Chapter 31

Selphie looked at Irvine without him being conscious of it and observed him attentively. With those dark shadows playing on his tough skin, she could see the sorrow in his blue eyes. He kneeled there next to his buddy, worry written all over his face.

She was sorry too. She had been stupid. In such times like these, she went and made things worse. She didn't even remember well why they were upset. After all, the silly one here was her, not him. She felt so stupid for fighting with him. She could really be a pain in the neck sometimes. Things could stay this way, she couldn't take it anymore, but her greatest worry was that he would neglect her for over reacting. Even though, she had to try. She knew now how much he really meant to her. She was constantly worried about him, what he was feeling, if he was hungry, tired. Sometimes she felt like holding his hand, like now, but it wouldn't be very suitable for they were upset with each other. If she had the nerve she'd go run up to him right at that moment and through her arms around him and smother him in love. Oh, she needed him, a lot actually. It didn't feel right when they were one against another. It didn't make sense.

She had to end this nonsense, it was uncalled for. It was her fault, anyway.

The young man who stood before Quistis, seemed lost and unconscious of what had just happened. He looked at her for the first time and his eyes widened. His clothes were torn and his hair tangled. He clapped his hand to his head not understanding what was going on, still struggling to catch his breath. He turned his back to her and slowly walked, limping back towards where he came from.

'…Ash!' Quistis finally said worried, running after him.

'Ash!' her voice went hollow with concern for he didn't look well at all.

She clutched his shoulder, forcing him to stop. He turned around.

'Ash?' she murmured, looking him in the eye and noticing something she had never seen before. The eyes the colour of amber, but his pupils were so dilated she could hardly notice their true colour. But these eyes weren't the ones she had seen before, these were wild, frightened as of a petrified beast.

Ash, stretched out his hand and glided his finger down her cheek lovingly and standing next to her intimately.

'What happened?' Quistis narrowed her eyes.

'I'm not who you think I am, Quistis... I'm sorry about that…kiss….I wasn't quite myself…' He explained in a murmur looking down as if he couldn't look her in the eye.

'I don't understand!' Quistis looked him in the eye, clutching his clothes.

'…there is no time to explain, Quistis…I just came to know how that friend of yours…is' he said, caressing her cheek.

'He's still unconscious. Nothing is certain…what will happen if he's not strong enough, Ash? Why can't he be the same!' Quistis had tears running down his face.

Ash put his arms around her tightly as he felt her hiccough on his chest.

'There's nothing you can do about it…' Ash murmured.

Quistis looked into his eyes once more and for a silent moment she let what her mind worked on slip out…

'What was that animal, Ash? Its eyes… were like I've never seen before…like a man trapped inside that creature's body…' Quistis looked at him, tears drying on her pale face.

'I'm not who you think I am…' Ash told her gravely.

'You lied to me…you don't spend your days working at home. You're greater…' Quistis almost whispered.

'What are you then?'

Ash's eyes went distant as he swerved his look from her.

'I'm not one or the other…' he muttered sadly.

Quistis didn't quite understand what he meant, but she looked at him with care.

'I once was in your friend's place…falling off the edge…not like all, I had a choice. I was never the same again. It was Hyne's will that I did not live as a Serpent but rather served her and so I became what I am…'

Quistis went silent as she started to understand what just had happened

'You mean…that black creature…it was you?' Quistis searched for the answer in his eyes.

Ash remained silent as he kept his eye on her.

'I don't belong to your world, Quistis…I'm not of one or the other. I'm in between…that's why I'll never be accepted by any society…' he said taking a deep breath.

'But I accept you…' Quistis murmured staring deep into his eyes and feeling what she had not felt before: a mix of fear, thrill and passion. A desire to belong to this person.

To this, Ash took her face in on hand and gently caressed her with his thumb.

And they stared at each other for a whole solid moment, where words weren't necessary.

Ash with his amber eyes reflected a moment of tranquillity into hers; giving her peace of mind, silence and comfort she had never felt before.

'I must go…' he whispered kissing her on her forehead.

Quistis's heart thumped so heavily that without being conscious of her movements she grabbed him by his sleeve.

'Stay…please…y-you can join us!' Quistis murmured.

'Oh I can't. Your friends wouldn't understand…' he muttered, narrowing his eyes.

'I've told them you saved my life, Ash. They will be glad to join you, I swear, I'll just tell them who you are and it will be ok!' Quistis tried to explain to him.

Ash took her face in his hands gently and stared at her.

'There's no time to explain anything. I really must go. I have something important to do.' He muttered staring into her eyes.

'Who are you?' she whispered staring back at him.

Ash kept silent with an expression in his eyes that revealed his anxiety in wanting to talk to her and explain, but there was no time at all. He had to leave soon.

'I'm going to pray to see you again…' he whispered emotionally in his accented English making Quistis shiver with pleasure by the warmth of his breath, closing her eyes slowly.

Ash caressed her face with his thumb and pressed his lips on hers gently.

'Until we meet again…' his hollow voice whispered in her ear.

Quistis felt her stomach tickle and remained with her eyes closed. She then felt his hands slide away and as she opened her eyes to see why he had drawn back, he had vanished.

Quistis felt a part of her go away. She felt something for this guy and it wasn't just a silly attraction. It was like she had lost a part of herself the moment his hands had been taken off her. There was something in him she recognised in herself as well. What it was, she didn't know. She didn't know what she felt right now. Seifer still held a strong place in her heart, but this man had touched her heart in the way she had only dreamed of all her life. Somehow, she knew this man was going to make a difference in her life, how she didn't know, but he certainly was very important to her.

Meanwhile in the cave, where everyone sat quietly, hoping Zell would be ok.

Suddenly Quistis came walking in, as white as a ghost as though made of ice.

Irvine immediately got and went up to her.

'Quistis, are you alright?' he put his hand on her shoulder worriedly.

'Yes, I'm fine. It's quite cold out there.' She tried to hide her sadness with a faked smile.

Irvine gave her a piercing look. He knew something was wrong, but her eyes told him, she didn't want to talk about it.

'Why don't you have some tea? Here…' he passed her the little bowl he was drinking from.

'Thanks' she took it gratefully and sipped it slowly feeling the warmth spread through her body.

Irvine glanced at Selphie and swerved his eyes away quickly.

Selphie had noticed and just this small gesture was enough to cause her a great hurt in her chest.

Irvine walked out of the cave.

A few minutes had past and Selphie trying to contain herself, found a great urge in her to run after him. Why was she holding back?

Selphie then not wasting one more minute thinking, she jumped up furiously and marched out of the cave.

When she reached the outside the clashing temperatures made her shiver. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked around searching for him. And when she finally spotted him, leaning against a tree a few steps away, back faced to her, she quietly approached him.

Irvine started to scratch his head casually and took out something from his pocket.

She then realised he had a cigarette in his mouth and was now lighting it.

Selphie had no idea Irvine used to smoke, at least with her he never used to.

Irvine gave a small choke as if he weren't used to it and then took a deep breath.

Selphie was now less than 3 steps away from him and he hadn't noticed her presence.

She then noticed his left hand that hung on his side while the other held the cigarette.

He gave a little cough and then with his free hand he passed his hand through his long hair.

Selphie then without thinking took his hand.

Irvine jerked to the warmth of her hand on his, curved his back as he chocked a little and taking a deep breath he turned around fright.

His eyes that once were widened now had a warm glow to them as he saw Selphie. His hair was a bit ruffled up and a long stream of smoke had just escaped his nose.

Selphie stared at him with guilt in her eyes about to burst into tears, still holding his hand.

'Selphie?' Irvine whispered as some smoke escape from his lips and the cigarette moved to his words.

Selphie remained silent, feeling her eyes liquefy.

Irvine immediately spat the cigarette out and pulled her towards him embracing her warmly.

She closed her eyes, letting the little tears fall as she felt those familiar strong arms wrap themselves around her lovingly and embraced him as well as she hiccoughed a little.

'…I'm sorry... .' she mumbled sniffing.

'Aww…don't be, baby. It's ok…Everything's alright. Please don't cry…shh…' he muttered to her holding her tightly and rocking her a little as one would do with a small child.

'Gosh, my head's spinning…' he said cheerfully.

'I-I never knew you used to smoke…did you know it's illegal in Garden?' she said.

'I used to smoke in the dorms…but that was before knowing you…seems I won't need to hide anymore, hey?' he smiled.

Selphie smiled back.

It was times like these people had to stick together for the worst. Felling resentful wouldn't help at this stage. Zell was at risk of never being the same again or actually dying. They didn't know what was best.

But the girl who was treating him had hope. Maybe he'd be lucky, maybe he'd be strong. She couldn't lose him.

The sun had gone down and another day had past. The gang was now all asleep in the cave. The girl slept at Zell's side in case he'd wake up.

Zell had laid there still for long as if frozen, even his breathing was weak, his chest hardly moved when he breathed.

But he wasn't all that still. In his mind he was exhausted, gasping tiredly, screaming for help, yelling in fury as the most terrifying images worked their way into his brain and wounded his mind.

The poison's effect was still working on him, for all these bad thoughts were work of the Serpents. All his comrades now prayed for was that he'd be strong enough to make it through this faze.

When the sun had finally risen, one by one the comrades who awake, having the first one been the girl of course.

She opened her eyes slowly as she felt the sun light come in through the cave and instinctively turned around to look at Zell. He was there in the same position she had left him last night, still as stone, pale, and thin and his brilliant tattoo still visible on the side of his sunken in cheek.

Without thinking she passed her hand gently on his face. Her indigo eyes now looked as if they were flooding with tears.

'So, err…what's your name dear?' a shallow voice asked her.

The girl looked up and saw Laguna.

'Cryo…' she smiled.

'Now that's a lovely name. Why are you crying my dear?' he whispered.

The girl shook her head whipping her tears away quickly with a smile on her face.

'I know you're doing your best…' Laguna smiled caressing her face gently with sympathy.

'This is my fault…' she murmured

'What! Don't you say that, girl!' Laguna smiled at her.

'I got him in this mess…I must take him out of it.' She muttered to herself.

She then got up and walked away.

It had been about a few minutes later that the whole gang had risen silently and kneeled around Zell who seemed to have regained his colour.

'How is he?' Squall asked Cryo who had her back turned to him while he fastened his Gunblade to his belt.

Cryo turned around slowly to face him and taking a deep breath before speaking to him she said:

'This procedure has phases, sir… It's my antidote against the Serpents poison…Zell might look calm and as if his unconscious of what is happening, but he's not. He can hear us, feel us next to him, but he can't move or speak. He's stuck in between, fighting at this very moment against the images and memories he most fears come to live. He's reliving everything again and more. He can feel everything he felt then and more. Pain, sadness, fury, strife, fear… that all runs in his veins now…and there's nothing we can do to help. He will only survive if he makes it through this phase. If his mind is strong enough…you can only wait for his recovery. So far, his body has recovered well since last night as he had hoped for, but there have been no signs of his inner strength yet…' Cryo explained with a shaking voice.

'His inner strength?' Squall asked her.

'Yes, his mind's capacity to make it through the poison's effects on him. Like the memories and the visions…' she explained.

'When he's through it, if he makes it…his mind will be brought back to his body and he will be safe…'

'Like his mind is trapped some place else?' Irvine intervened.

'Yes, that's it…it's an unknown place. Feared by those who have seen a tip of it. But as everyone can imagine, seeing a tip of it, isn't the same as being there…' Cryo looked down.

'The more we know about this, the creepier it gets…I can't imagine …He can't just…' Selphie thought out loud her eyes widening in shock.

Irvine put his arm around her comfortingly as soon as he understood she was disturbed.

'We won't be able to wait much longer, I'm afraid…we might have to leave him here.' Squall told his comrades.

'No way!' Irvine said.

'Guys, there's no time for us to wait for Zell's recovery. We must move soon. We've got to put an end to this or we might just risk carrying the weight of hating ourselves for letting Sarakman take over. If Zell can't come, we must go either way. We must fight. We are still a team, no matter what!' Squall said trying to reason with his comrades.

'…his right guys…' Quistis suddenly appeared into the circle.

Everyone's eyes pointed her direction.

'Time is a problem right now…we've left with very little of it right now. It isn't the time to make a fuss on Zell's absence on the journey to the base. This is a serious matter, guys. Think about it. It's time to move…we must leave Zell at rest and hope for his full recovery. It will be hard, but our bond is tough. We shall fight for him.' Quistis explained, standing next to Squall.

'Yeah…we'll kick those serpent's ass's! I'll get my revenge!' Irvine said through gritted teeth while Selphie watched him closely with worry and clutched her hand tightly around his arm.

'Good…We should probably start packing and preparing to leave…Irvine you should probably go fill the water deposits. And the rest of you, be sure to have yourselves well equipped and cured. I'll be with you right away.' Squall said seriously as his comrades split and went back to their belongings and started to pack and equip themselves.

'Rin…' Squall murmured at her and taking her arm in his hand as she walked away too.

Rinoa turned around surprised.

'I need to…I need to talk to you, if you don't mind…' he muttered, clearing his voice afterwards.

Squall looked a little nervous, but Rinoa thought he looked adorable and so caring.

She couldn't hide the little smile that grew on the corner of her mouth when their eyes met for the first time that day.

'Err…not here…' he said looking a bit uneasy. It was quite funny the way he looked so confident when giving orders and talking to his comrades as a Leader and then when it came to them he always looked so unsure of himself and uneasy.

Rinoa felt flattered that she altered his state of mind. It just proved to her that he really had strong feelings for her and couldn't quite deal with them yet, at least in front of the others, no.

Squall leaded her towards the steep elevation in the cave that winded up in a miniature waterfall and behind a great rock they stood.

'…what is it Squall?' Rinoa smiled.

Squall looked into her eyes again, but briefly for he was really quite nervous.

'…you remember what I told you, Rin?' he murmured gently.

Rinoa remained silent trying to make out what he was referring to.

'Cryo, the girl that's taking care of Zell...she promised she'd stay with him here until he was back.' Squall started.

'I know…' Rinoa said narrowing her eyes at him.

'Squall, what are you trying to tell me?' Rinoa asked him.

'I want you to stay with her here…' Squall finally said it, now placing his hands around her shoulders and looking at her anxiously.

A painful frown grew on Rinoa's face as she looked down with sadness.

'You know my reasons for wanting it this way, Rin…you agreed to stay behind and safe until I returned.' Squall murmured gently, looking at her gravely.

'Yes, I know…' Rinoa said quietly still not looking him in the eye.

'Tell me you will do as I asked you, Rin…tell me you won't contradict my decision on what's best for you…' he said in a hollow voice.

'You sound like my father…' she muttered.

Squall didn't expect to hear that, but could see how this really affected her and felt compassionate towards her.

'Well, I guess that means I love you very much, then…' he smiled trying to break the ice between them.

Rinoa immediately looked up at him with her eyes almost flooded. She threw her arms around his waist in a tight hug.

She started sobbing uncontrollably.

'Hey, hey…Rin, don't cry…' he whispered.

'I-I don't… want you to… leave me…' she hiccoughed.

'…I won't, Rin…' Squall tightened his embrace.

'Cryo's a nice girl. I'm sure you'll get a long with her.' Squall said now rubbing her head.

Rinoa just nodded.

They stood like that for a few moments, just enjoying that precious moment when everything seemed to be alright and normal again. But they knew that as soon as they had to let go, reality would smack them in the face again.

And when finally they parted from their sweet hug, Squall held her arms gently and watched her.

'Hey…' Squall murmured.

Rinoa looked up at him.

'Give me a smile…' he murmured.

Rinoa wiped her tears away quickly and gave him a little weak smile, trying her best not to burst into tears again.

Squall then put his hands around her silky heart shaped face and pressed his lips on hers gently. Rinoa closed her eyes as she felt him so close to her. But now he was moving away…she didn't want him to. Just a little longer! She thought. So she immediately hung her arms around his neck as she felt him slip away and as Squall surprised opened his eyes and stared straight into hers, she kissed him again scared that it would be the last one.

Squall not expecting it, didn't quite have time to react, for before he could even start enjoying that sweet kiss, she had moved away, stared at him into his eyes deeply and walked away slowly.

Squall felt his chest suddenly heavier than usual.

When everyone had packed up and was up and ready to go, they all gathered up next to the fire, taking a weird energy booster infusion for the journey. Everyone but Laguna.

'Where the hell is he?' Squall asked himself.

Squall looked around the cave looking for a sign of him and stopped to stare when he caught Laguna leaning against a rock and sipping his infusion slowly.

But Laguna felt Squall's eye watching him, so when he looked his way to confirm his suspicion, he looked back at Squall and lowered his head. Squall, not really understanding the meaning of this reaction, looked away again as if nothing had happened.

'Do you think we could talk before we leave?' asked a soft, gentle but determined voice.

Squall didn't turn his neck immediately. Instead he closed his blinked his eyes, realising now how tired he was and finally turned to face Laguna. He stared back at Laguna with a usual thoughtful frown on his face and as much as he despised the man in front of him after knowing he had been the cause of his homeless childhood and also because it made him become someone who wasn't himself, he had grown to work and collaborate with him. Not actually sympathising with him, but getting used to him being around.

Squall feared that this conversation might just be what he'd been trying to avoid for so long, but being arrogant wouldn't help. He also knew just like Rinoa had told him that it was a reality he couldn't escape from, though he preferred to avoid it and pretend they weren't related at all. But in these last weeks, Squall had grown, as much extraordinary it may seem. He had learned to deal with his problems and overcome his disturbing memories a little easier, not letting them interfere in his relationships and attitudes so much as they used to . This way his rage towards life would bit by bit disappear until he could live in peace with himself. Squall got up and followed Laguna outside with out a single word.

To be continued…