Chapter 32

It was cold that morning, colder than usual and this whole situation just made things even less tolerable. But one had to be strong.

Laguna walked ahead of Squall not saying a word and at that moment Squall's head was so full of doubt and fears that this everyday conflict of denying his true identity was becoming a heavy wait on him. There was no doubt that Laguna was his true father, but Squall took this truth very hard. He was used to being alone all his life, no one to talk to, no one to trust, no one to care for. He had lived fearing abandonment from whoever came too close to him and that's why he preferred to live his life as lonely as possible. For he could not imagine going through such pain as he had when Ellone had disappeared and he was left to his own. That marked him deeply. But as his first mission took place, he was able to slowly trust the people around him and relate to them as friends or comrades. He had felt again what it was like to have friends and to be liked. But his life really gave a big turn when he found a special person. The one that had made him realise he was missing out on life. The one that showed him that he could love again, that he wasn't a selfish, cold, careless person like he had painted himself to be. He realised that in the years that he had built himself to a lonely wolf's image, he was dying inside in his miserable loneliness that everyone thought was what he was proud of.

But Laguna now was a different story. Squall had been in this man's shoes and lived his life. He knew his fears and his hopes and what he most wanted in life. He knew that Ellone and Raine held an irreplaceable place in his heart. And that things didn't quite turn out the way he hoped for. Laguna had a great responsibility in Esthar and he had to leave Raine. Only 17 years later had he realised what he had missed out on. Raine had had a child of his and Ellone were left alone with the baby when she passed away. Unfortunately, Laguna had not known any of this for his life was conditioned after that. He had no idea he had been a father. And now he was back, fighting side by side with his son who deep down felt betrayed by him, unable to forget what could have been if he had just stayed in Win Hill. And when the time came for Laguna to tell the truth to his son, Squall didn't want to know that he ever had a father. Laguna felt as him he were a shame to his own son and as his friends told him he decided to give him time and space for his ideas to settle down.

Now many days had gone by, Squall learned to cooperate with Laguna, not as in father and son, but more in comrade to comrade style. Laguna didn't mind at all, to the contrary, he found it as a great improvement in their relationship. The truth was that since Sarakman's plans had been revealed, Squall had not had the time to think about these issues and that was probably what helped his grudge against Laguna to smoothen out. Now he showed to signs of resentment or grudges, just a slight awkwardness when approached or talked to by him.

Squall had noticed Laguna's good will and patience with the whole gang and it pleased him in a certain way. His initial idea of Laguna was of a middle aged man who still thought he was 18 and that was utterly self-centred and irresponsible. Surprisingly in the past weeks, this image had changed a lot. Squall now acknowledged to himself that Laguna wasn't as futile as he had made him out to be in the begining. Laguna revealed to be a sensitive, courageous, hard-working, mature man who cared for the well being of everyone and in a certain way gave stability to the whole group. Deep down, Squall appreciated his effort besides denying that he kind of sympathised with the man. Squall's attitude towards him had changed in consequence. He didn't ignore, criticise, bring down or judge Laguna as once he felt like doing. He now treated him equally just like one of his comrades. Laguna had owned Squall's respect by giving Squall his own space and time to think. Quistis had been right. In a certain way, their relationship had improved from terrible to regular.

'By the way things are going…this battle isn't going to be as simple as I thought…'Laguna muttered leaning against a rock.

Squall was surprised as he realised that Laguna wasn't actually wanting to talk about their bond but most surprisingly about the present situation…

Squall kept silent for a while and sat down on a rock opposite Laguna, leaning his elbows on his knees.

'Zell will be furious when he finds out we left him here. I don't expect him to remain here when he wakes up. He'll most probably try and catch up with us.' Squall said.

'You're right, but it won't be as easy as he thinks…' Laguna chuckled.

Squall looked at Laguna wondering what he meant.

'That girl, Cryo…she's a determined little one. She won't make his life easy. She made it clear that she'd make him recover fully.' Laguna smiled.

'At least that…' Squall said.

'Well, Rinoa's told me she was staying here with Cryo until we returned, just like we planned. Boy, she's a strong little lady…a rare one.' Laguna thought out loud.

'I don't know if she'll cope though…I know she's scared...' Squall said.

'Oh, she will…if it's for you she will. I can see she loves you, son. It's not any love. The girl will do anything for you…but you must trust her strength.' Laguna said.

'I do trust her…I just…' Squall thought.

'I know you fear for her safety…but you've done your best do far…' Laguna said.

Squall lowered his head. Laguna hit the spot.

'It isn't safe anywhere…not here, not in Garden …' Squall murmured.

'You feel helpless…I know what it feels like. Been there myself countless times…'

Squall raised his brow and looked at Laguna.

'…especially when I had to leave Raine all by herself when Ellone was being persecuted…' Laguna murmured.

'What did you do?' Squall asked absentmindedly.

Laguna smiled at this question…

'I did what I thought was best…told her how much I… loved her, while she slept… and then I was off…little had I imagined it would be the last time I'd ever see her…' Laguna said with a grave tone to his voice, already hollow and sore.

'You just left…' Squall thought angrily.

'We were engaged before I left…we were to get married in August when the flowers blossomed like she used to say…and when I finally had left Ellone in the right hands, I was told that raine had passed away…just like that…gone…from then onward my life had lost all its meaning…Ellone was far away from me and Raine…she was dead and I couldn't do anything to have avoided it…I was alone.' Laguna said.

'Then you became President of Esthar…' Squall continued.

'Yeah, but that was long after Kiros and Ward saved me from myself…I think I would've been dead if they hadn't found me. They helped me start my life again…a hard time it was…' Laguna put his hands in his pants pockets thoughtful.

And there was a long silence between them. Squall stared at his gloved hands while images of his fathers past passed through his mind as if they came directly from Laguna's eyes.

'Then…of course…when I returned to Win Hill…16 years later…to where Raine and I had met for the first time…I saw the place I had asked her to marry me...looked the same as if not one day had passed. As if time had stopped there…and if she was still there…in everyone and everything…and now the flowers grew more abundantly. Even at people's doorsteps…'

'Why did you go back…?' Squall asked Laguna not daring to look at his father.

Laguna stared at Squall for a moment, feeling the angst in his tone of voice and the hidden pain.

'I don't know…' Laguna said.

Squall cracked his knuckles furiously and tightened his fist furiously.

'You don't know! You left my mother alone to die with your child inside of her…you just left! And when you heard she had died you decided you'd be president? You just left your child orphan, fatherless with nothing in his name! You didn't come back for all those years, never!…not even to search for your own son and when you finally come back, you don't even know why you returned! You son of a….!' Squall's mind burst into a painful scream not even the creatures of the woods could hear. He felt the blood flow to his face, but Laguna wasn't aware of it…

'I guess I missed that place…it was like my home there… where I only had good memories and where had a family for the first time…where I dreamed of having my kids grow up…I guess that at that time I felt the need to go back after so long because I missed the feeling of home so much…I wanted to taste that sensation of peace and harmony again…and somehow the place had been calling me…so I came back.' Laguna explained gesturing with his hands.

Suddenly Squall got up and with two wide quick steps he was holding Laguna by his collar and looking him in the eye warningly.

'…And you suppose I'll just forget that the reason you came back wasn't the fact you had left a son there…you really believe I'll take that from you! (Squall shook his head slowly) You're wrong…you're so wrong…!' Squall hissed at his father through his teeth, jerking him by his clothes as he spoke. Squall gave Laguna a long mad stare eye-in-eye which made him feel vulnerable in the hands of his own son…

After that brief tense moment between the two of them, Squall dropped Laguna's collar roughly. Laguna surprised by this attitude of his son's, took deep sore breaths as he tried to rewind on which part of the conversation he failed. He had told everything the way it happened, but Squall didn't stay long enough to hear the rest, what really happened to Laguna…

Laguna clapped both his hands to the sides of his head in frustration, hating himself for not getting to the point and not explaining the real reason behind the separation between them.

Squall marched back into the cave.

'Guys…lets go! There's no more time to delay! Get your equipment and armour ready. We're off!' Squall said out loud to the gang.

Irvine and Selphie looked at each other surprised at Squall's sudden hurry.

'Squall? Is everything alright?' Quistis asked him.

Squall looked back at her with cold misty eyes and remained silent at her question.

'We could have been on our way already…there's no need for this. We mus go now…' Squall muttered.

Quistis stared at Squall's furious frown and stood still in wonder as he occupied himself gathering the backpacks and preparing his Gunblade.

And in a quick quarter of an hour the gang was ready to go. They walked out of contrasting warm cave onto the ice cold of the Forest grounds. Irvine, Quistis and Selphie said goodbye to Zell's limp form, giving him a pat on the chest or on his face.

Squall and Laguna waited outside, refusing to look at eachother and awaiting in complete silence for the others to come out.

'Please…be careful guys…' Rinoa said looking at her friends and staring for a long moment into Squall's frosty eyes. She gave each one of them a warm hug and when it came to Squall's turn, she took his hand discreetly and rubbed it gently as she stared into his eyes with care and worry.

Squall found himself incapable of looking into her eyes, he didn't know why, but he just couldn't. It was if a barrier would put itself in front of him, making him incapable of responding to her love and care.

Rinoa couldn't understand why he was being so distant with her on this last moment. She started to worry seriously. What was wrong with him? Was he ok? No he wasn't…His eyes revealed something frightening, something sad…painful.

Cryo walked up to Quistis and in a low tone of voice she whispered:

'Ash will be out there…when you need he will come. You just have to call him. My brother can hear you…you just have to reach out for him. Take this. Play it and he'll find you…'

Quistis took from Cryo, a thin wooden little flute that would fit perfectly in the grip of her hand. Cryo winked at her with her brilliant white teeth and indigo eyes.

Quistis nodded grateful.

'Good luck, my friends…' Cryo muttered to all of them.

Laguna gave her a friendly hug and rubbed her head gently in appreciation.

'I'll take good care of your friend, I promise. I'll do my best so he can return…' she muttered seriously looking at all of them with great trust determination.

'Have a safe journey…' she whispered as they now walked towards the depths of the woods.

'I'll be back…' Squall suddenly put his arms around Rinoa in a warm, strong embrace that burst from his cold attitude earlier on. And without even being conscious of it he kissed her neck gently just like the first time, took in a breath of her essence, turned around without looking at her and marched hastily towards the woods to try and catch up with the others…

Rinoa had a small tear forming in the corner of her eye.

Help them…please…keep them safe…that's all I ask…

The gang which now was reduced to only five people made their way through the dense woods, where the mists would start to rise until their waist and blurred most of their way.

Squall walked side by side with Quistis, Laguna in front and Selphie and Irvine embraced in complete silence the whole face. Every now and then squall would look at his campus to check if they headed the right way. Everything had been silent and they had been walking for hours through the cold forest as the morning sun would start to melt the little ice flakes that slept on the tree leaves.

The temperature had risen which was a good sign since they knew there was still a long way to go.

Quistis kept sticking her hand inside her waistcoat pocket, searching for the small little flute Cryo had given her.

This silence was so torturing to the point of forcing you to think of the things you less wanted to…

Quistis was confused. She knew what was going on inside her, but wouldn't dare to think about it until now….the truth about her feelings…

She couldn't stop thinking about Seifer, the man who had hurt her and at the same time awaken in her the bitter-sweet feelings of brute passion and physical hunger. She couldn't tell exactly what she felt about him. In the past days before his disappearance, she had grown the need to be by his side, something torturing that would drown her in a spiral of mixed emotions and physical needs. On the other hand, there was Ash…the mysterious man who had entered her life the moment Seifer had left her. The one who she grew to love in a matter of days…a strong feeling awoken up by him that night they hid away from the Serpents, when on a magical moment, Ash took the initiative to let go of his inner most feelings. Her heart had been stolen by him. It was as if they had known each other before, as if their spirits had been made to be as one. The kindness in his eyes like she had never seen before, the warmth and delicate touch he had. His hollow voice that comforted her and reassured her…Ash had provoked a mix of powerful feelings in her, including trust and respect…and the want to be by his side forever…as if they had been born for each other. There had to be a very strong spiritual link between them….something she hadn't felt before for any man….she could never compare what she felt for Ash to what she felt for Seifer…

Things with Seifer were different…he always had hated her and mistreated her. He had always done his best to bring her down and provoke her…She started to believe now that what she felt for him wasn't anything but a distorted physical attraction her body tricked her into, provoking the weirdest reactions in her…Seifer's brutality didn't attract her at all, but in the strangest way, she could sense in him affection and want…stronger than hurricane that would sweep her off her feet and into his arms, surrendering while her mind travelled far away and all she could feel was the animalistic impulses going through her veins.

Quistis was terribly confused. She had uncontrollable feelings for Seifer and a spiritual connection with Ash. She had no idea how she was going to face Seifer or Ash when this was over…if she made it.

Right now her body shivered to the thought of Seifer being in a dark cold place, tortured by whoever captured him that night. She could feel the fear in him somehow…she wished she could reach out to him in her mind, but she knew it was impossible.

'I'll be there soon…' she thought to herself.

Meanwhile in the hidden cave, Cryo sat all morning until the full sunrise next to her saviour, hopping he'd show sign of recovery. She ended up falling asleep next to him while Rinoa bathed herself in the warm water falls in the cave, trying to practise her new abilities.

She would try with force of her mind to take the molecules of water and make them weightless. Her performance was improving as she tried harder and harder to concentrate. She giggled as she managed to splash water around her, wishing Angelo would be there to keep her company. It was a pity he had stayed with her father, for now she had no limit-break. She missed her loyal friend badly. As happy memories of her childhood with her small puppy made their way into her mind, sad tears started to form in her eyes. She missed the days when she knew so little about the world and was so innocently happy.

As Cryo drifted into a light sleep while sitting loyally next to Zell, his mind far away as it was, fought bravely against the evil forces that tried their best to kill him spiritually, showing him his most feared memories and thoughts. Cruel, bloody images of the ones he loved most, the constant replaying of the saddest moments in his life, the pain he went through all his battles, the stabbing weakness, the overwhelming bleakness returned to him stronger than ever before, not allowing anything good to rise into his head…not a single happy thought.

Zell screamed as loud as he could as the most fearsome things would happen to him, until his lungs bled and his legs lost all their strength…

He couldn't stand anymore, he was too weak…everything he touched would die or break, nobody could help him. The world had turned against him as he tried to reach out for his friends they would collapse and die, the ground he walked would become infertile and all living beings would disappear at his touch…

'no…' he whispered to himself as he touched Quistis and she collapsed at his feet dead with her blue lifeless eyes wide open. He tried to touch her face, but as he did, he face started to bleed and his hands were filled with blood…

'NOOOOOO!' Zell cried as he took a step backwards and stumbled on his own feet and fell on his knees…

He tightened his head between his hands and shut his eyes, screaming and crying horrified…

Zell wanted to die…he killed everyone and everything…he was the cause for all the destruction in the world. His existence demanded everyone and everything's life…he couldn't take it…the pain and guilt were too strong in his chest.

The wind blew cold and violently like stabbing knives through his naked chest. The clouds would gather above him and become grey, and then a lightning bolt broke its way through, hitting the ground at his knees nearly striking him.

Zell felt his brain burned with all the hatred, pain, fear and guilt…he wished his death desperately. Zell's eyes half-shut, swollen and red stared into the skies wishing it would strike him and take his life away… he stood up, hoping to increase the probability of being hit…

It started to rain heavily. Big cold drops of water would pour down on him like glass splints. He gritted his teeth to the painful sensation and as he took one more step, he found him self two feet away from and edge that led all the way down to a rocky wild river. His bare feet were muddy from the rain and he'd easily slip and fall. He didn't care…that's what he wanted. He wanted to close his eyes forever. With all the strength he had, he lift one foot slowly towards the end of the cliff opened his arms and threw his head back to stare into the skies thankfully. He leaned his body front wards and closed his eyes as he let himself go.

Suddenly the rain stopped and he opened his eyes the moment he felt his body drifting away from the cliff and gravity pull on him. But something strange happened on that moment. He dropped a few feet but right then he sprang up into the skies unstoppable and he was now the highest he'd ever been far from the ground. His heart pounding to the velocity he was being pulled up. And as he slowed down unwillingly, he found the world beneath him and the whole universe.

Suddenly a sharp pain burst through his shoulder and he instinctively clutched it, realising then on that moment he'd been stabbed by a sharp object. His body curved and he howled in pain and he stared upwards into the infinity.

There was someone above him, drifting down slowly.

When the person was finally face to face with him, he couldn't tell who had stabbed him for the figure was cloaked and hidden under grey clothes. He saw its hand reach smoothly into its cloak and take something shiny out. Soon he felt a pain in his stomach, he had been stabbed once again…

Cryo woke up to the noise of Zell's accelerated breathing and gasps of pain. His eyes were shut tightly and his body was shaking with his arms paralysed on his sides. His mouth would open as if he were being suffocated with the pain.

Cryo grabbed Zell's shoulders, trying to hold him down, petrified she was loosing him.

'Zell…please…' she cried warm tears that rolled down her face and died on Zell's naked chest.

The person was throwing daggers into his chest and though they had pierced right through his flesh, he wouldn't bleed. And besides the overwhelming pain, he could taste the cruelness of blood in his mouth. His mouth would drop blood as well as his eyes.

'Urghhhh!' Zell tried to pull a dagger in his upper chest out, but it was too painful to bear.

Cryo now realised what was happening to his body. She saw the blood fall down his eyes and his mouth…

'No!' she yelled trying to clean him up with her hands panicking as the flow would get stronger and stronger.

Cryo hiccoughed loudly as the sadness in her heart became deeper with her incapacity to help Zell.

'No, no, no…please…don't do this to me!' she cried sadly.

She wrapped her arms around him and held him up, embracing him tightly while tears flooded her pretty face.

She took his hand in hers and held it tightly as she swung herself to the front and back, feeling the pain of helplessness and watching him die…

And on that moment, Zell saw the world beneath him crumble into a million peaces as if in slow motion and blinding darkness spread all the corners of the universe.

Then suddenly he could feel a small drops of warm liquid drop on him like rain. He could taste their saltines and they came down from the darkened heavens and he realised they were tears. Whose tears?

Then without him realising immediately, the daggers would fall out of his flesh into the void…and he was once again falling of the edge of the cliff just that now as his toes just left contact of the earth, two arms wrapped themselves around his chest…he opened his eyes and he found himself in a cave. Feeling his chest humid and warm, he looked down and saw a girl holding him tightly and crying loudly as if she he had died.

Zell was so weak he could hardly move his arms, but he made one extra effort to take one of the girl's dark brown curls between his fingers and taking a deep breath as he realised how tired he was…

The girl shivered slightly and slowly turned her face to look at him…

Her eyes glittered like the moonlight on the sea as she looked into his blue eyes covered in dry blood.

She let him down to rest his head on the ground. Zell couldn't wish for another view to wake up to…

The girl kneeled next to him stared into his liquid eyes and felt herself hypnotised by a feeling of unbreakable union. There were no words to be said as they looked at each other like they had in front of them the greatest wonder of the world.

Zell reached his long fingers to touch her face as her long wavy hair caressed his tattooed skin gently. She let him for the unknown feeling that attracted them on that intense moment was mutual…

The girl lowered her head down, obeying her feelings without resistance as if a strong force had taken over her. Eye in eye, heart beat to heart beat, their faces closed in so they could swallow each other's breaths and on the moment their lips scrapped past by almost to become the most wanting kiss, they heard footsteps… They parted abruptly and both of them stared at Rinoa who walked into their direction.

'Z-Zell!' Rinoa said in shock.

Rinoa sprinted to the both of them and kneeled next to him putting his face between her hands.

'Zell? Are you alright? Speak to me! Say something!' Rinoa panicked.

Zell's eyes widened in shock and he opened his mouth but words woulnd't come out…

'I…' Zell whispered looking puzzled.

Cryo stared at him with worry.

'Do you remember me? Rinoa? Zell?...are you ok? Do you remember anything?' Rinoa asked.

Zell opened his mouth once again to speak but he hardly could believe what was happening to him…

'I…I…' Zell's mouth moved almost mutely as his eye-balls rolled in their sockets and his head dropped unconscious again.

'Zell!' Rinoa started to panic even more now…

Cryo held her arm gently.

'He's ok…he made it! He's fine…he'll be ok…' Cryo and Rinoa hugged relieved.

'He's been through a lot…we must let him rest now. Thank Hyne…he made it…' Cryo's voice shivered with emotion.

Rinoa laughed happily as a tear fell from her eye and she looked at Cryo.

'Thank you…' she whispered still very emotional.

Okey dokey! That took me long, didn't it! Well, I really apologise 4 the length of the story. Its complicated to just hurry through without giving proper meaning or explanations to things. At least that stands as a problem to me as so I'll just have to end the story in my own time… :O/ I know these parts don't have too much action, but the end will compensate these boring parts, I hope. Please review :)

Thanks mafgoldenheart for ur unconditional support. You're a true friend and I hope I can retribute u kindness :)Bjinhos, miga.

Thanks 4 reading...