Author's Note: This is a bit of a joke that I wrote with the help of a friend. We thought that Faramir was skilled at different languages, and wondered just what languages he could speak.

Trying to think of as many as possible, and writing a story on each. Some languages will be from Lord of the Ring, some will not, but we will name them and where they come from. So Have no fear

In this chapter we are doing Danish. The joke of it is based upon the fact that Viggo Mortensen is Danish, and we thought that it was good enough basis for a joke.

This is another chapter that will be posted in two parts. The first one is here, and the last part shall be posted next week.

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Ring, I only borrow parts of it and shall return them as soon as I am done. Completely undamaged, as I am certain it will be impossible to see where we glued the pieces back together.

Desiccating the Danish, part one.

"Faramir." A very sweet voice said quietly.

The Steward of Gondor looked up at the two small Hobbits that were standing in front of his desk

"What can I do for you?" He asked. It was better to find out what they wanted right away, if it was something he would rather not be involved in there were two good options. Either ignore them and send them away, or, send them of to the King to deal with. Since Aragorn had more experience with dealing with the Hobbits he probably stood a better chance to discourage them from their wildest ideas.

"We just thought we'd drop by for a wee chat." Pippin smiled innocently.

Faramir had learnt one thing from the Hobbits, when Pippin looked that innocent, they were always up to something. He still had two options, either send them away to Aragorn to deal with, or find out what they were up to first.

As Faramir always strived to lessen Aragorn's workload it was perhaps not a good idea to send them there.

"Nothing else?" He enquired. They were good at looking innocent, he was good at finding out whatever they were innocent or not. He would know before long.

"We just wanted a wee chat." Pippin said again. "Ye been working so much we haven't really seen ye a lot lately."

"We even thought we'd be nice and bring some snack to eat." Merry chimed in and produced a plate of honey cakes from behind his back.

That terminated all doubts, they were most definately after something. They would not have brought honey cakes unless they wanted something from him. They might have brought food, but not honey cakes. They always complained that he ate them faster than they could catch up with. It was true, even if he knew what they were doing it was hard to resist. Mayhap he could listen, just long enough to get a few of those honey cakes. Then he could always ignore them.

He waved a hand vaguely over his desk, they needed no more encouragement than that. Merry shoot forward and dumped the plate on his desk.

"So, are you two going to give up the charade and tell me what it is that you are after.?" Faramir had quickly devoured two of the honey cakes at a pace that made the Hobbits look concerned over the prospect of not getting very many of them.

"What makes you think we would be after sumpthing?" Pippin gave him his most innocent smile.

"First of all." Faramir finished his fourth honey cake and started on the next one. A look of panic crossed over Pippin's face. "You are looking far to innocent to actually be innocent. Second of all." That was the fifth and now there were only a small number of honey cakes left. "When were you ever innocent? Third is something you should have learned by now. You can not bribe me to do what you wish unless I find it to be acceptable from the start. And if I do find it to be something I can agree with there is no need for bribes."

Now there were only two honey cakes each left, and that was no mean feat to consume any kind food faster than the Hobbits.

"Guess we should've thought about that." Pippin said remorseless as the loss of the honey cakes was weighing heavily upon him.

"You should have thought about that." Faramir eyed the now empty plate. It had been pleasant, he would be forced to admit that.

"So, if we asked really nice like, would ye help us?" Pippin beamed a smile at him.

"That would depend fully on what you want me to do." Faramir stated firmly.

"We want to learn a language." Merry explained.

"Was that not the Norwegian you talked our King into helping you learn?" Faramir eyed them suspiciously. He was not sure what he had expected, but it could not have been this.

"It was, because we wanted to play a wee prank on you." Pippin admitted. "But that did not work, so we thought we'd do something else."

"We want to play just a wee trick on Strider." Merry went on.

"You want me to help you play a prank on my King?" Faramir asked.

Both Hobbits nodded eagerly.

"Are you two suffering any delusions?" Faramir asked sounding concerned. "What has made you think that I would be willing to help you play a prank on my King, the one I serve. The one I have sworn to protect from all nuisance, my guess is that that includes protecting him form annoying Hobbits wishing to play pranks on him." Faramir made sure to sound more stern than he was. In fact he was slightly amused.

"Well, he was more than willing to help us play the one we tried to play on you." Merry pointed out cheerfully.

"Even so." Faramir shook his head. "I doubt that I will help you."

"We just want you to help us learn a language." Pippin pleaded. "Just a wee language."

"We won't even do anything bad." Merry went on. "No more than we did to you."

"You mean what you tried to do to me." Faramir grinned smugly. "This has been a pleasant conversation and I thank you for it, but I regret that I must continue with my work now."

"I guess we'll leave then." Merry said dejected. "Will you still go on that picnic with us later?"

"It will be a pleasure." He assured him. "It is just that it is not proper for me to be a part of a prank against my sovereign."

The two Hobbits nodded.

"I must also say that this have been rather pleasant." Faramir told them. "I much appreciated the break and the honey cakes."

"We can come some other time to." Pippin said. "We'd like it to."

"You are most welcome."

The two Hobbits left and Faramir resumed his work.

The next interruption in his work came the following day. This time it was not two inquisitive Hobbits that came into his study, this time it was the Queen of Gondor.

"My Lady." Faramir stood quickly to his feet and bowed deep. "What service may I be of for thee."

"Firstly I had thought I had convinced you to call me by my name Faramir." She said. "Secondly I actually want you to do something."

"What ever is in my power I shall gladly do for you." Faramir responded. It was true, he had yet to think of something that he would not do for his Queen.

"Merry and Pippin told me about the joke they wished to play on my husband, what would it take for me to convince you to help them?"

"My lady?" He managed baffled by her words.

"I understood by them that you were reluctant to aid in a prank towards your King." Arwen smiled as Faramir nodded. "The prank they are planning is no worse than the prank they played at you, Faramir. I think that it would be vastly funny."

"My lady." Faramir took a deep breath and swallowed. "Arwen, you would wish me to play a prank against your husband, and my King."

"Yes, Faramir." She was still smiling. "I think that he is growing just a tad to confident, and for my part I could also say that it would be a nice with a revenge for my roses."

"Your roses my lady?" He slipped back into a more formal mood of address as he was startled. How had she know that Aragorn had cut one of her roses. He had done so as a part of the prank the two Hobbits had tried to play on Faramir. Yet Faramir had given his word not to tell Arwen, and the Hobbits had been bribed into the same promise by large amounts of food.

"I could see where he had been at them as soon as I lay eyes on my rose bush, Faramir." She said. "It was not all that hard to make the Hobbits tell me, not after I had found out how much food he bribed them with and promised to give them more."

Faramir nodded, he had no problem seeing that. "It would not be seemly for me to aid in a prank against my King." He objected again.

"Not only King, mellon nin. Your friend as well. "Arwen smiled. "Trust me Faramir he shall not mind this."

"What would be my part?" Faramir asked.

"Your part would be to aid them with the language." She smiled. "I think that you should do this Faramir. Elessar shall not take offence, I can promise you that, and shall it not be fun."

"If it is my Queens wish, did I not say that I would abide by it." Faramir smiled slightly.

"You did." She smiled back. "Shall I tell our two friends that you will help them then?"

"Aye, it would seem that I am." He actually marvelled at how she had convinced him to help. It seemed that he no longer had any choice in the matter. Arwen and he bid each other a pleasant day each.

Thus he found himself spending time with the Hobbits each day. They had picked out the Danish tongue, it was closely related to the Norwegian they had learnt and what would give them an advantage.

The Hobbits were eager learners and Faramir had to admit that it was not all to hard to teach them.

They soon had fashioned the first letter together.

Merry and Pippin had been able to convince Faramir to deliver it to Aragorn's study. Since he was the only one that could go there without attracting attention. He went there so many times in one day that no gave him a second glance.

They were all used to the fact that the Steward oft worked later than the King and left documents for him that he would need the next day.

Faramir slipped the note in partially beneath another document so that Aragorn would not notice it the first thing. Then he slipped out again.

This time I had to end with a cliff hanger, seeming as how it would not be a two part story if I were to post both parts at the same time. Admit it, if I did that the next chapter would be boring, as I would have naught else than a blank space there.

So a cliff hanger it is, fear not. I have temporarily issued parachutes to all of our characters that might find themselves in need of them. Hence they should be able to make a safe landing next week, after the usual temporary pause that is here.

Thank you all for reading, Elenhin.

Silver Sniper: Ah, thank you. What would I do if I did not have you to tell me these things, dreadful thought. Glad you think we are improving at these things, I think that I am getting the hang of how this should be written, as well as of how to get the right amount of humour in it. I am a firm believer of humour in all literature works. If there is no humour in them they are no fun to read. Ah, the desk, the wonderful desk. I think that if you liked the desk in the last chapter, you will have liked this very much as well. I am not done with the desk as of yet.

Legolas's Girl 9: I interpreted your review into putting in a vote, both for the brothers and for their father as well. I am very glad that you still seem to be enjoying this.

Pasha ToH: I am delighted to know you liked it. It is a rather curious thing really, most everyone seems to have a desk with the same ability, Though my own don't. Instead it takes papers and other stuff that I keep on it and eats it, so that it disappears. We shall just have to face the fact that desks are mysterious creatures that can not be trusted.

warrior'sgambit: Thank you, glad you liked it. As for continuing writing, I had planned something of the sort.

Seadragon68: I am sure it will please Aragorn to know you are amused by his misery. Seriously, glad you liked it, and we are not done yet. Before we are done with Aragorn and his desk we should be able to have you falling off your chair with laughter at least once, and by that time Aragorn will be paranoid.

Earendil Eldar: There really are a lot of people that recognises that treat in their own desks. You are partly right in your guess as of how it works, but there are much more to it than that. I mean, we could not let him off that easy, now could we. No phones and door bells true, but on the other hand you do not have to deal with Hobbits. I think it evens out to about the same.

Steelelf: Glad to know we made you laugh, and glad to know you liked. I Hope that you shall continue to like it just as much.

ForeverFaramir: First the response from Celebrion.

Good, I think... We've gone onto gasp ADJECTIVES! We're out of the verbs at least...

Scots-Gaelic seems somewhat simpler. Mainly because I know the grammar already, my teacher knows this and pushes me a bit further than the rest. Spelling's still an uncracked nut, but I'm working on it... Hope you're not too bored with it already, it's still a beautiful language.

Go dte tu slán, mo chara! (Hope I got that right...)

Then from me, The treat we made of the desk must really be a common one, everyone seems to recognize it. I will definitely be making more on that. Just hold on to your seat so you don't fall of laughing when you read it.

As for Arwen, would you not be afraid of her. She's got who know many years of experience of keeping Elladan and Elrohir in line, I think she know a fair number of nasty things she could do as Revenge. This one here only one of them. So, would you not be afraid, if not I will do my best to make you afraid.

Lindahoyland: We rather thought that it was a good idea, and we have already established that paperwork tends to breed.

Hmm, I think I saw something green gremlin looking thing run around in panic. Will see if I can capture it and take revenge on it for your account.

Horsiegurl: Glad that you found it entertaining. The prank on Faramir did not work, but the Hobbit's does not give up, so it should be interesting to see what happens.

Here I would like to thank everyone who reads my works, thank you.

Here it must also be said that in the tale "A Two Colour Chain Mail," we started the vote based on the fact that Sean Bean and David Wenham made the perfect image of two brothers. We also got plenty of agreement on that.

So here it is, if you agree with us and think that they should be real brothers. Say so in your review. It shall be your vote. On my authors page, in the bio I shall keep score. When the score reaches 100, they shall be declared official brothers. Then on my authors page shall be an official declaration written by Elenhin and Celebrion.

Then the truth can not be denied, they shall be brothers.