Chapter 1: The Tears he shed

Disclaimer: Don't own anything about Naruto

The Tears He Shed
A Hyuuga centric fiction, Pairing: NejiHina

Men do not shed tears lightly. Good warriors, man will not cry at the slightest bit. Tears are sacred, forbidden, a sign of weakness that man refused to show. Indeed, Neji could count on his hand the number of times in his life that the unwilling tears had dropped. So rare and so reluctantly let out they were.

The first was when Hizashi died. Neji had stood beside his mother at the funeral. His small hand clutched at her pale one in a death grip. He held on so tightly that the angry marks were long to fade.

"I mustn't cry. Only little kids cry and I'm a big boy now. Big boys don't cry. I mustn't cry." Neji had muttered softly under his breath. Overhead, the overcast sky shed the tears that Neji held behind. Rain pattered down relentlessly on the small band of grievers.

It was time to bury the coffin in.

The first spade of soil fell onto the simple glass coffin, the soft thud muffled by the rain. Raindrops mixed with the earth, turning it into a wet brown sludge called mud.

A sob tore from Neji's side as his mum hurled herself towards the burial site, dragging Neji with her. "No! Hizashi! Don't leave me alone!" she cried between broken sobs, clawing and struggling to break free from the people who had rushed up to restrain her.

Neji held on fearfully. "Mummy, mummy..." he tugged at her sleeve, suddenly scared by her outburst."Mummy!" he cried in desperation. This time she heard him. She turned around to look at him, her unseeing eyes focusing on her son in front of her, as if suddenly realizing that he was there. Tears streaked down her cheeks as she stopped her struggles and fell limply to the ground.

"Neji..." she hugged her son fiercely, sobbing onto the small shoulders that suddenly had so much to bear.

Finality dawned on Neji as reality sank in. No longer will Hizashi take Neji out to train, teaching him new skills. No longer will he tuck Neji to sleep or pat Neji on the head and say, "I'm proud of you son." No more... for Hizashi was gone.

The small shoulders heaved and fell as Neji crumpled and cried. Overhead, lightning flashed across the sky. Rain danced on both mother and child, rolling down their faces, until tears became rain and rain became tears...

Back to the present

Neji stopped his pacing and stood in front of the altar. Hizashi's face was rightfully where it belonged. After more then half a century, the conflicts between the Main and Branch House had finally been resolved. His father would have been glad to see the Hyuuga clan living in harmony at last.

Credit should go to his Uncle, Sitting beside Hizashi's frame, was the identical face of Hyuuga Hiashi. Neji looked at the two brothers sitting side by side; incense flanking the altar, shrouding their faces in smoke. One was his father by destiny, but the other was his father by choice.

The second time tears fell was when Neji acknowledged that...

...

At 13, Neji was a bitter anti-Main, Branch House member. He thought himself invincible. He hated the curse seal and he railed against fate. He wallowed in self-pity, cursing fate for playing jokes on him. He wrapped himself in a fantasy world where the Main House was the enemy and he was the poor downtrodden hero, the powerful eagle caged behind glided bars.

He scorned the "lesser beings" or those less powerful than him. He reveled in his strength. He nursed and stoked his hatred for the Main House. It was the only passion in his life, his only goal - to see the demise of the Main House. He trained doubly hard so that he could show that he was better then them. He hated that he would have no place in the clan. It was a full cycle that only fuelled more hate.

And then his oh so perfect world came crashing down when Naruto sent that deciding punch straight up at his face.

So while he was resting in the room, trying to get his world back on the axis he was more familiar with, Hiashi had shown up with another time bomb. The letter toppled his world even more, but it was Hiashi on his bent knees that Neji suddenly understood and made sense of his upside-down world. It erased his hatred for the Main House.

Then Hiashi had spoken, "Forgive me, Neji... Let me atone by being the father I took away from you."

Neji had wanted to retort that no one could replace Hizashi. That it was Hiashi's goddamn fault for not stopping his brother. He wanted to rail at Hiashi, for all the last years he suffered without a father. But he didn't. He couldn't.

Neji's eyes had shone bright with tears. Tears that had spilled over when he blinked. What he really wanted was to be embraced by his uncle, to say that there is nothing to forgive. It isn't your fault that Father chose this path. But he didn't, he couldn't.

The tears had lodged in his throat. He couldn't speak. Awe and wonder had paralyzed him. He couldn't move. It was Hiashi who stood up and pulled Neji into his arms.

The room was silent. But the front of Hiashi's robe became increasingly wet as uncle and nephew stayed very close in the bright afternoon.

End of flashback

"Neji-sama?" the inquiring voice jerked Neji out of his memories. Without turning around, Neji asked, "How's Hinata-san?"

There was a short pause as the servant struggled to find the right words to say. "I think perhaps you would like to see her yourself." Neji hesitated, before slowly nodding.

"This way please..."

Neji turned and walked past the servant at the door. He needed no directions. He could have found Hinata with his eyes closed, Byakugan or not. Neji walked unhurriedly but purposefully, his body betraying no sign of emotion save the tightly clasped hands behind his back.

They stopped outside Hinata's room. "Leave us." Neji ordered brusquely. The servants scurried away as Neji stepped inside.

The door slid shut softly behind him.

"Neji-kun..." a soft voice called out to him.

Neji was immediately beside the bed, fumbling through the wads of cloth to find Hinata's small hand.

Age had done little to diminish Hinata's beauty. Even as she lay there, she looked beautiful. Her glossy black hair was now streaked with silver. Her ever bright and clear eyes were framed by wrinkles at the edges.

Hinata smiled and Neji was once again awed by this angel who had smiled at him. He gently caressed her hand, bringing her palm to his cheek, letting his warmth seep into her fingers.

Hinata sighed contentedly, "I love you."

As always, Neji's heart did a little tumble when she did that. That this beautiful angel here could find room in her heart to love him was a miracle he did not question.

Hinata reached out to stroke the grey locks at his temple. "I love you Neji, no matter what happens..."

Flashback to a heated battle forty years ago.

Neji remembered little of the actual battle. He had vague memories of blur figures whizzing in front of him although he remembered the metallic smell of blood that permeated the battlefield very well.

He also remembered very clearly that instant when the three foot sword that had lodged into his body. It had reflected the light of the moon as the attacker had charged towards Hinata's back. At that moment, Neji knew what he was going to do. A branch member will always have to protect a main member. As Neji crumpled to the ground, he saw the shocked stance of his teammate as he took the blow meant for her. All his senses became numb. The sounds of battle slowly receded to nothingness as Neji drifted in and out of consciousness.

He knew someone had torn away his ANBU mask.

He felt warm fingers running over his face, his neck. He opened his eyes... and he saw her.

She was crying. Tears ran down her cheeks, washing the dirt and grime off her beautiful face. He felt her hands on his chest, felt her chakra slowly seeping into his wound, his body.

It damn bloody hurts a lot...

Her tears wet his face as she desperately tried to pump life into him.

You don't have to do this...

Neji raised a bloody hand to grip her slim wrist. "Sto...stop, Hinata."

"Neji-kun..."

I'm going to die.

"It's no use, Hinata. I'm go...ing to... die."

"No...no, don't talk anymore. I'll save you. I can save you. I'll heal you and you'll be fine."

Don't cry for me.

"Hinata..." Neji motioned her closer, his eyes pleading.

I love you.

"I love you," he whispered. "That's what I wanted to say to you yesterday when I found you and Naruto together. I love you, all of you, forever and..."

Neji dissolved into a spate of coughs.

Blood.

"No... Neji-kun!" Hinata cried between sobs... "Don't leave me alone again..."

You'll be happier when I leave you alone

Neji felt consciousness slipping away "Promise me that you'll be happy with Naruto... and tell him... tell him that he'd better treat you well or I'll haunt him for life."

He was going fast. "Promise me you'll be happy... Promise!" Neji gripped Hinata's hands tightly.

"I promise Neji-kun... but the person I want to be with is..." Hinata's voice trailed off. Satisfied, Neji surrendered himself to darkness.

I love you.

From a place very far away, he thought he heard Hinata crying out for him. He thought he heard a faint voice calling out to him "Neji! I love you. All I want is to be with YOU!" Tears filled his eyes then because he knew he had broken her heart by leaving. All the while they were in love and they were blind to it all. Distracted by so many other meaningless events, they didn't realize how deep they had fallen. And now, it was all too late...

I love you Hinata. Forever and Always.

"NEJI!"

Return to the present.

"What are you thinking about?" Neji asked quietly, wondering at the faraway look in Hinata's eyes.

Brought out of her sea of memories, Hinata smiled as she turned to him, "thinking of the happiest moment of my life, when you opened your eyes at the hospital, looked at me and said 'I love you'."

It had been a miracle that Neji had survived. Although much credit had gone to Tsunade for her amazing doctoring skills, Tsunade had known very much that it was the obstinacy in Neji that had defied was, he didn't want to die yet. Not when he had so much to lose.

Neji looked at his beloved wife. There was no need for words. Their eyes said all that they need to tell each other. He lowered his head to offer Hinata his lips and they fused together into one tender kiss.

"Lee and Ten Ten are coming to see you later."

Hinata brightened up. "That would be nice. I missed seeing the two of them."

"Ha. They've been busy being senseis to unruly young genins." As usual, the mention of that word brought about a dull throb to the wound that hadn't quite healed properly.

"It's alright Neji-kun. He would have been immensely proud of all of you." Hinata gave Neji's hand a soft squeeze.

"Soka."

12 years ago.

"... Maito Gai passed away last night. The funeral would be held tomorrow at..."

It had been a totally inappropriate day for a funeral. The sun was shining happily. It was spring and colourful flowers dotted the cemetery ground. Few people had turned up, only those who had known him... and was still alive.

Mostly shinobi, such as Neji, Lee and Ten Ten.

They stood together. Ten Ten was sobbing like a little kid while Lee tried vainly to comfort her, which was tough since he had tears pouring down his face too. Only Neji stood aside like a statue, emotionless.

It wasn't fitting that Gai should die in his sleep, with nobody by his side. No, he should have died in some glorious battle, fighting for Konoha and leaving behind a legacy and his name carved on the memorial stone for all to see. It didn't matter that he had lung cancer and that his health had deteriorated steadily in the last 6 months of his life as he had slowly wasted away. No, Gai should have had died in glory and fame... The frail old person in the casket was not his sensei...

While everyone had cried their fill of tears, Neji's eyes were still as dry as desert.

Lee had dragged Neji to drown their sorrows in Sake.

"Ne... you remember the first time we met him? He was such an impressive sensei." Lee mumbled over his cups of sake while Neji remained silent.

"Or the times he challenged Kakashi-sensei and willingly accepted defeat? He was a man of word... A great man..."

"No he wasn't."

Stunned, Lee looked up at Neji in disbelief. "What did you just say?"

"He wasn't a great man." Neji replied determinedly.

"If he was such a great man, he wouldn't have died without a fight. He would have battled cancer all the way. He would not have just wasted away like this! He's a coward. A bloody coward that refuses to fight death!" The unexpected outburst from Neji surprised the both of them.

Lee was silent for a moment. Confusion that was etched on his face was rapidly replaced by anger and disbelief.

"You pig-headed bastard!" Lee lunged at Neji and they both crashed outside the Sake shop.

Not to be undone, Neji tackled Lee and managed to pin him to the ground.

"I'm right am I? You just don't want to admit I'm right."

But Lee was not called master of tai-jutsu for nothing. He delivered a series of kicks and punches that knocked the breath out of Neji. "He's NOT a coward! He fought dammit. He fought like hell!"

The two high-level jounins faced each other, circling. Both geniuses in their own right. Both the proud students of Gai. Both bearing the wound of the loss of their sensei. And then it was a blur of kicks, fists and hands as the two fought the sorrow of death. Lee delivered a right-handed punch to Neji's right, only to be caught by Neji's right hand. Neji delivered a cut to Lee's left but was captured by Lee's left hand. Their breathing labored, they looked into the eyes of the friend they knew so well.

"Then why... then how could he die? How could Gai lose any battle?" Neji asked in a quiet voice.

"I don't know Neji... I don't know at all." Lee replied quietly, his eyes brimming with tears again.

"But he fought damn hard. Cause he didn't want to leave all of us here grieving for him. And till the very end, he was still fighting."

Suddenly, all the strength drained out of Neji. His anger, his frustration, his sorrow were all vented out in the bouts of fight with Lee. He released his hold and the two men embraced each other.

And so Neji cried. The tears that had been so conspicuously absent at the funeral came gushing out now. The tears were for the words of thanks and love that he never said to his sensei. They were for the 'students' that his sensei had left behind and they were for himself for having lost someone so dear to him. He cried on Lee's shoulder, while Lee cried on his. In mid-afternoon, in the middle of the street for everyone to see. Luckily it was a deserted street and few witnessed it except for the shopkeeper and Hinata whose heart wept for those who had lost the ones they loved.

End of flashback.

"Neji-sama, Lee-sama and Ten Ten-sama have arrived."

"Show them in."

"Hinata-chan!" Hinata brightened up at the sound of Lee's as usual - loud voice.

"Shh... must you talk so loud?" Ten Ten scolded as the duo walked in with a bouquet of flowers.

"Hi Neji, hi Hinata, flowers for you, courtesy of Ino." Ten Ten smiled as she placed the sweet smelling flowers in Hinata's hands.

"We're all very concern about you." Worry etched her face as she patted Hinata's hands. "We all wanted to come, especially Naruto, Kiba and Shino but your bull of a husband was irritatingly overbearing and refused more thentwo people at one time. Anyway, Kiba and Shino came a few days before so Lee and I had the privilege."

Hinata gave a soft laugh. "Thank you Ten Ten. I'm bored to death here. Please thank Ino for the flowers, they're beautiful."

"Hinata-chan, how are you feeling? I've brought you the ginseng from the highest snow mountains in snow country. I picked them myself! It will definitely make you feel better!" Lee proudly brought out his ginseng and passed to Neji.

"Thank you Lee, I'm fine. You look as good as ever, maybe even better"

To that, Lee practically burst with pride. "Yes, most definitely, all thanks to..."

"Aw shut up Lee. No one wants to hear you talk about you."

"Yeah, we all heard enough." Neji mumbled softly beside Hinata who gave a small chuckle.

The four of them then dissolved in friendly conversation punctuated often by a punch from Ten Ten to Lee in a bid to shut him up and peals of laughter that filled the room with a warm glow.

Neji was secretly glad when Lee and Ten Ten finally took their leave. No doubt they greatly entertained Hinata and took her mind off the pain but he could tell they were tiring her out.

"It's alright Neji-kun, I'm fine." Hinata mumbled sleepily as Neji fussed over her.

"You're tired."

"Only a little."

"I say it's time for you to sleep now."

"You're a bully."

"Is this the first time you realize that?"

Neji gently tucked his wife into bed.

"Promise me, Neji-kun... promise me that you won't shed tears for me when I die. That you'll be happy." Hinata pleaded softly.

Neji paused in his actions and he gave Hinata a searing look. "I won't be happy without you." Don't leave me.

"But I won't be leaving you. I'll be alive and living in your children, your grandchildren, the friends around you... promise?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, but..."

"We'll talk tomorrow. You're tired." Neji abruptly cut her off. He smoothed her hair and caressed her face. "Oyasumi"

Hinata gave a small yawn. "Oyasumi. Stay... stay with me a while, please?"

Neji nodded and settled by her bed, watching his beautiful wife fall asleep and not for the first time, he prayed to his ancestors to keep her safe a few more days, to let her be with him a few more days.

A few hours later...

Neji woke abruptly. Something was wrong.

Hinata!

Neji rushed to Hinata's side, heart pounding, fear clutched his brain. Hinata was shivering beneath her layers of blanket and coughing wildly. Neji lit the candle and to his horror he saw blood. Hinata was coughing out blood...

"Hinata! No!"

Neji cradled Hinata in his arms, desperately trying to stop her shivering with his body warmth.

"Hinata... Hinata... open your eyes and look at me."

Hinata's eyes flickered but remained tightly shut. "Ne...Neji...kun."

"I'm here, I'm right here." Neji held her tight, torn by helplessness to stop her frantic coughs.

Hinata lifted her eyelids. Her eyes were dazed and bloodshot. "Don't cry for me..." and then she whimpered in pain. Neji's gut twisted in agony as Hinata battled pain and consciousness.

Neji's entire focus was on Hinata and he was only dimly aware of the corridors and then roofs speeding by as he carried Hinata. Instinct drove him on for his mind had frozen in shock and fear.

Don't die on me Hinata... You must pull through!

Neji gripped Hinata tighter to him as his legs took him to where the Hokage stayed. He was dimly aware that his face and Hinata's face were wet even though it wasn't raining.

Tsunade was awakened at three in the morning by a loud pounding at her door. At the doorway stood a dazed Neji, cradling Hinata in his arms. Tears streaked down his face but he was oblivious to it all. "You're Sanin, you can save Hinata. You must save her. I'll do anything for you, just save her... please."

Weeks later...

Neji held a single blood red rose in his hand as he looked out to the sea. Roses had always been Hinata's favourite, he thought dimly.

When I die, I'll like to have my ashes thrown out to sea too...

Waves crashed onto the cliff rhythmically, bringing up a fine spray of seawater. Neji threw his rose into the ferocious waves, watching with a tinge of regret and sorrow as the waves devoured it.

"How could you even think I could live without you?" Neji whispered. He shivered as he recalled the terror he had felt that night.

Someone moved up beside him and held his hand.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"You already know what I'm thinking... why ask?" Neji pulled Hinata in his arms for a quick kiss.

"Maybe I just wanted to hear you say it?" Hinata reached out to stroke that finely chiseled face of his, once again struck by how handsome Neji was.

Neji let out a deep breath. "You scared the shit out of me. If you die, I won't cry for you, because I'll have gone and died with you."

Hinata remained silent for she felt the truth in his words.

And so they stood on the cliff, holding each other, watching the seagulls soar in the sky, hearing the crash of waves against the cliff, smelling the crisp oceanic air and tasting the salty spray of seawater on their lips. Holding each other, they felt the force of life pulsing under their hands.

They stood there for a long time, until the sun had gone and sunk into the ocean.

And then both Neji and Hinata let tears fall for the beauty of life and the comfort of facing death together.

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