he had just said it would do no good to scold him. As he came over he pulled him up into his lap.

"Where have you heard that word?" He asked him. Mir had forgotten about the blocks and was now smiling as happily as always.

"I heard it from the soldiers." He said happily. "When we were with them."

"Aha." Faramir nodded, now he understood what it came from. "Well, you see Mir that soldiers tend to speak a certain way, and it is not always a nice way. That word you heard is really a rather bad word." He explained carefully.

"Why do they use it then?" The child asked curiously. Giving his father his full attention.

"They use it because it is a bad word, they want to sound bad, hoping that their enemy will think that they are bad. You see if the enemy thinks that, they will not want to fight them." He knew he was being a little free with the truth, but how did one explain swear words and curses to a three year old boy.

"I think I understand that." Mir nodded seriously. "But if they do it to scare the people the fight against, why do they do it when they are home?"

"It becomes a habit." He stated. "They get so used to doing it that they do it all the time. But it really is not a nice word and I do not want you to use it."

"Okay." Mir beamed happily. Then he frowned thoughtfully. "But what am I to say then, I must say something." He sounded so pleading that Faramir felt sorry for him, or not exactly sorry for him, but he wanted to help him. For he was so cute when he did it."

We shall find something else for you to say." He promised. "Something that not even the soldiers know about."

"Really." Mir began bouncing on his lap with excitement.

"Yes." Faramir promised. "How about we take something from a tongue that they do not know. We can take Gaelic, and then not even them will know what it is."

"Oh please." Mir squealed delighted. "Please papa."

"Let us see, what shall we take," Faramir said thoughtfully. "Oh I know, Ó siúcra. How does that sound."

Mir repeated the word several times until he got it just right. "Thank you Papa." He grinned, pressing a wet noisy kiss to his fathers cheek before jumping down to play with the blocks again.

At the next crash there came a loud declaration as well. "Ó siúcra." With the child's loud voice. It sounded funny as his voice was so merry at the new word he was allowed to use.

Faramir could not help but chuckle at him. He was such a sweet little boy.

Later that evening they were all gathered in the sitting room. Elboron reading, Theod and Finduella awning at their little sister in their mothers arms. Little Mir was to short to reach up to have a look as well.

Shrugging displeased came the word that Faramir was now beginning to get used to. "Ó siúcra." Before he coaxed Theod into lifting up him so that he to could see the baby.

Even later when the children had all been put to bed Eowyn confronted him. He stood by the crib with the infant in his arms, loath to let go of her. Even if it was merely for the night.

"What was it that Mir kept saying?" She asked.

"Oh, just something that I taught him." Faramir stroked the soft cheek with a gentle finger, such a precious life.

"Do not awake her." Eowyn warned. "And what does it mean."

Reluctantly Faramir tucked the child in into the crib. "I thought it was better than Bollocks, which he said first, as he had heard some soldiers use it."

"I won't know if it is better until I know what it is." Eowyn frowned. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Translated it means 'Oh, sugar.' Is that so bad?" He smiled. "I told him it was in Gaelic so that it would sound better. If he had thought it was boring he would just go back to Bollocks, and I would rather he did not say that."

"I think I can agree with you on that." Eowyn smiled. "But just wait until he finds out you tricked him into saying something so lame."

"How would he find out?" Faramir looked longingly towards the crib. Then he remembered something. "Else than you tell him." He stated. "Eowyn, I do not do this to fool him, neither did I tell him that it was anything else. I merely said that it was a tongue that the soldiers did not know."

"I shall not tell him." Eowyn moved up beside him and embraced him. "Come to bed now love, tomorrow shall be as busy as today was, we both need sleep."

Knowing she was right Faramir hugged her and kissed her one last time, then slipped in beneath the covers. Just as he was on the verge to sleep there was a loud wail from the crib. Someone did not agree with the idea of a good night's sleep.

It was near dawn when the infant finally settled and allowed him to sleep. He had taken the wailing child to his study as not to wake Eowyn, she needed to sleep as well. When it was not feeding that was needed he usually tried to allow her to sleep.

The next day Mir playing on the floor was not enough to keep him awake. His eyes drifted close and he fell asleep over the desk.

He was however not allowed to sleep long as Mir wanted to play battle with his father. He soon found himself seated cross legged on the floor with lead soldiers in front of him, trying to focus on the battle even as he was struggling to keep his eyes open.

As he lost the battle and saw his army being conquered by a three year old there was only one thing that seemed to fit the situation.

"Ó siúcra." He muttered quietly under his breath.

As the army has been defeated there is nothing more to gain here for the moment, and therefore we shall have to return later. Until then, a temporary ending to you all, and may it be a happy one.

Pronounciation Guide by Celebrion: 'Ó siúcra' is as stated in the Gaelic tongue now mostly found in the western parts of Ireland. My own (continuing) encounter with the language first taught me the complex pronounciation rules and I thought it might be nice to let you know how to say it. The best transscription I could think of looks like this for an Englishspeaker 'Oh shookra' with a short 'a' as in 'a short 'a''. PS. Don't loose hope, more of this wonderful (read: accursed) language to come!
Here I would like to thank everyone who reads my works, thank you.

Here it must also be said that in the tale "A Two Colour Chain Mail," we started the vote based on the fact that Sean Bean and David Wenham made the perfect image of two brothers. We also got plenty of agreement on that.

So here it is, if you agree with us and think that they should be real brothers. Say so in your review. It shall be your vote. On my authors page, in the bio I shall keep score. When the score reaches 100, they shall be declared official brothers. Then on my authors page shall be an official declaration written by Elenhin and Celebrion.

Then the truth can not be denied, they shall be brothers.

katieelessar: Thank you very much, both for the encouragement and the vote. I am glad that you like it, and I hope that you shall do so in the future as well.

Lindahoyland: Thank you, I could just see him blushing as well. I agree that we see him pretty much the same way, and therefore we understand what the other is doing very well. I always looks forward to whenever you make your next update.

Lalaithofthebruinen: Van Helsing is a great movie, and Carl is very likable. I am glad you got to see it. Car accident sounds bad, both on you and the car. I'm glad that you were still enjoying this thought. Always tries to brightens peoples lives up. :)

Horsiegurl: Aragorn is always willing to help everyone, but I see him as keeping an extra eye on our favourite Steward. Lord Demeni is really fun to write because it is a challenge to find the words he would mix up, and then twisting it into the plot line. I am glad that you like our good Lord.

Silver Sniper: You have made it into a pleasant challenge to always try to mix something temporary in. I also tend to always go back to read old favourites, that is one of the good things with archives. I also think that this will be a good year. This far into the new Year we have had the worst storm in over twenty years. I however enjoyed the fresh winds that brought. It was not so bad, just blew down a bit to many trees.

Pasha ToH: I do not keep track of who has voted already and who has not. So you take it from there. I am however very glad that you like what we are doing with it.

silvren ithildin:I think that we have already established the fact that Aragorn is a skilled healer. Beside he has already saved Faramir once, I do not think he would want all that work to have been for nothing.

Mysterious Jedi: Thank you for the vote, and for the kind words. I try to do my best to please everyone.