Author's Note: This is a bit of a joke that I wrote with the help of a friend. We thought that Faramir was skilled at different languages, and wondered just what languages he could speak.
Trying to think of as many as possible, and writing a story on each. Some languages will be from Lord of the Ring, some will not, but we will name them and where they come from. So Have no fear
This time the language we are playing with is Italian. We thought that it could be amusing. We also managed to squeeze in misunderstandings, and what they can bring about.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Ring, I only borrow parts of it and shall return them as soon as I am done. Completely undamaged, as I am certain it will be impossible to see where we glued the pieces back together.
(PLease, we know we make spelling errors, please take no offence. We truly do our best. Besides, you should suport your local spelling disaster.)
Italian Insults
Eowyn pushed open the door to Faramir's study. It was late in the night, well past the point when he should have come to bed. Even considering the fact that he had a habit of working late.
She had been reading a book while waiting for him and had fallen asleep with it, now she awoke and it was a mere few hours from dawn. She sighed as this was turning into a routine.
The Stewards burden was not a light one, Aragorn had not deliberately heaped work upon him, but Faramir was always taking more and more work upon himself to spare Aragorn the burden. He would sit in the study every hours of the day, and a few of the nights as well if it was left to him.
It frustrated her to no end that he would never turn a task down. Whatever was asked of him he accepted even if the King said he should only do it if he truly had the time to spare for it. What hours he spent away from his desk he usually spent with their baby boy. Elboron a two year old toddler that was his father's pride and joy.
Placing the book on her bedside table she pondered what to do. She was tiring of going to drag him away from his papers every night merely because he did not have the sense to seek his bed himself. Yet how could she leave him there and sleep peacefully herself. Pulling on a robe she went to find him and root him out from behind his desk.
He was deep asleep as she had suspected, head resting on his folded arms and his hair spilling out over them. It was only yesterday that they had argued about this. Argued and she had in the end forced him to promise to try and heed her wish, then the very next night he had done the same thing again. It was so pointless, he would rest much better if he would just give up and go to bed instead of trying to keep awake and working for one more hour.
She shook his shoulder perhaps just a little harder than she had intended to. His head came up with a startled expression and a wince of pain as cramped neck muscles stretched.
"What were we discussing just yesterday?" She crossed her arms across her chest and had no difficulty to look stern.
"Eowyn, I am sorry. I truly meant to finish and go to bed." He still looked sleepy and appeared to be struggling to gather his thoughts. "It was not my intent to work so long I fell asleep, honestly."
"It never is and yet you always do Faramir. I am growing weary of it."
Yet her heart softened as she saw his face. Still sleepy he also looked ashamed and confused. She knew that he had not meant to do it again, it was just how he always wanted to finish just one more page, and how he always lost track of time when doing it. She decided that she would not scold him for it.
It was mayhap time to try something else. The book she had read while waiting for him had been part of a surprise she had been working on. Venturing into the library she had found a book about a language called Italian. She was sure she recalled Faramir mentioning it at some time. Now she had taken the book to study it so that she could surprise him. It was an introduction to the language and had held a few useful phrases. One of them a compliment that she had thought to use. Telling her love for him and asking for a kiss. It was much better than the alternative of yelling at him again.
She smiled faintly at his expression, tired eyes that he did his best to keep open, he looked slightly worried as if he feared a scolding. That was what made her reach her decision. She would not scold him since he so obviously feared she would. She would not be that cruel to him. Instead by letting him know that she had sought to learn something of what fascinated him so much she might be able to reach him better. If they could reach a better understanding about these things she might not have to drag him to bed each night, and maybe that fear for harsh words would flee from his eyes.
"Porci." She said. "Anate all'infermo."
He blinked in surprise at hearing the strange tongue from her, then understanding of what she had said came and he nodded slowly. His reaction however was not what she had expected. He stood slowly and turned to face her.
"I beg your pardon my lady that I have failed to abide by your wish once again. I fear it is but a poor gesture but if you would accept my apology I would return to bed with you now."
She in her turn was startled by the formality of his speech. He rarely spoke like that to her, but more often when he was dealing with the nobles in Council. Mayhap the language of Italian was one that craved for great formality and he was now responding to what she had said. Whatever the reason were he was returning to bed with her, and that was what she had been after all along.
Eowyn fell asleep immediately but even if he had been tired enough to fall asleep at his desk before Faramir found himself unable to do so now. He was thinking about what she had said back there. He had know she was angry, and she had due reason to be as he had promised he would try not to lose himself in his work. Yet what she had said had taken him by surprise. 'Swine, get thee to perdition.' She must really have been angry with him to speak thusly. What he could not understand was why she had used another tongue to do so. Still the words had been clear and there were no misunderstanding them. She despised him.
When Eowyn awoke in the morning Faramir was gone from the bed. She frowned as she had
thought he would sleep for a few more hours. He had been so tired when she brought him to bed. Had not even spoken much to her. Just laid down on the side of the bed that he seemed to prefer and fallen asleep. The strangest thing was that he had to have been up for some time. The cover had been tucked in neatly around her to keep her warm.
Usually when he left the bed in the morning he would just throw the cover back, if he for some reason went up during the night he would always slip out carefully to keep the warmth in, ever thoughtful of her. He had been gone for some time and she wondered where he had headed.
Thinking that she should find him before breaking of fast she went to his study and to the library, but both stood empty.
Other than those rooms there were no place where one could find him with regularity. She gave up the search and headed to the nursery to get Elboron before the food was served.
The first thing she saw in there was Faramir. He had stretched out on the chaise in there and was now fast asleep with Elboron in his arms. It was such a sweet sight, but why was he there? If the toddler had cried out she was certain she would have awoken, she had never failed to thus far. Even if Faramir with his Ranger training usually awoke a few seconds before her. It was possible that he had gone there to check on him and had found the child awake and uneasy. Faramir would have stayed and comforted him then.
Elboron seemed to be coming awake now. Opening sleepy eyes and a small mouth in a wide yawn. Faramir did not yet stir. Then Elboron wanted to be let down it appeared for he began squirming.
"Ada." He squealed happily. "Ada, mommy." Now Faramir began to stir slightly. It probably had to do with the fact that Elboron was tapping him on the arm with the flat of his small hand. Elboron had an interesting habit when it came to his parents. He was using a few words now, and could run around on his own. He would however refer to his mother as mommy, which was perfectly understandable. Yet he had taken to calling his father in Elvish. Ada, Eowyn had tried to get him to say papa, but since Faramir said ada, and Aragorn would also use that to him when talking with him about his father, she had not yet been able to convince him.
"Elboron, what is it little one?" Faramir was apparently awake by now, but he had not yet opened his eyes.
"It is morning Faramir." Eowyn said and watched as his eyes snapped open. "What are you doing in here instead of in bed?"
"Uhm." He rubbed a hand over his eyes. "I came in here to check on Elboron and must have fallen asleep." In full truth he had gone there after a few hours when he had still not been able to sleep. The child usually held some calming effect on him. Just holding him was so wonderful that one never wanted to let go.
Elboron however wanted to be let down on the floor, and sitting up Faramir lowered him down. As he had suspected the toddler took off as soon as his feet reached the floor. Faramir had to chuckle. How could one not be taken with the child?
If one were to speak about it Eowyn still looked rather angry. He supposed that was to be expected though. She would not use an insult like the one she had just because she was slightly annoyed with him. Eowyn did not do that.
"If you would excuse me, my lady, I would go and get ready for break of fast." He said with a small bow. Deciding that he would at least be polite no matter what. "Shall I take Elboron and get him ready?" Sometimes she seemed to prefer to do it herself, but she often allowed him to do it as she knew he enjoyed it.
"Why not if that is what you want." She shrugged. She did not like it when he spoke so formally. She had found it hard to read him then as she was used to a more informal ways. Faramir was more formal on any given day than the court in Rohan ever was. She did not believe that she would ever get used to it.
Faramir took Elboron and left the nursery with a bow to Eowyn. She had been told that Faramir was taught to bow to his elders when he was no older than Elboron. She had thus far kept him from teaching the toddler, it was not hard. Faramir wanted his child to have more of a childhood than he had had. More time to play and have fun. In Rohan the children always had fun. She and Eomer had been running around playing tag and other games with Theodred, their cousin, even in the Golden Hall. No one had thought that to be improper.
Elboron would not be trained to stop having fun just yet either. When in the throne room he would race over to the King and demand to be picked up. Tugging at the King's beard until he was given his treat, either a small piece of candy or a story.
Elboron loved the nice King and would run to him whenever he saw him. The King had a son himself. A three year old lad by the name of Eldarion. He was speaking more or less full sentences. Sometimes he would lisp at some word, and sometimes he would sound almost like an adult.
Whatever way it was Eldarion had decided that Elboron was his best friend, and made him into a cousin as he called Eowyn and Faramir aunt and uncle when they were more informal. As a result the two children was often together.
Whenever he saw them Faramir was thinking of his brother. Elboron was already favouring Boromir in looks. The hair could either be Eomer's or Boromir's, but his face carried the look of his uncle that he had never met.
It stabbed at his heart as he bathed the child. No matter how much he loved both the child, and how much he loved the fact that a small part of Boromir lived on in this child it stabbed at his heart to see such an resemblance in him. He feared that the child would meet the same end that the uncle had. Killed far away from home. Faramir knew not if he would be able to bear such news. He wanted to keep the little one close forever, even if he knew it was not possible to do so.
He ate hastily and then Elboron was taken to the nursery and he headed towards his study to work. After the lunch bell had tolled he was called into Aragorn's study.
The King looked up as he bowed deep. "Faramir, I fear that I must ask you to go over this report with me." He said. "However is it possible for so many documents to have come into being. If I did not know better I would say that my desk was a breeding ground for them. Whenever I have laid down two, there seems to be three when I pick them up again." He smiled as the joke was meant to put the younger man at easy.
"I trust that it only seems that way, sire." Faramir responded perfectly polite. Too perfectly polite Aragorn thought. He had that stiff formal posture again, which Aragorn strove so hard to rid him of. Preferring to have him more at ease in his company. "What assistance I might offer you I shall gladly give."
Aragorn frowned at the bow that followed that statement. Had he not told him numerous times that he did not wish for him to bow and scrape. He wanted him to offer insights. This was a set back and he would see what could be done about it. All in due time, if he began to question him as to why he was bowing he would only scare him off.
"I have not been able to discern anything useful from this." He said handing his Steward a paper. "You shall have to suffer my ignorance again and explain it to me." As he spoke he casually moved to near the fireplace where to over stuffed armchairs stood. "Come, let us be comfortable while we work with this tedious business."
Faramir was already deep in the document and paid no heed to where he ended up. Nor was he really aware that he was handed a goblet of sweet wine by the king.
"It is an account of our stored supplies." He said thoughtfully. "Yet it is taking into account the amount that we should have had stored, the amount we have, and the difference between the two. As well as a speculation as to how long it shall last before being depleted, as compared to how far it was originally thought to last. Going into detail about the difference between these two. It finishes with a speculation as to why they have been unable to reach the same figure twice."
"And why is that?" Aragorn questioned, slightly displeased. Faramir was utterly unaware of the fact that he had been handed wine, even if he had taken it and set it on the table with his own hand. He was clearing his throat discreetly, but had not yet taken a sip.
Faramir was beginning to pick up that the King was displeased about something, but as he had no idea of what had caused it he was beginning to get nervous.
"My lord, is aught amiss?" He asked carefully.
"No, not at all." Aragorn waved it aside with a gesture. "It was just the way it was written. Such a jumble that I was unable to get even the gist of what it was actually saying." He concentrated on smiling gratefully. "Thank you for clearing it all out for me. I am grateful Faramir, and I hope that I have not kept you from your work. I know that you are busy."
"Never too busy to help you, my lord." Faramir sketched a bow again. "If that is all I would however return to my work."
"I have not forced too much work on you Faramir, have I?" The King asked. "I would not that you remained silent if I had."
"It is not too much." Faramir bowed again as he was to step outside the room. "I bid thee the most pleasant day milord."
Aragorn muttered a silent curse as he left, because it was so impossible to make him relax. Because the younger man could not sit down and enjoy a goblet of wine with his lord, instead the goblet stood still untouched.
As the days passed his irritation gave away for concern, something was amiss with his young steward. He was always working long into the night. Too long, in fact Aragorn was doubtful whether he ever left the study to sleep. A few words with Eowyn confirmed his suspicions, she had hardly ever seen him the last number of days, and was to angry with him for it to go and drag him from the study.
Aragorn reasoned that there had to be some reason behind his behaviour and decided that it was he who should find it. It was time to confront him.
The shape the young man was in was obvious as soon as one entered the study in witch he sat. There were books everywhere. Even if this was common they were usually neatly stacked and kept on shelves, not spread out over every surface that had been almost free enough for it. No surface was free now.
Faramir was seated at the massive desk, his left hand supported his forehead and his right gripped his quill. The ink on the tip had long since dried out. Aragorn sighed as he saw before him what a week without any sleep does to a man.
Without a word he moved in behind him and raised him to his feet. Faramir had yet not turned to see who it was, and did not do so, not even when he was being led to a chaise.
"Faramir, what is going on?" He asked gripping his shoulders. "Why are you doing this?"
"Punishment." Faramir mumbled. It seemed like a punishment to Aragorn, but for what. What could he possibly have done.
"Why are you punishing yourself?" He asked. "Faramir, what have you done?"
"Doing it so that Eowyn won't have to, failed her." He speech was slurred by lack of sleep. "Worked too much, didn't pay attention to her as I should've done."
"And now you are punishing yourself with working more and staying away from her. Faramir, that makes no sense, and it will only serve to make matters worse." Aragorn sighed. "You should go to her and apologize, not digging yourself deeper into it."
"Tried apologizing first thing I did. She told me she wanted nothing to do with me. Staying away so that she would not have to see me." Faramir rubbed a hand over his face. "Thought that was what she wanted."
"What did she say?" Aragorn demanded shaking his shoulder gently. "Faramir, I do not believe that Eowyn would drive you away. She has been wrought with you for staying away."
"Porci. Anate all'infermo." Faramir murmured. "That was what she said.
"What does that mean?" Aragorn asked. He had no idea as to the meaning of those words. Faramir had a vast knowledge of languages, but he had not known that Eowyn had as well.
"Swine, get thee to perdition." Faramir turned his face upward and looked absolutely pitiful. "I would say that there is no mistaking that, sire. There is no way to mistaking that for anything else."
"There is one way."
Aragorn looked up startled as he had not noticed Eowyn entering. Faramir hung his head low as he had still not noticed. Not until Eowyn stepped up to him and laid a hand to his cheek.
"There is one way to mistake that Faramir, I know not how, but it has been so, for I did not mean to say that." She had gone in search for him, as she had understood that the King was about to see him, and she had wished to know if Aragorn had been able to knock some sense into her husband. What she had heard as she entered the study had surprised her, apparently it had surprised Faramir as well. He was looking at her with the most confused expression she had ever seen on a man. It did not help that he looked as if he was not quite able to keep his eyes open any longer either.
"How?" Was all he asked.
"I was wrought with you for falling asleep in here again Faramir. But I can understand why you work so much. I wanted you to know that. I found some documents on the Italian language some time ago. I wanted surprise you by knowing something about it. Because it interests you." She stroked his cheek gently with her thumb. He was silent, listening to her. "There were some phrases, what it said was a request for a kiss from a lovely man. I did not know it said something else Faramir, I truly thought that it was a compliment."
"Was not." Faramir rubbed a hand across his face again. "Thought you wanted naught more to do with me."
"Never Faramir, I want you very much. I love you very much."
"Really?" He looked at her as if he did not dare to believe it.
"More than any other." She brushed a kiss on his forehead. "I always will."
"I think that we should get your husband to bed now Eowyn." Aragorn smiled. Now he was beginning to get a fairly clear picture of what had occurred. "It will probably be easier to get a full understanding once he has slept some."
"Would you be so kind as to aid me getting him to bed, milord." Eowyn smiled sweetly at Faramir as she spoke. She truly loved the cute fool he sometimes appeared to be.
"Always ready to help a damsel with any need she might have." Aragorn smiled and hauled the steward to his feet. "Come now, no one is wrought with you Faramir, and no one wants you to go anywhere but to bed. In the morn when you are rested I think that we shall be able to straighten the most of this out." He steadied the man who wavered on his feet as he lead him towards his bedchamber.
When they reached the bed Eowyn took over and began stripping off his clothes as Aragorn bid her good night. It might not have been night in the words true meaning, but Faramir would be asleep for some time, and he strongly suspected that Eowyn would stay with him.
Faramir had rarely felt as foolish as he did when he awoke and realization of what had occurred came to him. Worst was the knowledge that he had been as great a fool as he felt. He should have spoken to her, not just assumed that she had studied a language merely to be able to insult him.
Turning his head he saw her, and she smiled at his expression. Shame, confusion and uncertainty all mingled into one expression.
"Faramir, neither of us was the lesser or greater fool." She said softly. She knew him well enough to know some of his fears. The same one usually topped the list, so she began by addressing that one. "You did naught wrong, it was both of us, we should have talked more. I should not have used something I did not have full understanding of. It was both of us. Let us just put it behind us."
He nodded slowly. "Eowyn, I am sorry. I always seems to do the wrong thing."
"No more apologies." She said softly. "I hold you to no blame, and if you hold me to none, then there is no reason to dwell on it." She smiled. "May I have my kiss now."
Knowing that it was a peace offer in a unique way he gladly gave her one. It was a way of stating that it was truly over.
"Eowyn." He asked carefully. "May I see the text you read. "I might be able to tell where it went wrong." He moved to get up but she stopped him.
"You are under orders from the King today." She smiled sweetly. "To take your rest and be a layabout for as long as we desire to. No duty today, we shall merely make up for what we lost this last week. I shall fetch the text for you, and send for something for you to break your fast. Then a certain young lord is eager to see his ada." She kissed him before going to fetch a very thin book.
He leafed through it. "I can see where the error came from." He said. "A few of the pages has fallen out at some time and it has been mended. Whoever mended it put some of the pages back in the wrong order. The translations of two phrases has been exchanged for each other. One is the one you used, and the other is the one you sought to use."
"What was the real one then?" She asked.
"Bacio mi, corino. Tiamo." He said softly. "Kiss me, my sweet, I love thee." That was what I wanted to say." Eowyn said remorsefully.
"Then do it now." Faramir offered. "I shall pretend that the time between then has never been."
Eowyn repeated the phrase and Faramir felt it as if he was in heaven.
"Such a shame that the pages had gotten mixed up." Eowyn said as she snuggled in his arms later. Elboron had been fetched from the nursery and had squirmed down between them. He seemed to be comfortable in the tight space between his parents. "Everything else seemed to be in order. Just the thing that I wanted to use."
"I shall see to it that it is corrected." Faramir said softly. He hated to admit it, but he was growing weary and sleepy again. He also had no wish to struggle against it. Was there a better way to sleep than with his wife and child in his arms.
The King had been there, the King of the land had gone with food to his Steward. Something unheard of, yet an appreciated gesture from a friend. No matter how formal he had been trained to be it was beginning to get hard to think of him as anything else than a friend. He supposed that the King had finally gotten what he wanted in that regard. Mayhap it was true, there was no denying a King who knew what he wanted.
"I shall see to it that it is corrected." He yawned and the his eyelids drifted close and he fell asleep.
As Faramir is finally sleeping I am faced with two choices. Either I write what is happening in that room, (ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ). Or I ignore them temporarily.
If I do the former this shall stretch on for some pages.
If I do the latter I shall be able to type out another chapter.
As my computer complains about the loud snoring I suppose that I shall do the latter. Fear not, I have a temporary plan to as what I shall do next. It is only temporary this far since I have not yet gotten to type it out into something permanently.
Hence I shall end this here, and I shall return in one week with something more permanent then the promise of a temporary idea.
Until then, fare ye all well.
/Elenhin
(A temporary note from the author:
If you thought that this was all that would come from this. I would say that you are momentarily wrong. Right at this moment it is, but as time passes by there shall be more. The fact that more is to come is the singularly reason as to why I say that this is only a temporarily end.
Momentarily note from the author terminated.)
Pronounciation guide by Celebrion:
Jeezes! That woman can drag things out!
Anyway, back to business...
"Porci. Anate all'infermo.", Italian, insult, not very nice...
"Porrchi. Anáte alinférmoh." Go with the classical Italian heat and staccato notes if you want to sound it like the insult it is, Èowyn used a softer tone as she thought it to be a compliment.
"Bacio mi, corino. Tiamo." Italian, compliment, quite nice...
"Bachjo mí, coríno. Tjamo." Use passion! You want this guy to kiss you, right? (Use 'corina' to women, otherwise the woman in question might get certain suspicions if you know what I mean... At least if she has some knowledge of the Latin languages French, Spanish, Italian and/or their predecessor Latin.)
ForeverFaramir: Celebrion again!
Thanks for the compliment, but this time I got my teacher involved in the making... I first made a translation that looked fine by me and sent it off to her for beta. Let's just say it looked VERY red when I got it back... I think your Gaelic still is better than mine, can barely speak a word without looking in agrammatica and two parlours...
And as for the Irish-Gaelic vs. Scots-Gaelic I'm starting to change view on which is the easiest... During the first Scots lesson we sat for about fifteen minutes praticing the weird 'uh'-sound... Felt like some kind of secretsect meeting...
And you know we update every Tuesday and will continue to do so until the Rivers of Imagination has run dry for a millenia and all nine muses committed suicide out of pure despair.
As for me, Elenhin, I am glad that you liked it, as always. Thought I am curious, it is always good to know we got your attention, but just what part of the author's note got you intrigued. I hope that you have enjoyed this chapter as well now.
Silver Sniper: I hope that you were able to find something tasty to snack on. I do not want any of my loyal readers to suffer hunger when they read. :) Ah, your kind words are a comfort to me, that is me Elenhin, anyways thanks to your support it shall not be more than a twelve hour 'did they like it angst.' I think that it is going in the right direction then. You said you could go on for long about how much you liked it, (except for that hunger thing,) well, I could go on for just as long about how much I appreciate your kind words, (except I need to post this.) So here I have handed thee a new chapter, and I hope it was to thee liking.
frodo16424: I am glad that you like Carl, we like him to, and we shall have more fun with all the similarities he shares with Faramir. As for your request of Swahili, it was fun that you asked. We have that chapter already written, but it might be a slight while before we post it. It is one we save for when we are behind schedule wit writing new ones.
Horsiegurl: Always great to know you liked it, and that you found my information mail helpful. I hope that you liked this.
Lindahoyland: Eomer is fun because you can do so much for him. We can make him appear bluff and shallow, muscle and no brain, and still have him be really deep and complicated if we wish. I imagine him much that way, unpredictable. I am also very grateful for all your kind comments, and love your tale vary much. I am very interested in what the Elven scar treatment turns out to be.
Legolas's Girl 9: Welcome to the world of madness that we have here. I am very happy that you liked it, and we have no intention of ending this anytime soon. We enjoy it to much, and we hope that you shall continue to enjoy it as well.
Raksha The Demon: We actually have an idea about doing something like that, we just have not made up our minds of what we would use as a plot for it, or what we need for it. We shall however see what we are able to put together. I am very glad that you like it thought.
Here I would like to thank everyone who reads my works, thank you.
Here it must also be said that in the tale "A Two Colour Chain Mail," we started the vote based on the fact that Sean Bean and David Wenham made the perfect image of two brothers. We also got plenty of agreement on that.
So here it is, if you agree with us and think that they should be real brothers. Say so in your review. It shall be your vote. On my authors page, in the bio I shall keep score. When the score reaches 100, they shall be declared official brothers. Then on my authors page shall be an official declaration written by Elenhin and Celebrion.
Then the truth can not be denied, they shall be brothers.