Author's Note: This is a bit of a joke that I wrote with the help of a friend. We thought that Faramir was skilled at different languages, and wondered just what languages he could speak.

Trying to think of as many as possible, and writing a story on each. Some languages will be from Lord of the Ring, some will not, but we will name them and where they come from. So Have no fear

Carl, from Van Helsing is back, and this time we are playing with the Czech. We hope that you will like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Ring, I only borrow parts of it and shall return them as soon as I am done. Completely undamaged, as I am certain it will be impossible to see where we glued the pieces back together.

Checking out the Czech

Faramir pulled out a book from the shelf, opening it and leafing through the pages. He was hoping to find something interesting that he could spend a few hours reading. Eowyn was put reading so for once he did not have to worry about her disproval. Something fell from the book and he bent to pick up a scrap of paper.

There was some writing on it in faded ink, the handwriting flowing and delicate. He could just make out what it said. Krásny zlato moje. So he could make it out but not understand it. It was annoying to run across a language he had not yet mastered. His curiosity demanded that he tried to find what it said.

Never mind that curiosity killed the cat. That had nothing to do with it at all. The cat simply did not know the protocol of curiosity. One should not go around sticking ones nose everywhere where it did not belong. Instead one went to a source where one was sure to be able to find what one wanted in a safe manner.

He knew just where he should go.

Carl had the strange feeling that he was no longer alone. He knew that the library had been empty when he came here. Thus logically he should be alone. If he was not, then either it was some annoying monk who wanted him to pray again, or it was one of the gigantic dust mote who had escaped the dusty backroom. That room was dusty compared to the rest of the dusty library.

Turning his head he noticed that it was the third option. The only one he had not thought about. Hence he was taken a bit by surprise.

There was however no mistaking it. Only one person walked around in the library of the Vatican wearing a cloak and a worn leather tunic with a white tree etched on his chest. Only one other person entered this part of the library freely for that matter. Van Helsing only entered if Carl agreed to supply him with weapons first.

"Uh, hello." He said carefully. It was not that Carl minded the mans company, he was really rather nice and Carl actually liked him. It was just the fact that anyone that went into the dustiest part of the library freely had to be just a slight bit out of their right mind. Then again that might be why Carl liked him. They were both just a little slightly crazy.

"Hello Carl." Faramir smiled. "I thought it was time I came here for a visit again."

"So you have found something interesting then?" Carl rubbed his hands together eagerly. "Well, show it to me."

Faramir chuckled at the realization that the Friar knew him so well already. "Actually yes, you are right." He nodded and dug a scrap of paper out of his pocket. "I have found something. Just a few words mind, and I have not the slightest idea what language it is in. I was hoping that you would recognize it." He handed the paper to the Friar. "That is not the original though. The scrap of paper I found was so old it was falling apart, and the ink so faded I could just barely make it out. So I made a copy of it to bring here."

Carl studied it carefully. Reading it a few times and sounding out the words. "I can not say that I know it." He frowned. "But there is definitely something familiar about it. I think I should be able to figure out what it is."

"I was hoping for something like that." Faramir admitted. "So what do you say we see what we can find out."

The two men started searching through the library in their hunt for books that could reveal the message on the note. Basically Carl went in search for books while Faramir searched through the books. Carl concentrated on the books that told about odd languages. Soon the table was covered with book stacks. A few of them was so high that Faramir disappeared from view when he was behind them, and that was when he was standing up.

"I think that I've finally found something here." Carl exclaimed much later, looking up at the huge stacks of books that they had gathered. "Oh my, we've looked through all of those."

"I rather think that we have." Faramir stood and stretched, he was just able to reach the one on top. "I think that we should get a few of these back where they belong before they topple." He decided. There were a few of them that wavered with each breath the two men made. "When did the stacks get this high though?" He wondered out loud. "I don't recall stacking them that high."

"They always somehow manage to wind up stacked higher than one did stack them." Carl frowned and threw the mountain ridge of books a quizzical look. Did that text wink at him in a superior manner, or was it Faramir who was cutting down the height of it that made it look that way.

They set to the task of putting them back to their places on the shelves. Something much harder than getting them out of their shelves had been. Faramir stretched as high as he was able. He needed another inch to reach the shelf where one particular book belonged. Standing on his toes and steadying himself with a hand against the shelf he was able to gain two inches, and still came one shy of reaching that shelf he was striving towards.

"However were you able to get this one down?" Faramir wondered. "I think the shelf is getting higher for me."

Carl looked over, the book Faramir held in his hand was the one he could almost have sworn had winked at him with that annoyingly superior attitude that most of the monks seemed to have.

"I am beginning to have my doubts about that particular book." He frowned. "I think that it is doing that to spite us."

"I am beginning to believe you." His back ached, but Faramir was finally able to tuck the book back in its place on the shelf. They cleared away the rest of the books.

"So." Faramir gave the now empty table a pleased look. "What was that you had found."

"Oh, right. I found something here that I think would at least tell us what language it was." Carl smiled.

"That is great, where is it." Faramir looked at him eagerly, then realised that Carl was eyeing the clean table with a strange look in his eyes. "Oh, no. Don't tell me we cleared that one away with the rest." He pleaded. Carl gave him a look of misery and desperation.

"We did." Faramir said with a sigh. "And I am fairly certain that I know which one it was." He sighed again and gave the shelf that had been, just an inch too high, a look of pure disgust. "It's that one, it has to be that one."

Carl nodded defeated.

"I am beginning to agree with your opinion." Faramir muttered. "That book is doing it on purpose. He eyed the shelf calculatively, like he would an enemy. Well, that book was as close to an enemy that one would get in this library. He pondered the problem carefully. Whenever he reached for it he came up an inch too short, so clearly stretching was not an option. He circled to the other side of it. It did not seem to be any higher yet. Mentally counting down he suddenly raised his hand as high up as he could and grabbed the book before it had time to react. Victory was won and he took it back to Carl.

Only to have Carl point out that the book they wanted was on the shelf below where the one Faramir had grabbed stood. Faramir turned and glared at the book that looked very innocent.

Two minutes later Faramir brought the correct book back to the table. Holding it tightly and giving it no chance to escape.

Carl took it and leafed through it, murmuring to himself. "Ah, good. Here we are." He shone up. "Czech, now we only have to be able to find a translation for it."

Faramir nodded. "At least we have it narrowed down then. So, where do we start our search for a translation?"

"That should not be so hard." Carl rubbed his hands together eagerly. "Actually not hard at all since there is a part here with translations. The difficult part was finding what we had to translate it from. Come here now, the book we want is over here, somewhere."

Soon they had discovered a large heavy tome, it was so big that Faramir could not hold it while he read it, but was forced to take it back to the table. He swiped the dust from the leather cover with a gentle hand and admired the beautiful pattern there. This tome was old, very old and he held it with reverence. Tracing a faded golden line as it curved its way along the old leather with a finger.

He carefully opened it and read the first page. Letters near hidden in the intricate decorative pattern there. Many hours of hard labour had been spent on just this first page.

"At least I know Latin well enough to make out the rest." He smiled as he gently turned the pages.

"Latin is a most agreeable language." Carl pointed out. "It relates to many others and is thus quite useful."

"Aye." Faramir said absently as he leafed through the pages. "Though all those things can be confusing at times."

"What is there that is confusing about languages?" Carl frowned, he had certainly never found anything confusing about them. Challenging before he had learnt them, certainly, but never confusing.

"Just that my wife insulted me not so long ago." Faramir absently answered, most of his attention was on the book on the table in front of him. Yet he had enough to spare to notice the Friar's confused expression. "She even went far enough as to do it in Italian."

"Why ever would she do that." Carl frowned even deeper and his brow was wrinkled with concentration. "Surely if one would want it so badly there is better tongues for insulting others."

"Please do not tell her any of them." Faramir shrugged. "Italian was bad enough, and she did not even mean to do it as it turned out. She had been trying to learn a little of it to surprise me." He turned a few more of the brittle pages. "Only at some point a few of the pages had fallen out of the book she used, and whoever mended it had put them back in the wrong order." He eyed Carl for his reaction. Carl nodded thoughtfully. He was aware of the trick loose pages could play on an unsuspecting victim.

"So when she meant to say 'Bacio mi, carino. Tiamo.' She actually wound up saying, 'Porco. Anate all'infermo.' That was rather confusing, for I truly thought she meant what she had said."

"So instead of saying, 'Kiss me, my sweet, I love thee.' She said, 'Swine, get thee to perdition.'" There was a smile playing at Carl's lips. "I can see how that would be a rather unpleasant misunderstanding." He nodded. "A very unfortunate thing to have happen."

"I saw to it that it was corrected." Faramir was unable to keep from smiling as he watched the other man very closely. "It should not happen again.

Carl's curiosity got the better of him and he had to ask one question. "What book was that?" He asked curiously.

"Oh, it was a very simple guide to the Italian language." Faramir smiled faintly, he was enjoying this very much, and he was getting closer to finding his translation, he could feel it.

"Who had written it." Carl had his hands clasped together, and oh, was he not so wonderfully predictable.

"Actually it was you. I assume you know which one I am speaking about then." Faramir chuckled. "Ah, perfect. I have found it." He looked up and his eyes fell upon a very baffled Friar.

"Oh, oh dear." Carl murmured. "I certainly never meant for that to happen. I merely thought it portrayed the difference between endearments and insults rather well."

"Carl," Faramir said gently. "It is well, and, I have found the translation."

Carl's head snapped up and he stepped over to stand beside Faramir and read the page himself. "That's wonderful." He said as cheerful as ever. "Here it is. 'Krásny zlato moje, it means. 'My beautiful gold.' That should come in handy." He grinned looking up at Faramir.

"Very." Faramir was smiling again. "I shall have to try and use it on my wife." He looked around. "Is there perchance any ink here so that I can write it down. I would not like to get back only to find that it has slipped my mind."

Carl chuckled. "Put those books back and I shall find some for you."

A battle with book and shelf later Faramir left to return home, with the note securely tucked away in his pocket. Trying to imagine Eowyn's face when he tried his new phrase on her. She would be a slight bit displeased that he had spent a fine day in a musty library, but she would like the compliment, he was sure about that.

Carl had once again proved to be a useful source for language knowledge. It would be interesting to see what would be the next reason for their search amongst ancient tomes. Whatever it was he hoped that a certain book had nothing to do with it. If battling it was involved he was not certain that any new knowledge was worth it. He had never before encounter such a difficult book.

Far deep in the darkest corner of library oft refered to as the Kingdom of Dust, a certain book felt very pleased with itself as it watched the two men retreat along their different paths.

However we can not allow the two men to find out this and that means we must put a temporarily end here. For this particularly tale that is. A new chapter shall follow with all temporarily speed, and be posted as temporarily, uh, I mean as usually next week. I got temporarily lost in my temporality there, and I temporarily apologize for it.

Pronounciation Guide by Celebrion:

And I feel like temporarily giving up reading that part of the fic in the future...

Well, back to business. This is as usual guesses made by a disturbed mind late at night when sensible are sleeping. Anyhow...

"Krásny zlato moje", Czech (obviously), compliment, very nice. Would have needed that yesterday...

'Krrashny zjlá1to' modje.'

1. A very British long 'a'. Can't think of any better right now...

Hope it's not too far off the mark... Enjoy, we'll be back next tuesday!

ForeverFaramir: We like all reviews, especially from our faithful reviewers. We are very glad that you liked it, and we do our best. Mayhap it shall be that we can do something more with Gaelic.

Legolas's Girl 9: I have seen George of the Jungle, several times. It is a very good movie. Even if I think that The Lion King is more remembered for the line Hakuna Matata, seeming as Timone and Pumba always says that.

LOTRFaith:I am very glad that you like it. Actually I am more than very glad, since you both likes our tale, and was kind enough to vote. If you look at my authors bio page you shall see that I have added one vote for John Noble as the father, though I do not intend to add any more things to the original vote. The main purpose is to get them to become brothers. I also hope that you enjoyed this chapter as well.

Silver Sniper: I still say that it is one of the high points of my week to read your review. That is how I know that I have done something good, and I might add that I have only just stopped blushing over your praise. We would be very interested in using Chinese, I do not have any specific idea of what to do with it yet, but I shall keep it in mind and tell you when I have something. Thank You so much for the offer.

Katieelessar: Thank you for praising us. We are thinking about doing something on these languages, actually there are very few languages that we have not considering doing something on. Mostly we just wait until we have an idea that can work, or until we can get our hands on a phrase from the language in particularly. We shall see what happens with those you mentioned, it might work out rather well.

ScribbleDream: Thank you for the kind words. The first few chapters are the ones with the most mistakes in them. I am afraid that I am a perpetual spelling disaster. I have difficulty with spelling. Now my co writer is working as a beta, and when he has time he have promised to go over the first few chapters to correct them. I hope that you can still read and enjoy this until that is done.

Horsiegurl: I think that the main opinion is that Faramir is cute no matter what. At least that is what I have gathered from browsing this page. I update once a week, every week, and then I sometimes throw in some other stuff whenever I have something. Lastly was the poem, the Heir and the Spare. If you have not read it yet, you might want to, I think that you would like it.

Lindahoyland: The Hobbits like to conspire, they happily conspire whenever they get the chance, and since you like to tease with the knowledge you have about your own tale, I might return the favour. :) In a very near future in this tale, the Hobbits shall be conspiring again. I hope that I have you curious now, because I am still curious about what you are doing, and I greatly enjoy commenting on your tale.

Here I would like to thank everyone who reads my works, thank you.

Here it must also be said that in the tale "A Two Colour Chain Mail," we started the vote based on the fact that Sean Bean and David Wenham made the perfect image of two brothers. We also got plenty of agreement on that.

So here it is, if you agree with us and think that they should be real brothers. Say so in your review. It shall be your vote. On my authors page, in the bio I shall keep score. When the score reaches 100, they shall be declared official brothers. Then on my authors page shall be an official declaration written by Elenhin and Celebrion.

Then the truth can not be denied, they shall be brothers.