Author's Note: This is a bit of a joke that I wrote with the help of a friend. We thought that Faramir was skilled at different languages, and wondered just what languages he could speak.

Trying to think of as many as possible, and writing a story on each. Some languages will be from Lord of the Ring, some will not, but we will name them and where they come from. So Have no fear.

This particularly one is German, and this time we have opted for some more serious and deep thoughts in the tale. Meaning that there will be some angst in there as well. We are doing that with Earendil Eldar in mind for the comment of, "And to think... you haven't even exacted any torture on the poor dear." Well, now we have. It was only a matter of time before that happened. I hope that you shall enjoy what we did though.

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Ring, I only borrow parts of it and shall return them as soon as I am done. Completely undamaged, as I am certain it will be impossible to see where we glued the pieces back together.

Now, since the annoying temporary ending is no more, (at least for the moment,) here follows part three. The final part of this particularly tale.

Die Könige sind Dummköpfe, part three

Aragorn sought them out and informed them that they would have to postpone the talks because his Steward had taken ill. He also assured them that it did not appear to be contagious, and that they were caring for him as best they were able to, but that it looked rather bad.

They were very polite and understanding, and offered their aid if there were anything they could do to help.

Aragorn told them that they were sending for Eowyn as it appeared to be rather serious. Since they would rather have her come and see Faramir well again, then to have Faramir pass on without having her near.

A few hours later Telheart left with the command to bring soldiers. Aragorn fed Faramir the new brew, and it allowed him to sleep peacefully. A few of the blisters around his mouth had burst, and the fluid that came from them irritated his skin so that every brushing touch was painful. Hoping it would do some good Aragorn spread a salve on them. In the meantime Eomer left to look after the horses. He wanted to make sure that they were well cared for.

He doubted the horses were in any danger, partially because there was no reason for anyone to harm them, and partially because a horse from Rohan did not allow anyone to get close enough to harm it. They were trained to fight, and a horse could easily kill.

He despised those who were such cowards that they attacked through poison, and would gladly make them suffer a painful death. Dying by the hoofs of a horse was almost too good for them.

He returned to find Aragorn going through his herbs again, while muttering to himself. "I wish I knew exactly what it was they have given him." He muttered loud enough for Eomer to hear. "It would be so much easier if I knew what it is"

"You can't tell from the symptoms?" Eomer asked. Faramir was still asleep, lying on his side and tightly curled up.

"He is showing at least two different sets of symptoms." Aragorn shrugged. "My guess is that they have used some naturally poisonous herbs, and combined two different sorts for it to be more fatal. Whatever it was it was made so that he would suffer first."

Eomer clenched his fists. He would gladly tear them apart himself for what they had done to his friend.

"I intend to keep him asleep for as much as possible." Aragorn went on. "That is really the best I can do for him."

They took turns in keeping vigil. Using the other bed in the room to sleep, and Aragorn prepared the brews. Faramir was slowly getting better, even if he was in pain he was more aware. Enough so to complain about the foul taste on some of the brews Aragorn made for him.

Nothing else could have made Aragorn feel more relieved. The complaining meant that he was recovering.

"No more of that, please." He begged, so weak that Aragorn had to support him. Aragorn was sitting in the bed and held his friend against him so that Faramir's head rested on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry Faramir, but you need more of it." Aragorn soothed. Eomer had gone to the stable to care for the horses. He exercised them daily because it was not good for them to stand in the stable for to long. It also allowed him to leave the village and look for the aid of the soldiers they had sent for. When they came Eomer would find them, and no one believed he was doing aught else than exercise their mounts. The bond between the Rohan men and their horses was well known.

"Horrible." Faramir mumbled. The fever was not fully gone even if it was not making him feel like he was in the middle of a fire pit. The worse thing was the blisters around his mouth. Whenever one burst the fluid that spilled from it turned into a new blister, and they were painful.

"I know, but I can not help it Faramir." Aragorn soothed. "They think you are too ill to notice, I cannot get anything to sweeten it with without putting you at danger."

He would have liked to get some honey to sweeten his brew with, and some other fresh herbs to make a salve out of, the one he now used did little good against the blisters.

"The soldiers will be here soon Faramir, and then we can get you back home to Minas Tirith." He smiled at him. "Then you will have Eowyn to care for you."

"To scold me you mean." Faramir dutifully drank the rest of the brew. Eowyn would give him the rough side of her tongue for certain. The worse condition he was in when she did it, the worse it would be, and then would follow the time when she did not allow him to do anything for himself, but urged him to seek his bed and rest instead.

"She will not scold you, though I dare say she will cosset you to the point of smothering." Aragorn smiled and put the empty mug aside. "No, it will be me and Eomer she will be lecturing. Had we listened to you this would not have happened."

"I did not tell you of what I over heard in the stable." Faramir mumbled. "I should have."

"As if Eomer and I listened. No Faramir, we were fools and you got hurt, I am sorry." He gently eased him down.

"Least they did not harm you my Lord, if they had harmed you I would have failed. I swore an oath." Faramir sighed as he grasped his friends hand. "Me before you, my Lord."

"I would keep you safe from harm my friend, no matter what oath you have sworn, I would not lose you." Aragorn squeezed his hand gently. "We never shall agree on that one." He said with a smile. "Both of us shall always argue that it is our duty to keep the other safe."

Faramir smiled as well, it was a discussion in which neither of them would ever win over the other.

"You need to rest now." Aragorn said softly. "Shall I read to you some? You would do well to sleep, but I do understand if you have tired of sleeping."

"So you shall read and then I shall have fallen asleep within a dozen pages." Faramir mused. "You shall have your wish either way, but I would not mind it if you read."

When Eomer returned Aragorn had closed the book and Faramir was sleeping, curled up on his side as he seemed to prefer.

"No sign of them yet." Eomer reported. "But they can not be far away now. Oh, and our dear hosts expressed their deepest regrets that your faithful Steward was not faring any better." His voice was thick with disgust as he uttered the last words. "They made sure I knew that they hoped that he would recover."

"He is doing much better." Aragorn assured him. "He was coherent enough for a short conversation, and then he stayed awake for all of two dozen pages."

"Much better then." Eomer broke into a grin. "He shall be all but well when them flea ridden excuses for soldiers finally see fit to drag themselves here."

Aragorn nodded and sank down on the other bed. He was tired as he had not gotten much sleep the last few days. He had been afraid that he would be asleep and miss the signs if Faramir's condition should worsen. Now he did not need to fear that anymore and so he could sleep a little himself. He stretched out lazily and was only aware of Eomer spreading a blanket over him before he fell asleep.

Faramir awoke slowly, when most of the fever was gone there were times when the pain fell over him like waves. Not so bad that he could not stand it, but it made him feel nauseous. He could not sleep then. It felt as if he was spinning so fast he thought he would get sick, and there was nothing solid to hold on to. Nothing to stop the spinning.

Then he felt the touch. Something that held him in spite of the spinning, and Eomer's soft voice that came to him through it. An assurance that he was not alone that made it all bearable. Unconsciously he inched closer to that touch.

Eomer had heard the faint whimper and had placed a hand on Faramir's arm in a hope to comfort him. When Faramir clung to his hand Eomer sat down beside him and draped his other arm over his friend's back. He knew how comforting the mere presence of a friend could be to an injured or ill person, and he knew that it was important that they knew of the presence.

Faramir in this hazed state would not know unless he felt it, and so Eomer made sure he knew it. He moved his hand in slow circles on his back, always renewing the contact so that Faramir knew he was there, and it was not just a blanket that laid against his back.

Neither did he stop as soon as Faramir was asleep again, but he continued for some time after that.

When Faramir slowly awoke there was a comforting sound in the room, comforting by its familiarity. The sound of a honing stone against the edge of a sword. Eomer sat by the window and was busy putting a new edge on his blade. It was as if he had felt Faramir's eyes on him for he smiled even as he finished the touch.

"How do you fare Faramir?" He asked quietly.

Faramir felt too weak to check, but he heard a soft snoring now that there no longer was the honing stone against edge, so he would guess that Aragorn was asleep.

"Better." His voice croaked because his throat was dry. "Water?" Some could water would feel so good in his sore throat.

Eomer nodded and filled a goblet from the pitcher. Holding Faramir and helping him to drink, being as careful of the blisters as he could. Even so one burst and Eomer dipped a rag in some of the water to try to clean away the fluid. Faramir clenched his teeth and tried not to groan at the burning sensation from it. Eomer was as gentle as he could.

"Rest now and enjoy the respite." Eomer said grinning. "I've no doubt that the first thing Aragorn will do when he is awake is concoct some foul brew to pour down your throat, and there will be naught I can do to stop him.

Faramir smiled at his words, he enjoyed the humour that distracted him from the actual situation. As long as Eomer would seek to amuse him all would be well.

Now Eomer had picked up his honing stone again and began working even as he sat on the edge of the bed, the better to keep Faramir company. Now Faramir saw that it was not Eomer's blade he was sharpening, it was his own. The one that Eomer had given him as a wedding gift.

"I did not think I had allowed it to go dull." He murmured. He would not want Eomer to feel offended that he had neglected the sword.

"You have not." Eomer assured him. "You care for the blade very well, but I have little to do and no patience to sit idle." He beamed a wide grin that split his face. "I've sharpened my own sword and dagger so much that they have a better edge than my razor. So I stole your sword before I wore mine down. I hope that it has not offended you." He added softly.

Soldiers rarely touched one another's blade without permission. The sword was something private that the soldier's life would depend on, and so no one would pick up another one's sword without the owner's permission.

"No, you have my leave to take up my sword any time you want." Faramir assured him.

"In a little time I shall have to take your dagger instead." Eomer grinned at him. "Then I fear that I will not really have anything left but Aragorn's sword. And I am not sure that I am allowed to even take up that one."

"Boromir would have had the perfect solution." Faramir mumbled, he still missed his brother so much. "He would have gone out and slain an Orc. Than he would have complained for an hour how the vile thing dulled his edge and how he would have to sharpen the sword all over again, and what a waste of time it was. He would be grinning like a fool the whole time he did it."

"I'm afraid that there are no Orcs here." Eomer chuckled. "But it does have a sound reasoning to it."

"Cleave a stone then, it should dull the edge." Faramir stated. From the other bed they heard a chuckle as Aragorn was now awake.

"Or I could use it on his thick skull." Eomer decided. "Hold him long enough so that you can get away from those vile brews he takes such a delight in forcing into you."

"One flaw in the plan Eomer." Aragorn stated as he moved over. "Your skull is even thicker." He rapped his knuckles across Eomer's head. "Now get out there and see if our reinforcement have come yet while I care for this one." He too grinned. "I do not need to have a fool around who is no good for anything but getting in my way."

"I will go and scout." Eomer said. "T'is a shame the fool decided to go for Gondor's soldiers, Rohan warriors would have been here long since." He slid Faramir's sword back into its scabbard.

This time as he rode away from the village he did spot the soldiers. They had already decided what course of action to take.

He would get back to Aragorn so that they were both there to protect Faramir if there should be need for it. Then they would have the soldiers march right in, overwhelm the villagers by a show of strength. They would not dare to do much when suddenly a vast number of soldiers crowded the streets.

He gave them their instructions, amused to see the fact that they were from Rohan and Gondor each, and then he headed back to prepare Aragorn.

They both waited with drawn swords ready, but there was no fight. Not one of the villagers had the courage to go against the soldiers. They soon had confessed to everything. Who had come up with the plot, who had been responsible for the poisoning. Aragorn commanded them to be placed under lock until they could be put to trail for their crimes.

With written copies of their own statements there was no question of their guilt and innocence.

Aragorn and Eomer left a small number of soldiers as they left. They would see Faramir safely home and then they would return themselves to deal out the justice. Although he was still weak Faramir recovered enough during the journey to hold himself upon his horse for the last stretch of the journey. Aragorn would have preferred if he had not, but he really did sympathise with his Steward and friend.

Eowyn would not be happy to have her husband come back so pale and weak, she would also make certain that he knew that, and would not allow him to do much of anything anytime soon. Faramir would be told that he should retire to bed to rest for a long time, and the weaker he appeared when he returned the longer it would be before Eowyn stopped watching him like a hawk whenever he sought to do anything at all.

Had he returned in a wagon she would not allow him out of bed for near a month. So Aragorn kept a close eye on him, and then allowed him to ride. He was not looking forward to the tongue-lashing Eowyn would give him and Eomer as soon as she saw her husband.

Eomer was beginning to look like a frightened animal for the same reason.

"There is no need for you to follow any longer." Faramir said slowly to his King and his brother-in-law. "She shan't be able to scold you if you do not, and she shall wait some time before scolding me."

"I intend to try and persuade her from scolding you at all." Aragorn stated. "It was none of it your fault and most of it ours. I would hope to make her see that if naught else."

"Can we please just make sure she is unarmed before we take all of the blame." Eomer pleaded. "I do not fear the sharpness of her tongue half as much as I fear the sharpness of her blade. She shan't be able to inflict as much harm upon us with bare hands either."

"She should be more interested in getting Faramir to bed than to see what damage she can inflict upon us." Aragorn did his best to sound confident. "At least at first, and hopefully we can explain while she has her hands full of him."

"Eowyn never have her hands too full to punch you." Eomer groaned.

As it played out Eowyn was not all that violent. Faramir was tucked into bed before he had the slightest chance to object it, and Eomer and Aragorn was only to happy to help in the hopes that it would allow her to stay calm.

She did tell them a few choice words, but she did listen to what they said, and then claimed that there was not much else that they could have done. She was in fact so reasonable that Eomer first feared that she had been ill as well, but then he decided that she had just missed her husband to much to be to angry with them when she had him back again.

The hard edge in her voice did however not bode well for the man that had slipped the poison in Faramir's food. Aragorn decided that hanging would not be too cruel a punishment for him as it would be the only way to keep him safe from Eowyn, and allowing her near them would be too cruel.

He and Eomer were soon back and ready to deal the punishments that had been justly decided.

The doomed men had only one thing to say as the sentence was publicly declared and not objected to by anyone.

"Sheisse."

As I have no suited temporality for this chapter you may insert a temporally ending rambling of your own choosing here. I temporally recommend choosing one from a previous chapter.

Pronounciation Guide by Celebrion:

If you do not know the sound of a German accent you have not watched enough WW2 movies.

The last piece of insults in this chapter is literarilly translated "They don't have all the cups in the cupboard." Which is not interesting to anyone but me, but I thought it would be fun to mention. Oh, and the last word translates "Oh, shit." if there was anyone out there who didn't know. Amazing that most of the time, the first words we learn of a language are curses...unless you're learning at school in which case the first words are "My name is you know what to put here... What's you're name?"

I don't think it will be neccessary for me to make any greater efforts to break down the sounds of these phrases, other than a few guidelines.

German accents in English always comes from German having other sounds than English. Therefore accents can be used to try to pronounce it's motherlanguage.

The sound "ö" as in 'Dumbköpfe' is pronounced somewhat like the 'a' in 'a fool'.

Oh, and don't forget the grumbling 'r'. Try your worst Texan 'r'. Now move it further back into the throat and roll it out. Good! Now you're almost there...

Good luck and see you next week!

ForeverFaramir: Yes, they were cowards, that kind of men usually are. As it happened though, I already had the following chapter all written. So here it is, I hope that you enjoyed it.

Horsiegurl: Thank you, I am very happy that you think so. Those kind words of yours makes it a pleasure to be posting this.

Legolas's Girl 9: The only end here is the chapter end, and as I can not write infinitely, I have to make those. However I am ever happy that you seem to be enjoying this.

Mysterious Jedi: I agree, a little angst is usually good, but I have to admit that I was uncertain if it would work in something like this, where we have mostly concentrated on plain and pure humour. It seems to have worked well though.

Yes, they were afraid to face an army, for they knew that they could not defeat one. They did however forget about one thing, an enraged Eomer and Aragorn is as bad as an army.

Lindahoyland: It is a pleasure to write it when Aragorn and Faramir cares for one another. Aragorn steps into the big brother role so well when Faramir no longer has Boromir, and even if Faramir always tries to look out for the King, he needs someone to act in the big brother role, someone he can look up to.

Yes, I saw movies that were dubbed into German to for that same reason, It gave me a good understanding of the language, even if I could not speak it to well.

I love every word of what I have been reading of your tale so far, and it is on my mind a lot when I do not read it. I am still trying to figure out what could have happened with their clothes. Nothing I come up with make sense.

I need an update before I go insane.

Silver Sniper: No I can not blame you for being eager, I would be a fool if I did. I do not think anyone takes to much trouble reading the note, I try to, and I always at least skim through them, but you are always more eager to get to the story, human nature I believe it is.

Yes, the fun thing about something like this, usually one shots with only a the same basic plot line, is that you can explore so many more options. Since we do not follow an exact time line we can explore any idea we get at any given time. That is a true pleasure, and we shall always have a temporary ending here for you.

Oh, and how did that test go?

Earendil Eldar: Well after we revealed it the poisoning part became rather obvious, but yes, there is no real reason to fear for him. At least not in this tale. I do not think I could write his death like that, and besides it would be stupid to kill Faramir while we have more chapters planned.

Oh, yes, Faramir suffers a lot everywhere. I think that many authors enjoys comforting him once they are done with the suffering part, and who can blame them. Faramir is such a lovable little sweetheart.

Shy-Shadow Reckless: Yes Faramir speaks German, and that is indeed something you have in common. Though I am sure that we could find even more things you have in common if we try. We shall just have to see in later chapters.

Here I would like to thank everyone who reads my works, thank you.

Here it must also be said that in the tale "A Two Colour Chain Mail," we started the vote

based on the fact that Sean Bean and David Wenham made the perfect image of two brothers. We also got plenty of agreement on that.

So here it is, if you agree with us and think that they should be real brothers. Say so in your review. It shall be your vote. On my authors page, in the bio I shall keep score.

When the score reaches 100, they shall be declared official brothers. Then on my authors page shall be an official declaration written by Elenhin and Celebrion.

Then the truth can not be denied, they shall be brothers.