A JAG '24'

by mkim57

Just 24 hours in the life of our favorite DD.

7. Chapter 7

A JAG '24'

Chapter 7/Epilogue

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG or NCIS characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: The Season 9 episodes "Persian Gulf" and "Take it Like a Man." The Season 10 episode "A Tangled Webb II" The Season 2 episode, "Full Engagement" may also be referred to.

A/N: Many thanks to Karen for her beta reading and pep talk in the middle of a busy time for her.

A/N: Thanks to all of you who are reading and for your kind words of encouragement. You're all the best!

Rating K+

The following takes place between the hours of

7 p.m. and 8 p.m.

Mac parked on the street near the nightclub, Shiraz. As she walked down the street it was almost as though she could feel someone watching her. Her feelings were more accurate than she knew. Sadiq Fahd looked out of the window of Fardad's apartment and watched Mac walk up the street. It was time to begin.

Mac walked into the nightclub and sat down. Almost immediately, she heard her cell phone ring tone. She answered knowing it would be Sadiq. He once again, spoke in Arabic. "Islam is the Solution."

"You know I don't speak Arabic, Sadiq."

He translated for her and she answered, "It is for many. Where are you?"

"Where I need to be, the question is…Sarah, where are you?"

"You know, I'm tired of these games."

"My apologies, I have been busy with other matters but you have been pervasive in my thoughts." He paused for a moment. "You have my full attention."

"I know what your full attention is like, Sadiq." Mac was remembering her harrowing moments strapped to a table awaiting her torture, before Harm had burst in the door.

"You misunderstand me Sarah, You and I have much in common."

"The only thing we have in common is that we intend to kill each other." She had known from the moment that Harm's battery exploded at JAG.

"I don't want to kill you, Sarah"

"Then we have nothing in common."

As they spoke Sadiq had been making his way toward her. He felt as though destiny were leading him to Sarah, she would be his, whether she believed it or not.

At that same moment two blocks away…

Special Agent Gibbs sat in a nondescript van, wearing a set earphones, listening to Mac's side of the conversation. Her wire was transmitting without difficulty, he could hear every word. The ideal scenario would have Mac and Sadiq meet and talk in a public place. Gibbs had other agents stationed around the perimeter of the nightclub and in close proximity to Baraheri's apartment. District police and the bomb squad were also ready to move in at a minutes notice. Hopefully, their ideal scenario would play out. The situation would be much easier to control if she stayed in a public place.

Inside the nightclub, Shiraz….

Mac had just closed her cell phone moments before, when a gentleman asked if he could use the empty chair at her table. She had allowed it without a thought as to whom she was speaking.

Sadiq sat down at a table that would allow him a clear shot of Sarah should she try to flee him. He could not believe she would. He hoped she would see the gun he pointed at her, concealed well, under the overcoat on his arm. He picked up the cell phone and called her, asking if she were alone.

Mac answered, "I'm in a public place," all the while believing that it gave her an advantage. Then her gaze fell on the blond gentleman at the next table, and when he turned to her speaking into his cell phone, she knew. She could only hope the wire was working and that Gibbs had heard her.

At Clayton Webb's apartment…

Clayton Webb sat in his apartment, where he had been since he left Mac's apartment earlier that afternoon. He had begun drinking as soon as he arrived; he had developed a taste for cana since their mission in Paraguay. He knew he was drunk and he planned on getting still drunker before the night was over. A mission he had been working on for months, the capture of a major Al Qaeda terrorist and a man who had nearly tortured him to death, was taken completely out of his hands. He still couldn't believe it.

He had always thought that his friends at JAG understood and saw the larger picture, even when there were times that he had to remind them. The important thing was the greater good. All that mattered was the capture of a terrorist who could possibly lead them higher up into Al Qaeda's loosely held chain of command, possibly to it's very top. He would be lying to himself if he didn't acknowledge the fact that this was also about the endless hours of torture that he had to endure at Sadiq's hands. He had lost something in Paraguay that he had never been able to get back, though he was able to return to his superior's good graces.

He lost the confidence and trust of his friends, the only ones he had ever allowed himself to have. Even though he and Harm were on speaking terms after they had all returned to the States and Webb had even welcomed him to 'the brotherhood' when he was flying for the Company. When Harm shook his hand and smiled at him Webb knew things would never be the same between them. Harm had gone to the wall for him the last time and Webb could see that Harm knew that it was the same for him.

He had been made to feel like the enemy today when he was at Mac's apartment. The Admiral had never necessarily liked having Harm or Mac involved in the Company's missions but they had always been successful. Today, he knew the Admiral's door was closed to him. In the past, even when the Admiral didn't like a mission, Webb usually had the support of the SecNav or at the very least the State Department. They had always allowed use of the Admiral's staff.

Clayton Webb had the feeling that life as he knew it was going to change again, drastically. He had placed a call to the DOD today. No one would speak with him. Kershaw wasn't returning his calls either.

The only comforting thought he had was that he had Sarah. She understood, he knew she did, even though she hadn't said anything this afternoon. She was like him; he wouldn't have to explain anything.

At that same moment at Fardad Baraheri's apartment…

Sadiq had held his gun on Mac the whole time that they were walking toward the apartment. Mac had surreptitiously tried to look around the block and at the people passing them on the street. She hoped she was being seen. Sadiq had given her the apartment key and ordered her to open the door. He then told her to take off her coat and to give him her purse. He dumped it and removed her gun.

He had asked if she were carrying a weapon and she raised her arms and offered to let him search her. He seemed disgusted with her but Mac also knew that he wanted her and she would play it to her advantage. Hell, her life might just depend on it.

He had admonished her for her immodesty and reminded her that her grandmother Fatemeh would be ashamed of her behavior. How dare he presume to know her? His mention of her grandmother made her furious, though she controlled her temper. How dare he speak her grandmother's name with such familiarity?

The amazing thing was that the longer he spoke and further she got into this the calmer and more determined she became.

"You wouldn't have liked my grandmother, she refused to wear the hijaab and she would have been proud that an Iranian woman received the Nobel Peace Prize, without wearing the head scarf."

"An atrocity."

How could he speak to her of atrocities when she had seen what his torture could do? He had killed a woman who trusted him, without conscience, in front of her husband and Mac in the Chaco Boreal. Sadiq walked over to the window. He looked toward the night club and said, "Look at them, they have strayed and lost their faith."

"Is there anything that would make you give up your jihad, Sadiq?"

"Are you offering something, Sarah?" There was desire in his eyes, but also something flat and dead, something that Mac did not want to know.

"What do you want?" That statement made gooseflesh raise on her arms, though her expression showed no evidence of it.

His face broke into a sinister smile, "I want tea…make it for me."

Mac rose to walk into the kitchen like a good Muslim woman and as she did the wire she had taped her body loosened.

In a van two blocks away…

Special Agent Gibbs sat up straight in his seat…the wire had gone dead. "Damn it!" He spoke into the mouth piece to McGee, "Mackenzie's wire has been compromised. We have to get up there."

Gibbs kept the mouthpiece on. "Get the bomb squad, we need them close enough to move in."

"Already done, boss."

He tapped the young man in the driver's seat of the van on the back of the head. "Baraheri's apartment…now!"

Gibbs felt as though he were moving in slow motion. He looked out the window of the van with the apartment in clear view, and was close enough to see someone standing in the window. In the distance he heard sirens, a lot of them. He had meant to have them move closer in, not to let their target know they were on to him. The situation was deteriorating fast. He jumped out of the van as it slowed nearing the apartment, and looked up at the window again in time to see the man behind the curtain reach inside of his coat. The lights from the street glinted on something that Gibbs knew in his gut was a gun.

Gibbs saw the man turn and then heard one shot…and then another. "Move in…all units."

He picked up his pace and was joined by three other agents, pounding up the stairs of

Baraheri's apartment building. They burst through the door in time to see Mac standing near someone he presumed to be Sadiq Fahd. She still held the gun in her hand.
"Stand down Colonel," he ordered. He walked up beside her and carefully took the gun from her hand.

Mac looked at Gibbs distractedly. "I'm sorry."

"For what Colonel?"

"I killed him, before we had a chance to interrogate him." She looked at Sadiq's lifeless form on the floor.

"He could have killed you first."

Mac walked away and picked up her coat, draping it around her shoulders. She walked away from Gibbs without a word. On her way out she passed a mirror and barely recognized the woman looking back at her.

She had looked another human being directly in the eye and killed him. She had had to do this before in the line of duty, she had never taken pleasure in killing, but what she felt this time shook her to her very soul. She felt real and raw hatred when she pulled the trigger.

Thinking of Harm's injury yesterday, the hours of torture she had heard Clayton Webb endure, the missionaries and other innocents who had died at his hands, she shot him one more time than she really had to.

She was not sorry….why had she said as much to Gibbs?

The following takes place between the hours of

8 p.m. and 9 p.m.

Mac walked down to the street and was met my Agent Tim McGee. "I have a few questions that I have to ask you before you leave ma'am."

Mac looked at him blankly and recounted everything from the beginning to the smallest detail. She had even included his insulting comments about her pretense at being a 'real' woman and her true destiny and to his tirade about no American being innocent.

Agent McGee thanked her and she walked away without answering him.

"Ma'am, if I may ask, where are you going?" McGee frowned with concern.

"I'm going home." She never turned to acknowledge the question, but kept walking toward her car.

Mac got into her car, and was able to leave the neighborhood in a matter of minutes. She just wanted to go home. The thought occurred to her to go back to Harm's apartment but all that she had just heard and seen left her heart and mind in turmoil. Though she knew Sadiq's words were lies, a manipulation to turn her toward the 'true' faith, they resonated in her ears. 'You are pretending to be a wife, a mother…a woman.'

He had accused her of surrounding herself with 'weak' men. Then told her how great his power was, that he could kill or maim at will. Her mind still rebelled against the thought. If all of 'her' men were weak why did he feel the need to eliminate Harm? She felt the words cut sharp when he had said 'Even in the parking lot at JAG' that had made her want to kill him; it reminded her of how personal this had really become. It was not supposed to be, she was a Marine she was doing her duty. She had always been able to separate the two sides of herself.

Feeling as though she couldn't deal with anything right now, she just wanted to lock herself in and shut the door. Shut out Sadiq's words and the look on his face when she shot him.

At that same moment in front of Mac's apartment in Georgetown…

Clayton Webb sat in front of Mac's apartment; he had contacts with the District police that had let him know that Sadiq Fahd was dead. The mission had nearly been botched, but this time, no one could blame him. He smiled to himself sarcastically. He had continued drinking all evening, in fact he brought his bottle with him. Mac would understand, she was the only one who understood him, and what he needed. Tonight, he needed her.

About 15 minutes later Webb saw Mac pull into her parking place. He paid the cab driver and gave him additional money to return in an hour. He got out of the cab but Mac didn't even look in his direction. He walked toward the courtyard of her building and tried to catch up with her.

"Sarah"

Mac was startled and turned quickly toward him, she looked as though she couldn't believe her eyes. "Clay?"

"Sarah…" He walked more closely to her and Mac saw the bottle in his hand.

"Clay, what are you doing?" She had begun to back way from him.

"I needed to see you…I've missed you." His speech was slightly slurred as he stepped forward and tried to reach for her.

Mac laughed without humor, "Really? Did you miss me last night?" The thought that he had watched her walk into Bethesda, probably knowing Sadiq was in the building, still made her feel as though she had been betrayed.

"Mac, you know…you understand my job." He continued to step forward as she stepped back from him.

Mac didn't answer, instead she turned and kept walking toward her apartment, with Clay following two steps behind her. When she reached her door, he stood more closely to her; the sickening sweet smell of the cana permeated her nostrils and almost made her stomach turn.

She opened her door and fully intended to shut it in Webb's face. Damn him for coming to her like this. Webb slipped in more quickly than she thought he would and he closed the door behind him.

"Come on Mac" He walked toward her, his eyes admiring her body, his expression lustful. "I know how it is"

Mac backed up from him. "You know how…what is?"

"I know about the rush…the rush after you kill."

Mac completely recoiled from him. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't deny it Mac, I know you too well. You and I are more alike than you want to admit."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing, he was using almost the same words as Sadiq…. another man, trying to tell her who she was.

He walked into the kitchen as though he were in his own home and took a glass from her cabinet. He filled it with the cana and took a drink.

"Clay, you're drinking too much." She had seen very little of him since his release from the hospital. He had a lot to drink on the last date they had, she had seen it as a way for him to celebrate his return to full status at Langley. It had been one of a grand total of two dates, dates that were becoming less and less special to her by the minute.

"I can handle it" He was beginning to ramble. "I know you've had a problem, but I can stop anytime I want to….I just don't want to right now." He gave her a side long glance indicating exactly what he was interested in

Mac had followed him into the kitchen and he sat the glass down hard on the counter. He turned toward her quickly, trying to pin her between himself and the counter. "Come on Mac, it's been a long time, I know you want me too." His arms were snaking around her and he was trying to pull her into a kiss.

He was just inches from her face and then he began to kiss her neck, covering it with the smell of the sweet drink, repulsing Mac all the more. "Get off of me Clay"

She pushed him off of her and he staggered backward. If Sadiq's calling her 'barren' and a 'whore' had been difficult to take then this hurt her to her heart. She thought she and Clay had formed a bond. She thought their experience had shown her a side of him that no one else knew and that he understood her because of what they had endured together.

"What is wrong?" Webb paused and then he looked at her accusingly. "It's Rabb again…isn't it."

"No, Clay, it's not Harm. I don't need you, not like this. You're drunk, I need someone who knows who the hell they are. What are you doing? This cant be you. I thought you were at least my friend."

"Is that all you want from me now. Friendship?" He did back away from her and then appearing to be waving her off "Oh, I'm sorry, that's right… I got too close, so you run to Rabb to keep me at arms length."

'You don't know what you're talking about, you don't know anything about him, and apparently… you don't know anything about me."

Her emotions ran from hurt to confusion to a searing anger. She walked toward him, unsure if she could keep herself from throwing him out with her bare hands if he didn't leave on his own, immediately.

"Leave Clay, and don't come back." Suddenly she couldn't stand the sight of him.

Clay looked drowsily at his watch, "but I have 45 more minutes."

"What?" Mac was incredulous, drunk or not, the more she heard him say, the less she felt she knew about this man.

"I have 45 more minutes before I have to go. My ride is picking me up."

'I think you should call your ride Clay and I think you should stay away from me, do you understand?" She stood in front of him, trembling with anger. How could she have thought she meant anything to him? He had only meant to stay an hour? Did he think she would be grateful for just an hour of his time? All of a sudden, she saw herself as she thought he must see her. It wasn't a pretty picture.

Through his drunken haze, Webb finally understood. It was over.

He walked away from her, carrying his bottle. He reached for the doorknob and started to turn and speak to her.

"Go Clay…don't say another word."

Though she did not want him, Mac felt a sense of failure that she could not explain. Another attempt at a relationship that seemed to have been doomed from the start, how could she have been so totally wrong about someone… again. She felt sad and sorry and mad as hell.

Clayton Webb walked out the door and closed it behind him

Mac stood and looked at the closed door for a moment, and then she slowly looked around her apartment. Police tape still lay on the floor, and everything was still out of place from the NCIS search earlier that day. The feeling of violation that rushed through her was so strong that it nearly made her head spin.

She didn't want to feel this way, she wanted to handle what had happened, other people did, why couldn't she? All the events of the day were piling up and suddenly she felt as though she were hanging on to her composure by her fingernails.

Now, for the first time, she didn't know if she could do this. She never thought how she would feel…after. After a man who had haunted her, awake and asleep, for months was finally dead, and he was dead…at her hands. Did that make her like him? No. She wouldn't allow herself to dwell on the thought.

Walking into her kitchen she saw Clay's glass on the counter, still half full of cana.

She thought of his words about 'the rush' after a kill. 'You and I are more alike than you want to admit.' She was NOT like Clay either. She was not a perfect person, but she was honest, a good Marine…a good…friend. Wasn't she? Since she had returned from Paraguay she had nearly isolated herself from everyone, unable to ever feel 'normal' again after that experience. In truth she had been more alone in these last few months than at anytime since she came aboard at JAG almost eight years ago.

Mac walked up to the glass and on an impulse raised it to her lips. As she opened her mouth to take a drink she came to herself.

What was she doing? No matter how she felt or what happened in the future, she wouldn't do this.

Mac threw the glass away from her, striking it on the counter before it fell to the floor, a shard from the glass sliced into the palm of her hand. The pain startled her; she grabbed a towel from the counter to stop the bleeding. She had to get out of here, away from the police tape, and away from the alcohol. She grabbed the towel, her keys and her purse and nearly ran to her car.

The following takes place between the hours of

9 p.m. and 10 p.m.

Harm had been pacing back and forth in front of the windows of his apartment for quite some time. The later it got, the more worried he became, surely Mac would call him when it was over. Mattie, Jen and Harm had played Scrabble until Harm became so distracted that the girls finally gave up on him. Mattie decided to give him a break and she and Jen had gone back to their apartment twenty minutes before.

He looked out of his windows then looked down in time to see Mac get out of her corvette. He watched her stop, as though she were reconsidering coming upstairs.

Aloud he said "No..dont Mac, wait!"

He ran to the door and flung it open. He was still a bit wobbly but not losing his balance as he had before. He knew the stairs were out of the question so he took the elevator down and ran out the door in time to see Mac turning back and reaching for her car door.

Harm was out of breath. "Don't, Mac…don't go."

Mac turned back to look at him. "Oh, I..thought I should wait. I didn't realize until I got here how late it was."

Mac hadn't even thought about where she was going when she left her apartment. She didn't realize until she turned the ignition off that she had driven to Harm's apartment, she barely remembered getting there.

"Its not too late, come in, just for a minute…okay?" He was still catching his breath.

She seemed distracted and waited for a beat before answering him. "Alright. But just for a minute."

How could she explain it all to him, in a way he could understand, with out exposing an already broken and battered heart? A part of her was still too proud to admit to anyone, least of all Harm, that she had made another mistake. That she was afraid that she had become what she hated?

They went back up stairs without a word. When they were inside, Harm offered to take her coat.

"No, no I can't stay." Mac pulled her coat more tightly around her.

Harm saw that her clothes were disheveled and that her lip was beginning to swell, but thought better of calling attention to it. She looked as though it had been a hell of a night, but just now he didn't know what to say, he just wanted to be there for her.

"Are you alright Mac?" It was as good a beginning as any.

"Yeah…I am. But I don't want to talk about it, okay?" She didn't quite look him in the eye.

She walked around the room, looking at nothing in particular.

"Let me make you some tea…okay." He looked at her curiously.

"Sure." Mac chuckled at the irony. Harm was making her tea, as she had made tea for Sadiq. Sadiq Fahd was dead and she killed him. Her thoughts were becoming disjointed. Did she feel a rush? Was she what Clay said she was…like him. Was she like Sadiq? The questions still would not leave her alone.

Harm stood in the kitchen and watched Mac as he filled the tea kettle with water. Mac thought he was watching her as though she were a ticking time bomb, and because her emotions were completely out of kilter. It made her laugh out loud. The hollow and world weary sound that came from deep inside her was one that she barely recognized. She covered her mouth hoping that he had not noticed.

Harm heard it and he felt the terrible sorrow behind it. He sat the tea kettle on the counter and crossed the room to her and took her into his arms.

Mac burst into tears as soon as he closed his arms around her. She clung to him tightly and then she grasped the back of his shirt in both of her fists. Her breath came in short gasps as she tried to regain control…

"Why…why do I do this? I need….He said I didn't need anyone…he said….he knew what I felt…He tried to tell me who I am…I'm ..not like him….I'm not!"

She tore her self away from him…"I have to get out of here. I have to..." Nothing she had said made sense and she knew it, she felt embarrassed and ashamed.

"Mac please…" He could not let her go out alone…not tonight. He hadn't seen her like this in a long time..it had been years. The last time she had to kill someone, hand to hand. Mac had not told him any thing that had happened tonight, but he knew that if Mac was alive, Sadiq was dead.

"I have to, I feel as though I'm….I can't breathe." Mac began trying to slowly breathe in and out deeply, trying to calm herself.

Harm followed her to the door standing close but careful not to touch her. "Wait…listen to me. Mac, just wait."

Mac turned back toward him, allowing herself to look at him, full in the face, for the first time tonight. "Wait till you calm down. That's all I ask."

He felt the urge to pull her into his arms and keep her there but he knew it would only make things worse. He wanted to say 'I love you, don't leave' but he knew that hearing that right now might send her completely over the edge.

Mac shook her head and turned away from him.

"Mac…stay… for me. Like last night. I…need you here. I need to know that you're all right. That's all. Stay…talk or don't talk, it doesn't matter. It's up to you. I just need to see…that you're safe… that you're okay."

When she turned to look at him, she saw that his eyes were pleading with her.

He didn't know what else to do. It was as though she was out on a limb and he had to coax her back in, with him, where she was safe.

Mac looked back at him. Just now, he had spoken the same words she had last night. She had just needed to know he was alright. She hadn't been able to rest until she had. It was a feeling she understood, one that made her remember one thing she was sure of, she was Harm's friend.

As she looked into his eyes, she saw that he did need her. She had never really believed he did, in the past, when she felt protective of him; it was as though he was just humoring her. Now, she could see the truth was in his eyes. But what would she do with all that she held inside? Would it all come out like gibberish, like it had a few moments ago?

She finally agreed and still trying to calm herself she walked over to the window and looked out into the night. Harm watched her as he placed the tea kettle back on the burner. He wiped his hands on a dishcloth and walked toward her but stopped so that he would not get too close. The tension still seemed to be rolling off of her, he had the feeling that if he said the wrong thing, she still might bolt and then, who knew where she would end up.

"Come on Mac; let's sit down for a moment." His tone was calm and even.

Mac turned and looked at him. As Harm turned she followed him to the couch. They each sat in a corner, with Mac staying as far away from Harm as she could. She still wore her coat with her injured hand still in her pocket.

Harm looked at her and smiled at her warmly.

"I don't know what to say now." Mac looked away from him.

"You don't have to say anything, just be with me. The tea will be ready a minute. "

Mac looked back at him. "You know, if I sit here long enough I'm going to talk and I'm not sure I'm going to make any sense."

Harm was suddenly serious. "I meant what I said Mac. You don't have to talk if you don't want to. I just don't want you to leave...not yet."

Mac nodded and looked back toward the kitchen. After a few moments of quiet she said in a dull and monotone voice. "He said it was a rush…killing…that it was normal to feel it."

Mac frowned, she felt totally confused. She wasn't sorry Sadiq was dead but she didn't love killing. Her hatred of him was almost overpowering at times, he represented everything she hated…but what she felt was no 'rush.' Clay's insinuation that she enjoyed it made her physically ill.

"He was still playing his mind games Mac. It's a terrorists' stock in trade, its what they do."

"Sadiq didn't say that….Clay did."

Harm sat forward on the couch and looked away from her. "You saw Webb…after?"

Mac still seemed distracted, as though she were somewhere else in her mind. "He came to my apartment; right after I came home tonight"

It occurred to her then that it had seemed odd that Webb knew she had killed Sadiq, she had not told him. How had he known? Another secret…another manipulation…another lie. She couldn't stand to hear herself speak it.….

She shook it off and continued. "He had been drinking, a lot."

Harm turned his head toward her. "What?" Webb knew that Mac was an alcoholic, what could he have been thinking? Tonight of all nights.

Mac smiled without humor, "Yes, it seems that he developed a taste for cana while he was in South America."

"Mac...…you didn't?" Harm tried not to sound accusatory, but the thought of Mac losing her sobriety pained him.

"No…but I nearly lost it, Harm."

She looked at him, her eyes showing him the fear she felt for the first time. It seemed to him, at that moment, she was more afraid of losing her sobriety than she was of any terrorist.

The tea kettle whistled, startling them both. Harm stood quickly and walked over to the stove. As he did, Mac saw the back of his shirt, smeared with her own blood, from the cut in her hand.

Mac stood and followed him. "Harm, I…I've ruined your shirt."

Harm thought she was talking about when she had grasped it in her fists. "I don't think you did anything to ruin it Mac." He was pouring the water into two cups onto the teabags.

"No..I…I cut my hand." She took her hand out of her pocket and showed the cut. It had stopped bleeding but it was a nasty gash and blood had dried onto her skin.

"Jesus…Mac." He put down the kettle . "Let me see."

He held out his hand and she walked closer to him and he gently placed his hand beneath hers. "Let's clean this up, okay?"

He was still being careful, though she seemed calmer than she had 10 minutes ago. "If I can ask… how did this happen?"

Mac was quiet for a moment. "I almost took a drink; Clay had left a glass in the apartment that was half full. When he left, I picked it up and when I came to myself I threw it, and breaking it, cut my hand."

Harm was quiet, trying to keep his expression unreadable. He was angry, it was almost as though Webb was setting out to ruin everything in her life. How could he be in a relationship with her, if he had no more consideration for her than that?

Mac sensed the increase in tension and tried to defend him. "He hasn't been the same, since Paraguay."

'He's not the only one.' Harm thought, resenting Webb more by the minute. Harm nodded but said nothing. He knew instinctively that if he said anything, she would defend Webb, out of loyalty, if nothing else.

"I know you don't understand…"

"You don't have to explain Mac, he's your…boyfriend, and you have a relationship."

Mac looked away from him as he patted the wound on her hand dry. "I don't know what he is, I used to think I did, but now…I don't know anything."

She looked up at Harm and he returned her look. "You don't have to Mac; just let me take care of you tonight. Let me look out for you and make sure nothing hurts you, like you did for me, last night." He was pleading his case again, hoping with everything in him, that she understood what this meant to him.

Harm's first aid kit was in the bathroom and he needed to get a bandage to wrap her hand with, but then as he looked at his front door, he thought better of it. He still thought that if he were to turn his back she might walk out the door. If he had anything to do with it, she wasn't going anywhere tonight.

"Come on; let's get a bandage on this." He glanced back over his shoulder. "You'll need to take your coat off." That was one thing that might slow her down.

Mac did as she was asked and then followed Harm into his bathroom. As he opened his medicine cabinet, she looked around the room. She looked down at her clothing, the same clothing that she had worn all evening and she suddenly felt so filthy. The need to wash the whole evening off of her, was almost overpowering. The fight with Sadiq, she still felt as though she smelled of blood and death. The confrontation with Clay, she could smell the cana on her skin from the place on her neck where he had kissed her.

"Harm?"

Harm turned to her.

"Do you mind…I mean, I really need to take a shower." Mac was looking slightly distracted again. "I can still smell…the blood and the…alcohol."

Harm admonished himself for not thinking of it before but at the same time, knew he had won his argument. She was staying, for a little while, anyway.

"Of course, let me get you something to wear, the towels are right here." He nodded toward the shelf where they were kept.

Harm stepped away from her to get her a pair of his sweats. Mac's hands were still cold after being out in the cold February night. If he couldn't hold her, he could at least surround her with something to keep her warm.

"I'll get you something warm."

After getting the sweats and quickly changing his shirt, he returned to find Mac was struggling with her clothing. She was almost panicking, unable to get out of them. "I can't get out of this…" She was getting upset; she was causing the cut on her hand to bleed, smearing even more blood on her skirt on and blouse.

"Wait Mac, I'll loosen this and you can step out of it." He stepped up behind her and undid the clasp and unzipped her skirt. He then quickly but gently unhooked her bra, beneath her blouse.

She looked up into the mirror and saw his face. The look on his face was so endearing it nearly made her cry. He was trying so hard to be careful, yet she knew that he wanted her, she could feel it in the simplest of his touches.

Harm was right here and she knew now that he did care for her, deeply. But now, she felt like a hollowed out shell. Would they never be at a place where they could finally reach out to each other?

She needed someone like him. Who was she fooling? She didn't need someone like him. She needed HIM.

"Wait, I'll turn this on." Harm started to touch her back between her shoulder blades to reassure her, but stopped himself and quickly stepped over to turn on the shower.

She held her clothing to the front of her. "Thank you."

"I'll be right out side if you need me." He looked at her refection in the mirror, their eyes locking for a moment, before he turned to leave the room.

Harm stepped outside the bathroom and leaned against the glass blocks that divided his bathroom from his bedroom. He exhaled loudly. This was going to be tougher than he thought. The new found closeness they had, made his attraction to her that much more difficult to hide.

Mac stood inside the shower and let the warm water run over her body. She lifted her face into the spray and wished with all her heart that she could wash away the last year. Just start all over again…but she knew that she could not. Maybe they might have had a chance but now…too much had been said and done. Harm was a good man, the best of men; he deserved someone who could give him a heart without any scars and no baggage.

The thought of it nearly broke her heart and in spite of her best efforts, she could not hold back, she began to cry, praying silently that Harm would not hear her.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the heartrending sound of Mac, crying. He turned toward the sound. She needed him, he knew that she did. He closed his eyes. 'Please Mac, let me help you, please let me in,' he thought.

After what seemed like an eternity, she calmed, and a bit later she walked out of the bathroom. She was wearing his sweatshirt, which looked like a dress on her, and sweat pants that she had to cuff.

She was startled to see Harm waiting, just outside the door. "Hey, you didn't have to do that. I'm okay."

Harm looked slightly embarrassed and didn't meet her gaze. "I know…I just wanted to be sure…" He looked at her directly, searching her face for the answer, "that you didn't need me."

Mac nodded, her expression belying the lump she had in her throat. "Are you ready to put the bandage on?" His kindness was undoing her, and she had just now gotten a handle on her emotions.

"Yeah." He walked back into the bathroom.

She followed him in and he took her hand in his. The cut was nice and clean now and she smelled of his soap and shampoo. He took the bandage and carefully wrapped it around her hand and wrist. He looked up at her. "There, you're all set."

Mac looked from her hand to Harm and thanked him, the tears beginning to well up in her eyes again. She tried to laugh it off. "You're going to have to stop being so nice…you're making me cry." Her efforts were to no avail and with that she began to cry in earnest.

Harm didn't resist the urge to pull her into his arms this time. "It's okay, Mac." He whispered.

After a few moments Mac pulled away from him. "I keep seeing his face, the eyes… the dead eyes. He knew he was going to die. I didn't have to kill him Harm. I had wounded him"

Harm remembered another conversation they had when Mac had to kill, in her own self defense. Her reaction had been much the same. She was sorely in need of comfort but having a hell of a time accepting it. "You don't know that, Mac."

"We could have learned so much from him."

"You don't know that either. He could have killed you Mac. He could have gotten away and killed others. You have no way of knowing for sure what would have happened."

Harm looked at her cheek that was still slightly swollen from her struggle with Sadiq. He reached up and brushed it with the tip of his finger. "Does this hurt? Do you want some ice for it?" His voice was gentle and full of concern.

Mac reached for his wrist and held it, silently blessing him for changing the subject. "No…but I will take that cup of tea now."

Harm loosened his embrace and smiled at her. He stepped back, taking her uninjured hand and guiding her back into his kitchen.

They walked into his kitchen and he made their tea. They drank it in companionable silence. Harm knew that Mac still had a heart full of things to say, and if truth were told, he did too, but he had waited for the return of this closeness for so long that he didn't want to rush anything and spoil it.

Whether Mac had intended to or not, she had turned to him, this time, when she was in trouble and allowed him to help her. It was enough…for now.

They eventually settled onto his couch, Mac settled back into the same corner that she had before. Harm sat down on the opposite end. "You know, I'm not going to bite you, Mac."

Mac looked at him, pondering what he said for a moment and then decided to do what she really wanted to do.

She shifted out of the corner and then scooted until she sat next to him. She looked down at his hand resting at his side and lifted it placing his arm around her. Scooting closer, she tucked herself under his arm, with her head under his chin.

"Are you comfortable Mackenzie?" This was an unexpected surprise, a very welcome one.

"Yes." Mac heard the humor in his voice and the ease with which his arm settled around her.

Harm smiled, turning a bit in his seat and closing his arms around her. He kissed her hair and said. "Me too."

In a few moments Mac began to breath deeply and Harm thought she was falling asleep. 24 hours ago he never would have believed having her this close was possible, but in that space of time he had gotten his friend back. They had found each other again, and though the circumstances were harrowing, he wouldn't trade anything for what he had at this moment. Sure, he wanted more, but just now, he would take this, gladly.

He looked down at her face, tracing his finger around her hairline to her cheekbone and whispered "I love you Mac." Closing both of his arms around her again, he allowed himself to drift off into sleep.

Unbeknownst to Harm, Mac had heard him but her only outward reaction had been a single tear that fell from her closed eye. What would she have done without him tonight? The night's events had taken her out to the edge and Harm had, lovingly, drawn her back in.

What a difference 24 hours can make.

FIN

Epilogue to follow.